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5 Nuggets of Knowledge You Can Use to Ruin Someone Else's Day

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (38)

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It often feels like the trade news that we run on this site is specifically designed to piss many of you off. That’s not the real intention, and I’ve struggled to find ways in which news round-ups can be useful to our readers instead of harmful. I think I’ve finally hit upon it: News You Can Use to Ruin Someone Else’s Day. Say a co-worker of yours is unnaturally giddy this morning; maybe he got laid. Maybe you want to wipe that obnoxious smirk off his face. Maybe he walks into your cubicle while you’re trying to sleep off a hangover and says, “Yo bro! Up and at ‘em, Adam Ant. It’s a beautiful day out!” And you, because you can’t stand his insufferable optimism, drop one of these nuggets of knowledge on him and turn that fucking smile upside down.

  • You remember that Highlander remake that’s been stuck in development hell for eons? Well, it’s stuck no more. Now it has a screenwriter: Melissa Rosenberg, who has written all the Twilight films. Also, Justin Lin (Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift) is attached to direct. How’s that for a gut punch? (Collider)

  • Anyone read Josh Bazell’s novel, Beat the Reaper, about a mobster-turned doctor? It’s pretty great, actually. You know what’s not great? Having DJ Caruso (Eagle Eye) direct the adaptation. Leonardo DiCaprio may even star, so says The Playlist

  • If you haven’t scrubbed it from your memory yet, we recently spoke of an Annie re-imagining produced by Will Smith and Jay-Z, which would star one of Will Smith’s irritatingly adorable devil-spawn: his daughter Willow. Things just went from bad to worse: There’s now a front-runner for director: Ryan Murphy, he of “Glee” fame, he who directed Eat, Pray, Love and Running for Scissors. (Deadline)

  • Ricky Gervais apparently still has some pull with NBC on the show that he owns, “The Office,” and he’s recommending Will Arnett as a regular on the show once Steve Carell leaves. That would’ve been awesome … three years ago. But now I think that Arnett has completely exhausted the abrasively oblivious know-it-all. Plus, he’s a show killer. Maybe that’s not so bad, as “The Office” needs to be put to rest. (Ricky Gervais)

  • This is actually good news, but your dumb co-worker probably won’t realize it because he probably liked Iron Man 2 more than the original, so here’s how this conversation will go:

    You: “Did you hear that Shane Black is up for writer and director of Iron Man 3?

    Obnoxious Co-Worker: “Shane Black? Who the fuck’s that? What happened to the Swingers dude? Vegas, baby, Vegas!”

    You: “He’s making a movie based on Disney’s Magic Kingdom or something?”

    OCW: “Really? Raaaad, dude! That’s gonna be the bomb!”

    You: “Yeah. Uh, totally. Anyway, Shane Black was the guy behind Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? That movie where Val Kilmer played Gay Perry.”

    OCW: “Wha? Homo? They got some sort of artsy-fartsy director to take over Iron Man. What’s Iron Man gonna do, like, sip lattes and blow dudes?”

    You: “Uh, yeah. Something like that. You have a nice day now.”

    *Evil Grin*

    (Source: THR)









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    Comments

    "Anyone read Josh Bazell’s novel, Beat the Reaper, about a mobster-turned doctor?"

    I JUST bought that book as part of my Barnes and Noble gift card extravaganza. It looks fun as hell.

    Posted by: Julie at February 10, 2011 10:38 AM

    • Iron Man 3: I Love You, Tony Stark

    Posted by: Ian at February 10, 2011 10:39 AM

    Iron Man 3: To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything. Tony Stark.

    Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 10, 2011 10:59 AM

    I think I'm gonna need to deliver a Chuckie speech to Justin Lin's Will Hunting, like "I mean, you'ah sittin' on a winnin' lawt'ry ticket and you'ah too much of a pussy to cash it in!" Better Luck Tomorrow was a fine film, and when Roger Ebert no less has got your back against a pissy Sundance audience member, you probably don't want to waste your time making The Fast & The Furious movies and Highlander remakes.

    Posted by: sars at February 10, 2011 10:59 AM

    Never bothered seeing the second Iron Man, but if the third is all Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang-ed up, I’m in. Lurrrrrrrrve that film.

    Posted by: zeke the pig at February 10, 2011 10:59 AM

    As long as Tony Stark doesn't have to do math or use adverbs, we're golden.

