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5 Things SO Important a Mid-Level Pop Culture Blog Devoted an Entire Post to Them

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | July 9, 2012 | Comments ()


uptoncarls.jpeg

  • In the day's top story, according to Variety, Pajiba favorite Michael Fasschlong is hoping to do what no one has done before him: Make a decent movie adapted from a video game (and yes, you Resident Evil fans can go screw). Fassbender will produce and star in an adaptation of one of the most popular video game series ever, Assassin's Creed. There's a complicated storyline involving a bartender assassin, Desmond, and an ancestor, both of whom will likely be played by Fassbender, and I'll just shut up there and let the commenters more familiar with the video game weigh in on whether this is a good idea. My initial take: Video-game movie: Bad. Michael Fassbender: Good.

  • If you're into that sort of thing, here's a 13-minute featurette on The Dark Knight Rises that teases the story and characters, and shows off the film's special effects. Me? I'm ignoring it. I'm going to wait 11 more days and just watch the damn movie.

    More interesting is the fact that screenwriter Jonathan Nolan says that The Dark Knight Rises is based on Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. Literary!

  • We've long known that Benedict Cumberbatch will be playing a villain in J.J. Abrams' upcoming sequel to Star Trek, but we don't actually know who that villain will be. Many have speculated Khan, but Abrams himself has ruled that out. Now comes a slip in an interview with Karl Urban for his upcoming Dredd, in which he inadvertently lets slip the identity.

    "He's awesome, he's a great addition, and I think his Gary Mitchell is going to be exemplary."

    I'm sure that means something very important to Star Trek fans, but it means nothing to me. According to The Playlist, however, Gary Mitchell was a character in the third episode of the series.

    Gary is a former Academy pal of Captain Kirk's, who gains telepathic and telekinetic, godlike powers. Spock advises Kirk to kill Mitchell, but he initially resists and tries to maroon him on a remote, industrial planet instead. But that effort fails and he's forced to take more drastic action.

    Cool?

  • Ahead of Comic Con, Warner Brothers has released a new teaser poster for The Hobbit.

    the-hobbit-sdcc-poster-550x814.jpeg

  • Finally, in the world of crazy, a PRO-ANOREXIA website is coming down hard on Kate Upton, suggesting that she has "huge thighs, NO waist [and] big fat floppy boobs."

    "She looks thick, vulgar, almost pornographic - and she is a solid 30lb too heavy for this outfit," the writer adds.

    The website also slams the model for devouring a burger in steamy commercial for Carl's Jr., which hit television screens in March.

    "I thought cannibalism was illegal?!? If that's not a very different species of cow, Kate could be in legal trouble!" the poster writes.

    Obvious crazy is obvious.

    (Via)




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  • Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


    • If you doubt the pro anorexia blog sites just enter the word 'Ana' into the 'find friends' search box next time you're on Facebox. I did about 3 years ago, and started friending a few of them (to see wtf was going on). They are very secretive, and careful, but as soon as one friended me I was able to friend more in their circle. The results were very sad. Their albums are all full of concentration camp style 'thinspiration' photos, and all they talk about is their struggle to lose more weight.
      So it's real, and awful.

    • ,
    • kirbyjay

      Why does Kirk moon people on remote planets? Can they even see him? And are there people on remote planets? I thought they were aliens. Does everyone have remotes on these planets and do they lose them like actual people? If an alien on a remote planet breaks the law, are their remotes revoked. Do they then have to manually change the channels? Do they have actual men to do this? And why is he boning aliens? Wouldn't he de-bone them. It would make them easier to eat. Do they taste like chicken? Why doesn't he just moon the moon?
      Oh....maroon....like red? The remote planet must be Mars. Is Mars full of boneless aliens searching for the remotes having to divert their giant eyes from faded tv star ass. No wonder Mars is so angry.

    • Uriah_Creep

      And how were the magic mushrooms, kirbyjay?

    • Orleanas

      The Hobbit poster is reminiscent of the Oz poster posted here a few days ago.

    • Space Raptor

      My sister is anorexic, and she did visit these blogs. They're disgusting and horrifying and really show what someone who has anorexia mind can be like when they're at their worse. The author of that post is obviously very sick and she needs treatment.

      On the other hand there is nothing quite as satisfying as seeing someone who is comfortable with their body enjoying a delicious burger.

    • chicky07

      Sadly that isn't even the worst pro-anorexia site out there. I had the misfortune to come across one of the serious pro-"ana" ones before and it made me want to reach through my computer screen and strangle someone. I understand it's a mental illness, but the malnourished women on there were so deluded and proud of looking like Skeletor...I wanted to scream, "What is wrong with youuuuu!!!???" But you know, it is a mental illness, so the response probably would have been, "You're just jealous of the fact that the area between my thighs is a perfect oval of negative space."

