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Blaming Curses For Addiction, Possible Mental Illness, and Finding God? Charlie Sheen Still Thinks He’s Winning

By Jodi Clager | Think Pieces | November 28, 2012 | Comments ()


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Another star meltdown was captured on video and then uploaded to the mewling, drooling masses. This time "Two And A Half Men" star Angus T. Jones was the unlikely prophet sent to warn us about the dangers of a sitcom he had worked on for nine years. The problem was that we already knew "Two And A Half Men" was a shit show and an abomination unto Hollywood Jebus. Let us know when you have an epiphany about how to get rid of Donald Trump and then we'll care. Since 19-year-old Jones cited his religious awakening as the reason he can now see clearly, many people cried that he was the next Kirk Cameron, destined to dine on a lonely Subway buffet while his People look on, disinterested.

Of course, today Jones has come out to say that he really didn't think that calling the show that has made him a multi-millionaire a piece of filth should have been taken as a barb to his employers. "I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed," Jones concludes. "I never intended that."

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Uh, okay.

Never one to be outshined when he sniffs a chance to pop into the slimy spotlight, Charlie "Boats And Hos" Sheen has decided to release a statement about his former co-star's rant. "With Angus's Hale-Bopp-like meltdown, it is radically clear to me that the show is cursed,". Yes, yes. Clearly the show is cursed and snorting cocaine off the assholes of former Playmates while chugging barrels filled with whiskey are unrelated to Sheen's own attack on the show runners, his ex-wife, that prostitute that allegedly stole his wallet, and his declaration of fixing himself with his own mind. You guys, it's the only explanation!

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There is no way that young Jones just realized that the life he was likely pushed into by his parents wasn't what he wanted. It couldn't be that a kid that's been working with a tiger blood psychotic like Charlie Sheen since he was 10 decided that the show and the questionable morality of the storylines were not something he cared to be connected to any longer. It has to be a curse. No 19-year-old kid trying to figure out who he is might stumble into religion and then decide that his newfound morals are worth more to him than a six-figure per episode paycheck. It has to be the curse. Once again, Charlie Sheen has grabbed our faces and shoved them into the truth of his terrestrial realm. We should feel favored that he would deign to lead us into enlightenment.

Right?

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Strand

    I still can't get over the fact that his 'church' is called The Forerunner Chronicles. It sounds like some Halo: Expanded Universe book you'd find on the lowest shelf in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section.

  • I didn't think something like this would curl Jared Padalecki's silken strands.

  • BlackRabbit

    As I heard someone remark today: A teenager with a shedload of money now has a "new spiritual
    adviser". Whatever could inspire someone to take on the task of advising
    this troubled teen?

  • Kirk Cameron, Stephen Baldwin and Angus T Jones in,,, Rapture Raiders!
    The Anti-Christ just got Anti-Maimed!

  • Maguita NYC

    Don't forget the biggest joke of them all: Donald "hairy charred dingle" Trump.

  • dewdney

    Best handle ever. Thanks for the giggle. *wipes up coke snorted out nose*

  • googergieger

    Weird how people try to pick sides with EVERYTHING. Both are filthy rich by doing shite work. Both did what millions of Americans can't do, and bad mouth their employers for fear of you know, not eating in the immediate future. The few blessed with an effin job that is.

  • e jerry powell

    I try to keep my head as far from Charlie Sheen's terrestrial realm as possible. Might end up in the Crab Nebula.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Whoa. Zach Braff coming down a little heavy on a teenager, there.

  • pissant

    Am I the only one who doesn't consider someone who is 19 to be a teenager? There is a world of difference between 13 and 19 so much so that the label isn't really useful. Personally, when I was 16 and could drive I didn't think it really applied anymore, but now I think the cutoff is more at 18.

  • googergieger

    To be fair, as soon as your age ends in teen, you're a right prick regardless. Part of puberty. Nothing makes sense, but it all makes perfect sense to you. However after a while you do get old enough to know the meanings of the words you use.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I don't know what the cutoff is regarding maturity for child actors. I'm not sure it's the same curve. Besides, there's a world of difference in maturity between most 15 year old girls and most 15 year old boys, but we call them both teenagers. Since the number ends in "teen", yes, I consider 19 year olds to be teenagers.

  • Jezzer

    If they're legal adults, they can own their behavior.

  • googergieger

    Yes. Pity the nineteen year old millionaire.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Less pity than judging Braff for his judginess.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I am sure it is his parents' fault for naming him after a cow... or that dude from AC/DC... nope... it is probably just religion.

  • Slash

    I barely care about any of this, but RE " “I apologize if my remarks reflect me showing indifference to and disrespect of my colleagues and a lack of appreciation of the extraordinary opportunity of which I have been blessed,” Jones concludes. “I never intended that.”

    I know it's not only the younguns that do it, but people nowadays need to know that words have meanings. Also, I wish we (in America, anyway, I don't know how prevalent this is elsewhere in the world) would stop fixating on "intent" as an important variable, because in most contexts, it's not.

