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The Five Worst Portrayals of a Comic Book Character

A Seriously Random List XXXII / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | December 4, 2008 | Comments (70)

In anticipation of Ray Stevenson’s depiction of The Punisher in another Punisher reboot, it felt like a good time to look back at the five worst portrayals of a comic-book character, all time. There were plenty to choose from, but ultimately, I think these five deserved their spots atop the comic-book crap heap.

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze (Batman and Robin)



4. John Lequizamo as The Violator (in Spawn)



3. Halle Berry and The Catwoman



2. Nic Cage as The Ghost Rider



1. Ben Affleck as Daredevil








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Comments

ICE TO MEET YOU. My Name is Freeze.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 4, 2008 3:04 PM

Aaaah I can't disagree with this list.

Berry should've been #1 though.

What the fuck was that about?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 4, 2008 3:06 PM

Oh Arnie. Why did you leave acting for politics? Why?

Posted by: Kayanne at December 4, 2008 3:09 PM

I had no idea that "The Violator" was an actual comic book character, because in college I was known as "A Violator."

Posted by: Pookie at December 4, 2008 3:12 PM

I agree with the list but I think Toby Maguire should get a special mention.

Posted by: admin at December 4, 2008 3:13 PM

And let's take a moment to behold, once again, EVERYTHING that's wrong with Nic Cage, it's all neatly compacted into his Ghost Rider "character":incomprehensible hair, annoying mannerism, that stupid speech thing he does, his "methoding" that looks suspiciously like taking a really nasty dump.

It's so bad ...it's horrible.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 4, 2008 3:15 PM

Are we pretending that the Fantastic Four movies never happened?

Posted by: Sara at December 4, 2008 3:16 PM

I agree admin. That rodent-face ruined Spidey.

Posted by: Cindy at December 4, 2008 3:17 PM

Are we pretending that the Fantastic Four movies never happened?

Posted by: Sara at December 4, 2008 3:16 PM

-----------------------------------------------
Aaaaah, yes, Jessica Alba... in white-face.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 4, 2008 3:17 PM

No love for Elektra? When it was on cable, I'd been fighting with my cable company for weeks to get them to straighten my TV problems out. The night I *finally* got it resolved, guess what was playing?

Yeah, I sat there and watched that flaming ball of shit. Because I finally could.

Posted by: Wednesday at December 4, 2008 3:17 PM

A good list. I can't argue with it. Though I agree that Halle Berry should be first.

his "methoding" that looks suspiciously like taking a really nasty dump.

I think that's spot on. The best example of his I can remember was that scene from 8MM when he's first watching that snuff film.

Posted by: ajax19 at December 4, 2008 3:19 PM

Catwoman was all about the costume. There was no plot.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 4, 2008 3:23 PM

"Eeds goingg to be a beeder hahhhvest... Winduh hahs arrived"

Oh Ahnuld, your Mr. Freeze was downright inspired.

Posted by: TK at December 4, 2008 3:23 PM

Great list.

But how about Clooney in Batman and Robin?

Oh God...dude was cringe-worthy. Horrible. Though that can be said for everyone involved in that turd. Ick.

Brandon Routh in Superman Returns? Dude was an animated Ken Doll. No wait, Ken had more personality than that dude.

Oh man...can you imagine if Nic Cage had done Superman *shudder.

Posted by: figgy at December 4, 2008 3:23 PM

Halle Berry's Catwoman has absolutely nothing in common with any incarnation of the comic book character Catwoman, though. The only thing they have in common is the name. If someone made a movie about some guy who lived in a cave and happened to identify a lot with bats, and called it "Batman", it still wouldn't be based on the comic book character.

Posted by: Malin at December 4, 2008 3:26 PM

Am I the only one who hated Val Kilmer as Batman, or has everyone just forgotten?
God, I hate Val Kilmer.

Posted by: Courtie at December 4, 2008 3:26 PM

Way to go figgy, you've just given Hollywood their next great idea.

Posted by: admin at December 4, 2008 3:26 PM

... EVERYTHING that's wrong with Nic Cage, ...:incomprehensible hair, annoying mannerism, that stupid speech thing he does, his "methoding" that looks suspiciously like taking a really nasty dump.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 4, 2008 3:15 PM

Yet, those things are EXACTLY what made him so fucking awesome in Raising Arizona! The only time I will defend Cage in anything. Ever. I promise.

Posted by: Lainey at December 4, 2008 3:27 PM

*ahem*

Jennifer Garner as Elektra

Michael Clark Duncan as King Pin.

