Pajiba

The food network sucks now and I'll tell you why:

Rachel Ray

that is all.

PS: I will not watch this.

It tickles me no end, however, that B-Slim was previously a fan of the Food Network.

B, you should know that Rachel Ray is an enthusiastic, if not particularly skilled, fellator.

Unrelated to the above cooking show, which I will not watch for religious reasons, I think I figured out the new format. It is rather obvious though, so I feel silly if I should have seen this yesterday. Above this post on the main page is a "Trade Roundup" banner. Looks like you split it into multiple posts. Should I have nocited this before?

It tickles me no end, however, that B-Slim was previously a fan of the Food Network.

Seriously. Was there a show where people were lubed up with Pam or eating delicacies off each others' bodies?

Yes, but the only people they could get were Emeril and Alton Brown. (Seriously, those guys are on every show.)

:: In the scratchiest throat, nasaliest voice possible ::

Today on Raaaaaaaaache!!!!
OMGROTFLMFAO! I show you how to make ceeeeeereeaallll. And den I eatzit!!!!!
EVOO Yummo! Raaaaaache!

Her voice give me the rock hard urge to bang her in the ass...with a loaded shotgun.

You know, you people should appreciate the class and refinement that I *try* to bring to this interweb cesspool.

Seriously, it can't all be Long John Silver's and Colt 45.

Rachel Ray is an enthusiastic, if not particularly skilled, fellator.

I am just really, really curious as to how TB knows this.....

I am just really, really curious as to how TB knows this.....

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 4, 2008 10:19 AM

---------------------------------------------

Do we reeeeeally wanna know?

Seriously, it can't all be Long John Silver's and Colt 45.

I'm living proof that both you and my mother were all wrong about this.

Rachel Ray is soooo annoying these days. Initially, I liked her, but I feel like she's become a caricature of herself. Also...FUCKING SAY OLIVE OIL, Rachel. I want to cut that b*&^% whenever she says EVOO. And don't even get me started on 'yummo'.

However, I have a huge crush on Giada. Also, Paula Deen's recipes may very well kill you on the spot (most of them require at least a pound of butter) but they are fantastic.

B Slim - just avoid Rachel Ray, maybe? I know that's tough on the Food Network these days, but maybe you could try? I find it sad that you've shunned the FN entirely.

Do we reeeeeally wanna know?

Ya know, B-Slim, you're probably right. I rescind my statement of curiosity...

Heh... I have a friend who named her baby Giada.

tt_marie: Oh I still catch Giada's rack whenever I can and that other one with the porny British chick, and Alton, natch.'

But that's it, Fine Living has better food shows now and Bourdain is over at the Travel Channel while FN sinks into Raytard hell.

However, I have a huge crush on Giada.

She TERRIFIES me. Why won't she stop smiling? Like, EVER? And her smile is enormous. There are Norwegian fjords smaller than her mouth! She's beautiful, but she's like a coked-up chihuahua with an evil glint in its spastic eye. She makes me soooooo nervous.

Ha, Sarina, that's kind of true. Just keep your gaze centered on her chest.

socalled,

There's no such thing as a bad blowjob.

Addendum:

Technique can be taught.

Enthusiasm can not.

There's no such thing as a bad blowjob.

Posted by: bucdaddy at September 4, 2008 11:28 AM

bucdaddy, allow me to introduce you to my ex-wife.

"There's no such thing as a bad blowjob."

Allow me to introduce you to little things I call TEETH.

I with you Sarina. Giada is pretty, but she's a little too bobbleheady for me to completely trust her. And I fucking hate it when she pronounces Italian ingrediants. Paaaaahhhmiiisaaano Rrrreggiaaaano. GUH.

Allow me to introduce you to little things I call TEETH.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 4, 2008 11:49 AM

I thought you girls kept those in your vagina...

As an amateur chef I have many problems with the Food Network, mostly though they're all about how annoying the hosts are. Rachael Ray - her ginormous mouth and green appliances make me want to, as PissBoy so eloquently put it, bang her in the ass with a shotgun. I'd like Giada more if I believed that she ate anything that she cooked. And dearest Paula Deen, do you REALLY need six pounds of butter in EVERYTHING? It's cocktail sauce Paula! The primary ingredients are ketchup and horseradish! There should be no butter!!!