    When you talk shit about an employer, whether it's a law firm or a school or a TV show that has made you rich and famous, you are demonstrating disrespect. There's no "if" there, and intent is irrelevant. You ARE showing disrespect. Whether the employer deserves disrespect is also irrelevant (some people may agree with you on that point, some may not). Whether it's a video or "tweet" or Facebook posting, if you talk shit about an employer (and kinda by implication, your coworkers), you are "disrespecting" that employer. Your employer probably won't care if you are motivated by religion or substance abuse or just simple stupidity. They will only see that you thank them for employing you by shitting all over them in public for an audience of (perhaps) millions. The place to register complaints about the conditions of your employment is your boss's office, not the goddam internet. And also, just to get this out of the way, because some idiot always mentions it in situations like this, there is no First Amendment issue here, either. The First Amendment is a limit on government power, not that of private entities, to limit your speech. Your boss can absolutely fire you for talking shit about him/her.

    Why don't people know this by now? I guess they think "expressing" themselves in the digital age absolves them of responsibility and thus consequences. The rest of us can't think they're idiots or douchebags because they're just giving their opinion, and opinions can't be wrong. Well, actually, they can be. You have every right to express an opinion "online," you don't have the right to expect that people will just say, "Oh, well, isn't that nice, good for you, teenage boy, for expressing yourself freely."

    Oh, and, if you make a sex tape, it will probably go public at some point, esp. if you end up getting famous. Only a moron would think otherwise.

  • John G.

    Jesus, you want to shove your nose up your bosses ass any further? He's not your god. He's a douchebag in middle management. And no boss "gave" anyone a job. They hire people, because they need them. It's not a charity. It's a mutual arrangement between an employer and and employee. Both get something, and usually the employer gets most of it.

    I mean, this dumb kid is still an idiot, but that doesn't mean we're little grateful children who must thank our luck every day that someone "gave" us a job.

  • NateMan

    While I'm in agreement, I'd like to encourage people to continue making sex tapes. Whatever puts more porn into the world is a good thing.

  • superasente

    Ha! Who downvoted this? Who out there actually wants LESS porn?

  • googergieger

    Kirk Cameron?

  • Bedewcrock

    blergh. the religious rhetoric Angus Jones is spouting freaks me out to no end. working on that series for so long you can't help but feel sorry for the kid and that he's looking for some "direction" landing on evangelism.

    also: Zach Braff looks douchey saying "fuck-toad". plus if i squint at his twitter avatar he looks like ashton kutcher.

  • damnitjanet

    Oh, Sammy, I love you. I still love Dean more, but I love you.

    And Braffster, you occasionally redeem yourself in my eyes.

  • e jerry powell

    Give me an average frequency on that Braff thing.

  • damnitjanet

    Eh.....once a year, according to tweets?

  • rio

    If I get kicked out of a show I wanna it to be cause I've been doing too many drugs, not because I pulled a Kirk Cameron.

  • JenVegas

    That's what we're calling this, right? "Pulling a Kirk Cameron?" Or maybe "Going Full Cameron?" I don't even think HE went this far while Growing Pains was in production but still, oy.

  • Maguita NYC

    You can't go fully when you're not fully there in the head to start with.

    Pulling a Kirk Cameron expresses conveniently how one shoots him/herself in the foot while publicly shitting on the teachings of their own religion.

  • jollies

    Didn't Cameron get someone fired off the show for being an agent of Satan? That's going pretty far, IMO.

  • L:ibraryChick

    Well, he had Julie McCullough fired for her Playboy photos. I wouldn't call that being an agent of Satan, but in his world that might have qualified.

  • Archie Leach

    I'm not saying "religion" makes you stupid as fuck....... but......

  • in_heaben

    Hehe...fuckbut. *goes back to work*

  • Natallica

    I think I'm in love with Jared Padalecki.

  • badkittyuno

    Get in line sweetie. CuteDean has been my boyfriend for 12 years (suddenly feeling very, very old)

  • KC

    When I saw your comment I was like "There's no way its been 12 years"....and then I looked up Gilmore Girls....2000-2007....holy crap. That show started when I was in middle school, I didn't even realize.

    And now I has a sad because I miss that show and the days when CuteDean and Rory weren't cheating cheaters who cheat.

  • NateMan

    Pffft. Sam is a pretty boy-giant. Jensen Eckles gets shit done.

    I'm straight, though, so I understand my opinion is in the minority here.

  • Oh, I love Jensen too. But I didn't know Jared was such a sassy Tweeter!

  • Welcome to the party. Check out his hands. Oh, god, those hands...

  • I've been making my roommate watch Supernatural. Last night we watched the Hell House episode in Season 1 and she finally understood. Thank you, Supernatural. That is a pair of shoulders that need to be shared. :) http://media3.onsugar.com/file...

  • Ash

    ooh shiny.
    I have a new favorite Winchester brother.

  • Natallica

    "Supernatural" is the only series I watched only for the eye candy. Plot? Ehhhh... I think there were two brothers. Hot brothers. And maybe some ghosts, but I'm not sure. But now, some of that eye candy seems to also have a brain, and damn, I'm definitely lost

  • There is actually a 5-season story arc, though it's easier to see when you rewatch. The other good reason to watch is for the guest stars - a parade of decent character actors and folks who went on to bigger things. Also, as someone who studied mythology and comparative religion, I like the fact that most of their lore is accurate. But yeah, hot guys sure does help.

  • If I wasn't before, I definitely am now.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Does that mean Jon Cryer is getting another pity Emmy?

  • Archie Leach

    Cryer deserves the pity Emmy just for having to come into contact with asston doucher.

  • lowercase_ryan

    In an Angus-Charlie competition, I think Charlie is in fact winning. Cults are just crazy without the fun.

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