Pajiba

I figured the movie would be like this. But I'll still see it. Better than Semi-Pro, right?

That movie poster just cracks me up every time.

Sigh.

I've got a favorite Mr. Boynton review.

I've got a favorite Mr. Prisco review.

And now I've got a favorite Cap'n Rowles review.

I'm seeing this tonight. Drunk as a goddamed... Well I'm gonna just be drunk. Piss myself drunk. Minimus too (although he can't so much piss as it is expelling fluids from what I'm guessing is an underdeveloped... ear, maybe?).

Recently I watched the best of SNl: Will Ferrell at a friends house. I found myself actually laughing at the skits. It made me realize how funny he used to be, and that his brand of humor really has grown tiresome.

there's nothing here for you unless, of course, Will Ferrell's testicles dampen your undies.

Nothing about Will Ferrell dampens the undies, but I like the euphemism. I guess everyone has grown tired of the word 'Moist'

I, for one, would hate to meet any woman whose undies were dampened by the likes of Will Ferrell's furry ballsack. Unless I happened to be walking my Rottweiler of Retribution at the time, in which case bring it, bitch.

I think one of the functions of the CIA should be to frame successful comedians and take away most of their money. That way they don't lose their edge and resort to sticking to the same tired formula or mailing in shitty performances.

When I think about how this movie is probably going to come in #2 this week, it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Why do people still watch this garbage? Why does Will Farrell still have a career? Am I the only one who thinks Will is not only not funny, but unfunny as well? Every single one of his characters is the exact same. Even worse, they glorify willful ignorance, arrogance, and stupidity.

And goddamnit, Judd, the goodwill you built up with Freeks & Geeks and Undeclared will only carry you so far. I ditched Kevin Smith, don't think I won't do the same to you.

The worst movie you've ever seen? Really? Worse than College Road Trip? Worse than The Hottie and the motherfucking Nottie???

Stupidest! Not worst. Definitely not the worst. Not by a nautical mile. -- DR

FAIL.

I'm over Apatow and his gaggle of man-children.

Your last paragraph told me all I needed to know, Dustin. Apatow is an arrested adolescent who shat out a couple of half-funny ideas that blind-sided many into thinking he was actually the harbinger of a brand new kind of humor. It's not humor, and it just sucks more pathetically with each subsequent release.

I saw two different previews for this movie on TV and, hand to heart, I couldn't imagine a human being of any age who would find even a miniscule fraction of 'comedy' in this moronic shit.

John C. Reilly hooked up with the wrong crowd in 'Talledega Nights', and has sullied his career (and dignity) for every so-called 'comedy' he's done since.

Anchorman, SuperBad, Walk Hard and Talladega Nights will go down in history as total "what the fuck did I find so funny about these in the first place?" movies that people will be ashamed to admit they enjoyed when they first watched them. And they damn well should be.

I fucking hate it when people use the motherfucking VERB - Fail as a motherfucking noun. Every time a run into someone using "FAIL!" "Epic Fail!" or any other derivation is going to be introduced to Cleophis. Cleophis is my 14 year old, uncircumsized pet walrus. He like fucking vobulary "trendalizers" (my word) in the ass. The word is failure. Pull up your pants, put down your skateboard, get an attention span that can handle something more than a 19 second long slow motion youtube clip of some asshole falling on his face and read a book!

I think the "FAIL" comment above has ended sexy week for me. Pervy PissBoy is on the shelf. My knives have gone far too long without being sharpened and far too many people have skated by the last few weeks without suffering in some horrible, imaginative, violating way.

Exactly what I expected. Excrutiatingly dumb with a few nuggets of brilliance.
How can you hate that scene from the commercial where they're in tuxes and John C. Reilly leans out from behind him saying, "Hello Ms. Lady"
I am ashamed to say how many times I have laughed at that.

I never had any intention of seeing this; glad to see I'm write. It looks so awful. I'm beginning to believe Stranger than Fiction was a fluke, a fantastic movie that just happened to have Will Ferrell. Right now on TNT or TBS (they're basically the same channel right?), they've got another Ferrell movie in heavy rotation. I can't recall it's title and can't be bothered to look it up, but it's the one where he coaches a soccer team. Everytime I flip past it, I shiver a little and think about how I'd rather stare at a blank wal than watch that.

