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2012 Grammy Nominations, and 9 Nominations That Prove the Grammys Are Not a Real Thing

By Courtney Enlow | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (68)



Grammys-A-night-of-Adele-adoration-CQLGS02-x-large.jpg

Well, the nominations for the 54th Grammy Awards were announced, and they’re shockingly decent. I mean, still coated in a nougatty layer of “I asked my nieces what they have on their iPod and this is what I am to understand the kids today seem to like” but decent nonetheless, you know, for the Grammys. They stuck to their fairly standard formula of “most popular songs and artists, one who was cool until they blew up last year, one classic (sorry, everyone, we’re old now and Foo Fighters count as classic) and one well-known but still obscure to people who don’t like music artist.” Also, they still don’t know what “new” means.

All in all, I’m pretty fine with this. I don’t know what a Skrillex is, and I’d sooner lick Bieber’s hair than hear a Bruno Mars song again as long as I live, but he was obviously going to be nominated because he sold a lot of…albums? I guess? I don’t know how it works anymore. But Book of Mormon is nominated, putting Matt and Trey further on their path to EGOT. So that’s neat.

Here are the awards people care about, and the ones I actually care about. It will be fairly clear which are which. That said, Lady Gaga was fucking robbed. Stop judging me. I hate you.

Record Of The Year
“Rolling In The Deep” — Adele
“Holocene” — Bon Iver
“Grenade” — Bruno Mars
“The Cave” — Mumford & Sons
“Firework” — Katy Perry

Album Of The Year
21 — Adele
Wasting Light — Foo Fighters
Born This Way — Lady Gaga
Doo-Wops & Hooligans — Bruno Mars
Loud — Rihanna

Song Of The Year
“All Of The Lights” — Jeff Bhasker, Malik Jones, Warren Trotter & Kanye West, songwriters (Kanye West, Rihanna, Kid Cudi & Fergie)
“The Cave” — Ted Dwane, Ben Lovett, Marcus Mumford & Country Winston, songwriters (Mumford & Sons)
“Grenade” — Brody Brown, Claude Kelly, Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine, Bruno Mars & Andrew Wyatt, songwriters (Bruno Mars)
“Holocene” — Justin Vernon, songwriter (Bon Iver)
“Rolling In The Deep” — Adele Adkins & Paul Epworth, songwriters (Adele)

Best New Artist
The Band Perry
Bon Iver
J. Cole
Nicki Minaj
Skrillex

Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
“Body And Soul” by Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse
“Dearest” by the Black Keys
“Paradise” by Coldplay
“Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster The People
“Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 & Christina Aguilera.

For Best Alternative Music Album
Bon Iver by Bon Iver
Codes And Keys by Death Cab For Cutie
Torches by Foster The People
Circuital by My Morning Jacket
The King Of Limbs by Radiohead.

Best Americana Album
Emotional Jukebox by Linda Chorney
Pull Up Some Dust And Sit Down by Ry Cooder
Hard Bargain by Emmylou Harris
Ramble At The Ryman by Levon Helm
Blessed by Lucinda Williams.

Best Folk Album
Barton Hollow by the Civil Wars
I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive by Steve Earle
Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes
Ukulele Songs by Eddie Vedder
The Harrow & The Harvest by Gillian Welch

Best Spoken Word
Tina Fey, Bossypants
Nathan Burbank, Bryan Cumming, Dennis Scott & David Toledo (album producers), Fab Fan Memories - The Beatles Bond (by Various Artists)
Dan Donohue and various performers, Hamlet (William Shakespeare)
Betty White, If You Ask Me (And Of Course You Won’t)
Val Kilmer & Cast, The Mark of Zorro

And so you don’t get too worked up, here are other artists who were nominated for Grammys. Because the Grammys don’t count. They are the People’s Choice Awards of music.

9. Lou Bega

8. NSYNC

7. Train

6. Justin Bieber

5. The Pussycat Dolls

4. This fucking song

3. Bowling for Soup

2. Five for Fighting

1. Seth MacFarlane (he’s nominated this year. Twice.)









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Comments

So essentially, you're discounting the awards handed out by the music industry based on the preferences of the music industry because you don't like nine previous/current nominees? Are we really complaining that a group like The Pussycat Dolls got nominated for a dance track in the dance category or Seth MacFarlane got nominated for releasing a pop/standards album in a weak year for the genre?

