The Daily Trade Round-Up / Seth Freilich
Magnum motherfucking P.I. is coming back to TV … kinda sorta. Unfortunately, it’s just Tom Selleck making his return to regular series work, and not a much-desired (at least by me) “Magnum P.I.” reunion show. In any event, Selleck is joining NBC’s “Las Vegas,” where he’ll fill the void being left by the departing James Caan. No word on who will fill the void of the also-departing Nikki Cox, but I’ve got … nah, the breast jokes are all too obvious. Fill in your own.
Brace yourself for this next bit — Fox has actually made the tasteful choice for once. Tonight’s scheduled new episode of “Bones” has been yanked for a rerun because the new episode has something to do with human remains found on a college campus, which is certainly unfortunate timing in light of Monday’s horrible Virginia Tech tragedy. So Fox decided to avoid any criticism and just yank the show for a presumed later air date. And just to clarify — please note that this is the Fox entertainment channel, not Fox News. We all know Fox News never takes the high road. (I may pass up the chance for a breast joke, but I’ll never pass up the chance for a Fox News dig!)
I’m a big fan of Keith Olbermann, except for the fact that he has a tendency to ride his high horse a little too much for my tastes. So I’m happy to see him continue the trend of returning to his sports roots by joining NBC’s “Football Night in America,” the studio show that surrounds NBC’s big Sunday Night Football. The only thing I’m wondering about here is that this means there are now five “analysts” for the show (Keith will be joining Bob Costas, Chris Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis and Tiki Barber), which sure seems a bit much to me. But if Tiki and (especially) Jerome keep it down a little, the other three might get into some really interesting and entertaining discussion and analysis. Except, we all know that isn’t likely to happen and it’ll just be more crappy pre-game studio garbage, right?
Something that is not garbage, however, is “Top Chef.” (See what I did there with that transition? That’s why I’m a professional!) Anyway, “Top Chef” may be my favorite reality show at the moment, so I’m tickled that the third season will be airing this summer (although Bravo hasn’t said when, exactly). And while the Season 1 host was fired before Season 2, that trend has not been repeated, so all you Padma Lakshmi haters out there can continue your hating. Tom Colicchio and Gail Simmons have also been kept on as judges, although “Queer Eye’s” Ted Allen has been added as an addition judge (which is fine by me, as I’ve actually enjoyed his prior appearances on the show).
Speaking of returning shows, Showtime has announced that both “This American Life” and “The Tudors” will be getting sophomore seasons. I’m tickled pink about “This American Life,” which will have another six episode season airing sometime next year. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s a beautiful little show and if you have Showtime, you really should be watching. As for the second season order of “The Tudors” (which was a move that was all but presumed when the initial ratings didn’t tank), whatever — I don’t care for the show, but I figure some of you out there might be fans, so good news for you, I guess. And while we’re talking about Showtime, it’s worth mentioning that the network has ordered up at least five episodes of a new sketch show, “State of the Union.” The show will feature Tracy Ullman who will, as one would expect, be playing a variety of roles in various satirical skits. Should be interesting to see if she’s still got it.
I may need your help, dear readers. You know that Burger King commercial with the guy in the tub who tells his wife he’s “Spongebob Nopants?” I can’t help it, but it continues to make me giggle almost every time I see it. Seriously, that can’t be good for me. I haven’t enjoyed a commercial this much in a long time. Help me, please.
And I’m willing to turn to you, the readers, for help because sometimes I just love y’all so much. For example, the comment section to my recent “Drive” review has started to turn into a discussion of car porn, and feminists’ love of guys with guns and car porn, which amuses me to no end (and for the record, in the Impala vs. Dodge debate, I’m personally all about the Dodge and its testicle shaking roar). In any event, now that the early numbers are in, every sign points to this show joining creator Tim Minear’s collection of short-lived shows. The Sunday numbers were not good, but more importantly, its Monday numbers (in its regular timeslot) really stunk. It was surely expected to fall behind both “Dancing with the Stars” and “Deal or No Deal,” but you gotta figure Fox was hoping that it wouldn’t also get whooped by the CBS comedies “How I Met Your Mother” (which was a rerun) and “The New Adventures of Old Christine.” So feel free to start placing your bets on when Fox decides to cut and run.