Whatserbitch as Rogue's accent in the X-men movies.

Famke Jansen as Jean Gray.

Carry on.

Posted by: Ava at December 4, 2008 3:30 PM

If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!

Posted by: Snath at December 4, 2008 3:31 PM

I think this is more complaining about the actor than the portrayal of a character. Ghost Rider isn't exactly a "deep" character, so you can't really blame Nic Cage for not adding depth. And John Leguizamo as the Clown/Violator worked fine, but sure maybe Danny Devito would have been better.

What about Dolph Lundgren as Punisher? David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury? Matt Salinger (Who? Exactly.) as Captain America.

This was a crap list.

Posted by: Patrick C at December 4, 2008 3:32 PM

Whatserbitch as Rogue's accent in the X-men movies.
Posted by: Ava at December 4, 2008 3:30 PM

GOD, I forgot about Anna Paquin. She has a shit southern accent in True Blood, too.
Yeah, she's horrible.

Posted by: Courtie at December 4, 2008 3:33 PM

John Lequizamo's portrayal in Spawn was the only thing I really liked about that movie (aside from Sheen)...

but I wholeheartedly agree with the rest.

Posted by: Colin at December 4, 2008 3:43 PM

Remember figgy, while Clooney did terrible in Batman and Robin, he's the only one who made it out with a career. What an abomination.

Dustin, this may be the best seriously random list ever, just look at the number of places you can put a dollar bill on Berry's uniform. Plus, this is a great Razzie award showcase. Nice one.

Posted by: George at December 4, 2008 3:44 PM

"Yeah, I sat there and watched that flaming ball of shit. Because I finally could."

LOL. I did that once when I was having internet issues. I wanted to watch the flaming ball of shit that was Twilight and the only way I could get it was on my movie website. It took me two days but I watched it. And it was super shitty quality too.

I watched Spawn when it first came out and thought it was awesome. I was very young at the time...

Posted by: NotBlonde at December 4, 2008 3:45 PM

Catwoman was all about the costume. There was no plot.

Hell the costume's why I refused to see it in the first place. Then you tell me it was plotless too? Yikes.

Okay. Now. To quote Richard Harris in "Patriot Games", I'm sayin it til I'm blue in the FACE!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118365/

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pick any character in that movie. It's worse. Christ, you people don't even know how much worse, DO YOU? Such ignorance you're living in. It's like the way Sarina waxes rhapsodically about "Little House on the Prairie". It is SO SO SO BAD. Motherfucking hilariously so.


David Ogden Stiers as Martian Manhunter.

DAVID OGDEN STIERS AS MARTIAN MANHUNTER.

http://www.geocities.com/sideorderofninjas/reviews/justiceleague.html

That only gives you the slightest taste of his work.

Posted by: Jay at December 4, 2008 4:02 PM

Aw, Ava, why no love for Fammke? I'd agree that Jean Grey was poorly written in the movies, particularly in the third one, but I didn't think it was in any way Jannsenn's fault. Berry, on the other hand, just dragged Storm down with her (particularly with her godawful accent in the first one).

I'd add Kirsten Dunst as Mary-Jane (particularly in #3) and Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. I mean, sure, Routh was just pretty plastic, but at least he didn't embarrass himself or anyone else by having the gall to pretend to be a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist. I mean, seriously...

Posted by: Shay at December 4, 2008 4:03 PM

Way to go figgy, you've just given Hollywood their next great idea.

No, he was almost cast about ten years ago, in the "Gay R2-D2" Tim Burton days. I kinda wanted to see Cage do Clark Kent actually. It would've been awfully strange but maybe fun. At that point, what was there to lose? GO NUTS!

Posted by: Jay at December 4, 2008 4:06 PM

Dustin, I appreciate your committment to Roman numerals on these random lists. Keep it up!

Posted by: Lou at December 4, 2008 4:07 PM

Admin, I'm not making it up!

A few years ago there was a rumor that Superman was going to be rebooted with Nic Cage! They even had Kevin Smith write a draft for a script, but the whole thing was trashed.

What we got was Brandon Routh and one horrible, horrible movie.

Posted by: figgy at December 4, 2008 4:12 PM

Remember a few weeks ago, when you posted the advert for that really effed up spanish time travel movie about the guy, his doubles, his wife and his head being wrapped up in bandages?

And you asked us to guess at a plot that could possibly tie together the clips from the promo in a concievable way that made total sense and explained them all?