Posted by: Robert at December 1, 2011 2:05 PM

I refuse to believe it took six people to write "Grenade".

Posted by: schrome at December 1, 2011 2:08 PM

Can we just give all the awards to Adele and be done with it? I feel like that would be easiest, and a better outcome than what's likely to happen (for instance, if Firework wins over Rolling in the Deep, I will have an in-home riot to express my anger.)

Posted by: GwenBear at December 1, 2011 2:08 PM

Totes. We old now.

"Because you had a bidet, take your pants down, washing yourself and you swirl it around..."

.

Posted by: Trey_Shacksit at December 1, 2011 2:12 PM

Pajiba,

FUCK YOUR NEW POP-UP ADVERT THAT TAKES HALF THE GODDAMN SCREEN. APP BLOCKED.

Posted by: Mr. Stitch at December 1, 2011 2:18 PM

My Beautiful, Dark Twisted Fantasy is a GLARING omission from Album of the Year. It was (deservingly) the best-rated album of 2010. Ghettoizing it into the "Rap Album of the Year" category makes no goddamned sense considering Bruno Mars and Rhianna's nominations for general Album. A bunch of headlines are spinning this like "Kanye grabs 7 nominations!!" but all but one of them are in the "Rap" categories. Rap can be polarizing, and I'm not even really a fan of a lot of it myself, but MBDTF is transcendent.

Posted by: Amanda6 at December 1, 2011 2:20 PM

Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance:

Dream Theater – “On The Backs of Angels”
Foo Fighters – “White Limo”
Mastodon – “Curl of the Burl”
Megadeth – “Public Enemy No. 1″
Sum 41 – “Blood In My Eyes”

I'm sorry, did you say Sum fucking 41? This is why Hard Rock & Metal should never share a category. Because all it means is that Mastodon is going to get fucking robbed. Again.

YEAH YEAH I know no one gives a shit. But goddamn it, man.

Posted by: TK at December 1, 2011 2:22 PM

Also, that "Firework" can even be considered a listenable song, much less a Grammy-nominated one, astounds even my jaded ass.

Posted by: Amanda6 at December 1, 2011 2:22 PM

SHouldn't Adele's "Someone like you" be nominated instead of "Rolling in the Deep"? Everyone and there mama bought that song after the VMA's.

I was going to download it myself but the album version is slightly different from the live performance. I first heard that song on the VMA's and she sings it better live. I didn't buy it. I'll wait for the live version. Anyway..........

Posted by: junierizzle at December 1, 2011 2:22 PM

Since when is Bon Inver new?

Posted by: Jax at December 1, 2011 2:24 PM

Intellectually I get Bon Iver and have both For Emma and Bon Iver and have listened to them numerous times. The are musically very good and I get that. Also, I think that Sean Carey is a very interesting person and I would love to know him.
But, in the end I always take their music off of whatever device I have, because I just can't get into it. I don't like them. Just me?

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 2:28 PM

Sometimes I think the only reason McFarlane makes cartoons is so he can have somewhere to sing his shitty songs.

Train is nominated for something? Can anyone anywhere name the song? What about the Pussycat Dolls? FFS

Also, what's the difference between Americana and Folk music? Certainly not the presence of ukeleles.

The music industry is fucked. Soon their going to base these awards by how many bank or insurance commercials your songs get put to.

I do admit to surprise that they even know who Bon Iver is, or Death Cab, but Foster the People?! All they really have is that one crappy nursery rhyme they keep playing over and over. A single is not an album, I don't care if you did here it in the changing room at Sears.

Posted by: Protoguy at December 1, 2011 2:28 PM

I LIKE Bowling for Soup. Yeah, I said it and I'm PROUD.

Posted by: TWoPFan at December 1, 2011 2:30 PM

Nimue, I'm just glad to know it's not just ME.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 1, 2011 2:31 PM

Bon Iver is like soccer or race car driving - I don't deny the tremendous skill involved, but wow is it bloody boring.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 1, 2011 2:31 PM

In the immortal words of Dr. John Zoidberg.

