Pajiba

http://www.meatsandfishes.com/apology/index.php?date=2008-03-24

Cute.
It's "paula-nick", apparently, but I can't get out of the habit of saying "pah-lan-i-uk".

Having been to a couple of porn shoots, mainly gangbangs, I can say that the look in the girls eyes tells a tragic story of the human spirit. After coming out of college I must admit I dabbled in porn and was in a couple of movies, very very minor movies. I regret making those movies to this day, but I'm a better person for not giving up and coming through that rough storm in my life. Palahniuk's book hits home in that the main character is trying to make whole her many many mistakes that have devastated her life.

Kick ass review, Mr. Prisco. I was a huge fan of Palahniuk's earlier works, but after a while, the whole "how shocking can I be?" schtick started to wearing thin (I'm looking at your pasty-ass as well, Mr. Manson).

There's definitely somehting to be said for crashing outta the gates with art/music/literature the likes of which haven't been seen before - but after a while, there's gotta be something with a little more substance, less recycling of the same gross-out bullshit. I started losing interest after Lullaby, and after slogging through Haunted, I pretty much gave up entirely. I'm hoping Choke will kick ass, but in lieu of that, I'm pretty much done reading his stuff...

Aren't males who start doing porn almost obligated to make their first few movies gay?

I have yet to read any of Palahniuk's books...but I loved Fight Club and have been fascinated by how intricate the story has to be in the book. I'm starting to feel left out...I may have to go look into what he has.

Starting with Fight Club, of course.

Pookie, I just can never tell whether you're serious or not.

Best euphemism for "masturbate" I ever heard: "badger the witness."

Mad props for the ODB rhyme. RIP

Pookie, what were the titles of the movies you did? And I have to say, as a watcher of thousands of porn movies, the look in the girl's eyes is one of the turn-ons.

Damn, between Dustin's 'Round-up' title and Brian's entire book review, I've seen enough 'F' bombs dropped to annihilate a small country.

I also feel like I stumbled upon a 3rd-grade schoolyard of snickering kids who have just discovered a new naughty word.

The entire book couldn't match the filthiness of what I've just read on here today- come on, guys, you can do better than this.

S.O.D.: TO answer your question, more or less, yeah. It's one of the reasons you don't fuck with the gays: We can find just about ANYONE in a gay porn. Just give us five minutes and a box of Kleenex.

I've had the strange feeling sometimes while reading Palahniuk's work that he's a satirist on the level of Jonathan Swift, but more subtle. All his characters are drawn in such in a way that if you really empathize with them, you have to realize that you're just as twisted and empty inside as they are. Of course, that's just my interpretation, I'm open to the idea that I'm 100% wrong.

I might read this, I want to read Lullaby and Invisible Monsters first though.

I don't think I've ever debated posting a comment more than I just did. Innuendos aside, allow me to share with you my fountain of knowledge.
Taking it up the ass in any way (guy-guy, guy-girl, girl-guy, girl girl) pays the most. Some guys will start out doing het(erosexual) porn but switch to gay porn because it pays better, much better. Or do both. Viagra is tossed around like candy, so it isn't a big deal if you aren't gay/straight.

Stew...I....don't think I want to know....

Yep, gotta pull out the ODB now.

I wish I could remember if I read Fight Club or not. I'm pretty sure I did. I know the book is in my house. My life ten years ago tends to all blend together in a foggy mess. Chuck Palahniuk is like Tom Robbins to me. Authors who wrote books that I found relevant in my early 20's, but not so much anymore.

Esher Fern Gamble, I did Ass-tastic part#3, and a remake of Fist of Fury. I also had minor parts in Tails from the Darkside, and Missionary Impossible. I'm sorry I can't give you my real name because I'm through with that part of my life. Thank you for understanding.

"The novel is an unsatisfying length and girth, falling just a cunt hair short of 200 pages,"

*GROAN*

I'm not the biggest fan of Palahniuk...maybe I haven't read the better novels, I've only read three of his works (Choke, Stranger than Fiction, and Haunted), and out of the three I enjoyed his collection of essays the best. He's an interesting guy, and he has a volatile style of writing that can be almost cathartic, but he hasn't grabbed me the way he has others.