And no one could do it?

That's EXACTLY how i felt watching that Catwoman clip


I mean EXACTLY

Also, two questions about Halle) WHY does she ALWAYS look like she's at the wrong(or right depending how you look at it) end of a massive cold turkey detox of crack or heroin or something with her strung out looking face

and b)what the FUCK is wrong with how she walks?! Is it supposed to be that she's...rolling her hips or something? Like that funny walk cats have cos of their shoulders and hips??
Or is she just a freak?

Posted by: nadine at December 4, 2008 4:13 PM

I never saw the Catwoman movie -- I couldn't bring myself to do anything but imagine Halle Barry in that leather suit.

I mean: it's Halle Barry. What? Are you blind?

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at December 4, 2008 4:19 PM

Also can their be a best portrayals of super heroes list?

Because
1) OBVIOUSLY Christian Bale as The Bat -if you need me to explain i might have to cut you

2)Chris Reeve as Superman(not just cos of the whole, tragic, ironic accident etc, but cos the man really did make me believe a man could fly)

3)Aaron Stanford as Pyro- under used in X2 and 3 but one of the best things in either, epsecially 'eh' that was X3, for reference see the scene where Magneto callously leaves the de-mutated Mystique behind with barely a backwards look and in a fleeting few seconds Pyro looks horrified both at her demutification and at Magneto's willingness to abandon her so easily, teeny but great moment

4) Patrickc Stewart and Ian McKellen both because they're just fucking awesome and give all 3 films they may not deserve by themselves. ESPECIALLY X3

5)Erm.I cant remember any more. im having a dodge roll fight with my brother, gtg!!

Posted by: nadine at December 4, 2008 4:32 PM

RDJ, nadine! How could you forget RDJ?!

Posted by: Snath at December 4, 2008 4:37 PM

Are you saying that Halle's astoundingly attractive and so is that.....stuff she was wearing?

Posted by: Jay at December 4, 2008 4:38 PM

SNATH!!!! Thank you!!


and....i am shamed

how COULD i forget my husband RDJ?!


I....i shall commit hari kari at once...where is the sharp edge of a dvd that i may disembowel myself?

Posted by: nadine at December 4, 2008 4:41 PM

Courtie:

I hate to disagree with your Val Kilmer hate fest but after watching Tombstone (and watching it again and again) I personally think its one of the best performances of the last century.

Posted by: Blackcapricorn at December 4, 2008 4:42 PM

I like Val Kilmer. Despite being pretty annoying and terribly bloated his roles in Tombstone, Real Genius, and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang more than make up for any of his ills/annoyances to date.

I will not be tolerating any Fammke Jansen dissing. She's delightful. She was great as Jean Grey.

As for Patrick C's list... Dolph Lundgren as Punisher? David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury? Matt Salinger (Who? Exactly.) as Captain America.

Yes, those are as horrible as anything on the list, but they are so insignificant (straight to DVD or TV fare) that they don't really rate. Sorry.

Posted by: ajax19 at December 4, 2008 4:49 PM

Oh yeah, also, im with the Val lovers, the man was a) SO beautiful
b) is excellenct in basically everything
c) was Gay Perry.
GAY PERRY.
I can never hate Gay Perry

Posted by: nadine at December 4, 2008 4:56 PM

Cage annoys me too, folks, but - c'mon - not only Raising Arizona deserves credit, but also Adaptation! His Charlie/Donald performance includes none of his usual annoying habits and is an awesome, understated dual portrayal.

(I'm also somewhat of a Matchstick Men fan.)

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 4, 2008 5:13 PM

Val Kilmer does get an eternal pass. I give him credit for Tombstone, the underrated Spartan (you should listen to his commentary on that DVD - he has a really great dry wit), The Doors, Heat, AND Real Genius! Plus, say what you will about Willow, but his portrayal of Madmartigan is an awful lot of fun. I never saw it, but I heard Salton Sea is also quite good.

I was lucky enough to bump into him a couple times here in Hollywood, and he was also a very nice guy (contrary to his prickly working reputation). Incidentally, he was in my office pitching a Tombstone prequel. I have no idea who he wanted to play. (Doc's father?)

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 4, 2008 5:17 PM

And Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, of course - also mentioned above.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 4, 2008 5:19 PM

Darth, Salton Sea IMO is quite good and he's great in it...and surprisingly nothing like as expansive as he's gotten of late (as in size)

aaaah Madmartigan....he was my first 'renegade who helps out the earnest hero' of my childhood( I HATED Star Wars) And he was hawt and had awesome hair.

