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5 Things You Need to Know Today Lest You Inadvertently Promote a Homosexual Agenda

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | August 20, 2012 | Comments ()


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  • It was bound to happen, and I'm surprised it hasn't happened already, but after a mother from the TLC reality show Toddlers and Tiaras dressed her then 5-year-old daughter as Dolly Parton -- with a padded butt and bra -- on the program, the father of the girl is seeking full custody. He claims that the mother is sexually exploiting their daughter, according to ABC.com.

  • For whatever reason, a big deal is being made out of the fact that The Tonight Show is facing budget cuts, which will see the layoff around 20 staffers. However, Jay Leno is taking a $5 million haircut to save some jobs, although -- as Danger Guerrero points out -- it's no real skin off his back, as he banks all of his Tonight Show earnings and lives on his stand-up money. It's still admirable, mind you, but Letterman agreed to a similar pay cut a few years ago for the same reason.

    The move comes because the budget for Leno's show, $2.3 million a week, was never reduced after he moved from primetime back to The Tonight Show. The show is currently break-even, but with the cut to $1.7 million a week, NBC's parent company, Comcast, is hoping to grab a profit.

  • I don't know a ton about Marvel's space opera Guardians of the Galaxy, but I do know -- thanks to the THR -- that James Gunn (he of Slither fame) is the leading contender to direct the picture. Marvel likes Gunn's ability to mix comedy and drama elements the way Joss Whedon can. Here's a rundown of the characters expected in Guardians:

    While there have been several incarnations of the Guardians team in the comics over the years, the movie's lineup will include Drax the Destroyer, a human resurrected as a green warrior with the sole purpose of killing Thanos (the villain in the Avengers final-scene tease); Groot, a giant tree-man; Star-Lord, a gun-toting half-human/half-alien intergalactic vigilante; Rocket Raccoon, a genetically engineered animal with a knack for guns and explosives; and Gamora, the last survivor of her species who was saved by Thanos to be his assassin but now battles him.

  • You can't really tell what kind of approach a sitcom is going to take from the casting alone, but combined with the broad approach NBC is rumored to be taking to their Office spin-off, Schrute Farms, plus these fresh glowing faces that have been cast as Dwight's liberal sister and his nephew, respectably, I'm not holding my breath for an edgy comedy.

    Majandra Delfino

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    Blake Garett

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    Here's the plot synopsis, via TVline, for Schrute Farms, which will begin as a backdoor pilot on this season of The Office:

    Dwight and his kin inherit a large family farm/bed-and-breakfast. When the bespectacled beet farmer decides to give the new venture a go, he must talk his brother and sister into joining him. Fannie fled the Schrute farm life for Boston as soon as she could, and has had little to do with her roots for quite some time. Now divorced with one son (Garrett's Cameron), she is "a bit of a pseudo-intellectual lefty" with an ironic sense of humor and a great heart.

  • Finally, today I learned that Spongebob Squarepants promotes a homosexual agenda, according to Ukraine's morality commission. Why? Because Spongebob holds hands with his best friend, Patrick the Starfish, and because he receives underwater boating lessons from "Mrs. Puff."

    That is moronic. I do, however, agree with the Ukraine's morality commission on their assessment of The Teletubbies.

    The report says that Teletubbies sends children into a trance and creates 'an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth and swallow any information'.

    That sounds about right.




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  • Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


    Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


    • David Sorenson

      I'm looking forward to the Guardians movie in a weird kind of way. The big marvel space crossovers of a few years ago were actually really well written and made a few low grade characters into real stars. Star Lord had a nice Han Solo vibe. Drax made a good sort of anti-hero. Groot (who can only say I AM GROOT) and Rocket Raccoon paired up well. Plus it's not as well known a comic, which should allow the writers and director a bit more freedom. It'll be a really hard sell, but it could work out.

    • SecurityFrog

      Teletubbies was my favorite show as a kid. And I'm not an imbecile drooling and entranced by any screen I can get my hands on- Oh wait. Yes I am.

    • googergieger

      Spongebob is hella gay. Should we all be reminded of the, "Pink!", "Yellow!", "You do care!"

      Oh wait am I the only one that watches Spongebob? Well I think that does more to prove the gay theory than anything else.

    • BWeaves

      Since starfish and sponges reproduce BOTH asexually and sexually, with the same animal being both male and female, I'm not sure if it's possible for them to be homosexual. They're multisexual.

    • NOBODY EXPECTS THE UKRAINE MORALITY COMMISSION!

    • Mrcreosote

      They have a comfy recliner from which to watch these shows?

    • BWeaves

      And the funny part is, they really don't.

    • Strand

      So best case scenario Schrute Farms becomes the new Frasier as opposed to Joey.. the TV spinoff misses far outweigh their hits.

    • Pentadactyl

      Respectively, you mean? Or else I'm missing out on some carefully crafted pun.

    • Hollypolly

      Leno's five million dollar "haircut" had me seriously confused. I thought maybe he'd shave his head if enough people pledged money? Or to raise awareness that his staff needed jobs?

    • Groundloop

      The most surprising thing about any of these stories is that people are willing to pay to see Chins MacGuigan do stand-up "comedy", and that he can make a very comfortable living as a result.

    • athena23

      "The report says that Teletubbies sends children into a trance and creates ‘an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth and swallow any information.' "I would argue that the same could be said for Caillou, The Wonder Pets, and Maisy. Or maybe that's just my reaction to these shows.

    • marya

      God I fucking hate Caillou. Why is it so mesmerizing for the under 5s? Is "insipid" a natural developmental stage?

    • Maguita NYC

      It still doesn't explain why Football sends grown-ass men into a trance, and creates an imbecile who will sit near the screen with an open mouth who swallows any type of shit.

    • Sara_Tonin00

      swallow any type of beer, too.

    • Maguita NYC

      I would never DARE call beer "shit". (I am still interested in sleeping with said "grown-ass men")

      I believe it is called piss. Ice-cold Piss of the Gods.

    • e jerry powell

      Pearl Beer. Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Fermented shark urine.

    • Maguita NYC

      So Poseidon brews his own beer, eh?

    • The only way I'll tune in to that Dwight spinoff is if Mose drops by for a guest spot.

    • mswas

      Is this a different B&B than the one that Dwight was trying to make a go of in a previous Office episode?

    • BendinIntheWind

      Also odd that there is no mention of Mose, right? Sure, he's a peripheral character, but it was always a treat when he popped up in an episode. I assumed it would be he and Mose trying to run their B&B, and I don't think there's ever been any mention of Dwight having a sister. The whole thing is just... off.

    • Groundloop

      Given the recent track record for NBC, it makes perfect sense for them to spin-off a character from a popular show, but then retcon that character's history.

    • e jerry powell

      Joey, anyone?

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