"21 Jump Street" Expected to Start Filming Late 2010

I Got Me The Jonah Hill Street Blues

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

Jonah Hill is expecting to start shooting on his big screen version of 21 Jump Street. He’s insisting that he’s not trying to play Johnny Depp’s character or that it’s going to make fun of the original source material. It’s going to be an action comedy. He’s claiming that it’s going to be “John Hughes’ version of Bad Boys.” I suspect it’s going to be more like Bad Boys 2. Woosa? Wooshit.

Why the balls does this need to be turned into a big screen adaptation? I mean, the show was basically undercover cops in high school busting up a drug ring. This kind of shit happens every day. My senior year, a bunch of cops pretended to be seniors to break up an acid ring. How? Some burnout used to yell out in study hall: “Anyone have drugs to sell? I want drugs.” What a fucking moron. But not as stupid as the fucking kids who actually got busted by his sting. Are people that committed to the brand name 21 Jump Street? Especially if the lead guy’s not going to be sexy Johnny Depp but schlubby Jonah Hill?

I’m not saying it’s not a good idea, nor that Jonah Hill can’t play leading man in an action-comedy like Pineapple Express. Actually. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Family was in from out of town and we went to get breakfast, and saw Jonah Hill pumping his own gas. I think that’s about his max speed. Not doing Bad Boys stunts. Bull-fucking-shit. I want you to picture him from springing away from a massive explosion in slow-motion and not see ripples flying like the entire punchline to Fat Albert.

Action-comedy can be funny — when it’s someone like Bruce Willis or even Will Smith. The Apatowheads can’t pull off action comedy. Remember Bulletproof with Adam Sandler? Particularly since this is a fucking high school drug ring bust. Are they going to have school busses exploding and flipping over? Is there going to be a massive shoot out during a pep rally? It’s not going to work. It’s going to be humiliating. And Jonah Hill is not leading man material. He’s a second banana, at best. Whatever. Once you’ve made a couple million, you can pretty much do whatever you want anymore. Turn Marmaduke into a gritty dogfighting scandal flick. Make a musical about Virginia Tech. It doesn’t matter.

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OK, Jonah Hill looks like someone in that photo. It's that guy with no neck who appears on things like E! True Hollywood story (shush yeah I watch that). What's his name? It's gonna drive me bonkers.

Posted by: Carrie (aka Teabelly) at January 18, 2010 11:45 AM

Okay, fuck Jonah Schlub, fuck 21 Jump Street In Your Pants: The Movie, and fuck Jonah Schlub.

Did I say that already? Fuck it. Fuck him. He's so unfunny, I hemorrhage whenever he appears on screen, and my testicles want to kick his ass when he speaks.

"Are they going to have school busses exploding and flipping over? Is there going to be a massive shoot out during a pep rally?"

Only if Michael Bay gets brought on as special effects consultant. Is it wrong to wish for that? I'd really like to see some vapid cheerleader get tagged on the top of the pyramid. It'd be like Bring It On...with Gary Busey as the rival coach and Gogo as the rival head cheerleader.

Fuck, I'd pay to watch that.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 18, 2010 11:58 AM

I'm calling explosion in the chem lab to hide drug evidence and a high speed limo chase on prom night. Prove me wrong, Hollywood.

Posted by: Robert at January 18, 2010 12:03 PM

Some people don't deserve more money and "artistic leeway" after fluke success. It shows what they will then do with that money and you then realize their "artistic vision" consists of reliving 12-year-old fantasies (eyes on Cameron?).

And by fluke, I mean the organism.

Posted by: Recondite at January 18, 2010 12:15 PM

trem·a·tode (trěm'ə-tōd')
n. Any of numerous flatworms of the class Trematoda, including both external and internal parasites of animal hosts, that have a thick outer cuticle and one or more suckers or hooks for attaching to host tissue. Also called fluke.
adj. Of or belonging to the Trematoda.

And that's just in case you thought I was talking about a flounder.

Look at that thick outer cuticle.

Posted by: Recondite at January 18, 2010 12:18 PM

I pretty much agree. That fat turd can barely navigate the spread at the Golden Corral, let alone his own leading role. Seriously, we all get a little (okay, a lottle) heavy handed about the opinions 'round here, but I fucking hate Jonah Hill. I mean, you just want to punch him in the face for having made a couple of million basically because he knew someone. I wouldn't call fortune talent and I wouldn't say what he does is acting. Superbad was one of the most overrated and disappointing movie going experiences that I have ever had, and it was all because he had to carry it. What a lucky fat cunt.

