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Pick-Up Lines So Bad They Might Work On Me If I Were a Woman

A Seriously Random List XLX / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | January 28, 2009 | Comments (110)

I’ve never used a pick-up line, except perhaps in jest, with someone I already knew for a lengthy period of time. In fact, I don’t know anyone who has ever actually used a pick-up line, much less one that worked. I suspect, in fact, that pick-up lines were created for the sole purpose of exchanging them among friends for a few shits and giggles and, occasionally, delivering one drunk after last call because you got nothing else to lose except your right eye, after she yanks it from its socket.

Still, as a dude playing a dude pretending to be a woman for the sake of this exercise, here’s five pick-up lines that are so bad they go full-circle and actually might work. If I were drunk and desperate enough.

5. “Is your daddy a pirate?” “No? You could have fooled me with booty like that.” Crass, yes. But flattering. I do take pride in my ass, and I appreciate the compliment. I also appreciate the way you said, “Pa POW!” after delivering the line. I’m not going to sleep with you, but I’ll let you buy me the drink I eventually throw back in your face.

4. “Do you clean your clothes with Windex? Because I see myself in your pants. Really? Dude, that’s so lame. And it doesn’t really make sense. In fact, it’s pretty goddamn pathetic, but since you’re kind of cute, and I’m kind of horny, I’ve been evicted from my home, and I have no place else to sleep tonight, I’ll grant you a pity fuck. But you have to sleep on the couch afterwards. And I want a scone for breakfast, with coffee. And please don’t talk. Ever again.

3. Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you! Awesome! Thanks very much — I’d been sitting on this barstool all night sipping Appletinis hoping someone would offer to slam me. Where would you like to slam me? How about over there near the restroom? Because I was thinking, before we fucked, that I could slam your dick in that door. Cause that’s how I play house, bitch.

2. You’re ugly, but you intrigue me. Well, now you’ve hurt my feelings. And that intrigues me. I have fairly low self esteem. You think you could fuck me from behind, because I don’t want to see your face any more than you want to see mine. Oh, and have you ever experienced the reverse donkey punch? It’s great — after you unzip your pants, I pin you against a wall, curl your body in half, and beat you in the back of the neck with your own erect penis until you experience temporary to permanent paralysis. TONY DANZA!

1. Great legs, what time do they open? Good one! Why don’t you open your legs, motherfucker. Cause I’m about to fuck you with my foot. You’re in for quite a night. I can kick the chrome off a trailer hitch.


(Note to self: Just because an idea sounds good in your head doesn’t mean it’s actually going to work in print).


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Comments

Even when you use a pick up line and you end up picking up the girl/guy, the line isn't what worked, it's the approach. See Tao of Steve.

Posted by: Eep at January 28, 2009 4:37 PM

As a redhead, the worst possible pick up line is this:

"Do the carpets match the curtains?"

Asking me that is pretty much a guarantee that you'll never EVER know the answer.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 4:37 PM

Would you like to play Road? That's where you lay down and I blacktop you.

Do you have any black in you? Would you like to?

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

And my personal favorite: I'm responsible for the crop circles.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 28, 2009 4:37 PM

[drops pants]

"You wanna?"

Posted by: TK at January 28, 2009 4:39 PM

I've never had someone try a pickup line, but a few years ago I did have a random dude on the street shout a poem at me that had me laughing all the way to work:

Your pussy's wet
My dick is smokin
I wanna fuck you
And I'm not jokin

I expect it to be included in the next edition of Norton's Anthology of Poetry.

Posted by: Julie at January 28, 2009 4:42 PM

My favorite pick-up lines, for sheer humor value: "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?" "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
the worst pick-up line I've ever personally experienced - if you can call it that: Some guy told me point blank he wanted to take me in the bathroom and bend me over the toilet. I had come to the bar straight from a zombie walk. My make-up was pretty damn good - I looked necrotic. There was so much fake blood on my chin it had developed a scablike texture. The entire front of my shirt was saturated with the stuff. There's a difference between "that chick might be hot under the makeup" and "damn, I wanna screw that zombie, like, right now"

Posted by: s. pisaster at January 28, 2009 4:46 PM

The worst I've gotten was the "Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven." line. It was some random guy at my high school who actually sounded concerned, and at first I thought "Holy shit, did I trip or do something really embarrassing without realizing it?" Then he finished, and I laughed at him and walked away. I'm pretty sure he was doing it as a joke anyways, so I don't feel bad.