    Posted by: Markus at February 10, 2011 11:19 AM

    NO no no NO NO Will Arnett. NO. He'd be terribly wrong for the show. I know people are tired of it, but I still watch it and have great affection for it, and he would just ruin everything.

    Besides, Darryl deserves to be the boss.

    Dinkin' Flicka.

    Posted by: Figgy at February 10, 2011 11:20 AM

    Iron Man 3: The Unbearable Lightness of Being Tony Stark

    Posted by: Figgy at February 10, 2011 11:20 AM

    I liked Beat the Reaper until the very end. It just strained credulity a little much for me.

    Posted by: SavageCats at February 10, 2011 11:25 AM

    Iron Man 3: The Squeakquel.

    Posted by: sars at February 10, 2011 11:28 AM

    Iron Man 3: Wash and Wear

    Posted by: meh at February 10, 2011 11:49 AM

    Iron Man 3: The Entire Steel Industry Is Gay. Where the Hell Have You Been?

    Posted by: Paultera at February 10, 2011 11:58 AM

    Justin Lin also directed several episodes of Community's first season, including Modern Warfare (the paintball ep). Respect where it's due, my main man.

    Shane Black on Iron Man 3 is awesome news, especially if he takes a repulsor blast at the script.

    Posted by: RobP at February 10, 2011 12:13 PM

    Iron Man 3 and the Angry Inch.

    Posted by: superasente at February 10, 2011 12:14 PM

    Wow. Any one of these would be a punch in the Lady Wang.
    One would have to take Smile-agra to continue with their day.

    Posted by: Odnon. at February 10, 2011 12:15 PM

    Iron Man 3: Let's drain his blood to paint my boathouse

    Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at February 10, 2011 12:50 PM

    A sample scene from "Highlander, Making Eternity Seem Like Forever" ...

    A Highlander, a love interest and his sword walk into a bar.

    "I am Duncan McCleod of the Clan McCleod."

    "Crystal Meth, pleased to meet you."

    DM: "I want you. Now. Let's cruise down the Seine in my houseboat."

    CM: "Taking it a bit fast, aren't we?"

    DM: "Um, excuse me."

    Walks away.

    CM notices creepy staring guy, who's been eyeballing them since they arrived.

    CM, shouting across the bar: "Hey, Marty Feldman, what's with the eyes?"

    MF: "I am a watcher."

    CM: "Eeeew."

    DM: returns. Nods at MF.

    CM: "You two know each other? Eeeeew."

    CM: "Wait, another one. Who is that other guy?"

    At another table, also watching, The Kurgen.

    TK (Rises): "Outside, Highlander."

    DM gets up to leave.

    CM: "Hey, wait. I'm over here. (/pause) Dude, come on."

    CM: "Fine. Go play with your bossy leather-boy."

    MF (getting up): "Excuse me, I need to watch this."

    CM: "Eeeeeew."

    CM swirls her drink, processing the high weirdness of the last few minutes. From outside, come the escalating sounds of a fight, heavy breathing, grunts & groans culminating in explosions, sparks, flashes of light.

    DM returns, a bit sweaty, disheveled and spent.

    MF (following in): "Good work."

    CM: "Eeeeew."

    DM sits down again at the table.

    CM: "What the Hell was that?"

    DM: "What was what?"

    CM: "You ask me to cruise on your houseboat, then you get up without a word when your dom calls you?"

    DM: "I want to gaze into your eyes for eternity."

    CM: "Dude, will you make up your mind." (Chews lip.)

    DM: "What's the rush? I've got all the time in the world."

    ... and scene.

    Posted by: BierceAmbrose at February 10, 2011 12:59 PM

    Also ...

    Iron Man 3: Electric Boogaloo

    Iron Man 3: A Wrinkle in Time

    Iron Man 3: Chip Shot to the Green

    Posted by: BierceAmbrose at February 10, 2011 1:03 PM

    Justin Lin also directed several episodes of Community's first season, including Modern Warfare (the paintball ep). Respect where it's due, my main man.

    Just looked up his work on IMDB. I guess he directed three Community episodes. I'm not a big fan of the show, but I would imagine that the episodes I've seen are better than Tokyo Drift. I'll give him that. Still a little disappointing.

