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5 Really Boring Hollywood News Items Because the Internet Is Not Interested in Entertaining You Today

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | July 24, 2012 | Comments ()


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  • British sensation and all around outstanding director, Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Fuzz vs. The Pilgrim) has lined up his next project. According to Deadline, He'll be directing Collider, a movie produced by sci-fi funboy, J.J. Abrams. What's Collider about? Who the hell knows. All we know is that Mark Protosevich (I Am Legend) is penning the script along with Wright, and that it's probably a sci-fi flick.

  • David Ayer, the guy who brought us Training Day, has teamed Sam Worthington and Arnold Schwarzennegar together in Ten, which is being described as "a testosterone-heavy riff on Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians." Skip Woods (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) wrote the screenplay.

  • Denzel Washington, who has never had his own franchise, is lined up now to play the lead in The Equalizer, a possible franchise loosely based on the television series. According to Deadline, Denzel will "play a solitary, monastic figure who hates injustice and devotes himself to helping people who are being victimized." Filming begins next year in Boston.

  • Mike Epps will return as Black Doug in Hangover III, according to Variety.

  • Over on The Playlist, they're reporting that Jeremy Renner may play Julian Assange in a biopic possibly directed by Bill Condon, but who knows?

  • Finally, lots of people are picking up on the fact that Anne Hathaway mentioned in an interview that she might be up for a Catwoman spin-off, which doesn't mean it will happen. In fact, it almost surely will not.

    I'M SORRY. I don't have a lot to work with here. The news is really dull this morning. You want me to INVENT exciting news? OK. Fine. How about this: A big-screen version of The Doctor Who movie, the centerpiece of which is a randy menage a trois between Matt Smith, David Tennant, and Billie Piper?

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  • Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.


    Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


    • Fabius_Maximus

      The Equalizer - which I never heard of - sounds very much like Stingray.

    • Matt Brown

      Get off my lawn.

    • Ash

      I hear that Hermoine Granger is "in talks" for the role of Ana in the 50 shades of grey movie. To be honest, I don't know much about Emma Watson's post-Harry Potter career (besides that 5 minute part in 'my week with marilyn'), but for some reason I thought she was above this shit.

    • Sara_Tonin00

      Surely Pajiba is more PC than that? You surely meant Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None"?

    • A-schaef

      The whole Agatha Christie thing seems to be a quote. So I'm not sure that is what was meant.

    • F'mal DeHyde

      That wouldn't really makes sense since the new movie is called Ten. Or did I read that wrong?

    • John G.


      David Ayer, the guy who brought us Training Day, has teamed Sam Worthington and Arnold Schwarzennegar together in Ten, which is being described as “a testosterone-heavy riff on Agatha Christie’s Ten Little Indians.” Skip Woods (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) wrote the screenplay.



      Easy there fella', there's no reason to sell me so hard on never seeing this movie. you had me David Ayer, but after Sam Worthington, there was really no reason to add Arnold Schwarzenegger. "testosterone-heavy riff on Agatha Christie". Uncle! I promise I won't see it, ok?

    • Patty O'Green

      That Who-sandwich photo, while surely doctored*, has been in my mental reserves for years.

    • Irina

      Jena Malone is oficially Johanna Mason, that's news. Expected news but still.

    • Tinkerville

      I think I'm probably the only person really happy about that. Jenna seems like she can pull off Johanna's psycho edge much better than the other ladies who were being considered.

    • Irina

      You're not the only one, I think it's a really inspired choice. Not what I imagined but once I heard she was considered for the role I went "Oh, totally her!"

    • Say what you will, but like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Billie Piper is making those boys sexy.

    • According to Deadline, Denzel will “play a solitary, monastic figure who hates injustice and devotes himself to helping people who are being victimized.”

      Oh, great - that will continue to avoid that whole "Denzel + sex" problem that scares everyone to death.
      ~~~

    • That's because Denzel isn't sexy onscreen. Charismatic, talented, compelling, yes. But I have yet to see him have any romantic/sexual chemistry with anyone else onscreen. Maybe it's how he's written, maybe it's something innate in him he can't control.

    • hapl0

      Anne Hathaway in a Catwoman movie? What are they going to call it? Selina Kyle?

      Her performance in TDKR is just like her hosting, great compared to what was happening around her.

    • SLW

      Matt Smith and Billie Piper already used that setting on the sonic screwdriver on Confessions of a Call Girl. So your invented news is 2/3 accurate, which beats most mainstream news outlets already.

    • Jerce

      The "Equalizer" news is sort of interesting, but mostly it just makes me sad that Edward Woodward is dead.

      The best thing here is your imaginary Who movie. I like your imagination. Imaginate some more, please!

    • Groundloop

      That was my first thought when I read The Equalizer news. My second thought was "Stewart Copeland does the soundtrack or GTFO".

    • L.O.V.E.

      The Equalizer?
      Who is his nemesis, Dr. Factorial and Mr. Karp?
      Or the guy who simply goes by this symbol, ≠

    • alannaofdoom

      "A testosterone-heavy riff on Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians."

      And I'm out.

    • shardik

      What in the actual fuck

    • KatSings

      How? HOW IS THAT EVEN A THING?

    • Her performance in TDKR is just like her hosting, great compared to what was happening around her...StartProjectMillionaire.blogspot.com

    • TheOriginalMRod

      Black Doug is likely to be the funniest thing about the Hangover III.

      Hollywood... you are stupid.

    • space_oddity

      I think it's not Hollywood, but the viewing public, anyone who would go see thIs and expect anything except the same story in a different setting. "The Hangover III: Because we can and some of you dopes will still pay $10 for it."

    • Puddin

      But then again, most people live in cinema deserts. You'll eat Spam if that's all there is around you. Thank God for the internet. Its the last best hope for the democratization of film.

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