Speaking of cutting and running, the internet rumors are flying about two on-the-bubble shows and whether they may return next fall. First, rumors are floating that CBS’ ratings-challenged “Jericho” will, in fact, be getting a second season. I’m still watching the show, but with only the vaguest of interest, and I really wouldn’t cry if CBS did decide to cancel it. But if the other internet rumor is true, I will cry. Tears will be shed. Garments will be rendered. There are only two bubble shows that I desperately want to come back. One is “Friday Night Lights.” That’s not what this rumor is about. Instead, it’s … I’m having trouble even typing the words.
Deep breath.
OK, the rumors are flying that my girlfriend “Veronica Mars” is d-diddly-dead. All the rumors seem to trace back to the same source, a USA Today critic who said that another writer said that the show is dead, and according to the USA Today critic this writer is “almost always right about these things.” That’s a pretty unsubstantiated rumor, if you ask me. That being said, I’m actually becoming more and more convinced that my girl is done for, regardless of rumors, and I’m trying to steel myself to this eventuality. The only thing the show really has in its corner (since we all know fan support without matching ratings is generally worthless) is critical support. But with the format changes and the huge gaps of time between the airing of new episodes, the vocality of that support has died down. Let’s just be ready for it, that’s what I’m saying.
And now, some quick updates on Pilot Watch 2007. First of all, CBS — I hate you. I mean, I really hate you. The cause of my hate is the impending “Pop Dynasty.” This filth is an “American Idol” type show, only they’ll be looking for a whole family act instead of a solo act. And the judges on tap are Jermaine, Tito and LaToya Jackson. Seriously, CBS, I hate you. The only good thing about this show is that, because Jermaine Jackson is involved, it gives me a reason to yet again mention my favorite idiotic celebrity kid name of all time — Jermajesty. I mean, “Jermajesty Jackson” is just brilliant.
Staying with CBS, it seems the network has a cushy little relationship with Jay Mohr. Unbeknownst to me, he’s had a recurring role on “Ghost Whisperer” this season (and here I thought the ones with a recurring role on that show were Jennifer Love’s Hewitts … bah-dum-dum!). In any event, he’s also got a holding deal with the network, and CBS has now attached him to an untitled comedy pilot. I’ve actually told you about this show before — from the “Will & Grace” creators (one of whom is straight and one of whom is gay), it’s about writing partners, one of whom is straight and one of whom is gay. Mohr will be playing the straight writer, a guy who loves sports (get out of here!), while the gay writer will be played by … Brian Austin Green! If this show gets picked up, Mohr may set a new “short-lived TV show” record for himself, which currently sits at however many episodes the very underappreciated “Action” ran for (about 13, I think). But whatever happens, Mohr will bounce back just fine — in fact, if “Ghost Whisper” gets picked up for a third season and his comedy pilot isn’t picked up, CBS will be making him a regular with the Breasts. So it’s really a win-win for him. Except that, in either event, he’s on a terrible show. But you get what I mean.
And actually, it looks like today’s Pilot Watch is all about CBS, as my last bit is about a new game show pilot the network has picked up - “Who Do You Trust?” The show is purportedly based on the old “prisoner’s dilemma,” a game theory experiment where two players can choose to either cooperate with or betray each other. The game show would pit strangers against each other, with each having various options to cooperate or betray the other for different types of rewards and punishments (and it may involve them placing bets on what the other will do, as well). While this actually sounds half-decent, CBS has already ruined it by signing bow-tie wearing Tucker Carlson as the host. Politics aside, Carlson just annoys the hell out of me, and this puts a big kink in my ability to sit through this show, should the pilot get picked up.
