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2009 Teen Choice Awards Nominations | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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The 2009 Teen Choice Awards Nominations

How Bad Do You Have to Be Not To Get Nominated? / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | June 15, 2009 | Comments (32)

The Teen Choice Awards Nominations were announced today, for those of you who give a shit about meaningless awards ceremonies hosted by The Jonas Brothers (no. Really). The show airs in August, but if you’re a teenager, you can vote for your favorite on the Teen Choice Awards website.

What’s great about these particular awards, however, is that — by breaking movies up into seven categories, every single movie released over the last year got nominated. Yeah: Twilight you expected (it led all nominatees with 12), but The Uninvited? The Haunting of Molly Hartley? Steppin: The Movie? Those are the sort of movies you’re forced to nominate when you nominate 35 studio movies.

At least no one will get their feelings hurt. Except for poor Dragonball Evolution, which is apparently the only movie that got shut out this year.


Choice Movie: Action Adventure
Fast & Furious
Star Trek
Taken
Terminator Salvation
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Choice Movie: Drama
Angels & Demons
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Obsessed
Slumdog Millionaire
Twilight

Choice Movie: Romance
Australia
Confessions of a Shopaholic
He’s Just Not That Into You
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
Twilight

Choice Movie: Bromantic Comedy
I Love You, Man
Marley & Me
Pineapple Express
Role Models
Tropic Thunder

Choice Movie: Comedy
The Hangover
Land of the Lost
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Yes Man

Choice Movie: Horror/Thriller
Drag Me to Hell
Friday the 13th
The Haunting of Molly Hartley
Quarantine
The Uninvited

Choice Movie: Music/Dance
Hannah Montana: The Movie
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist
Steppin: The Movie

Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Hugh Jackman, Australia
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Channing Tatum, Fighting

Choice Movie Actress: Drama
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Nicole Kidman, Australia
Beyoncé Knowles, Obsessed
Freida Pinto, Slumdog Millionaire
Kristen Stewart, Twilight

Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure
Christian Bale, Terminator Salvation
Hugh Jackman, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Dwayne Johnson, Race to Witch Mountain
Shia LaBeouf, Eagle Eye
Paul Walker, Fast & Furious

Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure
Malin Akerman, Watchmen
Jordana Brewster, Fast & Furious
Bryce Dallas Howard, Terminator Salvation
Mila Kunis, Max Payne
Zoe Saldana, Star Trek

Choice Movie Actor: Comedy
Jim Carrey, Yes Man
Zac Efron, 17 Again
Will Ferrell, Land of the Lost
Seth Rogen, Observe & Report / Pineapple Express
Ben Stiller, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian / Tropic Thunder

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy

Amy Adams, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Jennifer Aniston, Marley & Me / He’s Just Not That Into You
Isla Fisher, Confessions of a Shopaholic
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
Kate Hudson, Bride Wars

Choice Movie Actress: Music/Dance
Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Kat Dennings, Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist
Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Amy Smart, Love N’ Dancing
Ashley Tisdale, High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Choice Movie Actor: Music/Dance
Corbin Bleu, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Michael Cera, Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist
Jason Earles, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Lucas Till, Hannah Montana: The Movie

Choice Movie: Villain
Hank Azaria, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Eric Bana, Star Trek
Cam Gigandet, Twilight
Ken Jeong, The Hangover
Liev Schreiber, X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Choice Movie: Fresh Face Female
Lynn Collins, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Ashley Greene, Twilight
Emily Osment, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Freida Pinto, Slumdog Millionaire
Nikki Reed, Twilight

Choice Movie: Fresh Face Male
Taylor Kitsch, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Taylor Lautner, Twilight
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Chris Pine, Star Trek
Sam Worthington, Terminator Salvation

Choice Movie: Liplock
Miley Cyrus and Lucas Till, Hannah Montana: The Movie
Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron, High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Freida Pinto and Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Owen Wilson and Marley, Marley & Me

Choice Movie: Rumble
Anne Hathaway vs. Kate Hudson, Bride Wars
Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Weapon XI, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter, Obsessed
Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet, Twilight
Chris Pine vs. Zachary Quinto, Star Trek

Choice Movie: Rockstar Moment
Jim Carrey, Yes Man
Zac Efron, 17 Again
Anne Hathaway, Bride Wars
Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, I Love You, Man
Mike Tyson, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover


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Comments

Darn, I'm not a teen anymore. Guess I can't vote for my favorite Jo Bro. It'll have to remain a mystery for the ages. (Aww I'm not fooling anyone. It's the Bonus Jonas)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 15, 2009 7:46 PM

I am ashamed for Star Trek. And should "teens" even be watching watchmen? Or The hangover? I mean, technically they're not even allowed to watch those two unless they are 18+.

