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Celebrity Dream Interpretations

By Michael Murray | Think Pieces | June 29, 2012 | Comments ()


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I've long had an interest in dream interpretation and have been researching the subject for years. One particular offshoot of the studies that has always been of particular fascination to me is how to interpret the presence of celebrity figures in our dreams and as such I've been putting together a definitive book on the subject. What follows is a sample from my work:

Stormtrooper:

If a Stormtrooper is to appear in your dream it foretells of certain troubles ahead but that these troubles shall be overcome with a minimum of effort. However, if under the white shell of the Stormtrooper lives a confederacy of bees then these troubles will multiply and you will be overwhelmed by small, unpredictable bafflements and disaster will ensue. This particular dream is an encouragement to purchase a firearm.

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Jennifer Lawrence:

The Jennifer Lawrence dream is subject to multiple interpretations. If she is seen with arrow and bow then it is a sign that your ambitions will be rewarded and soon your parents will perish. If she is naked and blue of skin, then it is a warning to be discreet with your viewing materials for enemies seek to uncover your secrets. However, if she is reviving a drunk person on a lawn, you are destined to pass by a Sorority house in which in the window are visible several young women in their undergarments.

Bill Clinton:

To dream of Bill Clinton smoking a cigar is a warning against possible infection.


John Travolta:

The Travolta dream is very complex, and must be carefully parsed. If you dream of the young Travolta as of "Welcome Back Kotter," Grease
or Saturday Night Fever, then a young man's pleasures shall be yours for the taking. It is a symbol of great fecundity. However, if you are to dream of the Travolta in a bubble or otherwise employed upon a mechanical bull, then it means that you must be cautious in business dealings and fight against unnatural impulse. To see the Travolta with a baby augurs a sure miscarriage if the dreamer is female and erectile problems if conjured by a man. If the Travolta is dressed in black, as he was in Pulp Fiction, then a death in the family is imminent. If the later Travolta appears, and if he is flying or perched in a tree, then an unwanted gift is coming your way.

Rihanna:

A dream of Rihanna augurs unpredictable weather, take care to secure and protect your crop and livestock.

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Lady Gaga:

To dream of Lady Gaga means that you will soon be afflicted with Restless Leg Syndrome and that sleep will elude you. If you are a woman, to be dream of being Lady Gaga means
much success and power will come to you through business dealings, however if a man dreams of being Lady Gaga he will marry a wise and economic wife but forever be sexually unsatisfied.

Peter Dinklage:

To dream of seeing multiple Peter Dinklages, denotes that unknown bounty will descend upon you and you will become rich beyond your wildest imaginings. However, if you eat one of the Dinklages then you will suffer contamination by associating too freely with those of a libertine nature, but if Raquel Welch appears in your Dinklage dream then it is certain that you will derive pleasure from dissolute company.

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Ryan Gosling:

To dream of Gosling is a message that you have become overbearing in your nature and that friends conspire against you. Black days will cover you like thunderclouds and you will feel despair and self-loathing. If Ryan Gosling was without his shirt in your dream then you will be feared more than loved by your mistresses.

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Kate Upton and Terry Richardson:

To see these two in a dream is a certain sign that you will soon bear witness your mother and least favored uncle in congress. It will not be a brief, through-the-fingers glimpse, but a long, meditative study. If Terry Richardson has his shirt off and Kate Upton is performing a
dance in your dream, then you will see your mother in the canine position with your ill-favored uncle and she will be screaming out things that are unpleasant to your ears, and you will surely lose your sight. However, if Terry Richardson is having intercourse with a man and Kate Upton is taking photographs of this, you will experience a surge in confidence and receive a promotion at work.

Benedict Cumberbatch:

To dream of this man indicates you are suffering from an inadequate diet. Eat Kale.

Joe Manganiello:

To have a dream in which Joe Manganiello appears foretells disappointment with current friends and employment, however if Manganiello takes off his shirt and begins to work with hammer and wood in constructing a bed frame for you, then the health issue you have been worrying about will vanish, but another will emerge. Beware of cats.