"The musics bad and you should feel bad."

All of you.

Posted by: googergieger at December 1, 2011 2:36 PM

Yes, Ghisent that is very apt description!

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 2:40 PM

TK - I'm not really a metal guy, but I still give a shit. Sum 41 isn't anything but goddamn crap. If they HAVE to be nominated, switch them up with the Black Keys - they belong in the hard rock category anyway.

I'm still kind of upset that they won't ever get to double-bill with the White Stripes too. What a kickass concert that'd be.

Posted by: Bert at December 1, 2011 2:41 PM

What a joke. This is the reason I don't listen to the radio. Red Hot Chili Peppers were nominated for best alternative album and it's their worst since Red Hot Minute. Not having Anthrax in the metal category is ridiculous. At least they didn't nominate that godawful Metallica/Lou Reed monstrocity.

Good on Mumford & Sons and Adele. Shit to the rest of it.

Where is Frank Turner's "England Keep My Bones" on here? I keep re-reading the list, but I still don't see it. Is it in code inside the other nominations? It must be in code, that's the only explanation. Let's see here, Skrillex isn't a word so that must be the key. What is Nicki Minaj? Is that an anagram? It solves to: Jack Mini In. Hmmm...mini. Mini is another word for small. Jack Small! It's starting to all make sense now. Grammy award folk, you devious bastards! Now we're getting somewhere...

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 1, 2011 2:43 PM

Well at least it's not Jethro Tull. Right TK?

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at December 1, 2011 2:49 PM

Great to see some Frank Turner love TylerDFC!
He's the best, I have seen him in concert three times. I am totally hooked.

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 2:56 PM

nimue: He's opening for Dropkick Murphys right now and I'm really leaning toward going.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 1, 2011 2:57 PM

I saw him when he opened for Flogging Molly. That was a shitshow and the only time I have ever been in a fight. Also, we chatted. He's super down to earth and cool. I recommend it. Any idea of if it's a full band show or just him?

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 3:02 PM

nimue: nope, no idea. Just saw it on a monthly "upcoming concerts" email. I would hope full band, a lot of what I like about the new album is how full the production is. But I've since bought some of his earlier stuff and I'd be just as happy if it was just him and a guitar.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 1, 2011 3:06 PM

....It took six people to write 'Grenade'?

Posted by: Aislinn at December 1, 2011 3:10 PM

That was a shitshow and the only time I have ever been in a fight. Also, we chatted.

I fell in love with that pairing of sentences. Bravo, Nimue.

Posted by: Ghisent at December 1, 2011 3:12 PM

Cool, I just looked and he's nowhere near me. But, I have seen both full band and him and his guitar. Both very worth it. I enjoyed the full band better, but that may have partially been b/c I was front row like a little groupie girl :)

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 3:13 PM

Because all it means is that Mastodon is going to get fucking robbed.

Of course they are.

That said, this is in part why the Grammys don't work. I trust the CMAs for country and Source Awards for hip-hop. But the Grammys know as much about country or hip-hop as they do about heavy metal or blues.

Posted by: Fredo at December 1, 2011 3:13 PM

It was a crazy night, Ghisent. I blame the city of Rochester, NY.

Posted by: Nimue at December 1, 2011 3:15 PM

Word, Fredo. Particularly frustrating since The Hunter is their best album since Leviathan, and easily the best (somewhat-mainstream) metal album in years.

Just to drive my point home: in 2011, the best metal performance award went to Iron Maiden. They beat out Slayer and Megadeth. The other nominees were Megadeth (eh) and... Korn.

Fucking Korn.

Posted by: TK at December 1, 2011 3:31 PM

Shut up about Five for Fighting. I love "100 years."

Shut up about that too!

Posted by: PP Matter at December 1, 2011 3:32 PM

I 2nd Mr. Stitch's "F*** you!" about the pop up ad.

Posted by: Ignatz at December 1, 2011 3:41 PM

Am I the only person that runs a pop up blocker? People are constantly bitching about the ads and other than the ocassional side ad I have no idea what they are talking about.