Damn Dustin, that first paragraph had me cackling so loud, the nurses walking by my room stopped to stare. Guess there's not much cackling 'round these parts. Funny stuff, buddy.

And because confession is good for the soul, I must confess that the Pink family owns a copy of Talladega Nights. In BLU-RAY. But I point my finger and shriek like a Pod Person at my gearhead husband; he's the reason we own said movie. Still, it has it's moments, and I don't think it's one of the worst of the Ferrell movies. Holy crap, the bit about the Crystal Gayle t-shirt just about sends me into fits of hysterical giggling. Maybe it's something about growing up in the South in the 80's. And the baby Jesus discussion cracks me up too and the whole riffing on sponsorships and Elvis Costello and...

DAMMIT, I think Talledega Nights is FUNNY.

DAMMIT.

Ah! Ok.

pauses with finger on chin

No! It still applies. Stupider than THATN?? It can't POSSIBLY be. I mean, I kinda am totally gonna use that 'vagina' line...

Don't feel bad 'Bama, I love Anchorman. God help me, between Brick Tamland, the rival stations rumble, and the scene where Paul Rudd pulls out his cologne and says "It's called Sex Panther" and the box motherfucking roars, I laugh until I almost pee.

This one's for PissBoy with all my love -

http://failblog.org/

Happy Friday!

Hate away, but this is the last movie left this summer that I actually am looking forward to. I love me a big bowl of Will Ferrell brand stupid. I love Anchorman, I love Frank the Tank, I love Elf, I love Ricky Bobby. And just thinking of that interview bit from the previews has got me in giggles.

Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world who thinks Judd Apatow got really, really lucky with The 40 Year Old Virgin but otherwise sucks syphilitic monkey balls when it comes to putting together a funny film whose humour rises above 3rd grade potty jokes.

Somehow I thought MAYBE this might benefit from McKay's direction, buit from the look and sound of things, it seems Apatow's diarrheic touch manages to bring McKay's usually harmless and mildly funny albeit juvenile work down to his level instead of the more preferable reverse.

Totally off topic, but liz, if you're going to use the handle libraryliz, please do not mix up "write" and "right". Thank you.

That said, I assume my handle just makes people happy that I can write a whole sentence. But "Anne (I'm not from Reno I just live there temporarily)" lacks that certain je ne sais quoi.

I heard about or seen a bunk bed scene and it gave me leverage against my wife to get my sons into seperate bedrooms. I figure at 9 and 8 it is time to give them scratching room and to keep them from ball sack kicking each other to the emergency room.

Now we just need to get my wife's 42 year old brother to move out of her mother's house. Failure to Launch did not do it, so it is off to Fandango to get him two tickets for this, since his birthday is tomorrow.

By the way Skitt, Dustin's best review was for: John Tucker Must Die. That was the final straw that hooked me here.

You had me at 'albino dog shit'

So what you are saying Dustin is that my 16 year old son will love it.

"Chris Parnell is the lead singer of a cover band that sings exclusively late-80s Billy Joel?!"

That was actually Horatio Sanz.

This sounds like one of those movies that a Douche McRemoteControl puts on at 4 in the morning when a party is winding down and everyone else is too drunk to protest as he swears this movie "kickszs asses..s'hilarious". You know, like Beerfest or Steel Magnolias.

Yeah, pretty bad... and that was Horatio Sanz but I can see how that mistake could have been made cause he's shed 10's of pounds. At an 1hr 35min STEPBROTHERS was far too long.

'I heard about or seen' - richmac

...OH MY DAYS.
The word you're looking for is 'saw'.
That's just embarrassing.

I don't give a shit, I'm going to see this tonight. In the past 24 hours, I've had a flooded bathroom, a fight with the Mr. over our children who are still unfertilized eggs, and a physical that revealed sugar in my urine (don't even ask). To top it off, I found out that I'm teaching nothing but freshmen this year with NO PLANNING PERIOD. I need something compltely inane to escape into while I eat 3,000 calories worth of popcorn and chug some Mountain Dew.

I had zero plans to see this, but even the stuff you described with disdain made me chuckle. I might check it out.