So just to recap, next fall, I may not be able to see the wonderful Kristen Bell on my TV, but the trade-off is that I may instead have Bow Tie? You know, with them making a sitcom out of that damn Geico caveman commercial, how about a sitcom out of the BK “Spongebob Nopants” guy? I think I’d rather see that than Tucker Carlson!
Seth “the Orangutan” Freilich is Pajiba’s television columnist. He apologizes for the lame Jennifer Love Hewitt breast joke — but he had already passed up a breast joke when mentioning Nikki Cox, and it’s just not in him to pass up two opportunities for breast jokes. He is, after all, a damned dirty ape.
Pajiba Love 04/18/07 | | Anybody Want a Peanut? Films for Lil' Pajiba |
Comments
i believe "jermajesty" is the worst name of all time. officially.
Posted by: SAS at April 18, 2007 9:36 AM
I'm of no help on the commercial front. That friggin' picture of Spongebob made me giggle.
Posted by: Mara at April 18, 2007 9:38 AM
What? No love for rap cat?
Youtube
Posted by: Stephen at April 18, 2007 9:41 AM
I'm personally all about the Dodge and its testicle shaking roar
My god. That line just gave me a lung full of coffee. At any rate, Mr. Salted agrees with you and Jerce, when I asked him which car was the winner he said, "Oh! The Dodge!" as if I had just asked him if he'd rather spend the day playing video games or lingerie shopping with my mother.
Posted by: litelysalted at April 18, 2007 9:55 AM
How creepy is it that the Spongebob Nopants guy is taking a bath with the door wide open and his kids come running in? I laugh at the commercial too but that part gives me the willies.
Posted by: Pammeey at April 18, 2007 10:22 AM
Pammeey, I totally agree. I think later in the commercial they make a point to show that the door is closed behind his wife.
Bow down to Jermajesty!
(I had to type that because I can't say it aloud right now, damn it!)
Posted by: Katie at April 18, 2007 11:35 AM
Oh my GOD, enough with the damn game shows! I thought we already went through this boom with Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and all the dating shows. Usually you have a good 10 years before a fad recycles, right? Apparently it never went away at all. Damn "Deal or No Deal" caused this resurgence didn't it? Why is programming for the unemployed and elderly now a prime time staple?
Posted by: Rob at April 18, 2007 11:41 AM
What Rob said.
Posted by: Louise at April 18, 2007 12:09 PM
Seth, go to Youtube and look up "Skittles rabbit commercial." It may take away the sting of VM's impending cancellation...a little.
Fucking CW. I can't stand the thought of Kristen and Enrico not working together for much longer. Their relationship is one of best on television.
Posted by: Julie at April 18, 2007 12:25 PM
It's KRISTEN Bell.
Yes it is, Jeff. It is also a typo which has been corrected. -- SF
Posted by: Jeff at April 18, 2007 12:33 PM
I forgot about Jermajesty. It's probably the only celebrity baby name that's worse than Audio Science. And Audio Science is very, very bad.
Posted by: M at April 18, 2007 12:37 PM
But come on, every one who went to business school knows how to behave in the prisoner dilemma
Posted by: Matthew at April 18, 2007 12:42 PM
Don't apologize, Seth. I wouldn't be able to pass up more than one breast joke either.
Pammeey, I thought I was the only one. It added another layer of creepy humor to the commercial. Maybe the kids were so excited, they just burst in on them in the bathroom? Heck, I am still trying to figure out why he is taking bath in the middle of the day while everyone else is dressed.
Posted by: Vermillion at April 18, 2007 12:47 PM
I enjoy the Kelloggs' Raisin Bran Crunch commercial. The Guys eating cereal in the warehouse (which, happens all the time, by the way.)
"I like it because in the middle of 'Kellogg's' it says "ello", like a british greeting. 'ello guvna."
Where's O'Reily's game show. THAT'S something I could get behind. People start winning money, and O'Reily starts screaming "YOU WANT ANARCHY!", cutting mics and punching people in the throat. It's the fututre.
