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Sherlock Holmes vs. Wolverine

The Great American Ab-Off / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | December 15, 2008 | Comments (71)

A couple of items of interest to most Pajiba fans happened over weekend. First off, for those of you fortunate enough to miss The Day the Earth Stood Still over the weekend, there was one highlight. The X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer debuted (below). To answer to your burning questions: Ryan Reynolds has about a half-a-second shot in the trailer, and Taylor Kitsch has all of 5 seconds devoted to his character, Gambit. It’s mostly Hugh Jackman bearing his chest and a lot of Liev Shrieber snarling, in addition to one helluva laughable slingshot onto a helicopter scene. I can’t say I was hugely impressed.


Also, related: Hugh Jackman has been tapped to host next year’s Oscar ceremony, an odd choice but for the fact that he’s hosted the Tony Awards thrice.

In other news, the first images for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes appeared online over the weekend. There are two images — one’s not that exciting, just shows Robert Downey, Jr.’s Sherlock with Jude Law’s Watson, but the other offers another glimpse of Robert Downey, Jr. without his shirt.

RDJ with no shirt? Hugh Jackman flashing nipple? You know what that means, right? It’s time for another of Pajiba’s Great American Ab-Offs! From the most professional movie review and news site on the internet comes this tense, gripping contest between two formidable chests. In one corner: Robert Downey, Jrs.’ slightly bloody, rib-prominent pecs, and in the other, Hugh Jackman’s hairy man-bulges.

Which chest will come out with both nipples. You vote: Who has the better abs?


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Comments

Sorry RDJites, but Jackman's got the better body, by FAR. He can't compete with just how goddamned cool RDJ is, but I'm voting on abs, not who I'd like to hang out with.

Posted by: Snath at December 15, 2008 2:21 PM

I love me some RDJ, but that's an unflattering picture of his abs. It looks like something from "The Curious Case of Robert Downey Jr's Abs"

Hugh Jackman, on the other hand... Well... I have been known to love men with hair.

Posted by: Sofía at December 15, 2008 2:23 PM

Hugh Jackman. The man oozes charisma. I want to ride his upper thigh like a hobby horse.

Posted by: Julie at December 15, 2008 2:25 PM

Blech! Again with the abs...the abs

Albs are the most overrated "hot guy" thing. Abs haunt my nightmares.

I likes me a man with a grover body, skinny with a bit of a tummy(minus the blue fur). How could I find a man attractive if there's no way we could eat sandwiches.

I therefore vote both sets of abs too ab-ish

Posted by: Park at December 15, 2008 2:40 PM

Somehow it doesn't matter if it's not too good. The Wolverine movie will never not be exciting.

Posted by: Meredith at December 15, 2008 2:40 PM

Why was Taylor Kitsch wearing clothes? That is just absurd!

Posted by: Austin at December 15, 2008 2:41 PM

Engh. I'm more attracted to RDJ, but that is one sad, drowned-rat, old-man picture. I think I'm gonna abstain from this one.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 15, 2008 2:41 PM

Sorry, guys. I love RDJ as much as anyone in Pajiba-land, but Jackman is, well, jacked.

And even if I had thought RDJ's were better, there's one thing that would have put me off. Sherlock Holmes should not have abs. He should be all tall and skinny and look pretty much just like Jeremy Brett in the first couple of seasons of the Granada Sherlock Holmes series. Sherlock Holmes should never, for any reason, be seen shirtless, rippling, and bloody in what appears to be an underground fighting ring. Yes, Holmes was athletic, but still! He shouldn't be all bulky and ripped.

Sorry. I read a lot of Conan Doyle and watched a lot of Jeremy Brett growing up and I think I might have a little bit of a bias.

Posted by: AnnArrogance at December 15, 2008 2:42 PM

The abs thing is no contest.

The trailer is not impressive. I fear this movie will blow.

If this movie stinks and "Watchmen" isn't any good, people will begin to discuss the fall/end of the comic book movie. Granted, they wont stop making them, but people will continually refer to the halcyon summer days of 2008.

Posted by: ajax19 at December 15, 2008 2:42 PM

I vote for Tim Riggins!! Oh, was that not an option?

Posted by: coveredinbees at December 15, 2008 2:43 PM

If I may borrow from the Pajibettes:
Mine are bigger.

