Pajiba

Congrats to Slumdogs,
Congrats to Heath, wherever his soul is.
Bill Maher, you are a tool, seriously, your "doc" was crap, and your plugs were crap.
Sean Penn, you are right sir, Your Hollywood friends are homo loving commies.
We have it now on record.

Unless and until Mickey Rourke begins spit-roasting live kittens in the middle of I-95 during rush hour, he will never be as insufferable as Sean Penn. If was being waterboarded by ruthless al Queda operatives who wanted to murder my wife and child while raping me with a claw hammer, I'd say, "Well, this sucks, but at least that self-righteous assclown Sean Penn isn't here."

But did you scoo-ooo-ooore, Mr Creosote?

I found the best way to watch the show is to record it on the DVR and start watching at about an hour and fifteen minutes to an hour and a half into the show. You can skip all the commercials. You can skip anything that looks long and boring (e.g., the Beyonce number) or any speeches that ramble. It makes for a pleasant evening.

Amen, Forbiddendounut, if it weren't for the miracle of the DVR, last night I would have had to sit through Zack Effron's presentation last night after giving my good time to all of the Best Picture nominees, I'm looking at you Benjamin Button.

With the awards over, I now no longer have such a hatred for Button. It wasn't a bad film, but a best picture nomination, come the fuck on! Larry the Cable Guy has starred in a better movie (I'm cheating, because that better movie is Cars.) Besides, who's ever going to sit through that a second time? Nobody! Why the hell did you gain critical acclaim.

Begin backlash for my previous positions... now.

I confess to an undying love for Grease 2. Rock-a-hula Luau? That is some amazing shit right there. Anyhoo... That was insufferably long and boring. Rourke, Efron, and Brody are all begging for a Silkwood.

Sorry, didn't watch because I already knew all the winners. Sean Penn won for playing a gay historical figure who dies in the end? Shocking. The Oscars are always a Hollywood circle-jerk, and my time was better spent watching Battlestar Galactica on DVD.

Is it just me, or was Adrian Brody starting to look like Screech from Saved by the Bell?

And isn't this an inordinate number of semi-rhetorical questions being posted in a row?

If you were bored you must've been sober.

I was pleasantly surprised this year actually. It was a bad year for movies, but the show this year was actually pretty good. It was, for what may have been the first time, actually humorous when it was supposed to be. Why, in a bad year for movies, did they have a good show? I'll never get that.

Bill Maher can go suck a goat. What a sore loser, boo hoo, his "documentary" didn't get nominated... why, cuz it SUCKED, you rubber suit wearing asswipe.
Get back on HBO where you belong.

Hooray for Man on Wire, I just caught that on Netflix last week, so it was nice to see it win. Also, if there is anyone out there who has yet to see STREET FIGHT (a contender for Best Doc from a few years ago), check it out. It was crazy good. And plenty scary.

And wee!! I won the office pool! I only guessed wrong on 4 of the eventual winners so I gets me a $20 gift card to the 'Mo. Guess me and Mr Stella have some movies and beer in our future!

Sure! Now all you motherfuckers are starting in on the "Bill Maher and his Shitty Documentary" hate. Where were you when I was getting shit on for ragging on him? Where were you then, you FUCKING COWARDS! I HATE YOU! (kicking at hands) GET OFF! GET OFF MY FUCKING BANDWAGON! YOU WALK! WALK! WAAAAAAALLLLLKKKK!!!

I've meant to ask: what was so bad about last year's movies?

I'll get over myself as soon as those actor-types get over themselves...

Yeah, I thought so.

Fuck the Oscars.

Truth: Zac Efron handled himself better than the Pineapple Express guys.

I think Jerry Lewis gave the speech of the night. So classy, well-spoken, and powerful in brevity.

I was most excited by The Duchess winning costumes, until the costume designer revealed himself as the biggest douche in the universe, bitching the music wasn't from The Duchess. I said it while Twittering, but it bares repeating: there's a reason The Duchess was not nominated for Best Original Score. He should be glad he didn't have to dance down the aisle to Slumdog.

I don't mind Bill Maher as much as some other people, but placing him immediately after the Best Supporting Actor award was a mistake. Having him follow the sobering moment with Heath's family was a mistake of obnoxious proportions. They should have cut to commercial at that point.

Thank goodness Man On Wire and Petit's improv (and shout-out to Werner Herzog) salvaged the mood shortly thereafter.

And - nothing against Queen Latifah, because I think she performed admirably - but that "In Memoriam" segment, which I usually treasure, was a tacky disaster on television. I suspect it worked in the theater with the multiple screens of tribute, but whoever was choosing the camera angles for the viewers at home had no clue what to do. There should have been absolutely ZERO focus on the singer and 100 percent focus on those being remembered.