Scarlett Johansson:

If Scarlett Johansson appears in your dream then you have a secret desire to have your cell phone hacked and all your naked photographs therein made public. If Johansson was riding upon a horse, it is a warning to be cautious in allowing newly introduced people, and men of any kind, approach you in a familiar way. If Johansson was in a black cat suit then it means that you have a genetic disposition toward crime.

Mireille Enos:

Generally, the appearance of Mireille augurs a religious conversion, however if she pulls a weapon it means you will be placed in a position of subordination by a ruthless co-worker. If her sweater is frayed it portends the dissolution of a trusted relationship.

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Prince:

To dream of Prince means that either by accident or design, a pet will be coming into your life.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Jerce

    Dear Michael Murray: I need your help to save innocent lives.

    I am tormented by a recurring dream in which Wink Martindale is lying before me prepped for surgery (I am not a surgeon). I know without being told that I am supposed to repair his knuckles.

    One of my eyes is covered by an eye patch; the opposite ear is plugged; I am wearing kevlar mittens on my hands and my only instrument is a can of WD40 with that little red straw that they come with. When I look to my left I see Oscar Winner Shelly Winters, and she is about to throw a large container of itching powder on me.

    If you cannot help me interpret this nightmare, I will be forced to trap and kill all the squirrels in the park across the street. Their small squeaky deaths will be on YOUR head.

  • llp

    What if Gosling is criticizing the behavior of cyclists? What then?

  • Dreaming of Joe Manganiello is simply proof that I am heterosexual. If he doesn't talk, it's proof that my psyche loves me.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I never remember my dreams. After reading this, I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing.

  • AngelenoEwok

    Yesterday, the same day the SCOTUS decision about ACA was going to be revealed, a friend of mine had a court date. Wednesday night/early Thursday morning, I had 2 dreams:

    I dreamed that Scalia was the judge in my friend's case, and that I was...not very happy about that. I also dreamed that I was watching TV to find out the ACA decision, and deistbrawler was the news anchor.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Sigh. Raquel Welch's body is just unfair.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Ditto Manjello's.

    Wait - that sounds like a vaguely sexual dessert restaurant.

  • linny

    I once had a very involved dream where I was marring Natalie Portman and a strange guy I'd never met both at once -- so a straight up polygamy thing -- but both me and the guy were marrying her, if that makes sense. And I was all, "I don't know this dude, but if I get to marry Natalie, it's cool, I can marry him too, whatever." And Pink had this really long, drunken conversation with me at the reception, and the cast of Three's Company gave a speech.

    It's funny, because I'm (relatively) straight, and had never really considered Natalie Portman to be a person I'd go for, but apparently, my subconscious has a crush on her.

  • Mrcreosote

    I'm thinking marring might be the right word.

  • linny

    MARRYING. Man, I gotta get me a disquis account, don't I?

  • BWeaves

    Kale is fine, but beware of broccoli. My husband loves broccoli and every time I eat it I have the most hallucinogenic dreams. I call them broccoli dreams. Strangely enough, I never dream of James Bond when I have broccoli dreams.

  • I dreamed of Dustin. I awoke to find myself covered in sticky goo and crass sentimentality. And for some reason I didn't mind.

  • pajiba

    UPVOTE.

  • Mrcreosote

    Sorry, whenever I dream of Terry Richardson Chris Hanson always wakes me up.

  • Ding ding! You have finished the Pajiba Comments Section. Congratulations. The rest of us might as well go home now.

  • Strangely, I dreamed of Cumberbatch the other day. Neither of us could figure out why we were in a room together, nor what we were supposed to do next. The conversation was interesting, though.

    I'm going to buy some kale on the way home.

  • Wednesday

    No, you misguided fool! Kale does not cure Cumberbatchtosis. You need blueberries, and they must be fresh! It's all about the free radicals.

    Believe me now or be sorry later.

  • I'm in luck! I have a bowl of blueberries on my desk. Also, I'm a very free radical, myself, so I think it's covered from all angles.

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