However, if anyone recalls the I Want to Be a Food Network Star or whatever the eff it was called, Julie 'The Cat' Gafney was a contestant for a few episodes, which I thought was pretty sweet.

And Top Chef is by far superior to Iron Chef. Although Ace of Cakes is pretty badass. And although the idea behind Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is a good one, I fucking hate that guy.

And I fucking hate it when she pronounces Italian ingredients.

Don't forget "spehgggittee". She can shove her spaghetti up her tiny ass.

Kash, I love Ace of Cakes, and I don't even believe in cake.

Sarina, I'm glad that you can transcend your beliefs to enjoy the show. It's probably the one thing on FN I don't hate. I mean, c'mon! The Harry Potter Cake, The World's Largest Cupcake, Avenue Q Cake, Volcano Cake, The Cake with the engagement ring in it. But The Harry Potter Cake takes the ... cake.

I can't believe I just said that.

Yo dog, thanks for the props. I appear to be mostly retarded, I'm aware, but I fuckin' get to be on TV, so that's pretty awesome. So this Sarah Palin - you totally wanna do her, don't you?

I enjoy Alton Brown's show immensely. He's smart and makes food interesting (with all the factoids and interesting tips on improving your cooking). Rachael Ray really KILLS the Food Network though, all her EVOO and "yummo", plus her food looks nasty and incredibly unhealthy. Giada makes good food, and Paula Dean is a cutie pie! However, Sandra Brown (Dee?) and everyone else bore me to tears! Bobby Flay makes a good BBQ!

Top Chef is awesome!!!

The only chef I really like to watch is Anthony Bourdain, but...I've never seen him cook, actually. For all I know he can't make mac and cheese, but he can out-swear a sailor and he's got some awesome wit. I love it when he's mean to the contestants on Top Chef.

Food Network does have the Food Network Challenge, which is awesome when they do cakes. I love me some cake decorating. I'll have to try Ace of Cakes.

Oh, I forgot Gordon Ramsey. I love him. The accent and all the swearing and being mean to people.

Huh, I'm seeing a pattern here.

We finally have an answer to why I visit this site!

Dude, TWoP Fan, Bourdain can cook like a motherfucker. Him and Tom Coliccio were (and are) two of the badasseriest chefs from their era.

On a sidenote, I hope to one day be able to party at Bourdain's level. I'm currently training, but it isn't going very well.

Kash: Bourdain's badassery is a universal constant, not only has he got the BEST food show it's simultaneously the BEST travel show, EVER. Emphasis on being for *travelers* not fuckin' tourists.

Coliccio on the other hand is...a bit of a douche. His whole "I'm not a mentor I'm an asshole" routine on Top Chef is very irritating.

BWeaver, Women have teeth where you live? Not a problem here.

-- bucdaddy, Morgantown, W.Va.

Fuckin' A, BSlim. I love what Television Without Pity called Coliccio's visit to the kitchen mid-challenge: the Sniff N' Sneer. Dude's an ass.

I'm with Kash, Sarina and everyone else on the Giada thing....specifically, I just don't trust her. She's gorgeous, and certain aspects of her 'personality' are captivating, but she's too good looking to teach me how to cook Italian. I need an old Italian grandmother to teach me that. Giada just doesn't look like she's eaten enough to be an expert of any kind.

And yeah, TEETH and lack of enthusiasm definitely can make for a bad one

Is it sad that the only show I watch on the Food Network is Ace of Cakes? That show rules, and really the only food I'm interested in watching people make is dessert. Plus all the people on it are hilarious. They're like a tiny, dysfunctional, loving family that's really obsessed with cake.

My kids can't stand Rachel. I think she is fine as she does make some interesting recipes, gets to go all over the place, eat great food and makes a lot of money. I give her credit. The cooking loft chef I like her style and she has some nice dishes. The other assistants do not do much (they should more difficult things). But she does have some good spins on recipes and like I said I like her style and her methods.

Too many hosts on the FN (especially the women) look like they couldn't possibly eat the food that they make, unless that is the only thing they eat in a week...