Posted by: "Other" Rob at April 18, 2007 12:50 PM
So glad to hear you bring up Jermajesty. Ever since I heard about this name I have been completely fascinated with the absurdity of it. First of all, and it almost doesn't need to be said, but ego much? Additionally, what the hell is the nickname for that? I mean I do not believe that they go around calling the kid Jermajesty all the time (though these are the Jacksons so I suppose that it might be sort of understandable). So what is it? Jerm? Jermaj? Madge? Jermy? Jer? Je? J? I hate those people!
Posted by: Lizzy at April 18, 2007 1:24 PM
Oh, Seth. Say it ain't so! The world (meaning CW) chooses the PUSSYCAT DOLLS over Veronica Mars?? I'll be looking out for the four white hours heralding the apocalypse.
Posted by: bonnie at April 18, 2007 1:34 PM
Re: Skittles Rabbit commercial...I can't watch it at night when I'm alone. It scares the bejesus out of me.
"Other" Rob has the best idea. I would watch that show.
Posted by: Rebekah at April 18, 2007 1:37 PM
Other-
I'm copying litelysalted's remark of sucking down "a lung full of coffee" when I just read your post. Now that WOULD be a show worth watching! Good stuff!
Oh, and speaking of stupid names, where does Jason Lee's kid's name fall?: Pilot Inspektor. Sweet sassy molassy!
Posted by: Helcat at April 18, 2007 1:44 PM
I just looked at the Rap Cat on utube...there's a video there of the "Rap Cat Controversy" which, honestly has to be more interesting than the Pussycat Dolls.
Bring back Veronica!
Posted by: Trixie at April 18, 2007 1:52 PM
"Spongebob Nopants" is my boyfriend's hero. He is delighted in the way only a child on Christmas should be delighted every time that commercial comes on.
As for the rest of the round-up: wow, I just don't care about any of it. I don't watch any of the shows that may be continued or canceled, and the pilots don't sound interesting to me. The only thing that I care the slightest bit about is Keith Olbermann on the football dealy. I don't usually watch the pre- and post-game thingy-do's, but I might watch just to see him. He makes me happy.
Posted by: MDA at April 18, 2007 3:05 PM
I am pleasantly surprised that Fox took the tasteful route for once...although it can't help but remind me of the Buffy episode "Earshot"....I always wondered why Jonathan took a high-powered rifle to the tower just to kill himself, then I read an interview where Joss Whedon explained that the show was due to air right after the Columbine shooting happened, and that orginally Jonathan was to be a mass-murderer, but they opted to change it to the whole ridiculous cafeteria lady thing.
Sorry, in light of another Tim Minear show being cancelled, I felt the need to reminisce about Buffy.
Posted by: kdm at April 18, 2007 3:20 PM
If there is one show I am motherfucking sick to death of hearing about, it's Veronica fucking Mars. Seriously, do half the people on the internet just sit around jacking off while thinking about it? Cause everytime I read anything about tv, it's always people going on and fucking on about that show, and about to piss their pants when the rumors are flying (AGAIN) about it getting canceled. I understand that people like it, but good God. Is it really worth this level of hoopla? I was honestly not that impressed with it. It's another fucking Buffy that gets fellated by the intelligencia of tv watchers who praise it for being "smart" and having "clever" dialogue. Please.
By the way, I went to college with James Jordan (he goes by Jim actually) and he's a pint-sized, self-important douche. Maybe that has something to do with why this show gets on my nerves so much.
Posted by: enough already at April 18, 2007 3:23 PM
Jer? Je? J?
AWESOME "Kids in the Hall" near-reference, Lizzy. But I think I'll have to go for a simple "Jerry" on this one. We can only hope.
I'm going to make a point of saying sweet sassy molassy out loud IRL at least once in the next 24 hours.
