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Easiest Way to Make Your Awards Irrelevant? Nominate Megan Fox

No: Not the Razzies. But Close. / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 1, 2009 | Comments (32)

The Spike TV Scream Awards were announced yesterday. For the unfamiliar, the Scream Awards are, essentially, awards no one gives a shit about that are announced during one of the slowest news weeks of the year, giving desperate movie bloggers something to post. Savvy fuckers. It’s either that or re-posting the Transylmania trailer.

Welcome to the Tuesday before Labor Day, folks. I could frost a cake with your eye glaze.

So, The Scream Awards celebrate the best in horror and sci-fi, by which I mean: Twilight, because even male-oriented television stations aren’t above cashing in on the titters of teenage girls (Real World Value: 2 Doubloons). It’s also the only movie awards that put Let the Right One In in the same category as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and Sam Raimi in the same category as Michael Bay, which is bit like having truffles and lime Jell-O. The noms are all over the place. Seriously: Megan Fox is nominated for best actress. The Spirit is nominated for best comic-book movie. What the fuck are they thinking? And if you really want to know how lame these awards are, look no further than the nominations for “Holy Shit! Scene of the Year,” which includes Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Yeah. Lame.

Here are the noms:

THE ULTIMATE SCREAM
-“Drag Me to Hell”
-“Let the Right One In”
-“Star Trek”
-“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
-“Up”

BEST FANTASY MOVIE
-“Coraline”
-“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”
-“Twilight”
-“Up”
-“Watchmen”
-“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

BEST HORROR MOVIE
-“Dead Snow”
-“Drag Me to Hell”
-“Friday the 13th”
-“Let the Right One In”
-“My Bloody Valentine 3D”
-“Splinter”

BEST SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE
-“Knowing”
-“Moon”
-“Outlander”
-“Star Trek”
-“Terminator Salvation”
-“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”

BEST ACTOR IN A FANTASY MOVIE OR TV SHOW
-Ed Asner; “Up”
-Hugh Jackman; “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”
-Robert Pattinson; “Twilight”
-Brad Pitt; “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
-Daniel Radcliffe; “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”
-Michael Sheen; “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”

BEST ACTOR IN A HORROR MOVIE OR TV SHOW
-Bruce Campbell; “My Name is Bruce”
-Michael C. Hall; “Dexter”
-Kåre Hedebrant; “Let the Right One In”
-Justin Long; “Drag Me to Hell”
-Ryan Kwanten; “True Blood”
-Stephen Moyer; “True Blood”

BEST ACTRESS IN A HORROR MOVIE OR TV SHOW
- Jennifer Carpenter; “Quarantine”
- Jaime King; “My Bloody Valentine 3D”
-Lina Leandersson; “Let the Right One In”
-Alison Lohman; “Drag Me to Hell”
-Anna Paquin; “True Blood”
-Monica Potter; “The Last House on the Left”

BEST ACTRESS IN A FANTASY MOVIE OR TV SHOW
-Scarlett Johansson; “The Spirit”
-Jaime King; “The Spirit”
-Rhona Mitra; “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”
-Kristen Stewart; “Twilight”
-Emma Watson; “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”

BEST COMIC BOOK
-Green Lantern
-Hack/Slash
-Kick-Ass
-Thor
-The Walking Dead
-Wolverine: Old Man Logan

BEST COMIC BOOK MOVIE
-“Dragonball Evolution”
-“Punisher: War Zone”
-“The Spirit”
-“Watchmen”

BEST DIRECTOR
-J.J. Abrams; “Star Trek”
-Tomas Alfredson; “Let the Right One In”
-Michael Bay; “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
-Duncan Jones; “Moon”
-Pete Doctor & Bob Peterson; “Up”
-Sam Raimi; “Drag Me to Hell”

BEST VILLAIN
-Eric Bana as Nero; “Star Trek”
-Cam Gigandet as James; “Twilight”
-Lorna Raver as Mrs. Ganush; :Drag Me to Hell”
-Liev Schrieber as Victor Creed/Sabretooth; “X-Men”
-Alexander Skarsgård as Eric Northman; “True Blood”

THE HOLY SHIT! SCENE OF THE YEAR
-The Death Eaters Attack London; “Harry Potter and thr Half-Blood Prince”
-The Destruction of Manhattan; “Watchmen”
-Space Dive onto Orbital Drill; “Star Trek”
-The Séance; “Drag Me to Hell”
-The Subway Crash; “Knowing”
-The Swimming Pool Scene; “Let the Right One In”

MOST MEMORABLE MUTILATION
-The Arm Removal Surgery; “Splinter”
-Arms Cut Off by Rotary Saw; “Watchmen”
-The Eyeball Cake; “Drag Me to Hell”
-Head Ripped Apart by Nazi Zombies; “Dead Snow”
-The Pendulum; “Saw V”
-The Swimming Pool Scene; “Let the Right One In”

BEST ACTOR IN A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE OR TV SHOW
-Nicolas Cage; “Knowing”
-Josh Holloway; “Lost”
-Shia LaBeouf; “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
-Chris Pine; “Star Trek”
-Zachary Quinto; “Star Trek”
-Sam Rockwell; “Moon”

BEST ACTRESS IN A SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE OR TV SHOW
-Moon Bloodgood; “Terminator Salvation”
-Eliza Dushku; “Dollhouse”
-Megan Fox; “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
-Lena Headey; “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”
-Katee Sackhoff; “Battlestar Galactica”
-Zoe Saldana; “Star Trek”


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Comments

wow...first time i've ever seen this site stunned in to silence. come on...let loose with the wrath already...

