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February 19, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | February 19, 2009 |

Some jackass with a blog (apparently, anyone can have one these days) apparently got his hands on the list of Oscar winners, or else he decided to completely fabricate a list of Oscar winners and pass it off as a joke. I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. One of the biggest problems with the Academy Awards, besides the fact that they are a goddamn sham, is that they are also the last awards show of the season. So, by the time the end of February rolls around, and the winners are given their little award trinkets, you’ve already seen most of them give the same motherfucking speech seven times. Seriously: We all know Mickey Rourke is going to win. And no: We don’t want to hear about his fucking dogs again. Please go away, Mickey. The awards-show circuit has singlehandedly overexposed you.

Whatever: In a way, I suppose, it’s good that The Dark Knight wasn’t nominated — it hasn’t gotten another round of overexposure, like Slumdog Millionaire has. Great movie. Tired of hearing about it. I hope this list of supposed winners is wrong, and that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button racks up a lot of awards, so that the Academy can finally be exposed for what they are. Frauds. Shameless dicksuckies trying to find a way to give Brad and Angelina a new baby instead of a trophy this year. But then again, they didn’t shut down the whole production after Crash won, so apparently people are going to continue to give a shit about them. We live in a Paul Blart world, people. Just eat your jelly donuts and shut the fuck up.

And speaking of giving a shit: We’ll have another open thread on Sunday, so that you can all mock the proceedings. In the meantime, here are those supposed Oscar winners. Unless Richard Jenkins slips in, there is hardly a configuration of winners that the Academy could create that could be seen as a surprise, so who the fuck knows? Maybe we’ll get lucky’ maybe it’ll be like the Super Bowl. Two bland teams duking it out somehow made for one of the best games in Super Bowl history. Here’s hoping Robert Downey, Jr. cold cocks Anne Hathaway and Ledger rises from the dead just long enough to tell Sean Penn to get over himself.

Actor in a leading role: Mickey Rourke
Actor in a supporting role: Heath Ledger
Actress in a leading role: Kate Winslet
Actress in a supporting role: Amy Adams
Animated Feature Film: Wall-E
Art Direction: The Dark Knight
Cinematography: Slumdog Millionaire
Costume Design: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Directing: Slumdog Millionaire
Documentary feature: Man on Wire
Documentary short: The Conscience of Nhem En
Film editing: Milk
Foreign language film: Departures
Makeup: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Music (Score): Defiance
Music (Song): Down to Earth (Wall-E)
Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Short film (animated): Presto
Short film (live action): Auf Der Strecke (On The Line)
Sound editing: Wall-E
Sound mixing: The Dark Knight
Visual effects: Iron Man
Writing (Adapted screenplay): The Reader
Writing (Original screenplay): In Bruges

The 2009 Academy Award Winners

Or Not. Does It Matter, Really? / Dustin Rowles

Industry | February 19, 2009 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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