Posted by: Ranylt at April 18, 2007 3:44 PM
A month or so ago I was dining at Craft with my wife and another couple and just got done exclaiming that you will never see a "celebrity chef" in one of his restaurants. Less than a minute later Tom Colicchio strolls by the table. Our dinner companions were friends of his so he stopped by to chat.
He's a super nice guy...not at all what I expected. I'm not much of a sycophant but I had to tell him that 'Top Chef' was the only reality show I can stomach (punny!). He said that they were just getting ready to start production in Miami and that this season's crop of chefs is the strongest yet... "no dogs" in the group. (His word, not mine.)
Posted by: dirty at April 18, 2007 3:44 PM
RE: Veronica Mars
Is it really worth this level of hoopla?
Without question, yes. The first season of VM was the most well-executed full season of any show I have ever seen, network or cable. Everything clicked, the writing, the acting, and the pacing were top-notch. Each episode gave you just enough details to keep you satisfied that things were moving forward, but left you wanting more. And in the season finale they were able to bring closure to two season-long mysteries and tie up several other loose ends in a way that didn't feel forced.
I have enjoyed the second and third seasons a lot, and sincerely hope that the show doesn't get cancelled, although it wouldn't surprise me if it did. It's a damn shame when shows like "According to Jim" can stay on the air forever, but shows like VM and Arrested Development struggle to find an audience.
Posted by: Dignan at April 18, 2007 4:00 PM
"Jermaj"???? That will never not be funny to me. It reminds me of this story (urban legend?) one of my friends used to tell when we had imbibed, about a pair of twins named "Lemonjello" and "Orangello". That's the whole story right there.
Posted by: Cara at April 18, 2007 4:20 PM
I agree with everything dignan said about VM. It is worth the hoopla and the execs at the CW are morons if they cancel it.
Posted by: shannon at April 18, 2007 4:23 PM
Seth, you might want to check this out. It seems this whole time you've been laughing at a godless, depraved, sinful advertisement for BK.
http://adage.com/garfield/article?article_id=116110
Posted by: Salt&Pooper at April 18, 2007 4:23 PM
"Berries and cream, berries and cream, I'm a little lad who loves berries and creeeeeeeam!"
And the Holiday Hawk Sierra Mist commercial. The "berries and cream" guy, the singing Skittles rabbit, and the Holiday Hawk would be my perfect commercial block...with a clip of "I've got a big head! Arnd little arms!" shown in between each. And maybe someone could drag up that Snickers commercial from the 2000 election with the cartoon donkey and elephant. That would be grand.
Posted by: Geetch at April 18, 2007 4:26 PM
Geetch! I loved that Snickers commercial.
GW elephant: "Sometimes I like to wear my dad's pants."
Gore donkey: "I invented pants."
Posted by: Julie at April 18, 2007 4:49 PM
VERONICA MARS!?! Nooooooooooo!!! With management decisions like this going on at the old CW I'm betting that they won't be around for too long I only hope Smallville gets picked up by some other network or ends before that happens.
Posted by: wandereraz at April 18, 2007 5:25 PM
Maybe I'm the only one who still cares, but I love me some Sorkin...
Is there any word on when (or if) at least the remaining episodes of the season will be aired? I know you said that at least two more are already in the can.
Posted by: Bucko at April 18, 2007 5:57 PM
I could never get into VM, don't know why but I just couldn't get past the "sassy" protagonist. She just rubs me the wrong way.
As for Jay Mohr, his career is a like big fat volume of unfulfilled promise. It's a shame really.
And, why in hell didn't they get rid of the anorexic with the speech impediment on Top Chef? Seriously, she's just as bad as Billy Joel's girlfriend. At least the new judge has an Anthony Bourdainish vibe that brings something to the table.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 18, 2007 7:47 PM
Geetch: I love the berries and cream guy. I saw that commercial for the first time at 3 in the morning and thought I was on something. Everytime I see it I sing along.
The BK commercial has just gotten old... my reaction was the same as the mom's.