    • L.O.V.E.

      Wait. So this joint is a "mid-level" pop culture blog?

      (puts hand over phone, calls out to the hallway)

      "Pepper, get my agent on the phone!!"

    • hapl0

      " Fassbender will produce and star in an adaptation of one of the most popular video game series ever, Assassin’s Creed."

      Sorry, Kollywood beat you to it:
      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FG09...

      “She looks thick, vulgar, almost pornographic - and she is a solid 30lb too heavy for this outfit."

      I don't think she's crazy at all. Upton is thick in the head, has a vulgar dance routine, obviously pornographic with the masturbation commercial and I think 30lb is modest considering the amount of flesh spilling over the regular sized bikinis she likes to wear so much.

    • Indeed. I find myself so....um.....horrified... when I look at Kate Upton and the amount..........of flesh spilling........over.........bikini..........that......I um........I think I need to be alone with my terror.

    • Bert_McGurt

      If Fassbender's looking to play a swarthy, Mediterranean-looking dude, he should first hit up that Flashman movie I've been wanting for so long.

    • Long_Pig_Tailor

      So... there are pro-anorexia blogs. Like, that's a thing? It's not just this one, there are also others? Has anyone checked to make sure these things are really run by people, and they aren't actually the tools of a newly sentient Internet out to destroy us through some complex scheme to just make us too ashamed to continue?

      No, you're right, no way. If it wants us dead, all it needs to do is crank its porn content up to 99% and then there won't be enough sperm on hand to actually fertilize something without putting a petri dish key on your keyboard.

    • joey

      Of course there are pro-anorexia boards. Part of what makes anorexia such an addicting disease is the feedback loop - someone starts losing weight, and gets praise, and they like it. At some arbitrary point, people start to declare that person has lost "too much" weight, which is a victory for the anorexic, who takes pride in this. But weight loss starts to level off eventually.The pro-ana boards, though, make it seem like no amount of weight could be enough, and if you're not losing it's not because there's barely any fat on your body or muscle in your body to take from, it must because you're not trying hard enough.
      C'mon, dude. There are child porn sites, all manner of fetish sites, fan sites for tertiary characters on Spongebob Squarepants. Of course there's sides dedicated to eating disorders.

    • competitivenonfiction

      Yeah, apparently there are also pro-bulemia boards, blogs, forums etc. If you daughter starts talking about "Ana" and "Mia" get concerned.

    • googergieger

      You could make a decent enough movie out of Assassin's Creed. Probably be better off in a straight to dvd movie though. If only straight to dvd was more acceptable here cause a lot of things would be better off if they went that route. Anyways, Silent Hill was a decent movie. I tend to be bored by horror and hate movies made from video games. Or based on video games. But Silent Hill wasn't a bad movie. I never really understood the hate from it from almost every critic. Is it the Roger Ebert line of thinking that no video game can ever be art because the last game you played was pong, so you hate everything related to video games? Then again maybe it was shit but not as shit as most other movies based on video games. In which case it still doesn't deserve the almost unanimous critical hate.

    • celery

      I think Assassin's Creed has the potential to be a better movie than Silent Hill (which I personally really enjoyed. the pong crowd can suck it.), but if they have Fassbender and don't do him or the franchise justice then it's going to be really disappointing.

    • DeistBrawler

      Wait. So is the Star Trek thing kind of like Star Trek V: The Final Frontier when Spock's half brother tried to be all powerful and actually meet god? Because Spock advises Kirk to kill Mitchell, but he initially resists and tries to maroon him on a remote, industrial planet instead. But that effort fails and he’s forced to take more drastic action. Almost sounds like the plot to Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Apparently Kirk liked marooning people on remote planets. Maybe it was a hobby.

    • Groundloop

      "Apparently Kirk liked marooning people on remote planets. Maybe it was a hobby."

      That, and boning aliens.

    • Bert_McGurt

      Kirk had a couple different meanings for "marooning".

    • Groundloop

      Are you implying the man known across the Federation and beyond as, to borrow a phrase, a "Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaur", would leave a paramour "high and dry"? Because that Sir...

      Will. Not. Do.

      If that's not what you're implying...carry on. Well played. I'll be over here inferring.

    • DeistBrawler

      After reading some shit about Mitchell he actually sounds like a mild version of Dr. Manhattan. Without being blue and naked.

    • cj

      That pro-anorexic site reads like a burn book from a jealous high school girl. The response to the outcry about her page is laughable - adamantly assuring that she is not pro-anorexic, but only wants to reinforce her idea that skinny is beautiful (like curvy, read hair, etc.) If you want to be "honest", like she's claiming she is, then be honest: making incendiary statements gets you page views.

