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I Think I Know Why We Give a Sh*t About Charlie Sheen

By Guest Contributor Christopher Farnsworth (Author of Blood Oath and The President's Vampire) | Posted Under Think Pieces | Comments (23)

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My daughter and I were watching YouTube. She’s been on a singing and dancing kick lately and after an embarrassing incident looking for ballet videos - “Bikini Ballet” delivers exactly what it promises - I thought she might like some clips from “Kids Inc.”

I remembered it was about a group of kids who run their own soda shop/dance club after school. (As Wikipedia says, “the show did not aim for strict realism.”) I figured it had to be fairly toddler-friendly since it was from the early 80s, before tween girls regularly used stripper poles in their acts. But as my little girl danced to adolescent covers of “Neverending Story” and “Goonies,” I got choked up. Not because she’s so freaking adorable (she is) but because I remembered with perfect clarity what it was like to be 13 years old watching the premiere of this show that I never even liked that much.

And that’s when I figured out why anyone gives a good goddamn about Charlie Sheen.

It’s not just fat chicks and date-rape fans, no matter what Andrea Peyser says. Like you, I’ve been following Sheen’s catastrophic failure as human being and viable business model. I’ve been pretending to be above it all even as I’ve sucked down the delicious cocktail of schadenfreude and moral superiority.

But it keeps nagging at me in the back of my skull: why the hell do I care about this drugged-out wife-beater?

The answer goes back to all of my seminal experiences — most of which involved either a TV or a movie screen.

Sometimes I think of Generation X as the test subject of a wildly unethical experiment, sort of like the people dosed with LSD by the CIA. The people behind MTV, the Brat Pack and Nickelodeon were all just learning how to screw with our heads, and though they may have had the very best of intentions, they were pumping out stuff that could seriously mess up a young mind.

There’s evidence we’re wired to treat stories just as seriously as reality. Whether that’s to blame or not, there are a lot of people out there — myself included — who have had fuller, richer and more meaningful experiences with what’s on TV than what’s in their real lives.

We developed irony as a defense, but it’s a garbage-can lid against armor-piercing bullets. TV goes right past the intellect and burns its way into a deeper part of our brains. McLuhan underestimated the power of media by a few orders of magnitude. The medium isn’t just the message: media is our life now.

So when Sheen said, “I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t just perfect and just winning every second,” he was speaking into those neurons holding the delusion he made out with Jeannie Bueller and fought in Viet Nam and is best friends with John Malkovich and lives in Malibu where he has lots of sex and drugs with an endless parade of disposable balloon-breasted women. Since adolescence (both mine and his), Charlie Sheen has been a citizen of a dreamworld where success means Ryan Reynolds screwing Scarlett Johansson on a pile of money every night.

In every way, our real lives fall short of that world.

It doesn’t matter that Elvis died on a toilet and Michael Jackson overdosed. We’re still watching TMZ for glimpses of low-rez cell-phone video. People line up for days to get a chance to play the most crapulent versions of themselves on reality TV.

That’s why the audiences turn on Sheen so quickly when he’s boring or incoherent or exhausted. They didn’t pay to see reality. They paid to see someone who would tell them the dream is reality.

We’ve all got something invested in that image of him. If Charlie’s not having a good time, that means someone has been fucking lying to us for most of our lives.

Now the lie is wearing his skin as a suit. And from all visible evidence, it’s killing him.

The Charlie Sheen Show is a test of how much metaphor a human being can tolerate before reaching a fatal dose, and we’ve got front-row seats.

Christopher Farnsworth spends most of his time figuring out new and better ways to kill monsters and bad guys. His new novel, THE PRESIDENT’S VAMPIRE, will be available April 28 at bookstores everywhere.

See Also: Steven Lloyd Wilson’s interview with Christopher Farnsworth









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Comments

Yeah, well Sheen overplayed his hand when he abused the dogs, now he can choke on a cock for all I care.

PS: I just bought Blood Oath on Kindle, I better not regret it, dude.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 21, 2011 12:11 PM

Now the lie is wearing his skin as a suit. And from all visible evidence, it’s killing him.

*sniff*

You're a Spider-Man fan, aren't you?

Whatever. Great article, sir. Very keen insight.

Posted by: superasente at April 21, 2011 12:13 PM

"the delicious cocktail of schadenfreude and moral superiority."


Give us this day my daily bread, baby.

My daily bread....

Posted by: klingonfree at April 21, 2011 12:15 PM

Don't underestimate schadenfreude and moral superiority. It's how I get through my day as a serf.

God I wish I drank.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 21, 2011 12:39 PM

I'll own up to being shallow, and then wish he'd get his teeth repaired. Just be yourself, Sheen, but authenticity doesn't guarantee a bunch of "me likees".

Posted by: DenG at April 21, 2011 12:45 PM

We’ve all got something invested in that image of him. If Charlie’s not having a good time, that means someone has been fucking lying to us for most of our lives.

"You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you. You dress like the tube. You eat like the tube. You raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube. This is mass madness -- you maniacs! In God's name you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion."

Great article. Especially your ending comments.

Posted by: twig at April 21, 2011 12:50 PM

I was all over the Sheen thing when it started. It was like Christmas for me. I hate that smug douche and his shit sitcom. I loved watching him have a meltdown live. After a week I "unfollowed" on Twitter and started ignoring everything about him. It just became too sad. Instead of just having a nervous breakdown liek a normal person he goes on tour. I really don't think the world would be worse off if we made it policy to pump VX nerve gas into those venues to remove from the gene pool anyone who would pay to listen to that twat waffle.

