Jasmine Markes Archive

Welcome to the Author Archive for Jasmine Markes

Please Don't Forget To Install the Vagina Gate. It's For Your Own Safety

Are You Tired Of This Face? Ryan Gosling Thinks You Are And That Maybe We Should Take A Break

Lena Dunham Knows She Probably Wouldn't Enjoy Pi(e) Day As Much If She Had To Maintain A Victoria's Secret Model's Figure

Even the Luminous, Charming Mila Kunis Is No Match for that Sexpot Judi Dench

Charlize Theron is a Real Ballerina and a Real Hero

Is Alison Brie's Adorably Spastic Return to Rap Enough to Make You Stick With Community?

She Will Take What is Hers With Fire and Lingerie

Even Someone as Brain Meltingly Hot as Idris Elba Can Feel Ugly Sometimes

Beyonce is Going to Have Pay Her Own Super Bowl Bills, Bills, Bills

Let's Sit, Stay, and Speak About This Year's Puppy Bowl Lineup

Megan Fox, Whose Brow Is Like An "Elaborately Camouflaged Butterfly," Is Obviously Prettier Than "Perfectly Plain" Amy Adams

Ryan Gosling Smokes the Competition in a Game of "Would You Rather" at the Gangster Squad Premiere

Alison Brie Freestyle Raps With Danny Pudi, Sadly Not In Spanish Or All That Well

Maybe That Monkey Was Just Looking For A Wedding Gift For Some Newlyweds In Washington

I Doubt Your Fantasies About Summer Glau As An Elf Were Ever This Wholesome

Right Now, This Little Guy Is Making You Better At Your Job

All But One Of The Fab Five Flipped Over A Trip To The White House

Happy Birthday Ryan Gosling! You May Be Getting Older, But You'll Always Be Our Baby Goose

Hatten Down Your (Cumber)Batches: Giant Winds In The East And A Giants Win In The West

How Much Would You Pay To Be Besties With Tina Fey And Amy Poehler For A Night?

One Loud Leap For Mankind