Posted by: nadine at December 4, 2008 5:21 PM

Jay and figgy YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND.

What little of it remains.

On the topic of best portrayal I am going to have to give props to Ron Pearlman in both Hellboys. I know the second one sucked buttock but I loves me some Pearlman.

Posted by: admin at December 4, 2008 5:37 PM

Why wasn't Danny DeVito The Violator? There'd be like $8 in makeup required for it. The comic actually calls him out on looking like Danny DeVito. It was made for him.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 4, 2008 6:15 PM

Ooh Ron Perlman. He really was brilliant as Hellboy.

I honestly didn't think Iron Man was such a great movie, but RDJ really was so very, very kickass in it, and I love that we'll get more of him in the future, same with Bale as Batman.

How about Hugh Jackman as Wolverine? I normally find Jackman to be incredibly bland, but there's something about him as Wolverine that just makes me...well you probably know what. But I really thought he was well cast, and unbelievably hot to boot.

And on the X-Men front, I really wish we had more Ben Foster as Angel. I love Ben Foster. Ooh. And Alan Cumming as Nightcrawler. The hell happened to him?

Posted by: figgy at December 4, 2008 6:43 PM

I LOVE Nic Cage. Eat me. (slowly...)

Posted by: Sofía at December 4, 2008 8:29 PM

A best of list would have to feature Ian McKellan (he brought such bitchy glee to the part - "We love what you've done with your hair" - while maintaining the moral grey-ness that makes Magneto interesting) and Heath Ledger (gave me chills), plus I'd throw Parker Posey in there, just because.

Posted by: Shay at December 4, 2008 9:13 PM

I LOVE Nic Cage. Eat me. (slowly...)

Posted by: Sofía at December 4, 2008 8:29 PM

-----------------------------------------------

PHIL!

*BOW CHIKA...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 4, 2008 9:16 PM

Phil, if you even touch that bass guitar there will be hell to pay.
Cara mia, we can work through this problem. With therapy and rehab you can beat this thing. We just need to highlight everything that is wrong with him. In other words, you will be subjected to a Clockwork Orange-style showing of "Wicker Man" followed by sexual healing. Then some "Lord of War" with a quick intermission for sexual healing. We'll end it with a late night bout of Bangkok Dangerous with a quick sexual healing interlude. We Can Beat This Thing!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 4, 2008 10:19 PM

I dunno. The guy playing Spawn seems like a worse actor than John Leguizamo.

Posted by: Jim at December 5, 2008 12:00 AM

Gotta agree. There's no performance on this list worth watching. And no movie, either, I'm guessing, though I missed "Ghost Rider".


"Catwoman" is like those negative calories in celery, actually -- it takes so much more effort to sit through the movie than anything you could possibly get out of it, that you should actually be assigned ten free minutes of watching Citizen Kane or something to make up for it.

Posted by: karstark at December 5, 2008 3:03 AM

Did anybody forget how terrible Cyclops was in the X series? He made whiny-Spidey look tolerable...

And Ron Perlman is a badass.

Posted by: Beauregard at December 5, 2008 4:15 AM

My love, I can't help it. So many performances on movies I can't stop watching. "Matchstick Men", "ConAir", "Face Off", "Raising Arizona", "Leaving Las Vegas", "Family Man", and "Adaptation."

I bet there's someone you can't help but love (that's not me).

Posted by: Sofía at December 5, 2008 7:24 AM

Gotta agree with every entry but one.

Leguizamo is the shit! He's the only reason to watch Spawn!

Posted by: Bane at December 5, 2008 7:29 AM

nadine, I believe that walk is supposed to be sexy. Like how smoking and not wearing underwear is supposed to be sexy. But instead of seeing the hotness, all I can think is that smoking makes you stink, going commando makes me want to disinfect anything you sit on, and flinging your hips from side to side only makes me want to duck and cover.

No one walks like that. Not women, not freaks, not cats. And that costume is supposed to be HOT? How do you give skintight leather pants the illusion of bagginess? Why are there two straps crisscrossing her stomach? What's up with those sleeves? And those lame green screen and CGI effects? And did I actually see her say "meow" before kicking someone in the face?

If she were truly a catwoman, she'd be killing people with looks of disdain and giant projectile Hairballs of Death.

Posted by: DeadBessie at December 5, 2008 8:40 AM

I also hated Halle Berry as Storm. What the hell was up with her accent?!