I'm not sayin' I wouldn't cornhole the guy, because I'd pretty much cornhole any level of celebrity, just for the book deal alone. Hell, I'd take Ken Pratt and Barbie Montag on the double dip fist riding cream dream thrill ride of a lifetime if it meant I wouldn't have to report to the ol' cubicle tomorrow. Just a million, that's all, I'm not greedy. I'll tell you all about that time I gave Rosie O'Donnell a mustache ride.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at January 18, 2010 12:22 PM

21 Jump Street?

More like 21 Lumps Street.

See what I did there? Genius.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 18, 2010 12:58 PM

I find it very fitting that he is standing behind a "Hair and Body Wash" sign.

Posted by: schrome at January 18, 2010 12:58 PM

Whose mustache?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 18, 2010 1:05 PM

Jonah hill slipped to dangerously overweight somewhere between Superbad and right now. An action movie, even a funny one, will straight up kill this kid. I have no doubt he eats unhealthy, drinks, and probably 'dabbles' as wealthy young men his age are won't to do. So let's just prepare for him to be the 'shock' celeb death of 2010. Or the shock celeb make over

Posted by: Nadine at January 18, 2010 1:19 PM

Somebody on the Golden Globes thread made a suggestion which I think is genius. Genius or not, I can't get it out of my head, especially when it comes to remakes/reboots/reimaginings/whatever they're calling them this week:

When you see a movie title for a bag-o'-hammers project like this, mentally complete the title thusly: [colon] Money Never Sleeps.

21 Jump Street: Money Never Sleeps. And suddenly, movie news that made no sense now makes perfect sense.

Posted by: Jerce at January 18, 2010 2:30 PM

Wait, didn't that kid from Drumline (Canon?) make a movie that was Jump Street-esque? I mean, he was a cop who went undercover in a high school, right?

Whatever, can people PLEASE stop trolling the 80s for movie ideas? Although, if they based a movie on You Can't Do That on Television, first I would cry bitter tears, then I would go watch it.

Posted by: MyySharona (formerly Sharon) at January 18, 2010 3:42 PM

JDW, I am so far in agreement about everything you said about Jonah Hill that I think you are monitoring my brain. I've never liked that ginormous c-bag. I gave him a little laugh in 40 Year Old Virgin because it was a good scene, fat bastard buys boots with fish in the heels.But so many people think he's funny and I just don't get it. On the commentary for the same movie, he shows up like halfway through and everyone in the room ejaculates over themself, saying "Oh, Jonah is here, he's so funny, now this commentary is going to be hilarious". He didn't say one funny thing in the next hour. That is a perfect description of his career, all build up, no payoff.

And I agree, Superbad sucked. Just didn't get it, didn't care. But there were some smoking hot redheads in that movie....

Lastly, the idea of a guy that I could beat in a footrace is an action hero is a joke. Who is going to be his fat sidekick, Paul Prudhomme? Mariah Carey? Jim Belushi? Can't wait for the chase scene on Rascals.

It's good to have friends who will basically hand you a career you don't deserve, my friends won't pick up a check at Denny's.

Posted by: Rubble44 at January 18, 2010 5:01 PM

Yeah, that's what i dont get...I mean obviously they're banking on the Nick Frost effect, Fat Guy can be Action star etc, but they're forgetting that when Nick Frost is in 'action' movies, he's usually along side Simon Pegg who can get ripped up and carry off most of the action.
With Nick Frost I dont live in fear of seeing him have a coronary every time he throws a hissy fit.

Jonah though...he's an unfunny white boy fro'd 'meh' who will DIE if he makes this movie.

Posted by: Nadine at January 18, 2010 5:55 PM

I know that some overweight people could be surprising agile, but Johnah Hill? I don't think this guy could even perform a physical act that could be classified as a "jump". It would be more like "blomp." And he won't even manage to do three of that.

Ergo, the title of the movie would be erroneous unless they revise it to:

2 Blomp Street and Panting

Posted by: yocean at January 19, 2010 1:53 AM

first, this is, by far, the best(consistantly funny) tread ever. I mean from Brian's rant to this fantabulous suite of comments, it's gonna be hard for whoever is in charge of the EE, not to basically make it a copy/paste of this tread. I guess fat cunt bashing is funny.

NOw, I wanted to say, in Jonah Hill's defence, that maybe, he would step down to a supporting role, and make somekind of an american version of Hot Fuss - for americans who don't understand english and only speak american - with the preposterous premise of the beloved and overated tv show. And maybe, maybe, it could be fun to watch, I don't know, I'm just saying...

Please don't banish me.

Posted by: rg at January 19, 2010 4:00 AM

Holy shit, I DO remember Bulletproof with Adam Sandler! That's the first time I've ever gotten an obscure movie reference on this site before.... I finally feel like I belong.

Posted by: MikeG at January 19, 2010 7:01 AM

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I Got Me The Jonah Hill Street Blues

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