Posted by: Sabrina at January 28, 2009 4:46 PM

I've always liked, "I just shit my pants, can I get into yours?"

There is also this one that intrigues me.

Posted by: Stephen at January 28, 2009 4:46 PM

"Hey baby. What's long, thick, and fucks all night? Someone else. I'm honest, would you like to a drink?"

Posted by: Snath at January 28, 2009 4:47 PM

to

Posted by: Snath at January 28, 2009 4:47 PM

A group of four friends and I (when we were about 16) went to a show that ended up being mostly men, (Who knew most chicks thought the Bloodhound Gang was offensive?) We challenged our most "experienced" friend to see how many phone numbers she could get by using the worst pick up lines we could think of. Also she could carry neither pen nor paper with her.

No matter what line she used, "Was your daddy an astronaut? 'Cause you're out of this world!" or "Damn, break me off a piece of that!" they worked, even on a group of guys. She only struck out once, because he had a girlfriend, although a guy that had a girlfriend gave her his phone number anyway.

23 phone numbers later she decreed "I'm not wearing any underwear, can I have your phone number?" was the one that received the quickest response.

Posted by: Morgagod at January 28, 2009 4:48 PM

But now that we have Game to contend with, pick up lines have become ever so much more entertaining - like the guy that came up to my friend at a bar and said, "Um, are you going to say hi to me?" "Excuse me?" "Maryanne, right? You live down the hall?"(She wasn't, and she didn't.)

And, unfortunately, he had already tried that exact same opener a few months earlier on the same girl.

Posted by: fleurdelis at January 28, 2009 4:48 PM

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?"
"Hey baby. What's long, thick, and fucks all night? Someone else. I'm honest, would you like to a drink?"

LOVE IT.

Posted by: Julie at January 28, 2009 4:49 PM

Buddy, that's a moustache any girl'd be proud to ride. Yeehah!

Posted by: MissNev at January 28, 2009 4:51 PM

Oh! Not sure if this counts as a pickup line since I was already making out with him, but one guy-a diplomat-looked down at my cleavage and said I had amazing tits. I was like, yeah, I know. Then he said, "I want to have my head in between them." That finally drove me away from the bar.

Posted by: Sabrina at January 28, 2009 4:52 PM

The first pick up line I've ever heard:

"Hey baby. The word of the day is Legs. Let's go back to my apartment and spread the word."

It worked, mostly because I was already dating the guy.

The one that I remember and laugh the most about:

"Hey baby. Is that a keg behind you? 'Cause I really want to tap that ass!"

Love it! Mostly because I'm proud of my ass.

Posted by: Trouble at January 28, 2009 4:54 PM

My favorite lame-o pickup line has always been:

"Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put I next to U."

Never felt the need to test-drive it, though.

Posted by: Mattfactor at January 28, 2009 4:55 PM

"Wanna do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and lets multiply."

and

"I wish I was your derivative because then I would be tangent to your curves."

Geek love is a beautiful and awkward thing.

Posted by: branded at January 28, 2009 4:55 PM

fleurdelis, I had a guy try Game on me once. I was at a bar waiting for my club promoter friend to get there so I could go to the club and drink for free. Some guy walks up and goes "So, my buddies and I were having a debate, and wondered if you could help settle it; do you brush first, or floss first?"

I had watched 5 minutes of the show "The Pickup Artist" that week. Those 5 minutes showcased that as a line to use to get girls to have a conversation with you. I smiled at him and said "You watch that show on VH1." And watched him get all flustered and "What show? I don't know what you're talking about, that sounds ridiculous. So, um, what's your answer?"

I told him I'd floss first, and then he left me alone.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 4:57 PM

Heeeeeeee. I love that first one, Branded.

Posted by: Julie at January 28, 2009 4:58 PM

Genny, I love it! That show on VH1 opened my eyes - now my friends and I are dying to call out some guy on using the tricks. "Listen, this isn't an IOI (indicator of interest) but thanks for the drink." "Don't think you can isolate me." "Was that a neg?" (Oh VH1, curse you and bless you.)