I starred in Rambone, The Poonies, Crocodile Blondee, The Hunt for Red Bonetober, Shaving Ryan's Privates, The Gland Below My Navel, Wee-Wee's Big Adventure, and Sex In The City.

Beat that, Pookster. How's rehab going?

Skitts rehab is going well, I'm being treated on an out patient bases so I can continue my work at my foundation. I did several Baseball theme porn movies such as Bang the bun slowly and Ate men out. I also did Malcolm XXX, Pubic Enemy, BJ and the Bear, Golden Shower Girls, Leave it to Beaver, Dirty Harry, The Bone Collector, and my last two movie were XXX Files and Hancock.

Buffy The Vampire Layer, The Amityville Whore, Edward Penishands, Rosemary's Baby Daddy, The Blair Bitch Project, and Diff'rent Strokes (II, III & VI). Although I miss those days, I'm glad to be out of the industry. Did I mention I was the fluffer on The Brown Bunny?

Keep on keeping on.

"i don't have no problem wit you fuckin me, but i have a little problem wit you not fuckin me"

goddamnit

Impressive Skitts, very very impressive. I stared in The Cunt of Monte Crisco, Along came a Ho, Dicking Traci, Fun with Dicking Jane, The Burning Bed, 90269, Mall Scats, Lets do it Again, Pumping Iron, Beat Street, Dead bang, All Over the Guy, and I did a Bio called Timothy's Bottom, High Infidelity, Ahocalypse Now, also I stared in the old t.v. show called "Canon"

"And they're neck and neck, ladies and gentlemen. These two consummate professionals of the evening are coming into the last vestiges of their careers as they race for the finish...and that shining prize at the end of the line...the Golden Strapon! Let's hush now, as they pause for breath..."

I hope this never ends.

I feel like I should trade in my popcorn and soda for a box of penis shaped gummies and raspberry flavored body lotion.

My dearest Julie...

You mean you don't have those on hand already?

"taken more dong than a church bell in an earthquake"

I fear I will not be able to rest until I have worked that line into a conversation.

Not at work Shadows! I have some sense of decency. I keep them in my special sexual-innuendo foodstuffs cabinet. Next to the paper towels.

Skit, you starred in Diff'rent Strokes? I was a Best Boy in Diff'rent Strokes 19 through 86. Then worked my way up to writer and director of Ass Pirates of the Carribean, Texas Gangbang Massacre, Creamer vs Creamer, Benny and Poon, and the Porn Ultimatum.

JP, you directed Benny and Poon (starring Johny Deep)? Wow... I auditioned for it, but kept breaking character during the scene where Benny sticks the forks in the dildermabobs and make 'em dance... Nice job, though!

I grew tired of the industry after minor roles in Buttman and Rubbin, A River Comes Through It, The Pimpsons, and The Nightmare Before Pissmas. Memories, man, scabby memories, but memories nonetheless...

Skitts, I also did Blow, Die Hard, There Will Be Some Blood, I Know Who Ass You Tap Last Summer, and I did the t.v. show "Big Brother", but the movie I'm most proud of is " Frankie In Johnny"

Skit, I know what you are saying. I became pretty jaded after helming Snatch Adams, Do the Tight Thing, and Mr. Margorium's Wonder Rectorium. Then I almost went insane trying to film Acockalypse Wow on location in the jungles of Reseda. So I make pottery now... Shaped like penises and vulvas.

Pookie, was that you in Orifice Space? You showed great...range.

I just got an email from my former producers reminding me that the movie was called "A Cocksinlips Now". I regret the error.

I am simply in awe of all of your...prodigious...talents.

Seriously...I haven't giggled this much under my breath at the office in months...

I was tempted to get back into the business after reading such scripts as American Booty, In And Out Of Africa, The Bitches Of Madisson County, Hairy Pooter, and You Don't Mess With The Blowhan. However, my acceptance speech at the 2006 AV Awards left a bad impression with many directors...

Brilliant character development in There Will Be Some Blood, Pookie...

You glorious wackjobs. The Poonies and There Will Be Some Blood have had me laughing for hours.