The dirty farmer version of me that is.

Otherwise, I would have to think that both of these guys would get awfully cold in the winter. There is not nearly enough insulation on their bodies. Poor skinny bastards.

Posted by: admin at December 15, 2008 2:46 PM

I'm actually with Park on this one--abs don't do a whole lot for me. That said, Wolverine's a little too burly and hairy for my liking, so I'd actually have to go with RDJ's physique, unflattering photo be damned.

Posted by: meaux at December 15, 2008 2:49 PM

Abs! Abs! Again with the abs!

Abs are the most overrated "sexy guy" attribute.

Who wants someone that you couldn't eat sandwiches with?

I'll stick with grover-bodied guys thanks.

Posted by: Park at December 15, 2008 2:50 PM

Abs are the closest thing to sexy man boobs as you Y chromosome types can get.

Like the other commenters, I love me some RDJ, but Jackman's abs win hands down, (I wish).

Jackman hosting the Oscars could be fun. There's very few moviestars that can handle themselves infront of a live audience. For proof, watch "My Favorite Year" with Peter O'Toole. That would make a nice underappreciated gem review.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 15, 2008 2:54 PM

Wolverine's a little too burly and hairy for my liking

Oh man, thank you. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world who wasn't insanely in love with his body.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 15, 2008 2:57 PM

If we could just have Hugh Jackman and RDJ run at each other really fast, collide, wipe away the blood, and make love the end result, I would definitely cast my ballot for that witty, lightly haired, Tony-dancing man-beast.

Posted by: duckandcover at December 15, 2008 3:03 PM

I'm a fan of both muscle AND chest hair (in good proportion... excess of either is gross) so my vote easily goes to Hugh Jackman.

Posted by: Gabs at December 15, 2008 3:06 PM

I think its kinda shallow to think a man is sexy only if he has well deformed abs. If a woman had a flat stomach but her personality sucked, she wouldn't be attractive to me at all. Now if a women had a beer belly and her personality was great I wouldn't think twice about being in a relationship with her while she is in the gym trying to get rid of her beer belly.

Posted by: Pookie at December 15, 2008 3:06 PM

Park call me. RE: Sandwiches.

Posted by: Macafee at December 15, 2008 3:09 PM

I love RDJ, but Jackman wins this one, hands down.

Posted by: Brie at December 15, 2008 3:13 PM

Oh sorry Pookie, I didn't even realize there were men around those abs. When a man walks by all I see is some sexy abs hovering about 4 feet from the ground.

Posted by: becks at December 15, 2008 3:15 PM

As far as Sherlock Holmes is concerned, my vote goes to Basil Rathbone. Man, that man could fence! Unfortunately, he was always the bad guy, and Errol Flynn always ended up killing him, but Basil was better with the sword and the sexy pointed goatee thingy.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 15, 2008 3:17 PM

I think Hugh Jackman hosting could be a lot of fun. He was very charming at the Tony's and could give Billy Crystal a run for the money in the opening montage mash-up. He can sing, dance, slice things with his claws and um, talk in an Aussie accent. All while staying happily married with children. Yummy.

Posted by: amanda47 at December 15, 2008 3:19 PM

In a battle of abs between Hugh Jackman and RDJ, the clear winner is me.

Looking at those beautiful, shirtless men makes me long to do laundry. Hot, sweaty, exhausting laundry. Mmmmm... soapy.

I think its kinda shallow to think a man is sexy only if he has well deformed abs.

I'm not shallow, because I don't think that men with deformed abs are sexy. I only like the ones with well defined abs.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 15, 2008 3:28 PM

Clee Shay your sexism is deplorable, but I love your name.

Posted by: Pookie at December 15, 2008 3:35 PM

These contests play out so well in DR's imagination, that he doesn't even bother to pick better pictures for the rest to consider. RDJ was in top shape for Iron Man, yet there was no shirtlessness to show for it.

I think its kinda shallow to think a man is sexy only if he has well deformed abs.

Deformed abs are supposed to be sexy? Crazy Americans... I guess that explains Tara Reid.