Yay Kate! Yay Penelope! Yay Man on Wire! Yay for The Curious Case of the Old Wrinkled Baby getting nearly shut out! What a joke. I still cannot believe it was nominated 13 times. *Remembers Gangs of New York* Okay, yes I can believe it. Well, Pitt can try again next year with The Curious Case of Trying to Make Us Feel Sorry for the Nazis.

Generally, I'm satisfied. Although I could have done without Zac Pretty Boy Efron, Vanessa Whatserface, and Beyonce.

Oh, I was rooting for Rourke so I was a little disappointed about that. Mostly because his dog just died and Penn pisses me off whenever he acts like some sort of humanitarian.

Sophia Loren is about 75 and was one of the hottest ladies to ever step foot on this planet. She can look however she wants now.

I found myself repeating, "Bah, it's Slumdog" throughout the whole night. While it was a good movie, it wasn't the Best Picture of the year.(That would be Milk. I'm straight and even I was moved by it.) Yet everytime it won an award, I'd say "Bah, it's Slumdog." instead of seething in rage.

It was nice to see it rewarded, even if it was rewarded a little much. (Best Editing? That slo mo shit was annoying at times. Best Score? Wrong again.) I was also glad to see Danny Boyle win a much deserve Best Director Oscar. (His Tigger dance was quite good.)

One final note, and this is probably going to make me a Pariah amongst some of you, I think Benjamin Button will live on as a classic in the future. Yes, it shares an assload of similarities to Forrest Gump, but it was still a decent film.

My feelings last night:

-Tina Fey and Steve Martin made me cackle. "That man is now dead." Heeeeee.
-Hugh Jackman made me cringe. He tried so hard, and he's so charismatic, but I really missed the funny.
-Dustin Lance Black made me weep.
-Watching the Pixar short Presto was five of my favorite minutes last year, so I was sad that it lost.
-So happy that Kate Winslet has an Oscar, but I wish it was for Eternal Sunshine.
-The In Memoriam montage was mangled so badly that I felt embarrassed watching it.
-James Franco will father my babies, so help me god, I don't care if I have to chase him down with a bottle of ether and a turkey baster.
-The cutaway to Jolie and Pitt while Aniston was on stage was so fucking tacky that I threatened to throw my wine glass at the tv.
-Freida Pinto might have the prettiest face on the planet.
-Penelope Cruz forever earned my love by thanking Almodovar.
-Robert Downey Jr. out handsomed everyone. The force of his good-lookingosity was strong enough to punch a hole into this world and take your daughter. /Poltergeist

IT was a veritable Slumdog sweep. That BENJAMIN's BUTTON SHIT didn't get SHIT! It's funny, the only movies I've seen that won awards was Benjamin Button and Man on Wire. I'll have to check out Slumdog...obviously they want more people to see it if it won so many awards. I wanted Rourke to win best actor...I actually think that Penn is more insufferable than Rourke. Penn has been an on top actor for years now, this was Rourke's breakout performance and he hasn't been on the map in decades. I guess they are more impressed with an actor known for his attitude and douchebaggery who can make a turn as a affably sweet gay SF politician than a down and out actor who is given a second chance by a top notch director.

No, branded. That was Napoleon Dynamite.

My apologies for the incorrect useage of the term "self aggrandizing handjobs" Che Grovera. You have indeed pointed out the flaw in my argument. However I would contend that the major portion of Hollywood does, indeed, thoroughly enjoy jerking each other off.

That, and "self aggrandizing mutual masturbation," just doesn't have the same ring to it.

I found the music distracting, why was there constant music whenever Jackman and/or presentors were speaking? I was also unimpressed with the In Memorium portion which usually gets me all weepy, this year, the singing detracted from the tribute. But overall, it wasn't a bad awards show, at least they still present awards, unlike the Grammys.

I also enjoyed Benjamin Button. Because of the hate I read here, I had low expectations going in so I quite enjoyed the movie - I was surprised it was nominated as best picture though I wouldn't go that far.

I was disappointed that Mickey Rourke didn't win for best actor, The Westler was a great film. Admittedly I didn't see Milk but it felt like they had to have some surprise winners so let's screw Mickey, or it could have been the Academy was rethinking the 'full retard' non-win for I Am Sam and wanted to reward Penn now. Maybe Tropic Thunder was more far-reaching than we know.

Sean Penn is less insufferable than ANYBODY? I call shenanigans, sir. I also was really looking forward to seeing Rourke bring the crazy.

And seconded to everything Julie said. I think the hotness of Downey Jr. actually did punch a hole in something, but I think it was my pants.

Also I didn't have a problem with Jackman, except for him not even removing his shirt once. What is that nonsense all about??

Sure! Now all you motherfuckers are starting in on the "Bill Maher and his Shitty Documentary" hate. Where were you when I was getting shit on for ragging on him?