I know, I know. I got blackballed when I would not give up Director's Cut on Behind Enema Lines. Then there that hole "incident" during the making of Semi-Blow. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

Arrgh. I agree with some other posters that Chuck has lost it. Everything after Choke bites the big one. That's when he started playing the shock-me games in lieu of real character development. Sounds like this one is more of the same.

I do highly recommend Invisible Monsters -- best (and first) thing he ever wrote. Fight Club is just a smidge away from being that good.

Agreed scullypdx - it seems rather than focus on the story/character development, he'd rather try to one-up his previous level of yuck. I remember reading "Guts" in a magazine (Playboy, maybe?) and was left with a sense of "meh"... Trying to top a previous level of disturbing imagery, does not a good story make...

Unlike the script for Spray It Forward, which I am proud to have had a cameo appearance...

Spray it Forward was a real 'jerker. I cried. I soiled my shorts. I cried again. Wonderful 'job all around. Reminds me of my seminal performance in Spray Anything.

Thanks JP the tearjerkers are some of my favorites - Sarahdippedinme, Pretty Inner Pink, and Driving Miss Daisy Crazy are a few of the ones I keep coming back to. Although I'm slowly gaining appreciation for a few of the newer ones - Tight Club, The Royal Teninchbones, Independence Lay, and Lake Flaccid. Not quite top twenties, but definitely worth checking out...

I'm more of a fan of the comedies these days: Best in Ho, Blew Romance, Love in The Time of Gonorrhea, Sisterhood of the Traveling Panties, The Other Boinking Girl, Fantastic Fourseome, Be Kind Behind...

Were any of you in "10 Things I Ate Out With You"? That one's a real sentimental favorite of mine.

Maybe it's just me, but I had trouble even reading a few pages of the book in the store to see if I would give it a go. And it's not because of the writing.

I actually struggled to read the text on the page. It's brown text on yellowed paper. No one else has trouble reading this? I get the aesthetic choice: it's lowbrow, grainy, and has the 70's porno vibe that reflects the subject matter. It's a neat choice. I just don't want to have to get a stronger contact prescription because I read a Palahniuk book.

I'm pretty sure they'll be a paperback release down the line, and maybe that will be black text on white-ish paper so I can read it. Until then, it's a pass.

All that said, I just read Lullaby for the first time and was blown away. That's a beautiful novel about horrible people. Great concept and interesting execution. Kind of what I wanted to see in Haunted, only good, not crap.

Genny, I think that one starred Kickshaw Tallyho. You may remember him from such films as Sleeping with Seattle, Summer of 69, Endless Cummer, Night at the Cocksbury, and Das Booty.
And Goodnight ladies and gentleman.

Robert if you wanna see a horrific example of a book trying too damned hard, check out "House of Leaves" Initially, I bought it because the page layout was intriguing (last time I ever friggin' do that again - with the exception of Chip Kidd's stuff). It was a novel concept, but it made an already boring as shit story twice as hard to read. It almost seems that they had the concept for how the book'd be laid out prior to even writing the goddamed story. Suck town. Brown text on yellow paper, huh? Brilliant...

...much like my top five list - Star Whores: The Empire Strikes Crack, Sorest Rump, La Banga, Sperms Of Endearment, and Titty-Titty Bang-Bang.

Chuck Palahniuk wrote one good book with a weak ending (Fight Club), and then one excellent book (Survivor). Unfortunately, his writing has more or less gone all downhill since then. He needs to stop trying to shock people and get back to creating characters that matter.

Dammit. Last one. I swear. Goodnight and Goodfuck.

JP you magnificent bastard... I done gone run out. Any chance someone could do a little research and see how many of these are actually in existence?

How could you forget Thighs Wide Shut? The Joy Fuck Club? Intercourse With a Vampire? Wild Hogs?

(Edward Penishands is 100% legit, and as disturbing as it sounds.)

Skit, it has been a pleasure. But now I get can't these names out of my head. Blackcock Down, Resevoir Doggy Style, Sex Toy Story, The Lord of the Cock Rings, Skatatouille, Fingering Nemo, V for Vagina, Glory Hole, Rain Man Juice, Ferris Bueller's Jerk Off... I need help.

