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Gay Marriage: Can't We Just Get to the Good Part?

By Cindy Davis | Think Pieces | March 28, 2013 | Comments ()


You'd think by now, we have this equality thing down. We've done it before; it's like learning first grade math: 2 + 7 = 9, therefore, 7 + 2 also = 9, as does 2 + 4 + 3, 3 + 4 + 2, and so on. They all equal nine. We are black, yellow, red, male, female, transgender, Chinese, Ethiopian, Jew, Christian, Muslim, atheist, straight, bisexual, gay, we are all equal people. It's not a difficult concept; we've been over the lesson many times, and yet still we march on with this ridiculous parade, waiting for those in denial to catch up to the indisputable facts. As we watch and read the news of the Supreme Court deliberating over Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act (clearly discriminatory), how can we not lament our own stupidity? We are the nation who consistently purports ourselves to be defenders of the world. We swoop into countries blathering about our equal opportunity, our democracy and freedom, but we rarely defend our own. We hold ourselves up as a shining example of these things we are supposed to stand for, but we haven't lived up to those ideals. Rather, we rip each other apart over guns and healthcare, and the right to rule our own bodies; we allow our children to go hungry, and to be molested and abused in closets, behind the curtains of liturgies and flowing robes. Even now, there are those among us more concerned about defiling the sanctified definition of a precious word (marriage) than our neighbor having equal rights. Marriage is not defined by race or gender, it is defined by an intimate relationship between two people, and their choice to make a life together. Just as families have evolved over time, so shall marriage. And as has happened in the past, regardless of the current laws or definitions, the discriminated people in this country have already begun their forward march. They're not waiting to create the relationships and families of the future. For the latecomers, their children are explaining the obvious: "Our family is just like yours." They know we must--we will--join them.

It is not an act of courage to stand up for marriage equality now; it is simply common sense. As much as I love our President, more than being proud of him for finally declaring his support last year, I felt: "What took you so long?" (Hillary Clinton, so it goes with you.) The courageous people began their fight back in the 1950s, yet here we still are today, trying convince the misguided holdouts that gay and lesbian people deserve the same rights as the straights. Our continued prejudices have caused our children so much despair that an alarming number of them have killed (or attempted to kill) themselves rather than be persecuted for their differences. That we continue to have to deliberate this issue is a detriment to us all, and the lack of support and immediate action is, once again, teaching the wrong lesson to our children. Why, after every battle for equality this country has been through, after all the acts of courage, violence and bloodshed throughout our history, is it still so difficult for us to see each other as equals?

If I could say anything to those Supreme Court justices going back and forth this week, it would be, "Can't we just skip all this and get to the good part?" Can we just stop mucking around and go directly where we need to be--where we know we're inevitably going? We've been through this before. This is not an issue of states' rights; this is an issue of human rights. We don't allow states to decide interracial or interfaith couples cannot marry, and we cannot allow states to discriminate against gay and lesbian couples. Don't drag this out one moment longer. We are past the point of needing to go through all these machinations to become the country of equal opportunity we claim to be.

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Cindy Davis, (Twitter)



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