Posted by: Cadence at September 1, 2009 10:54 AM

Pure crap.

Everyone knows the Saturns are where it's at. And even that's becoming too commercial. Just pay attention to the reviews at Sitges and any horror that gets a slot at Cannes and you'll know the real winners.

Posted by: Robert at September 1, 2009 11:04 AM

That picture of M.Fox is... so trashy and skanky.

/captain obvious

Posted by: jessica at September 1, 2009 11:05 AM

Shock'll do that to you. This goes beyond wrath. This kind of thing just shuts down your whole nervous system. It's a defense mechanism, your body tries to protect its vital organs and anything but getting oxygen to those vital organs is seen as extraneous.

How can you whip up anger over this? It's like being angry because your mom made you a birthday cake out of liver and rusty nails, and is looking at you and all your friends with a big grin on her face, because she knows how happy you'll be to get it? It's too bizarre, too incongruous with reality to exist, and yet it does.

Posted by: Wednesday at September 1, 2009 11:05 AM

True Blood is a horror tv show? I think not. But if it was, the lack of a nomination for Alex Skarsgård is just wrong - and the nomination of Anna Paquin is just wronger.

Posted by: Cindy at September 1, 2009 11:09 AM

I'm surprised you didn't go into an epileptic fit over the inclusion of Eliza Dushku for best TV actress. Maybe you didn't make it that far down in the list.

I loves me some Joss Whedon, and I got some enjoyment out of Dollhouse, but an actress Eliza Dushku ain't.

Posted by: MM at September 1, 2009 11:10 AM

Alex Skarsgård is in the villains nominations Cindy.

I know the whole things a load of bollocks, but how on earth did Jamie King get a nomination for The Spirit?

King is in the film for about all of 2 minutes, and even then its simply just soft focus close-ups of her whispering sweet-nothings!! At least that twat Megan Fox is actually featured throughout the film she's nominated for.

Posted by: hh at September 1, 2009 11:18 AM

If Sam Rockwell doesn't win for Moon, then I'll start thinking less of the Scream Awards. I think it's starting to lose a touch of its credibility, and I, for one, am deeply worried.

I think I could use a shower, get all of this sarcasm off me.

Except Rockwell really should win.

Posted by: chayes at September 1, 2009 11:26 AM

It's Spike. The only good thing to come out of Spike was an episode of a show somewhat like Wide World of Spike, where three guys watched goofy stuff on the intarwebs and then imitated it, that featured a game they called "Tazer Tag" (which I doubt anyone remembers but me). Oh, and MXC.

It's the "Oxygen" network for men - stereotypes, ahoy.

Posted by: attack_laurel at September 1, 2009 11:52 AM

Eliza Dushku? So instead of nominating say ... Summer Glau who plays a robot... they just go ahead and nominate an actual one.

I'm surprised at the inclusion of Let The Right One In. I didn't realize it was that well known... to these Scream people. Whoever they are.

Ah fuck this shit anyway. I'm going to go lift heavy objects repeatedly.

Posted by: TSF at September 1, 2009 12:03 PM

I'm surprised you didn't go into an epileptic fit over the inclusion of Eliza Dushku for best TV actress.

I, for one, chose to ignore that information.

hh I saw that, but how could he be omitted in the best actor category? The man makes my everything tingle, for crying out loud. That's acting, right?

Posted by: Cindy at September 1, 2009 12:18 PM

Megan Fox is so hot and sexy, if only all women were just like her.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 1, 2009 1:04 PM

"...and the nomination of Anna Paquin is just wronger."

Posted by: Cindy at September 1, 2009 11:09 AM

Wronger indeed, Cindy

Posted by: ashes at September 1, 2009 1:19 PM

An open letter to Ms. Fox:

Dear Ms. Fox,

You're pretty, you come across as kind of dumb and you can't act. Trust me - most guys find you extremely attractive. You do not need to pose for pictures fellating a cherry. Most men already assume you give good blow jobs; there's no need to torture the poor cherry in such a manner.

Also, if you must insist on having your picture taken while sucking on fruit so as to increase your appeal to men (and possibly some women, I'm not judging here), might I suggest you pick a larger fruit? A plum perhaps or maybe an apple? Because anyone can stick a cherry between their rather large lips while staring seductively into a lens. But it takes true talent to do that with an apple.