How did it come to this? How? It's a book review fer chrissake... I need to go wash my hands...

...right after How Harry Did Sally. HEEEY OOOOH!

The Whole Nine Inches, The Bondage Bunch, There's Something About Hairy, The Shagging DA, Puff The Magic Drag Queen, Meet Joe's Crack, Meet The Fuckers, The Brown Mile, Pulp Friction, oh... HOLY CRAP I CAN'T STOP!

Must... log... out...

In Honor of Skittimus, Pookie, JP and the rest, for jumping the comments to above 50, here are all of the porno titles listed in Snuff:

Sex With the City, Lust Horizons, Emergency Room Back Door Dog Pile, Titanic Back Door Dog Pile, Ford's Theatre Back Door Dog Pile -- later called Private Box -- later called Presidential Box, The Da Vinci Load, To Drill a Mockingbird, The Postman Always Cums Twice, Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, The Twilight Bone, A Tale of Two Titties, The Wizard of Ass, Gropes of Wrath, World Whore One; Deep in the Trenches, World Whore Two: Island Hopping, Moby Dicked, A Midsummer Night's Ream, Much Adieu About Humping, The Twelfth Knight, Snack Attack, Lassie Cum, Now!, World Whore Three: The Whore to End All Whores (the movie that will break the gangbang record), On Golden Blonde, The Ass Menagerie, Catch Her in the Eye, A Separate Piece, Bang the Bum Slowly, Butt Pirates of the Caribbean, Smokey and the Ass Bandit, Beat Me In St. Louis, Ali Boobie and the 40 D's, Robofox, Lay Misty for Me, The Importance of Balling Earnest, Lady Windermere's Fanny, The Blow Jobs of Madison County, Snow Falling on Peters, Guess Who's Coming at Dinner? -- later released as Black Cock Down, Twat On A Hot Tin Roof -- later released as Slut On A Hot Tin Roof -- later released as Cunt on a Hot Tin Roof, The Italian Hand Job, Three Days of the Condom, The Handmaid's Tail, The Asshole Jungle -- later released as How Reamed Was My Valley -- later released as Inside Miss Jean Brodie, Angels With Dirty Places, Sperms of Endearment, The Miracle Sex Worker, From Her to Eternity, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nuts, The Bad Juiced Bears, and Frisky Business.

This comment thread literally can be considered a sequel to the novel. Except the characters are better, and the ending will probably be more interesting.

Nice list but you forgot Mr. Smith cums in Washington, Double D's Indemity. Lord of the Cock Rings. Farris Bueller's Jack Off, When a Man Fucks a Women, Fags for our Fathers, Boned on the Fourth of July, The Big Fat One. Days of Gloryholes, Cocks Under Fire, Three Fags, Death Before Head, Das Booty, The
Great Asscape, From Queer to Eternity, The Dirty Cousin, Battle for the Bulge, Primal Queer, Lucky Number 69, S.Q.U.A.T, The Cum on All Fears,

insertclevernamehere you have gone above and motherfriggin' beyond, my friend and for that, I thank you.

Unfortunately, on the drive home, I thought of a few more. I have to get these out. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this may cause to readers hoping to read additional opinions on Chuck P's new book...

Star Whores 3: The Empire Strikes Crack, James Bondage: The World Is Tight Enough, A Tale Of Two Titties, Romancing The Bone, Sidelays, Undress Your Family In Corduroy & Denim, Willie Wanker And The Fudge Fucktory, Tango & Snatch, Lust In Space, In Her Space, Indiana Bone & The Temple Of Poon, Dora The XXXplorer... I'm not right in the head right now...

I should probably sto...

An XXXMas Story, Gladheateher, Three Men & A Labia, King Dong, 28 Lays Later, Chowedher (about an albino nympho - yeah it's a stretch, but like I said, I've gotta purge this shit outta my head so I can get back to more important things - like emptying my dishwasher), Bone Alone, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Behind, Deep Impact(ed), Lay Me In The Water, uh... (thank god, I'm running dry)... um... The Breakfast Chub, Breakfast In Tiffani's... uh... Because Of Quinn's Pricksy... Goldenbrowneye... thank heavens, I... I think I'm done.