Posted by: TylerDFC at December 1, 2011 3:44 PM

"Red Hot Chili Peppers were nominated for best alternative album "

First of all, RHCP are alternative now? Huh. Well, I guess I buy that since they really are -- yo me -- the only mainstream-ish alternative to all the fucking FUCKING crap that is listed as being nominated for every other thing.

Second of all...I except Adele from my use of the term CRAP because she is lovely and has a lovely voice and her songs are lovely...despite every radio station's unlovely habit of overplaying her to the point of wanting to stab myself in the ear with an icepick.

I'm actually in a good mood today so I really cannot explain this vitriol I'm spewing.

Posted by: klingonfree at December 1, 2011 3:44 PM

Amanda6,

I totally agree about MBDTF. I mean, that is seriously an excellent album.

Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at December 1, 2011 4:01 PM

They're. Damn.

Posted by: Protoguy at December 1, 2011 4:10 PM

Red Hot Chili Peppers have sucked since Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

Posted by: Protoguy at December 1, 2011 4:15 PM

What protoguy just said, but times a billion.

Posted by: TK at December 1, 2011 4:40 PM

I love the firework song. Not the Katy Perry version but the song itself. I heard a gospel singer belt it out acapella and her version blew me away. Granted she momentarily got the giggles when she got to the "ah ah ah" part but it's still a powerful song when sung by an artist with actual vocal talent.

That being said, Adele is just better.

Posted by: Jennifer at December 1, 2011 4:51 PM

"one who was cool until they blew up last year"

Is that Mumford? That makes me sad, I love them.
I also second the fact that everyone should just stay home and watch Adele win everything from the comfort of their own living room.

Posted by: Quirk at December 1, 2011 5:19 PM

The Grammys should be called The Top 40 Awards and I don't listen to any of that crap. I can proudly say I have never sat through an entire Grammy show. Never missed an Emmy or Oscar telecast but will not watch the Grammys, especially while Kanye West is still on the planet.

Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, K$sha, Gaga, Lil Wayne, Rihanna..

this is not music, this is ear slop.

Posted by: kirbyjay at December 1, 2011 5:19 PM

Courtney Enlow Hall!

I'm super disappointed that NSYNC was put in a "yeah, these fucking guys were nominated,too" category with Lou Bega. OUTRAGE!

Sidenote: When I googled whether they ever actually won a Grammy, I got this:

"No he did not, at least while he was alive. The Grammy Awards started in the later part of 1959 after he passed in the plane crash. He might have won something"

Go internet.

Posted by: MeganTheFirst at December 1, 2011 6:01 PM

Ok. Look.
Say what you will about Bon Iver's music. I love all of it, and Holocene is without question my favourite song on this list. But that's not the point. For Emma came out forever ago. (see what I did there?) There's nothing "new" about it.

Also, The Cave? Really? Didn't Mumford and Sons perform it at the Grammys last year?

Posted by: A-schaef at December 1, 2011 6:27 PM

"Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, K$sha, Gaga, Lil Wayne, Rihanna..

this is not music, this is ear slop."

See, when people say this about Lil' Wayne I have to figure that they have never actually really listened to any of his albums. Even if (new) rap isn't a type of music you enjoy, it isn't fair to label Lil' Wayne's music "ear slop."

Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at December 1, 2011 6:39 PM

At least The Civil Wars got nominated.

Posted by: Matt at December 1, 2011 6:59 PM

And Skrillex is dubstep, or whatever the hell the cool kids are calling electronica these days.

Posted by: Matt at December 1, 2011 7:11 PM

why isn't taylor swift on this list?

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at December 1, 2011 7:52 PM

Californication was good. But after that, yes, RHCP sucked.

Also, I think I really kinda like this Dream Theater. Never heard of them (thanks, Grammys!). Very Kansas-y. Grammy? Dunno.

But it doesn't matter. That godforsaken Pumped Up Kicks song is up for an award, and for sure, that is not Grammy-quality work. (No thanks, Grammys!)

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at December 1, 2011 8:54 PM

I am so happy that Dearest is on here. The Black Keys made the best track on that whole Buddy Holly tribute thing.

Also I can't stay awake for Bon Iver but the dude was on an amazing album called Hadestown that everybody should buy. So I won't completely write him off. Maybe he should stick to other people's songs?