Posted by: Biscuit at June 15, 2009 7:49 PM

No, this is a joke, right?
These have to be the razzie noms, yeah?
Right?

Posted by: Kate at June 15, 2009 7:54 PM

What? Twilight wasn't nominated for best comedy? Neither was Taken? Man, both of those were some of the best laughs I've had this year.

Posted by: Quincy at June 15, 2009 8:06 PM

*picks self up off the floor*

I'm sorry, I seemed to have blacked out there for a minute.

Oh... well, shit. How did all this blood get all over my axe again? Guess I better go clean that off. Hmm. What? Did you say something? No? Ok then. I'll be off then!

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 15, 2009 8:07 PM

@ Biscuit: There are a lot of R rated movies on this nomination list. I can't say that I loved movies like "City of Ember" or "The Secret Lives of Bees", but they're a lot better than most of this garbage - and more appropriate. It's too bad the nomination team couldn't have found more inspired choices like, "Let the Right One In"...I think these kids would respect a network that challenged them to try new things rather than just rewarding them for ruining popular taste.

Posted by: The Fox at June 15, 2009 8:08 PM

it led all nominatees with 12

I believe the word you're looking for is nominees, no?

That would make more sense. Actually, taking Twilight out of the sentence would also help a LOT.

Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 8:17 PM

I have no interest in what idiot teens think.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 8:21 PM

Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Hugh Jackman, Australia
Dev Patel, Slumdog Millionaire
Robert Pattinson, Twilight
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Channing Tatum, Fighting

HAHAHA! Fighting. A young man's struggle against the sun in his eyes.

Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 8:24 PM

I'm actually surprised that Twilight II: Sparkly Boogaloo wasn't nominateed for all the awards.

By the way, a nominatee is a manitee that has been nominated for a Teen Choice Award. Quite frankly, it makes the same amount of sense.

Posted by: admin at June 15, 2009 8:31 PM

Oooh man...

Best Comedy: American Teens.

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT.

Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 8:32 PM

I think we should have a Pajiba Awards. We get a few categories, nominate movies, make a big to-do and vote. Some categories:

1) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a good way)
2) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a painful way)
3) Most Overrated Movie of the Year
4) Most Shameful Movie of the Year
5) Most Ridiculous Performance of the Year

Etc. I'm sure someone could think of funnier ones. But we should totally do it.

Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 8:44 PM

Twilight would win Unintentionally Funniest Movie of the Year.

Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 8:45 PM

I don't think twilight should even get that credit figgy, i think it should go to fast and furious or angels and demons.

Posted by: Braski at June 15, 2009 9:04 PM

Enough about your stupid fucking story about stupid fucking sparkly fucking vampires and their stupid fucking with fucking Kirsten Bell and fucking die! Die Twilight! MOTHERFUCKING DIE!

Posted by: George at June 15, 2009 9:17 PM

Hey, a comment diversion about categories that need to be added to award shows:

Best hairpiece

Best phoned in performance

Best Buy (sponsored by Best Buy)

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 15, 2009 9:22 PM

1) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a good way)

Adam Sandler looks to be starring in a good movie (Funny People).

2) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a painful way)

M. Night Shamadouche gets the film rights to Avatar: The Last Airbender. God I hate him.

3) Most Overrated Movie of the Year

The Curious Case of... do I even need to say anything else?

4) Most Shameful Movie of the Year

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, where Ben Stein equates evolution to the holocaust. Yes, the Nazis used evolutionary superiority as an excuse for the liquidation of other races, but that doesn't make evolution evil.

5) Most Ridiculous Performance of the Year

Jamie Foxx in full retard in the movie The Soloist.

Posted by: George at June 15, 2009 9:34 PM

Whoa, George, deep breath! I think you meant Kristen Stewart, not Kristen Bell - right? I mean, Twilight isn't good enough to be Kristen Bell's toilet paper, let alone something she'd be starring in!

Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 9:34 PM

Great. I rolled my eyes so hard, they fell out. Now I'm gonna need some of them fancy-schmancy audio-books.

Posted by: Janey at June 15, 2009 9:36 PM

1)Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a good way):
CGI Arnold Schwarzenegger being the best actor in Terminator: Salvation.

2)Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a painful way):
Terminator: Salvation

3)Most Overrated Movie of the Year:
Terminator: Salvation

4)Most Shameful Movie of the Year
Terminator: Salvation

5)Most Ridiculous Performance of the Year:
Christian Bale, Terminator: Salvation

Posted by: krza at June 15, 2009 10:11 PM

I'm currently 11 years removed from "teen" status, but I am going to vote for Twilight anyways. Screw you all and your hate for this rollicking, feel-good, thrill-ride of a tour de force.