Posted by: fleurdelis at January 28, 2009 5:00 PM

Not really a pickup line as much as an actual conversation:

Me: No, I don't want to go out with you. How can I, as a single woman, just say that I don't want to date, but I'd be interested in casual, hot sex.

Guy: Just like that!

WeeHa!

Posted by: MissNev at January 28, 2009 5:01 PM

suspect, in fact, that pick-up lines were created for the sole purpose of exchanging them among friends for a few shits and giggles

Dustin, I was just talking about this recently! The ridiculous behavior does happen, you're just not around it if you and your friends are halfway decent. There's a whole wonderland of "he said what?!" going on out there. No irony, no shame, this is my best first impression.

If it's worked for them at least once though, well, credit where it's due. I'm the most inept that ever stepped, to borrow a phrase.

Posted by: Jay at January 28, 2009 5:02 PM

"ok ok I'll let you ride my tongue but you must promise not fall in love"

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 5:03 PM

I'm an English teacher, so if someone said "Hey you misspelled 'on' as 'one' in the headline of your seriously random list" to me I might let them buy me a drink.

Posted by: AM at January 28, 2009 5:06 PM

As a chick-pool-player, I get a lot of bad ones from a lot of incredibly unattractive men, but my favorite (only because I didn't know people actually USE the lines you read about...) was
'Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.'

Who was it who posted the one about the guy in some European club that licked her face, cuz that was AWEsome.

Posted by: jamiepants at January 28, 2009 5:10 PM

I'll take care of it Dustin, hey lady who gives a fuck?

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 5:11 PM

Read this online somewhere:

Do you have colon cancer? Cause that ass is killer!

I love it. If that were used on me, I'd be leavin a snail trail all the way to his backseat.

Posted by: Amanda H. at January 28, 2009 5:12 PM

Two personal favs of all time

"Let's pretend to be squirrels so I can bust a nut in your hole".

And number #1.....

"Let's play carnival. You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh."

EPIC!

Posted by: scorzi at January 28, 2009 5:17 PM

I was underage in a bar with a bunch of friends.

An old guy (like my dad's age) says, "Hi, I'm Paul."

I said, "Hi, I'm leaving," and I left.

My friend laughed her ass off following me out the door.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 28, 2009 5:17 PM

He: Do you have an innie or an outie?

Me: An innie.

He: I have an outie. Wanna play snaps?

(This was from an old guy, in the middle of a corporate seminar, and I wasn't expecting it.)

Posted by: BWeaves at January 28, 2009 5:22 PM

Him: Hey, are you from England?
Me: No, why?
Him: Because you really look like you're from England, where are you from?
Me: Well... um... I'm from
My Mother: *yanking me down into a subway station* I AM GETTING YOUR BIRTHDATE TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD!!

(This happened when I was 13)

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 5:27 PM

Long story.

Back in college, my downstairs neighbors were freshman boys. They were always in our apt. chatting us older girls up. One night we were painting our nails and they wanted to know what it felt like, so we painted their nails, and then while that was drying, we put makeup on them and did their hair.

Then, since they looked like cute girls, and we girls were wearing T-shirts and overalls and looked a bit like boys, started throwing every pickup line we'd ever heard at them. They looked very uncomfortable.

Then one of the boys in DRAG turned to one of the real girls and said, "Just hold me!"

We said that didn't count. It wasn't a line. And they said that it was. We were stunned.

I couldn't watch soap operas after that, because they use that line at least once every 5 minutes, and now it just makes me laugh when I hear it.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 28, 2009 5:28 PM

I once had a guy tell me that he wanted to "lick me where I peed," and followed that arousing statement up with some graphic tongue motions. Ya know, just in case I didn't get the point before that.

Awesome.

To make everything exponentially worse, at the time of the incident, I was a virginal college freshman who had no idea how to handle a come on like that. I'd like to say that I laughed in his face or slung a witty rejoinder back at him, but I'm afraid my response involved a lot of shreiking, a prompt retreat, and a ladies room hyperventillation session.

Posted by: noodlestein at January 28, 2009 5:30 PM

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas could I come up and visit you between the holidays?