Posted by: JC at December 15, 2008 3:41 PM

sigh Rowles, you're slipping. Unless the abs are a burden (which they might be, though likely less so than DDs), I suspect it's more accurate to say he "bares" them rather than "bears" them. Dammit, and I was hoping to get through this week without any nitpicking.

Besides that, Jackman's abs look more like muscular man boobs (mmoobs?), while RDJ looks like a lean Daniel Craig-worthy killing machine. As for which is hotter, I have no opinion, other than to wonder how Dustin's RyRey got left off the list.

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 15, 2008 3:45 PM

Jackman has the better abs. RDJ doesn't have abs: he lacks body fat. There is a significant difference.

Jackman looks like a brawny man who can kick your ass and steal your wife and then kick her ass, too. RDJ looks like a teenaged boy.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at December 15, 2008 3:56 PM

RDJ needs broader shoulders. Actually he's sexy for plenty of other reasons so it's not necessary for him to be physical perfection I guess.

I wish Jude Law was still hot. He used to be so pretty but he didn't age very well.

Posted by: becks at December 15, 2008 3:56 PM

Wolverine wins. But the hottest part of any dude is the shoulders anyway.

Posted by: grinder at December 15, 2008 3:57 PM

I likes me a man with a grover body, skinny with a bit of a tummy(minus the blue fur). How could I find a man attractive if there's no way we could eat sandwiches.

I'm with Park on the scrawny-boy love. Especially the ones with blue far. I tend to crush on the pudgy ones, too. And the ones with hot abs. And women.
It's possible I may just be a slut.

Posted by: jamiepants at December 15, 2008 4:10 PM

The fact you have stringent requirements does not make you a slut jamiepants. It makes you accessible.

Posted by: admin at December 15, 2008 4:27 PM

You BASTARDS!!! HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE!?!?!?

Posted by: kstar at December 15, 2008 4:28 PM

Hee, kstar!

Posted by: Julie at December 15, 2008 4:35 PM

This is the choice? Hugh Jackman, hands, thighs and every other part of him..... Ahem. Sorry, needed a moment.

I just caught some old Jeremy Brett the other night, he was amazing as Holmes. I can't see RDJ as Holmes. Does not compute for me.

Posted by: Lori at December 15, 2008 4:44 PM

Is Dustin full of self-loathing or something?

I surely am whenever these posts and comments go up, my my my. Then Park wants both skinny and a pot belly.

I give up, alright?!?! I fucking give up!!!

Posted by: Jay at December 15, 2008 4:44 PM

I love me some RDJ, but Jackman wins for pure animal magnetism.

Posted by: tamatha at December 15, 2008 4:50 PM

Wait, are we discussing abs or chests, because the picture of Jackman up there isn't revealing much in the way of abs, and the picture of RDJ is ALL abs. Maybe the whole competition part is completely superfluous.
There's Jackman. He's looking out of frame at somebody he wants to tear apart with his teeth. And given that it's Wolverine, that might be in the good way.
Then there's RDJ, who's all bloody and sweaty and sad-looking. He needs to be cleaned, and made to feel better.
In other words, I'm going to be phoning it in at work today. Thanks, Dustin!

Posted by: ScienceGeek at December 15, 2008 4:55 PM

I wish Jude Law was still hot. He used to be so pretty but he didn't age very well.

Right? I just watched The Talented Mr. Ripley the other night and Jude was so damn pretty in that. sigh.

Posted by: Gabs at December 15, 2008 4:56 PM

I'd howl at the moon with Wolverine any day of the week!

RDJ is pretty hot too, but I have doubts about the Holmes casting as well. Am I the only one who thinks Hugh Laurie would make a fabulous Sherlock BTW? http://rantsfromthepants.blogspot.com/2008/12/day-after-day-without-gay.html

Posted by: Pants at December 15, 2008 4:57 PM

Finally! Trailer! Yes!

...

Needs more Gambit and Deadpool. Lots more.

Also, I will not deny that some well-defined abs get me salivating, but I have dated people who did not have well-defined abs and still found those people sexy. It's just like a bonus. A sexy sexy bonus.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 15, 2008 4:58 PM

Wolverine was on Juno Beach?

Also, fuck Sabretooth, I wanna see the Wendigo fight.

Danny Huston looks good though.

Posted by: Jay at December 15, 2008 5:07 PM

Um.


Pajiba?