    • Brown

      Is Kate going to put on weight similar to Jessica Simpson and Anna Nicole Smith? Absolutely. Would I rather hook up with her than those skinny models? You betcha.

    • twig

      Dear screenwriters: Please give Desmond a personality. Any personality will do. Also, you can chuck the whole 'grew up in an Assassin compound' backstory as it complicates things for absolutely no good reason.

      Dear screenwriters: Just replace Desmond with a potted fern. No one will notice.

    • vlestragon

      I could not agree more. Perhaps Kristen Stewart could pay him, for that real emotionless 'Desmond' feel.

    • Nadine

      Hmm. I don't know if Fassbender would play the leads in an Assassins Creed movie. He's not OLD by any stretch but I feel like the lead would go to someone younger.

    • Vi

      Might be cool if they did an offshoot from the Desmond storyline, like one of the earlier subjects to use the Animus gone wrong? And Fassbender's background was more based in Britannia instead of Jerusalem.

    • vlestragon

      Dickensian London would be amazing. Or 1780s Paris, during and leading up to the revolution. Or 1917 St Petersburg during the revolution. How these three options were passed over as subject matter for the latest game is a mystery to me. On that topic, how great would a 14th C Samurai version of this be!? Imagine the history lessons and the glorious, glorious rooftop escapades!

    • Fabius_Maximus

      Subject 17, maybe?

    • TheAggroCraig

      Fassbender might play a Syrian dude named Altair ibn La'Ahad? I'd rather see him as Ezio, but I guess I shouldn't doubt him by now.

    • Groundloop

      I know nothing of the games, but if Connery can play a Spaniard by way of Egypt, I say let the big hoss run.

    • Fabius_Maximus

      The Assassin's Creed movie news are... weird. The story of the games happens on three different levels/timelines and would be hard to adapt. Anyhow, depending on an adaptation true to the games, Fassbender would not play both Desmond and Altair/Ezio. They may be related, but not the same.

    • “huge thighs, NO waist [and] big fat floppy boobs.”
      Kate Upton must be crying herself to sleep every night.

    • Bert_McGurt

      “She looks thick, vulgar, almost pornographic..."
      I'm also disgusted by this level of near-pornography. You can do better than almost, Ms. Upton! I want to see some COMPLETE pornography here!

    • Vi

      ...cushioned by her soft pillowy breasts

    • mrcreosote

      Yes please.

    • John G.

      I read the anorexic blog, and I don't know. Is it really just as bad for skinny girls? In a culture that celebrates anorexia, is being called skinny all the time really as stigmatizing as being called fat? I've heard other lifelong skinny girls make this argument.

    • Genevieve Burgess

      Yeah, I'm pretty slender and while my size has always been commented upon and some of those comments were negative, it's nowhere near what larger women face. I know that some slender women take exception to the talk on some websites talking about how "real women have curves" or attacking skinny women specifically rather than the culture that glorifies skinniness, but there's no comparison. Those problems are frustrating, the judgement that larger women (and men) face is downright cruel.

    • joey

      Nobody is 'naturally' obese. It's not the same at all.

    • Guest

      Lifelong skinny person here who categorically says no. Is it aggravating to constantly have your shape/size commented on by others (to the point of being asked by your GP if you have anorexia)? Fuck yes. Is it the same kind of stigma as obesity? I can't imagine it even comes close.

      I play the world's smallest violin for myself and all other naturally slender people, same way I play it for all the white folk and straight folk and men folk who try to make false "I got no privilege!" analogies.

    • chicky07

      Couldn't have said it better myself.

    • BWeaves

      Well, there's something definitely wrong with the width between her thighs, but I keep getting distracted by her boobs, or buns, or boobs.

      Oh, Gary Mitchell. Must we revisit God AGAIN. Why can't the Star Trek movies be about something small, like Tribbles? Tribbles are good.

    • ed newman

      Mitchell had god-like powers, but so did a bunch of other antagonists in TOS. I agree if this turns into some theological treatise it will be a nightmare, but I think they'll stay sufficiently far enough away from that to satisfy most. The original Mitchell episode was significantly better than most.

    • TheAggroCraig

      Speaking of god-like Star Trek antagonists, where's our Q movie?

    • EAG46

      NO Q!! Please no Q. John de Lancie was terrific but I loathed his character. Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine won my heart forever when he knocked Q on his ass.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      The internet is breathing a sigh of relief this morning that Benedict Cumberbatch isn't playing Khan, thus spurring a racefail outcry.

    • Jezzer

      This is counterbalanced by the news that Michael Fassbender is playing a Middle Eastern assassin and his modern-day descendant.

    • vlestragon

      Is it certain that he will be playing Altair though? Although he's not exactly appropriate for Ezio either. Also, I can't really see him as a master urban-gymnast as would be required by the subject matter.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Yeah, that's really fucked up, no lie.

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