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January 8, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | January 8, 2009 |

I used to own a dog, a beagle — hyperactive as hell, serious thyroid problem, destroyed everything — and his name was Nemo. Most folks thought I named him after the captain in 20,000 Leagues under the Sea, but I’d never seen it or read it. The dog was actually named after one of the best goddamn books I ever read as a kid — Robert McCammon’s Boy’s Life (anyone else — what happened to McCammon?). Anyway, that’s my lousy way of introducing this item: McG (We Are Marshall, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, Waste of Carbon) has signed to direct a theatrical version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: Captain Nemo, a remake/Nemo origins story, focusing on Nemo has he creates the Nautilus. The movie previously had Sam Raimi exploring the idea of directing it. The original 1954 movie, starring Kirk Douglas, apparently won three Oscars and made scads of money, though it’s most often remembered for the giant squid scene.

I don’t have much of an opinion to offer, except here’s an idea: Instead of a giant squid, perhaps we can convince McG to use a giant Godtopus.

And while we’re on the subject of adapting famous tales, D.J. Caruso is now attached to Jack the Giant Killer, an adult take on the “Jack and the Beanstalk” legend. The concept is kind of lousy, but here it is all the same, via Variety: “When a princess is kidnapped, a long-standing peace between men and giants becomes threatened, and a young farmer is given an opportunity to lead a dangerous expedition to the giant kingdom to rescue her.”

Doesn’t sound particularly adult to me. I like D.J. Caruso (Disturbia), Eagle Eye notwithstanding, but why do I get the feeling this is gonna be some weird, 300 version of Jack and the Beanstalk, although it does come from one of the writers of “Lost.” Oddly enough, I often chase lil Pajiba around while chanting the first two lines from the Giant’s refrain: ” Fee! Fie! Foe! Fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman” He gets a huge kick out of it. I’d never realized that the two subsequent lines are, “Be he ‘live, or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.” I think I’ll go back to not remembering those lines, lest I traumatize the poor kid.

Those weren’t very interesting stories, so here’s an awesome trailer (slightly NSFW) to make amends — this is how all mornings should begin:

I Smell the Blood of ... Nemo / Dustin Rowles

Industry | January 8, 2009 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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