Whew... I'd like to thank everybody who's stuck by me during this phase of filth... Drive safe and remember to tip your waitress and bartender - we'll see you tomorrow. G'night!

You've Got Nailed... there. I'm done. No m... Children Of The Porn, Firefarter, Salem's Twat, The Gland, Clitoris Claiborne, The Shawshank Penetration, Apt Poophole, The Dark Tower (deja vu on that one), Petting Sematary... WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY BLOCK ME? JESUS CHRIST, HELP A BROTHER OUT...

[...begins to sob into pillow...]

pookie, where you at? D'they take care of... uh, whatever the hell it is that I got? Wanna be bunkmates?

Skit. I have already started a therapy group for those of us addicted to naming porn movies based on regular movie names. I was going to give it an acronym, but could not come up with one that sounded like a porn movie name. This sickness is real. This could be the jumping point for a Palahniuk book. I'll invite Marla. I think she's watching Analize That downstairs. Pan's Labia comes on after that. We can have our meetings on Tuesdays. Wednesday is movie night. Marla and I are going to watch a movie that just came out, The Foot Fisting Way.

The Magnificent Seven Inches, Mutiny on the Booty, My left Nut, Raging Bull Dyke, Passenger 69, Pole-tergeist, Roger In Me, Dangerous Lesbians, Plapoon, Pricksies Honor, Gay Blade Runner, This is Anal Tap, All That Jizz, Mad Muff Beyond Thunderdome, The Queer Hunter, Grease, Anal Hall, Poonpillon, Enter the Dong, Goldfingered, 9 1/2 Inches, Splendor in the Ass, Inside the Man,

Where's everybody? I'm just getting started.

The Poondock Taints, The Italian Handjob(and the semi-sequel Blowjob), Gay and Silent Bob Cum Back, Girl, Intercoursed, The Hole, Fill Bill, LayHer Cake, One Night at McCock's, Cum Lola Cum, Starship Poopers, T.W.A.T., U-Turn Around, Whore Street.

... 28 Gays, Jizzmanji, The Fisting Full of Dollars, The Great Asscape, The Wild Munch, 12 Angry Inches, Come Like its Hot, A Street Whore Named Desire, Dial M For Muffdiving, Full Meaty Jacket, Forest Hump, American Booty, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Colon, Requiem for a Wet Dream

a chick who's about to take more dong than a churchbell during an earthquake

Marvelous! I should polish your shoes for this.

rant sounds like crash by ballard, except it's what got the characters off...hmmm...

Too bad 'Snatch' is a mainstream film... I preferred 'Cock, Fuck and Two Smoking Boners' though

I know this is terrible but if "snuff" were turned into a movie; does anyone else feel that "Cassie" was a role Anna Nicole Smith could have excelled in?

*Deep Breath*

I performed under the stage name 'Rick More-anus' and was a cast member in the following productions:

-In Her Shoes
-In Her Majesty's Secret Cervix
-Blinding Nemo.

PHEW! It was good to get that off my chest.

Harold and Kumar Go Do White Asshole, Bill and Ted's Gay Adventure, 8 Men Outed

Holy shit Rick More-Anus was you!!! didn't you also star in the following:

- 28 Lays and the follow up 28 Lays Later
- Bruce Allmeaty
- Das Booty
- For Your Thighs Only
- In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
- Clitty Lickers (1-3)
- Titty, Clitty Gang Bang (always a classic)

Personally I prefer something more political like "The 2008 Presidential Erection" starring Ba-Rock Hard O'Bummer, Hillary Clitoris and Join Madaisychain...

I just finished reading Survivor for the third time, and I am a life-long Pahalniuk fan. It popped my Chuck-cherry years ago, and I haven't gone back. Diary is my all time favorite of his. Choke is wonderful, and I am intrigued to see the film. Invisible Monsters deserves another reading as well.

DAMNIT, I meant Lullaby is my all-time favorite. I thought Diary was...ok.

Oh, and thanks for the laughs. It will take me hours to read all fo these porn titles.