    Posted by: sars at February 10, 2011 1:29 PM

    Shane Black also wrote Lethal Weapon. As a proud dude bro I'm pumped. Oh and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was awesome.

    Posted by: mcn at February 10, 2011 2:02 PM

    Ditto on Darryl deserving that promotion. Every episode needs more Darryl.

    Fleece it out.

    Posted by: badkittyuno at February 10, 2011 2:28 PM

    @sars: I was pointing out Lin's Community work because I was shocked when I found out, and had the realization that... Okay, he might make crappy movies, but that clearly isn't all there is to his talents. So, while I would never see another Fast and Furious incarnation, I'll see his Highlander. And be kind of excited about it.

    And I am definitely onboard for Darryl getting the promotion on The Office. The character and Craig Robinson both deserve it.

    Posted by: RobP at February 10, 2011 2:51 PM

    Iron Man 3: Pink Tin Menace

    Posted by: godzilla_foil at February 10, 2011 3:22 PM

    I dunno. I could kind of get behind a Leo Dicaprio-director of The Salton Sea collaboration.

    Posted by: Melissa at February 10, 2011 3:37 PM

    Iron Man 3: Ass to Mouth

    Posted by: Jim Doggie at February 10, 2011 3:49 PM

    Will Arnett does sooo much better with a good ensemble cast. It's not my first choice but I'm also not entirely against it.

    Posted by: Poptart at February 10, 2011 4:07 PM

    Ok...
    IM3: The Sequin Sequel
    IM3: It's Raining Iron Men
    IM3: A Stark Is Born
    IM3: Iron, Man!

    Posted by: schmerpes at February 10, 2011 6:02 PM

    Kinda off topic (but not really, and I'll explain why later) but what is the link to that web comic you had of people working in a movie theater? I just thought of it because (and here's me explaining) I just pictured myself discussing movies with my co-workers the way the guy and his best friend do... except my discussion would be like so:

    Me: Did you hear that Shane Black is up for writer and director of Iron Man 3?

    Co-Worker: “Shane Black? Who's that? Cool, Iron Man!

    Me: He directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang!

    Co-worker: What? Is that a porn movie?

    Me: Sigh.

    Posted by: denesteak at February 10, 2011 6:05 PM

    If you just combine all the news it sounds much better.

    Leo Dicaprio is directing Will Arnett in the next Highlander movie!

    Arnett: Yeah, the guy in the 3,000 year old suit is going to cut someone's head off and get blood all over it. COME ON!

    Posted by: Paultera at February 10, 2011 6:10 PM

    Congrats, Paultera, you've won the internet for the day!

    Posted by: RobP at February 10, 2011 6:32 PM

    Shane Black writing and directing Iron Man 3?

    Thank you based God

    Posted by: Jeremy at February 10, 2011 9:11 PM

    Congrats, Paultera, you've won the internet for the day!

    Posted by: RobP at February 10, 2011 6:32 PM

    -------

    I think for a week at least.

    My hat is off to you, sir.

    Posted by: zeke the pig at February 11, 2011 8:48 AM

    "This is actually good news, but you’re dumb co-worker"

    Did you just call me a dumb co-worker?

    Posted by: Ender at February 11, 2011 11:22 AM

    That would be "Up and at'em, Atom Ant" not Adam Ant...you god damn whippersnappers, get off my lawn!

    Posted by: DaveKan at February 11, 2011 11:26 AM

    Dammit, Ender, I was hoping I got there before anyone noticed.

    Posted by: dsbs at February 11, 2011 2:50 PM

    Iron Man 3: Tony Stark, Queen of the Desert.

    Iron Man 3: Coke Back Mountain

    Iron Man 3: The Stephen Sondheim Musical

    Posted by: JohnnyVonAwesome at February 12, 2011 9:38 AM

    About Shane Black, totally forget about writing Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, Last Boy Scout & Last Action Hero (which was and is still fun) but his rumored involvement in Iron Man 3 may prove interesting.

    As for Justin Lin, dude actually made 3 & 4 Fast watchable in all of their implausibility. Not to mention, the guy somehow made Good Luck Tomorrow gel into the Fast series with the inclusion of Han.

    Posted by: DookieMercury at February 12, 2011 2:58 PM

    Great post, I liked reading it. Keep it up.

    Posted by: Adam Ant Fan at February 13, 2011 4:53 AM