Posted by: popejenn at June 15, 2009 10:11 PM

nominatees

Heh. Now I can't stop thinking of manatees....

So, the teens these days are watching Angels & Demons, are they? And Australia? Yes, I guess the teens always love sweeping historical epics set in other countries, don't they? What was I thinking...

Also, is it odd to anyone else that 4 of the five "Bromantic Comedy" nomanatees are rated R? And the fifth one doesn't actually fit that category at all? And The Hangover? And Observe & Report? Do the teens these days not have parents at all? Just curious.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 15, 2009 10:47 PM

Some categories:

1) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a good way)
2) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a painful way)
3) Most Overrated Movie of the Year
4) Most Shameful Movie of the Year
5) Most Ridiculous Performance of the Year

Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 8:44 PM

6. The best "fuck the rest of you, I liked it" film of the year to flush out the closet-Twilight/Paul Blart-watching Pajibans.

Posted by: RandyPanTheGoatboy at June 15, 2009 11:03 PM

Oh shit, sorry Melissa. And you, Kirsten Bell. Despite your performance in Heroes, you're still sex incarnate. I'd be hit by a car for a chance to meet someone like you.

Posted by: George at June 15, 2009 11:28 PM

Obsessed?! Malin Ackerman?!?! Dwayne Johnson in Race to Witch Mountain?!?!?!

Fuck my cockhole with a pipe cleaner and cleanse it with Drain-O!

Posted by: ChristianH at June 15, 2009 11:33 PM

ouch

*crosses legs around pecker like Jame Gumb*

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 11:40 PM

Fine, I'll participate in this:

1) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a good way)
When I watched In Bruges a second time and got all the symbolism and rule-of-three going on. Awesome.
2) Biggest Mindfuck of the Year (in a painful way)
The degeneration of proto-typical American youth, as evidenced by these nominations and those for the MTV Movie Awards.
3) Most Overrated Movie of the Year
Slumdog Millionaire. More than Benjamin Button. No question in my mind.
4) Most Shameful Movie of the Year
Twilight. Its mere existence shamed my generation.
5) Most Ridiculous Performance of the Year
How blandly cocky Kristin Stewart was at the MTV Movie Awards when she beating fucking KATE WINSLET for an acting award. She is not good enough to hold that woman's muff wig. In her mouth. Naked. With a...

...Sorry, lost track of myself there.

Posted by: ChristianH at June 15, 2009 11:42 PM

I'm mostly confused and aroused about the nominations for the Night at the Museum.

And ChristianH, that sounds incredibly painful, and I've heard that this cleaning method should only be used in case of an encounter with Lindsay Lohan. You know: emergencies only.

Posted by: popejenn at June 15, 2009 11:44 PM

If you're looking for someone like her, look no further, Georgie Boy. Pajiba is something like 85% female. It's really ridiculously skewed in our favor. And the best part is that they're all smart attractive and awesome. (I have this on good authority)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 16, 2009 1:08 AM

Wow... shouldn't a mainstream award show specifically for teens, aired on Fox, and hosted by the friggin' Jonas Brothers at least PRETEND that teens aren't watching R-Rated sex comedies and gorefests?

I'm not naive enough to think that teens aren't actually watching them, but this seems like a huge middle finger to the American parent. "You know all those 'adult' movies that are okay for grownups but not kids with their underdeveloped attitudes about sex and violence? And you know how you felt secure that only adults were watching them because of the R rating? Guess who we're marketing them to, suckers!"

Posted by: Wonkey the Monkey at June 16, 2009 9:23 AM

It's telling to me that these categories include movies released, like, four days ago. Because either teenagers are idiots with no memory, or adults think they are.

In related news, the "Tubey" awards voting is going on over at Television Without Pity, honoring the best and worst of the past year of TV. They forced me to choose between Alison and Joe Dubois and Eric and Tami Taylor for best married couple (or whatever), the unholy bastards. And between Eliza Dushku and Anna Paquin for least favorite actress, another nigh impossible decision.

Posted by: Todd at June 16, 2009 9:40 AM

Count this teen out of voting for any of these movies. You know the world is imbalanced when the words, "Best" and "Bride Wars" are used in the same sentence, or when Slumdog Millionaire receives less nominations than Twilight.

Or when we have an awards ceremony that assumes that all teens are brain dead and enjoy crappy movies. I kind of wish that I was able to nominate films for the Teen Choice Awards, it is however, 'Teen Choice' and besides, I doubt teens even got a say in what got nominated. Talk to a couple of the teens I know and you'd get an entirely different ballot of movies.

And whoa there George, fact check before you unleash an unintelligible mini rant about Kristen Bell and Sparkles. You do know that studies show that when one frequently swears in their speech that it signals that they have a low vocabulary.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at June 16, 2009 11:55 AM





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