You think the funny, punny ones are bad? Ive got an actual title to make your cornhole squnch up tight in disapproval. I won a Best Title Hunt in Dallas with this one:

"Pound My Tender Poopy Pot"

I shit you not. Pun unfortunately intended.

I am dying. I love you all.

Sweet Moses, this has got to be some sort of record for number of adult film titles, whether real or made-up... You twisted pervs have really outdone yourselves - I though I was pushing the envelope with Because Of Quinn's Pricksy... This is truly a milestone in... uh... well, a milestone in something...

Pervs...

Approximately 310 (give or take a few duplicates).

Wow. Just... wow.

[...slow clap begins, erupting in thunderous applause and cheering - a young boy confined to a wheelchair most of his young life miraculously stands, causing entire stadium to weep tears of joy - three jets soar overhead, releasing fireworks in their wake to the sounds of "We Are The Champions" - Michael Bay and Uwe Bowle are devoured by a giant mutant eagle tattooed with flags from around the world. All is right in the universe...]

...The Fuckit List... Done and done!

Michael Bay and Uwe Bowle are devoured by a giant mutant eagle tattooed with flags from around the world.

HA HA HA!!!

ok...ok last one I promise...

Drum roll please...

"Gladheateher"

Arrrrgghhhhhh apologies Skit didn't see that from you... curses foiled again

Fine then please make way for:

"Things to do in Denver to get head"

Sorry guys, I can't tell you my name, I'm considering a comeback. A couple of projects I'm looking at:

Bend Over Like Backham, Shag of the Dead, Pushing It In, The Lay of David Gale, Smokin' Asess, and the Latin trilogy, El Prostitute, DesperateWhore, and Once Upon a Time in Lexi's Hole.

I've already passed on a few:

Oldboys, The Great Gapesby, The Cumscrubber, Donnie's Dark Hole.

-BlackWolf

Oh shit, well the the load's been blown now.

I forgot to mention a few any way:

The Jizz Harvest, The Way of the Cum, The Huge Lebowski, Star Whores: the Phantom Penis and Attack of the Bones, Idle Cocks, The Blue Balls Brothers, and Club Head.

And some...*ahem* more "specialized" one I passed on:
Queefer Madness, Pride & PussyJuice, A Fist Called Wanda, and Punish-Her.

-Nathan

I think Disney makes the greatest porns...

Cherry Poppins.

Titty Titty Bang Bang.

The Dirty Minded Professor.

Holed Yeller.

The Schlong of the South.

I just cant help myself: GoodFellatios, My Big Fat Greek Cocking, My Best Friend's Bedding,The Right Muff, HerAssIs Porked, A MidCummers Night Cream, Felching Arizona...

Did anyone do Tightanus? How about Porn on the 4th of July? Sucking 9 to 5? Planet of the Gapes? Whore of The Worlds? An Inconvenient Cooch? HardDaddy? The Last Penis of Scotland? Charlie and the Boning Factory? Bruces Almighty Cock? Fucker Her by the Dozen? Gush Hour? Hpw the Grinch Stole Her Virginity? Sperminate Her? Elf Fuckers? Ocean's Eleven Sluts? The Perfect Porn? What Lies Beneath Her?
I am starting to see repetition here. Perhaps its time for a "best of" discussion of those already posted.

Yes Colombo, but Rick More-anus is behind me now.

Other films from my Golden-Era were:

Hairy Twatter and the Prisoner of Ass-Cavern
Interview with the Vibrator
27 soiled dresses
Tango & Gash

And I won the Phallic Baldwin new-cummer award for my role as Barry Eaten in 'Spunk-Drunk Love'

Ah, good times.

Behind you? What like right now?

Spunk-Drunk Love was excellent btw...
BUt as far as I am concernced you were robbed of Phallic Baldwin award when you didn't win for 2 Fucked 2(Bi)Curious

From the sounds of this book, and your thoughts on it... you might want to read Porno by Irvine Welsh. Like your relationship with Palahniuk novels, I'll read anything written by Welsh. And he's definitely one to create memorable, abominable characters. Porno picks up a few years after Trainspotting, and includes some of the characters from Maribou Stork Nightmares and Glue... It's quite good, though very graphic, and I'd recommend it to anyone interested in this type of a novel.