Pajiba

Man, whatEVERRRRRR. "Eagle Eye" FOR THE PARANOID LENS FLARE THRILLER WIN! OBVIOUSLY!!!

Besides, if I wanna watch a buncha Italians I'll just watch "Diabolik" again!

Tom Tykwer? Clive Owen? TOGETHER? Oh. My. God... I trust both of them, especially Clive Owen. This is gonna be good. It's just math.
Tom Tykwer + Clive Owen = Awesome. See?

Hmm... or maybe they cancel each other out. After all, nothing can be THAT awesome. Or perhaps it can?

I watched till the crotch shot then I gave up.

I just fastforwarded to the crotch shot, and then gave up.

Thanks for giving the timing on that.

Sofia, I too Love Messrs. Owen and Tykwer. I think we're made for each other. Maybe it's the ridiculous hangover but we could live off the grid, where collection agencies can't find me and my crippling amounts of debt. I'll farm the land and you can film it for our documentary. I'll even try to grow a beard.

MMMmmm. Clive Owen, now 30% crotchier!

This movie is tard. No one uses ATMs. That's what point-of-sale is for.

It's another movie Clive Owen's doing to get over the fact he isn't James Bond. Still looks good though, especially for a February movie. (Which is basically like saying your movie has rabies.)

You men are just jealous!!!

Clive, now start at the bottom with the socks, and then the pants...

To be honest, I have been upholding a moratorium on movie theaters for the last year. As of yet unbroken - not even for the Dark Knight. Anticipation can be delicious. Especially when it means that I don't have to share Mr. Bale's rippling abs and pert nipples with the bearded dude sitting next to me who breathes audibly and has a spare tire that is invading my personal space both above and below the arm rest. Give me a dvd and someone I know and probably love next to me on the sofa. For that I can wait 6 months.
Twykker the Tweaker + Clive Owen? Of course that means that this is going to be a better, more stylized movie than the guy hired to edit the preview can express in 2 min. Therefore the subliminal crotch shot. To keep us salivating even if we missed it.
But the real reason why this is going to rule? Because Ulrich Thomsen is the baddy. There is going to be so much craggy, toughened, genuine manhood on that screen at any given moment that they really could read the phonebook together. Hells bells. They could sing it and I would still move it to the top of my Netflix queue.

But it's not like I'm advocating spending $10 to see it in the theater. Cuz I don't do that. Ever wonder what the chances are that a six year old, hopped up on Fanta and Sour Patch Kids couldn't bear to tear himself away during Nemo, or Alladin, or ET, or the Bad News Bears (think of the relative age of your theater seat) and just spent a penny, or two, or a flood of them even, onto that seat your haunches are currently sweating into? Let alone that bearded dude I was talking about earlier. I don't even want to think about what he might be capable of.

Clive Owen movie with Clive Owen Starring Clive Owen, Tom Tykwer flavor?

So there.

Optimus Rhyme,
Whaddaya mean you'll *try* to grow a beard? How old are you? More importantly, what's your beard pattern? Do you grow a full beard or just a moustache? Or just the jaw? Or puby-neck? Do you look anything like Dylan McDermot or Dré McNugget or Dermot Mulroney or whatever his name is in "About Schmidt"? Because that looks is sexaaay. I of course include his cosmic bald-mullet in the equation.

Our documentary should definitely have a fast-as-hell shot of us standing face to face while the clouds move behind us and your beard grows; Mr. Owen dryly delivering a voice over above the awesome music. It'll be Tykwerlicious!

I can rock a pretty fierce Johnny Depp goatee combo since it more or less grows in that way. But the way my hair grows, we'd be on our third harvest before I'd have a narration worthy beard. (I swear I hit puberty years ago and my facial hair never got the memo)
Yeah the quick zoomy shot where the clouds are moving everywhere would be tight. The crops growing as my beard does would be some sweet camera trickery. Are you looking for .. like the biker bar mustache? I could never pull it off. I don't have the square jaw for it. Or the penchant for leather chaps.

haha, this preview is bogus!

it's totally some schmuck sitting in his room pasting scenes together from Black Hawk Down, Equilibrium, Children of Men, the Italian Job and those BMW commercial Mr Clive used to do.

right?
Cuz there wasn't a damn bit of originality to be found in that preview.

Optimus, I can work with the goatie. Can you handle a woman with a deep voice and a particular liking to handheld camera shots? I really think it'd add something to our documentary to have a shaky shot of you working the crops with your Johnny Depp facial hair. It would make everyone feel like they're intruding in our little world, yet it will also give a "now" feeling to the piece; connecting us with the billions of viewers who will enjoy and worship "Crops: A Story of Beard Growth, Corn & Escaping Collection Agencies." People will *feel* the dirt in their hands.

Jay, the mere fact that you referenced MST3k has put a smile on my war-torn, um, face.

Well, as long as you get my good side. The front.
I'm half-way to really nice abs so I'd be all about the sweaty, tilling the earth shot. Question: I can not even comprehend buying overalls. Are they crucial to the farmer's uniform?

Optimus,
According to my book, all guys half-way to really nice abs work the field in boxers. Hairy chests are a plus.

dang I was thoroughly disappointed when I found out this wasn't about ass to mouth

People will *feel* the dirt in their hands.

Uh oh. This is starting to get pretty "Brangwen men". Someone's gonna use the word "fecund" before too long.

Longing for the old... fecund-ity of my homeland. Jay, if you buy me malt liquor I'll give you a producer's credit. Not that I have any problem getting drunk. If tonight is any example. Allthough maybe this message is too clear to actually prove my point. As a born Pajiban, (and the Boozehound's bastard child) I think the alcohol is making me more coherent.