You need to start putting warnings on these HotMen pics.

I've drooled twenty six keyboards into oblivion already so.

You owe me big time.


Oh RDj, my HusbandWhoKnowsItNot.... you lookin so fiiiiine


I reduced myself to tears the other day watching RDj, my HWKIN, in Chaplin.


*sniffle*

and no *mrowl*

Seriously my me and ryan reynolds sliding down one another by 'accident' thing from the other day?


Replace him with RDj my HWKIN and we're in business babies.

After this post i'm officially not talkint to you .

Because i cant come to PajibaCon and youcant know how much that hurts me IN THE SOUL!!!

Posted by: Nadine at December 15, 2008 5:09 PM

Wendigo -- that wasn't even a fight. Wolvie v. Hulk was a fight. Wendigo was a one-issue pathos filler story.

The only way this mivie has half a chance is if it's more like the "Weapon X" series in Marvel Presents than any of the other alleged mythology.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at December 15, 2008 5:12 PM

I love RDJ more for his mind and underdogedness than his abs...Jackman's are so...structured...but the man is damn hairy so that puts me off a little too.

Posted by: ph at December 15, 2008 5:20 PM

Wendigo was a one-issue pathos filler story.

But more exciting than the Schrieber action above.

Posted by: Jay at December 15, 2008 5:23 PM

Cool story brah.

Posted by: Wut at December 15, 2008 5:24 PM

I've never been attracted to Hugh Jackman but I swear, something happens to me when that man is dressed up as Wolverine.

Hooooly god.

*SCHWING*

Posted by: figgy at December 15, 2008 5:25 PM

RDJ was in my dream the other night. ENVY ME.

Damn I love X Men movies. And Liev Schrieber is awesome.

Posted by: figgy at December 15, 2008 5:31 PM

damn it damn it damn it damn it


damn it

the Gambit shots with the card and the staff ACTUALLY have me a little interested now despite my still MASSIVE reservations about the casting

I've had to google the Kitsch boy to remind myself that despite like, EVERY shot of him in this fucking advert, he's actually very very very sexy(SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FACE?!)


Oh and im STILL NOT TALKING TO YOU PAJIBA

Posted by: nadine at December 15, 2008 5:33 PM

Actually, I shouldn't bother being disappointed or enthused. As Tom Hanks said, that's a chick movie.

Posted by: Jay at December 15, 2008 6:03 PM

Oh I agree with everyone up there. Abs really don't do it for me.

I'm a complete sucker for nice arms, though. Phwoar.

Posted by: figgy at December 15, 2008 6:06 PM

Clee Shay your sexism is deplorable, but I love your name.

Pookie, your self-righteous indignation is adorable, but I love your abs. Why don't you be a peach and fetch mama's slippers?

*smack's Pookie's ass*

That's a sweet boy.

Posted by: Clee Shay at December 15, 2008 6:25 PM

Clee, you wouldn't be the first lady to smack me on my bottom.

Posted by: Pookie at December 15, 2008 6:28 PM

Hugh Jackman bearing his chest

Yes, he is bearing his chest but he's also baring his chest. This mistake is inexcusable so to make up for it post pics of Charlize Theron and Megan Gale in the same chest baring pose just so you'll remember the difference.

Posted by: Oscar Tamerz at December 15, 2008 6:54 PM

I just wish people would like me for more than my great abs.

I try to talk to people. Really talk to them. And they say, "that's nice, can we see your great abs". I try to look them in the eye but I always have to divert their attention from down there with, "up here" -points up-.

Posted by: RReynolds at December 15, 2008 8:32 PM

now normally I'd call this a draw, but there's something fundamentally wrong with rdj in that pic...like, not enough distance between his pecs and his bellybutton. did he go all cher and have some ribs removed when I wasn't looking?

also, menfolk should sport some body hair, otherwise I feel like a pedophile (or even more so...).

Posted by: melia at December 15, 2008 9:17 PM

Enough with the hating on man hair! That's why God invented conditioner. Give me Jackman and his stunning pecs. I mean it. Now. Oh, yeah, he wins for the abs, too.

Posted by: Reba at December 15, 2008 10:34 PM

Figgy, I'm with you 100% - arms are it for me. That's my vote for the next poll, thank you very much.