Between this and the royal wedding dominating the news, I'm not entirely certain which one I give less of a shit about.

Interesting - and likely true - theory though.

Posted by: TylerDFC at April 21, 2011 12:59 PM

I'd never had any reason to like, dislike or think of Sheen until the recent fiasco. I've never seen his tv show, and his name to me would mean 'actor from the 80's'.

all this recent stuff though, left me feeling dirty, and feeling like the entire world is ghoulish, because he seemed so very out of it and so emaciated. i just kept feeling this guy needs to be in a hospital, but we're all just throwing nickels and laughing so he'll keep doing his St. Vitus dance.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 21, 2011 1:20 PM

Read Bret Easton Ellis article about Sheen, it is much more thoughtful and smart. (I hope to read a book about it one day).
Charlie Sheen recent extravaganza tells more about us and our relationship to fame and medias than what has been ever said before (well there was also Guy Debord with "Society of the Spectacle" and some of Walter Benjamin work to a certain extend).
Moreover by himself Charlie Sheen is a very interesting character, product of our society and yeah also a charismatic, smart and funny actor.
People who have just judgement, moral superiority complex or some shadenfreude pleasure miss really something, of course it is their problems, i just state the facts.

Posted by: Juliet at April 21, 2011 2:00 PM

Barbardos -- I'm glad to hear this article has worked in selling at least one book. If you hate Blood Oath and feel cheated, email me. I will reimburse you.

Superasente -- Why yes, I am a Spider-Fan. Thanks.

Everyone else -- thanks for reading.

Posted by: Christopher Farnsworth at April 21, 2011 2:51 PM

I'll just say, Yes.

Oh, except to Juliet: "I just state the facts" is the kind of thing pretentious douchenuggets say. Hey, don't get offended, I just state the facts.

...

See?

Posted by: RobP at April 21, 2011 3:04 PM

Mr. Farnsworth >> Thanks - I enjoyed reading this. Come hang out with us on Pajiba more often!

Posted by: C. Robert Dimitri at April 21, 2011 3:18 PM

"If Charlie’s not having a good time, that means someone has been fucking lying to us for most of our lives."

Someone has been fucking lying to us all out lives-that is the lesson I think most of the Gen X generation has lived to learn, and that is why entertainment "becomes" reality- nobody knows what the faulk to believe anymore, so why not believe what you want?

Sure it gets circular quickly, so I'll quit before it gets messy. Hopefully you get my point.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at April 21, 2011 3:33 PM

Damn fine article. Our obsession with the infamous has taken some trange turns through this last decade, it's always good to see people really taking a look at it.

Posted by: Blank at April 21, 2011 4:03 PM

Eh, not really. I mean, I'm sure lots of people's experience of TV is reality to them, but smart people know TV and movies aren't reality. Even the news isn't really real anymore.

And I don't care about Charlie Sheen now and didn't hate him (and thus care about him) before. He was always just Charlie Sheen to me. No more real or unreal than any other celebrity.

I do have a new respect for Jon Cryer.

Posted by: Slash at April 21, 2011 4:25 PM

First off, Mr. Farnsworth, loved your book. I've pre-ordered The President's Vampire.

I've only caught glimpses of Sheen's breakdown. I feel sorry for him more than anything.

I must admit I like reading/watching stuff about infamous people to remind me I'm not as crazy as I could be.

Posted by: Miss Heather at April 21, 2011 4:34 PM

Sure it gets circular quickly, so I'll quit before it gets messy. Hopefully you get my point.

Posted by: porno at April 21, 2011 5:31 PM

Sigh.... a man who has abused many many women and openly calls the mother of his children "whores" gets nothing but an "I don't pay attention" or "it was when he abused a dog..." He's sickening. What I find almost as sickening is the women who pay to attend his shows. I just don't understand that.

Posted by: Persistent Cat at April 22, 2011 12:27 AM

I actually find this not only incredibly sad--the man is clearly not well, needs help, and I feel terribly for his family--but sad in a horrific way because so many people are getting entertainment value out of this. It's like watching two trains hurtling toward each other and making bets on how big the amazing explosion everyone's looking forward to will be instead of making any move to save anybody. Every time I learn or hear something new about Charlie Sheen's path of destruction I feel like I'm watching a snuff film. It's not a comfortable feeling. The emperor's new clothes are apparently made out of drugs, twitter, porn stars and live tours.

Posted by: leuce7 at April 22, 2011 12:43 AM

Right on Professor Farnsworth - you should hang out here more often.

Posted by: Sarah J-Town at April 22, 2011 5:33 AM

Quite elegantly and humorously put, Mr. Farnsworth.

Having thoroughly enjoyed 'Blood Oath', am delighted to hear the new book is coming out next week. I will treat this news as my literary easter egg treat!

Posted by: Teresa at April 22, 2011 7:46 AM

LOVE your book...devoured it in 2 hours, can't wait to read the next one.

Sheen?

meh

Posted by: Caffina at April 22, 2011 7:10 PM

I still have a hard time feeling sorry for Sheen. I know that loosing your job making 2.5 terabucks a minute reading mildly humorous jokes with little or no discernible effort is rough. The whole snorting blow off pornstar asses is really something I only do in my darkest nightmares, poor guy. Nonstop sex, drugs and rock and roll, I mean, yeah, the horror.

Posted by: Protoguy at April 23, 2011 6:44 AM