Posted by: Monica at April 18, 2007 8:18 PM
By the way, my favorite commercials are both cell phone commercials:
1) The T-Mobile 5 commercial where the guy finds his girlfriend in his buddy's 5, only when said buddy tries to deny it, she calls the phone and the ringtone is "Secret Lovers". And then the buddy half-shamefully takes the phone to answer it.
2) The Sprint commercial where the guy demonstrate his 'antitheft' feature on his phone by hurling it as hard as he can into his friend's face. Then does it again on general principle, I guess.
Posted by: Vermillion at April 18, 2007 9:18 PM
YAY!!!! I LOVE TOP CHEF!! I'm so happy they've brought Ted Allen along for the ride!
Posted by: KatyBelle at April 18, 2007 9:56 PM
I'm sorry but that Spongebob commercial just isn't funny to me.
I always wish the wife would just throw a radio in the tub....
Now THAT would be funny!
Posted by: acatnamedfrank at April 18, 2007 10:37 PM
It's so comforting to know that if V-Mars doesn't return for another season, the CW will be smart enough to replace it with another kick ass girl power show... you know, like the Search for the Next NEXT Pussycat Doll, or whatever.
Posted by: slickpig at April 18, 2007 10:40 PM
"...around calling the kid Jermajesty all the time (though these are the Jacksons so I suppose that it might be sort of understandable). So what is it? Jerm? Jermaj? Madge? Jermy? Jer? Je? J? I hate those people!
Posted by: Lizzy"
AHAHAA! Oh definitely Jermaj!
But Madge when they're pissed at him...her.. it.
I too am miserable at the idea of Enrico and Kristen not working together.
I agree with all those who have commented on how the very close father-daughter relationship was one of the best parts of the show. Makes you go all wistful and "Awww!"
Posted by: Loob at April 18, 2007 10:46 PM
Katybelle wrote: "YAY!!!! I LOVE TOP CHEF!! I'm so happy they've brought Ted Allen along for the ride!" Since this was pretty much what I was going to say, anyway, I'll just add a "me, too."
Posted by: Kris at April 18, 2007 10:52 PM
"It reminds me of this story (urban legend?) one of my friends used to tell when we had imbibed, about a pair of twins named "Lemonjello" and "Orangello". That's the whole story right there.
Posted by: Cara at April 18, 2007 4:20 PM"
Sounds like a scene from that excellent movie "The Grave", wherein Craig Sheffer, Josh Charles and Donal Logue were convicts lookin' to find buried treasure!
Everyone rent it immediately, you'll be glad you did! :D
Posted by: Loob at April 18, 2007 10:54 PM
Let's get one thing straight, Seth. Veronica is MY girlfriend. You got it?
On a serious note, now that Andy Barker is gone and it appears Veronica is on her way out too, I'm pretty much done with TV. I'll still watch the Office and The Daily Show/Colbert Report, but that's about it.
Posted by: Scott at April 19, 2007 1:27 AM
Cara, your friend must have been hangin' in my hood, cause I can confirm that it's not just legend. I actually knew of two kids named Orangello and Lemongello (pronounced "oh RAHN jelloh" and "leh MON jelloh" - see, it's funnier when you hear it first and have to figure it out). Not sure if they were twins. It still makes me giggle to think about it.
Posted by: Busy at April 19, 2007 1:56 AM
Jermajesty, Pilot Inspektor, Moxie Crimefighter, Audio Science, Apple, Rumer...celebrities should not be allowed to name their own children. (Though I must admit, I think Pilot Inspektor and Moxie Crimefighter would make a fabulous pair on some TV show in 20 years.)
Posted by: Jen at April 19, 2007 6:57 AM
I think my typo post above came off sounding a lot snarkier than I meant. (Although bitchy people is who this website's advertised to.) Keep up the good work Seth. I need you to cleanse my palate after reading Matt Roush's tripe over at TV Guide.
Posted by: Jeff at April 19, 2007 1:49 PM