*waves hand*

You don't need to see our identification. We aren't the reasonable and logical commenters you're looking for, Prisco.

makes her thighs look huge

I thought the word was "bodacious"

Man, my speeling sucks today. "Teh". Rookie.

"And - nothing against Queen Latifah, because I think she performed admirably - but that "In Memoriam" segment, which I usually treasure, was a tacky disaster on television."

Amen, Darth. I always watch the dead people montage, and I felt it was disrespectful when I could read some names but not others. Shouldn't all the industry folk, actors or tech gods alike, get equal time in that moment?

I still love Adrien Brody, even if he did look like the worst parts of 'The Pianist'. I half expected him to come out carrying a can of watermelon.

Also, my grandmother is cooler than Bill Maher. Like it's hard.

I remember Rourke was in Sin City, that movie was the shit! It kicked ass!

Sean Penn is slightly less insufferable than Mickey Rourke? Wow, Dustin, way to set the bar high. I'm happy for "Slumdog", but for the second year in a row, an overall crop of crap for Best Picture.

Does anyone else want to see Bill Maher and Dennis Miller fight to the death? Then we'd be down at least one egotistical blowhard and I'm sure it would be entertaining as all hell to watch.

I agree with everyone who thought the camera angles sucked during the memorial segment. Does anyone else also feel like the applause from the audience is super fucking tacky? I mean, some of the deceased get barely a clap while others get what sounds like a standing ovation from 98% of the people in the room. I understand it to an extent, but still. Fucking tacky.

General thoughts:
Can't argue with too many winners, although it was unfortunate the Academy lapsed into it's "pile awards onto one film" habit. Slumdog was great, but not 8 awards great.

Liked Wolvie, though it would have been nice if he played the non-musical parts straight. Sing and dance by all means, but leave the celebrity roasting to a comedian. Much as I admire you, you are one of the former, not one of the latter.

While it didn't wholly succeed, I appreciated the attempt to drop the leaden pretentiousness of past years

Baz Luhrman's show tune mash up was a cacophonous mess, something he now seems to specialize in.

As nice as Kevin Kline's words about Heath were, I would rather have seen one last clip of his work by way of goodbye.

I caught the delayed Australian tv broadcast here and I think the doco segment got cut from the coverage. By the sounds of it, I'm glad.

I didn't mind Queenie, but agree with just about everyone that the In Memoriam segment was fucked up by the floating camera. Maybe they were playing to the High Definition crowd, but my stone age SD tv struggled.

No problem with Penn winning over Rourke. Great as Mickey was, maybe the voters thought Penn had to travel further from himself to become his character (how much of Rourke's success helped by the parallel with his personal journey?)

Hollywood no longer celebrates Hollywood film. The Oscars are caught between recognising scale- which Hollywood does in abundance- and maintaining the illusion of quality- which Hollywood rarely seems to produce any more. Look at the forthcoming film roster: comic book adaptations, pointless reboots of past glories (the next 3-5 year fad) or remakes of overseas hits. If a US film is going to sweep next year, it will have to come from somewhere else and do some serious business first. What are the chances of that?

For the Maher anti-fans (don't watch the guy so I am neither here nor there), some interesting comments from biology professor, science blogger and atheism enthusiast PZ Myers on Maher's film and why he shouldn't be whining:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/02/desperate_space_filler_oscars.php

"Maher cheated. He had a clear idea of what his opinion was, but he wasn't sharing it with the people he was interviewing. They were left to flounder and make poor arguments in part because there are no good arguments for religion, but also because they were left in the dark about what they were arguing against. It may be funny, but it's no fair; contrast that with the Dawkins' documentaries on religion, which are less funny, but more honest, because the people on camera know (or should know) exactly what they are wrestling with.

A better Religulous would have recorded the closing monolog first, and sent that to each of the potential interviewees with a note saying, "Here's my position. Are you willing to argue against it on camera?" That would have made for a much more interesting movie, and Maher would have had to break a sweat to address criticisms...and it would probably be less funny. There's a reason Maher wasn't nominated for an Oscar, and I think it's because his documentary took no risks, and didn't probe very deeply.

Did anyone catch that Beyonce was the only one in that musical number that was lip synching? I mean...even the high school musical kids sang live. Weak sauce man....weak sauce.

sean penn invented the word insufferable. the only individual in the 4 hour show who came close isn't mickey rourke but bill maher. how about a round table discussion on how to " save the world " among penn, maher and keith olbermann?
finally a mention of alan arkin and his rearrangement of philip seymour hoffman's name.thank you.

Maybe it's just my cynicism, but I felt that some of the celebrities tried a bit too hard to make their faces express sadness during Heath's family's acceptance speech. Sure, it's a somber moment and I'm fine with that, but something about a few of the expressions (Kate Winslet's comes to mind) felt too forced. Like, "Oh, I better look REALLY sad now in case the camera pans to me and I don't look appropriately agreived". I don't know why - it just bugged me...