Posted by: Anne At Large at December 1, 2011 8:58 PM

And Skrillex is dubstep, or whatever the hell the cool kids are calling electronica these days.

NOOOOOOOOO. At the risk of being "that guy," that shit Skrillex makes is NOT dubstep. It's like calling Sum41 "punk." They're tangentially related, but one is a clear bastardization of the other.

Posted by: Amanda6 at December 2, 2011 12:31 AM

Ugh....I've made better sounds after All You Can Eat Brisket Night at Morrie's Affordable Meat Palace.

Posted by: Rubble44 at December 2, 2011 12:41 AM

Two bands in my town that nobody has ever heard of just put out two of the best albums I've ever heard, anywhere, anytime, and I've been listening since the '60s (but not so much lately). I can't imagine anything on any of those lists is any better and I'm pretty sure a lot of it is worse, but: Them what has, gets.

FOX Japan and Phantom 6 are the bands, if you're interested.

Posted by: , at December 2, 2011 2:27 AM

Ukulele Songs by Eddie Vedder
How the hell did I not hear of this earlier?

Posted by: FabMax at December 2, 2011 5:30 AM

Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Johnathan Delaney at December 2, 2011 8:18 AM

Skrillex is horrrrible. It's the official soundtrack to Montezuma's Revenge. It's what they play in Room 23 on the LOST island. It's the result of the Infinite Monkeys thing, but with blenders full of wood screws instead of typewriters.

Posted by: the new transported man at December 2, 2011 8:36 AM

How in the hell does "Grenade" merit a nomination but none of Gaga's songs make the cut? Are you goddamn kidding me? "Grenade"?

Posted by: Colin at December 2, 2011 9:30 AM

Argh I'm torn between my love of Adele and my love of Mumford & Sons. Also, yes, Gaga was robbed (she might be insufferably crazy, but those are some good pop songs).
Everyone else can go lick an electrical socket.

Posted by: leelee at December 2, 2011 10:55 AM

Evidently I'm the only one who likes Train. Or, rather, the only one who'll admit to liking Train.

And Socrates_Johnson, the "Jethro Tull Debacle" as it's known in my circle, is the exact moment I turned off the Grammys, never to return.

Posted by: JH at December 2, 2011 11:29 AM

Not one single fucking album in any of these fucking categories ESPECIALLY Album of the Year could even survive in the same room with Kanye's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and I will get in a 1 v. 100 alleyway brawl with the Grammy voters to defend that point.

I'm even glad to see Bon Iver get this much love, because his new album is great and "Holocene" is gorgeous, but if it beats "All of the Lights," I'm gonna choke someone on Kanye's behalf.

FUCK BRUNO MARS

Posted by: ChristianH at December 2, 2011 12:30 PM

I third (fourth?) the comments on MBDTF, which is a ridiculously glaring oversight. It was commercially successful enough for the Grammys yet perfectly representative of the artistic achievement they supposedly are so ardent to award, so I don't quite understand the omission. Although I guess there is that universal rule that award ceremonies can never make sense. But the Cults juuuuuust slightly edged out Kanye for album of the year in my own personal ranking.

Posted by: mb at December 2, 2011 10:00 PM

Let's see here, Skrillex isn't a word so that must be the key. What is Nicki Minaj? Is that an anagram?

I'm just highlighting this comment here so that person can look back on it in future years to mark the date they were officially confirmed to be an old fart.

Posted by: mightygodking at December 3, 2011 10:34 AM

TK. I feel you. The Hunter is fantastic and surprisingly versatile. And why do so few people know about The Sword? Come ON.

Am I the only one who is confused by the "alternative" category? Fucking Death Cab and Bon Iver are alternative now? I admit I'm not completely confident in the legit description of the alternative genre but I am pretty sure those two do not belong in it. Annnnd Ben Gibbard can suck all of the dicks.

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Posted by: chaussure air max huarache at December 4, 2011 4:30 AM

Since when is Bon Iver a "New artist"? Oh I see he's new because stupid asshats just found him and didn't listen to people with taste, 3 years ago. Also For Emma was a better album.

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