Apatow used to have a secret ingredient that made his work funny and sometimes poignant. The ingredient was empathy. His best stuff was funny because we believed it could happen to us. In an alternate universe, maybe, but it could happen.

Wacky is never enough. America's Funniest Home Videos is wacky.

But it sure as hell isn't funny.

superEdna: tequila. A teacher's best friend, hon. From one teacher to another: cheers. And fuck no planning period, isn't that against the law in your state?

But back on track--I can't wait until Dustin sees a movie that is SO bad he's reduced to just banging out random words because he's lost the ability to even use full sentences. I swear that movie is coming. It's inevitable:

PUSS. PISS. PUSSY. DICK. DONG. HATRED. HATRED. STUPID. DOO DOO.

That'll be the review. Mark my words.

To Whom it May Concern (just throwin' it out there):

If you don't select superEdna's entire comment for a spot on the next 'Eloquent's list, you'd better have some damn good alternates, 'cause that lady done said somethin' up there.

Not everyone can choose and see the movies they want when they want to- sad fact, but true.

Edna, I hope you enjoy the hell outta this movie, you obviously deserve to.

..And Anastasia, the "banging out random words" thing is known as 'brain salad' on Boston Legal But I can't recommend the show, even if I do watch it myself.

Sorry, meant to say 'word salad', but I can't remember the right phrase now.

Anastasia, it's not illegal as long as I'm compensated for it. I'm pretty sure they're supposed to ASK me in advance, though.

Update on the sugar pee: no diabetes just a ragin kidney infection. Still made it to the effing movie, though. It's as asinine as Dustin said but provided an hour and a half of PURE escapism. I needed movie that required ZERO brain activity. Vegetative cinema, if you will.

I'm off to take some shit that turns my urine blue.

*ahem*

That should say "raging" and "a movie."

My bad. I think my (blue) urine has replaced the fluid in which my brain floats.

Never have liked Will Ferrell. And I always got teh weirdest looks when I used to say that. But now others are finally seeing the light.

superEdna, I'd like to thank you for cracking me up so much on a really boring Friday night.

Good luck with your piss! Considering the review, I think this is a very appropriate thread for this discussion.

superEdna, I hope you are feeling better soon, and that everything comes out all right.

Anne, I'm so sorry, I'm normally better than that. Or if not better, at least more percise. My only excuse is I caught up on pajiba in between groups of hysterical screaming children. People were talking around me and I have this occasional tendency to take what I hear and insert it into what I'm writing. This is why when I write (or wrote papers in school) I can not listen to music with lyrics. My apologies again! And don't assume librarians can write properly, you should read some of the internal emails I read.

libraryliz:

Keep your pathetic excuses to yourself. I happen to be a proficient, always-correct writer, even under the least detailed and taxing circumstances. You'll never catch me

**ahem**

Sorry liz: forgot the post I just left up above. Carry on.

Dustin's best review so far was for Larry the (fucking) Cable Guy. If it weren't for that I'd probably still be staring blankly in incomprehension at my coworkers when they use the phrase, 'git'r done'. Or however the hell you're supposed to say/spell it. I know it may seem like I would have been better off not knowing that, but it bugs me to appear stupid to the stoopid people.

I'm one of the ones who didn't like Anchorman, and was pretty much done with Will Ferrell after that.

I'd just like to point out that Judd Apatow produces a lot more than he writes or directs. If you actually check his IMDb page, the only moves that he's both written and directed are "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up." He's contributed to other screenplays, but directed none of them. The producing is a good way to basically keep his fingers in pies while he devotes most of his energies to personal projects, projects that have the raunchy humor but also the sweetness and heart that we've come to expect from "Freaks & Geeks" and "Undeclared."

Awww...what's with that comment on the Superbad hating? That was such a great film...sure it was very over the top with the language and some of the situations, but damn if that's what high school can (sometimes) be like! I mean, in high school, you get to actually sound off as you've always wanted to! If anything, they portrayed teenagers in one of the most realistic ways: occasionally sex-crazed, foul-mouthed, and party-loving people. You have to be truthful to yourself just a lil' bit.