Also, I'm with those of you who think of Nigel Rathbone as the ultimate Holmes. I just love it when he says, "Thank you". No matter how hard I try, I just can't get it to come out that way. I dig me some RDJ but it is going to be hard to see him as Holmes.

Posted by: prairiegirl at December 15, 2008 10:39 PM

What is it with this site's obsession with examining body parts? First the Reynold's ab post, then the haunted ass poster, and now an ab-off between Wolverine and Sherlock Holmes. When will the insanity end? And who do I have to bribe to get some more Helen Mirren swimsuit pictures on this site? Now that's a body to hoot at and objectify.

Posted by: Robert at December 15, 2008 10:41 PM

Me, too, prairie girl. I like the other parts, too, but the gun show at the gym is reason enough to spend 45 minutes on the treadmill. All those beefy arms, far enough away that you don't have to smell the guys as they show off.

Oh, and a well-defined back is much harder to find than cut abs.

Posted by: Reba at December 15, 2008 10:56 PM

1. "Oh sorry Pookie, I didn't even realize there were men around those abs. When a man walks by all I see is some sexy abs hovering about 4 feet from the ground."

Posted by: becks at December 15, 2008 3:15 PM

---

You are now my hero, becks.

2. Yes, Nigel Rathbone was, in fact, the greatest Sherlock Holmes, ever.

3. Julie had it right...I dream of that man's thighs.

Posted by: Smokin at December 16, 2008 12:11 AM

Hugh for the win!

My friend got to teach his son swimming. So she also got to stand next to Hugh. In his swim shorts. Wet. I had the envy. Much envy.

RDJ's still a red hot fox, though.

Posted by: Lauren at December 16, 2008 12:21 AM

Robert You're just jealous that no one's talking about YOUR body parts.

Mmhmm. I know how it is. I know all.

Posted by: figgy at December 16, 2008 1:58 AM

is it really a great american ab-off if your winner is Australian?

mmmm...wolverine....

Posted by: rach at December 16, 2008 3:23 AM

Rach, your logic is flawless and your reasoning perfec.t I tip my hat to you.

Because you're completely right and no body else picked up on that

It's your kinda thinkin' my company needs!

If i had a company.

Posted by: nadine at December 16, 2008 3:36 AM

Robert You're just jealous that no one's talking about YOUR body parts.

Been there, done that, have the therapy bills to prove it. Now I just settle for no one chasing me with pitchforks and torches out of an open call for not looking like a lollipop or a hunk of cheese standing on its point.

Posted by: Robert at December 16, 2008 7:57 AM

Fine, fine, gloat about how immune you are to how depressing this place gets. Showoff!

Posted by: Jay at December 16, 2008 9:52 AM

I voted RDJ by reflex, even though he looks too skinny and somewhat haggard in that badly-lit pic. Bad, bad lighting! *smacks lighting upside the head*
Jackman doesn't do it for me, I don't know why. Maybe it's the teeny tiny nipples, or the wonky-shaped head....

Nadine,
I'm not seeing what's wrong with Kitsch's face. What do you mean exactly? I've been watching FNL this season and he looks like the same hot-ass prettyboy as ever, to me. (OK, maybe he pushed his hair out of his face more, but that's all). So whatever it is that's wrong, is it just in Wolverine? Can't see it meself.

Posted by: Tarn at December 16, 2008 10:29 AM

RReynolds posts:
I just wish people would like me for more than my great abs.

I try to talk to people. Really talk to them. And they say, "that's nice, can we see your great abs". I try to look them in the eye but I always have to divert their attention from down there with, "up here" -points up-.

umm.. you probably aren't going to like it when I ask you to turn around and touch your toes, either, are you?

Posted by: Drake at December 16, 2008 2:02 PM

Loves me some RDJ, he is narcissistic coolness personified. But hell just look at Jackman's body. DAMN!! That man is FIONNNNNE!

RDJ as Holmes ummm...I hope it works but I always pictured Holmes as tall, thin, pale, and around 50-years-old. Jeremy Brett rocked it, he was my favorite Holmes.

Does anyone here remember Jeremy Brett singing On the Street Where She Lives in the film My Fair Lady?

Posted by: allheavens at December 16, 2008 4:36 PM