Warmest regards,

Posted by: Kelly at September 1, 2009 1:31 PM

So, the "actress" categories are based on Maxim magazine spreads with actressin' deciding the ties. It may not be a good, standard, but it is a standard of a sort.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 1, 2009 1:54 PM

How the fuck is Twilight a fantasy movie? THOSE FUCKERS AREN'T EVEN VAMPIRES.

Argh.

Posted by: figgy at September 1, 2009 2:24 PM

X-men is bloody science fiction, you shit-for-brains wankers! They can't even get that right. I'm not even sure what to say to that list of "nominees". Now, this is just an idea, but...couldn't we, uhm, hunt down the people who make these things and...well, not exactly kill them, but maim them? Just a little?

Posted by: Joker at September 1, 2009 2:31 PM

Sorry, but I couldn't make it through the list... The nauseating odor of Axe Body Spray was making me seriously consider buying an Ed Hardy shirt.

Posted by: Skitz at September 1, 2009 2:38 PM

Alexander Skarsgård makes me warm in the nethers. Though "villain" seems like a bit of an exaggeration. My heart may race when he comes onscreen, but I can't say it's because of fear.

...maybe I'll go rewatch a few scenes, just to be sure.

Posted by: sillytwoshoes at September 1, 2009 2:42 PM

I've said it before, I'll say it again: Anna Paquin being nominated for Best ANYTHING for her "acting" on True Blood instantly invalidates the awards themselves. So it really doesn't matter that Watchmen is nominated, against all reason, for Best Fantasy Movie. Because these awards? Don't mean anything.

Posted by: Todd at September 1, 2009 2:57 PM

The Spike TV Scream Awards are what happens when Teen Choice Award voters turn twenty and aren't immediately terminated.

Posted by: jM at September 1, 2009 3:25 PM

"The Swimming Pool Scene; “Let the Right One In”"

A thousand times yes.

Posted by: Mick J at September 1, 2009 4:27 PM

I know that I may have to turn in my boob seeking gene for this, and replace it with a dick loving gene, but Megan Fox isn't sexy. I wouldn't even call her the poor man's Angelina Jolie, she's the starving destitute's Angelina Jolie. The only thing's she's ever done are those fucking Transformers movies, and she has a permanent porn face that I don't even want to know how it got there. Hell, she's like if someone randomly cut and pasted sex icon leftover pieces together, with no regard on how it would fit together.

Why is she the sex icon when you could fantasize about the much sexier Christina Hendrix in the same era?

Posted by: George at September 1, 2009 6:06 PM

Kelly, my fellow Canadienne, this is the second time today I've come across your comments in a thread, and laughed out loud. Chickie, you are awesome. I just wanted to say that. If we ever cross paths, I am going to buy you the double-est of doubles at Timmy's!

Posted by: meaux at September 1, 2009 6:37 PM

WOAH... woah... woah... you're telling me that someone on this planet is actually called Moon Bloodgood? How did I miss this?

Posted by: Seraf at September 1, 2009 8:54 PM

You stopped me cold at THE ULTIMATE SCREAM:

"Up"?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at September 1, 2009 9:22 PM

Ignore tha haters, Megan, they're just jealous. You're the hotness, babe, you're the ... you ... gorram, you look like a fucking idiot in that photo.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at September 1, 2009 9:51 PM

Kelly, my fellow Canadienne, this is the second time today I've come across your comments in a thread, and laughed out loud. Chickie, you are awesome. I just wanted to say that. If we ever cross paths, I am going to buy you the double-est of doubles at Timmy's!

Aww Meaux, you have discovered my secret passion for Timmy's... promises of a double from the holiest of donut shops will garner you multiple marriage proposals and promises of happily ever afters in our frozen igloo of love. Tread carefully my lovely, tread carefully. :)

Posted by: Kelly at September 1, 2009 10:24 PM

Anyone who thinks Megan Fox comes across as dumb has ever seen her interviewed. She comes across as very smart with a dry sense of humour that the majority of people don't get. Also, she is sexy. Mainly because she seems smart. Also, just look at her.

Posted by: ben at September 2, 2009 12:51 AM

Dragonball Evolution??? Really? That qualifies as a 'best' in anything besides 'best way to shit up an interesting concept'?

Posted by: Four Eyes at September 2, 2009 5:08 AM

Wait - Dexter is a horror show? Bollocks to that.
I suppose they forgot to include a category for 'black comedy'. Too subtle for Spike TV, I guess.

Posted by: Tarn at September 2, 2009 12:17 PM

Megan Fox just self-diagnosed herself as schizophrenic, based on reading a biography of Marilyn Munroe. Anyone who thinks that she's not genuinely a total fucking moron should bear that in mind.

Posted by: embertine at September 3, 2009 5:53 AM