Posted by: lowercasemelissa at December 5, 2008 10:44 AM

What was Schumacher thinking?? Really though, the rest of the B & R cast deserves "recognition" over Arnold. He was just a bad casting choice. Wasn't Patrick Stewart originally supposed to play Freeze? You know, to lend the part some gravity/dignity? That being said, you know what you're going to get w/ Arnold. The rest of the cast deserves more of a kick in the ass: Clooney-flat as a pancake, Thurman-atrocious vamping...I could continue, but you get the point. Blame Schumacher for this across-the-board badness. He pulled a Lucas and made good actors look like shit.

Posted by: stryker1121 at December 5, 2008 10:57 AM

I will love Christian Bale again as Batman when he stops doing the cotton-mouth voice. I thought he had an actual rubber implement in there sometimes. (However, he managed to make "Reign of Fire" palatable, so I forgive him anything. Also, very pretty.)

Add me in with the Val Kilmer love.

Toby McGuire brought the classic awkward, goofy, inept and disturbing back to Peter Parker, for which I will be eternally grateful. In the early 90's there were creative-type people were starting to make him buff, suave and attractive. Uh, NO -- Peter Parker was a maladjusted geek; which is what made him so unique, accessible, and f*cking awesome. Where's the triumph if he was already a built and socially adept surfer boy? (Except for the dance in SM3. Those responsible for that one should be whipped with bamboo.)

"Elektra" was dreadful, but 1. That was the writing and 2. Natassia Malthe makes me question my orientation, so it's ALL good.

(I...kind of liked "Daredevil." PLEASE DO NOT HARM ME. I never read the comic! I had no basis for comparison. I like the rain scenes! *cowers*)


And...I want Heath Ledger back. :-(

Posted by: Mac at December 5, 2008 11:06 AM

I though Legs was pretty good as Violator. He was the only thing worth watch in that terrible movie. I'd replace him with either Halle Berry's Storm (Angela Basset was BORN for that part, people) or Jennifer Garner's Elecktra. The writers did her no favors, but gah, she was terrible. Not as terrible as Ben Affleck in Daredevil though. If I ever meet him, I'm going to kick him in the sternum until I get my $8 back.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 5, 2008 12:51 PM

Well actually, I LOVE Raising Arizona, particularly Nic in it. And Matchstick Men is a secret shame of mine. The man clearly takes the best and worst roles offered to him. No middle ground.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 5, 2008 2:10 PM

Tommy Lee Jones as Two-face. He tried to be a mix between Jim Carrey and Jack Nicholson and completely screwed up the character. Wild laughter and shouting does not make you a good villan. Terrible!

Posted by: DRE at December 5, 2008 2:41 PM

Tommy Lee Jones as Two-face. He tried to be a mix between Jim Carrey and Jack Nicholson and completely screwed up the character. Wild laughter and shouting does not make you a good villan. Terrible!

Posted by: DRE at December 5, 2008 2:42 PM

What about Tommy Lee Jones' cracked-out Two Face? His whole performance in the Seizure School of acting.

And please don't get me going on Jim Carrey in that green union suit spazzing about....

Posted by: Alabamapink at December 5, 2008 2:43 PM

Cool party.

Posted by: Lucas at December 5, 2008 5:10 PM

Oh, I forgot all about Tommy in that. He literally says "Nyah Nyah Nyah" like an old school vaudeville style villain. If he had an enormous black mustache he would've been twirling it.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 6, 2008 2:10 PM

Tommy lee was god awful, catwoman did have the BEST worst lines though. when Sharon stone says "game over" when she thinks she beat her. Halle Berry responds "it's overtime!"

it's that bad. so who would be the top 5 greatest comic-book characters on screen?

Posted by: webbkidd at December 8, 2008 2:56 AM

See, the thing about this feature is, you can never make legitimate complaints about it, because the SUBTITLE SAYS, it's a seriously random list.

Ergo, no complaining.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at December 8, 2008 3:27 PM

This popped up when I clicked on "Best Gay Roles". Was I just punked or does my computer have a really weird sense of humour?

This isn't, like, the wacky version of WarGames (1983) is it? I don't think I'll be able to convince the computer not to blow up the world.

Posted by: Park at December 8, 2008 3:58 PM

Ok, John as The Vialotor was good. He was fiendishly grotesque and nasty. Everyone else in your list I agree with.

Posted by: tallulahc at January 18, 2009 1:02 PM


















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