Apatow, I trust to a degree...while some of his comedy can be mediocre, the heart he carries in his films is so much more golden than they had tended to be (or still so, for that matter) in most comedy flicks...
However, he still has writing credits in Sandler's fuckin' Zohan, so again, I trust him to a degree...I hope Apatow solely had to do with writing the "message" (was there one? I didn't wanna put myself through it) of the film, and none of the comedy material (Sandler's films have that dumb-shit comedy all the time, anyway)...but even by association, I still find it shameful that Apatow has, and I think still is, working with Happy Madison Productions.

And no matter what, I still have a loyalty to some people (as you can tell by the Apatow issue stated above), and Will Ferrell is one of them. Yes, I agree sometimes his "man-child" antics get repetative, but still...that's why we kinda were drawn to him in the first place. And he still has moments where he comes through in full force, so I gotta respect that. I will check this out, and whether it fares for the better or worse, oh well. I'll take it for what it us.

(i.e., not an Aaron Seltzer or Jason Friedburg 'film')

The first paragraph of this review read like the best advertisement ever. These two guys are hilarious. Fantastic hangover theater. I'm 30.

I would like to say that it's 4:19 pm Central time and I'm already drunk.

On tequila.

Oh yeah. Fuck yeah. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Yeah, Anastasia, me drunk too.

But since Riley was defending SuperBad, and seemingly very few want to post here, far as I've read- I wanted to respond by simply giving my apologies for the admittedly totally personal opinion I have of this movie, i.e., my main concern being

There are NOT two cops stupid enough to take a pimply-faced, obvious teenager solely based on a 'McLovin' ID. As funny as the concept must have been when everyone was stoned & fucked-up on that rad Friday night, putting it in front of an audience on-screen may do the trick and make you laugh, if you're in a good crowd, but after that? Forget it, the situation(s) is/are too implausible to forgive, and you'll feel exploited later when you realize just how easily you were taken in.(Like I haven't felt the same pain from other ultimately sad truths, y'all feeling me?? I don't cancel my own self out here)

'American Grafitti' displayed an ordinary night in the life of teenagers of that era and made it REAL- whatever shit Geroge Lucas put out after that I'm not even prepared to defend, but he got the point across with this film-

In contrast, SuperBad stretches the limits of authenticity, moreso than Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink, St Elmo's Fire (still love that one), Ridgemont High and all the other celluloid that pretends to represent true American youth- it just ain't so, people.

As poetic and romantic as you want to make your own high-school dreams, please tell me your own exeriences were not even remotely identifiable with the scenes you see in SuperBad. that's my confirmation that this sad director is so desperately trying to portray, but failing badly all the same.

I survived three different high-school experiences, thanks to my Air Force Dad, and I can safely say that none of the aforementioned scenes bore any resemblance to what I personally experienced, in the same time periods these movies focused on. In fact, they were much more entertaining, which makes SuperBad all the more lacking in true originality.

I know I'm way off subject here, but let me just say this: keep your own memories alive, and don't rely on stupid Hollywood-manufactured crap to create your memories for you.

ANY film experience is directly related to the state of mind you're in when you partake of it. Let NO ONE change your opinion of what you see, and treasure, for your own self, and cling to that opinion of your own personal experience. THAT is what movies are all about. They only try to re-create our own personal reality, and hopefully don't manage to entirely change your own pre-conceived notions.

(Another post I'll be ashamed of in the morning; please forgive my "Franzian" ramblings tonight, dear friends)

Any readers left? Fire at will.

I loved Anchorman, and I was thinking of seeing this movie, but I don't think I can take the sight of Will Ferrell naked or near naked again.

The only things that would moisten would be my tear ducts.

Forgive the double dipping.
TMax, I've just re-read your great comment, and wanted to reply.

'.....THAT is what movies are all about. They only try to re-create our own personal reality, and hopefully don't manage to entirely change your own pre-conceived notions'.

This is very true, and also reminds me of something I read concerning science fiction - but it also applies to comedy. Merlot prevents me from remembering who said it,or when, but it went something like this.

No matter how alien a situation is, whether it's happening on Venus or in Venice, the theme described has to have some basic logic attached to it that we can relate to. I wish I could remember who said this, but I'm ver ver drunk.

Exhibit A for the prosecution. Pluto Nash.

TMax, I am also going to regret this tomorrow (never post while drinking) but I saw The Breakfast Club on a first date when I was a freshman in high school. In the movie theater.

Anyway, I do distinctly remember, when they were all gathered around toward the end doing their teary confessionals feeling that I could identify with a lot of what they said.

Whatever John Hughes was going for, it certainly resonated with this teenager at the time.

(I was the Ally Sheedy character.)

Riley,

I must apologize: I re-read your 1st paragraph & realized that my stoopid ramblings didn't even reflect or address your own totally valid point of view, and you are as entitled to the same with or without my protestations (sorry, been watching too much John Adams DVDs this weekend-great HBO mini-series, by the way)

In other words, I did not mean to specifically criticize any fans of Ferrell or 'Anchorman' - just sayin' that Lord, certainly there's better material out there than the "Talents-That-Be" have been taking-

why don't they fucking PURSUE it instead of settling for the crap they themselves make?

I don't deny their talents, I'm just disgusted at the projects they choose.

Aren't we all?

StephanieS and Anastasia,

I promise I'll respect you both in the morning, thank you so much for not trampling over my point of view - I'd flirt with you both if I had a clue as to how-

But your POV's are really appreciated. I've seen Breakfast Club numerous times, & the Ally Sheedy character was particularly - okay, no more kissing ass here as I've been accused of previously.

'Night all.

I am so disappointed in John C Reilly. As for Will Ferrel, Hes about as inconsistent as my ability to avoid stepping into puddles. (its a work in progress.)

Actually, Tmax, I believe it was the 'tongue in the ass' that you were accused of. Goofy.

This just looks really unappealing. The last movie I saw with Will Ferrel in it was Blades of Glory. And I cried. Hard.

Anastasia and Tmax, I'm pretty sure that the "brain salad" thing has already happened. And it was awesome.

I laughed for weeks.

Well, Fucking A. That html didn't work.

FINE. Brain salad= http://www.pajiba.com/semipro.htm

At least John Hughes movies acknowledged class differences. I always hated how in more recent teen movies everybody was from an upper-middle-class suburb, but that the specificity of that was never addressed. Sure, his movies were earnest, but at least they weren't so damned blase about everything.

As for Fast Times, I still maintain that that movie is, in many ways, very depressing. I love it and it has its hilarious moments, but there are really poignant parts in it.

I don't understand how Will Ferrell can make me love him to the point of tears in "Stranger Than Fiction" and make so many of these low comedy films. I don't think it is just the Dustin Hoffman proxmity principle either (Every one is better when they act in close proximity to Dustin Hoffman--see Tom Cruise in "Rainman".) because I thought Ferrell was adorable in "Elf". I do enjoy crass humor soemtimes and it certainly has its place in escapist cinema but couldn't he do a few more Harold Crick roles to balance out the myriad Ricky Bobby roles?

Never mind the movie...the review was fucking brilliant.

Turd covered in burnt hair, indeed.

Why, by the way, does Horatio Sanz even have a career, anyway?

The stupidest person that I have ever met (who, coincidently, works in my office) told me that this was the best movie he had ever seen. Laughed his American-Eagle-clad ass off, apparently.

In that moment, I knew that I would never see this movie, and this review has confirmed that I have made the right decision.

Thank you, stupid guy at work...and thank you, Pajiba. My eyeballs will be saved from the sight of Will Ferrell's balls.

The stupidest person that I have ever met (who, coincidently, works in my office) told me that this was the best movie he had ever seen. Laughed his American-Eagle-clad ass off, apparently.

In that moment, I knew that I would never see this movie, and this review has confirmed that I have made the right decision.

Thank you, stupid guy at work...and thank you, Pajiba. My eyeballs will be saved from the sight of Will Ferrell's balls.

I was kind of aroused by lumberjack Will Ferrel. Is that so wrong? Especially when he spontaneously yelled.

Hmm-mm.

worst money ever spent at a movie theater... and i paid to see Spice World (when i was in the 7th grade; even then i knew it was lame)

Haha.
Awesome review! "Dumber than the pool of urine keeping Paris Hilton's brain afloat"
You Americans are funny though, gettin all heat up over this while a the biggest moron of all sits in the Whitehouse shittin out nuggets of moronic gold.
yee har!