No, but nice try!

Posted by: clarity at January 28, 2009 5:39 PM

Do the carpets match the curtains?"

Asking me that is pretty much a guarantee that you'll never EVER know the answer.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 28, 2009 4:37 PM

Here is an answer to this one:

http://www.xkcd.com/508/

Posted by: Vladimir at January 28, 2009 5:39 PM

Flat-out best line I've ever heard? A friend of mine once got the following from a very drunk old man:

"You don't have the biggest boobs in the bar, but I think they're the nicest. Can I touch them?"

The worst line ever tried on me was at the end of the night following a grad student conference. A British fellow I'd been chatting with for much of the night (in a group) turned to me and said, "Oh, you're leaving? I had hoped to wake up with you in the morning."

I suppose the line itself mightn't have been so bad if the lad didn't look remarkably like Rhys Ifans in Notting Hill...and if I wasn't already really, really uncomfortable because he'd been trying to feel me up under the table half the night. Eek!

Posted by: meaux at January 28, 2009 5:42 PM

Pookie is going to memorize the name and "best line" for every woman who posts on this thread and go on a rampage at Pajibacon.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 28, 2009 5:45 PM

Oh, and branded, if I were single, I'd absolutely fall for your geek lines! Tangent indeed....

Posted by: meaux at January 28, 2009 5:46 PM

This is how they roll in Oklahoma:

5. Half the six-pack now, and the other half when I'm finished.

4. SOONERS!

3. I can get you a nation card.

2. Your mom didn't make me wear a condom.

1. Dad said you have to.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at January 28, 2009 5:47 PM

• from a guy friend: "That shirt is quite becoming on you. Though if I were on you, I'd be cumming too!"

• from LOLcat: "Your daddy must've been a cheeseburger, 'cause I could nom you all night!"

Posted by: z at January 28, 2009 5:50 PM

I have a racist one!

I was walking down the street and a dude stopped me to ask, "How do you say 'beautiful' in your language?"

I paused, looked at him, and said, "Beautiful!" and walked away.

(I'm an Asian American born in the US, and English is my first language.)

Posted by: Sandra L at January 28, 2009 5:51 PM

meaux, I'm not trying to be obtuse, but you're acute girl.

Posted by: branded at January 28, 2009 5:52 PM

Moi, at the bar: "I'm actually heading out, I have to get up REALLY early in the morning."
He: "Wouldn't you rather wake up to me than your alarm clock?"
Moi: "........I REALLLLLY like my alarm clock."

Posted by: fleurdelis at January 28, 2009 6:00 PM

A friend of mine had the get into your pants line used on her. Her answer was "Sorry, no. There's already one asshole in there and I don't need another one."

Posted by: rlr260 at January 28, 2009 6:02 PM

This actually happened.

Creepy Dude: "Wow! Cool shirt! It matches the interior of my car, like EXACTLY! Wanna see?"

Posted by: JGirl at January 28, 2009 6:05 PM

Variations on a theme, I know, but I always liked:
"Are those Space Pants? Cause that ass is outta this world!" - Hehe Space Pants. I just love the sound of that.
and: "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me!" - that's just a win/win.

Or, for the gals, (as your drop her off at her place) I always thought it would be great to hear: "Would you like to come in....me?"

Posted by: Odnon at January 28, 2009 6:07 PM

These are lines the guy I know uses. I don't know about success rate as I only used when I was real drunk, but pretty bad.

"My magic watch/cell phone is telling me you are not wearing any underwear right now. You are? Must be an hour early then."

"Do you wanna go halfsy on a bastard?"

yeah, pretty bad. But it's in the delivery.

Posted by: yocean at January 28, 2009 6:10 PM

(Make eye contact, drop eyes to your crotch for a sec, then make eye contact again)

"Well, it's not going to suck itself!"

Posted by: longcoat000 at January 28, 2009 6:20 PM

Baby, if you were homework, I'd do you on my desk.

Baby, if you were a Milky Way, I'd eat your creamy center.

Baby, my love for you is like blood, it fills my heart with life. (For use with emos.)

Baby, I love you like George Lucas, no matter how much you fuck up, I still love you.

Baby, if you were a website, you'd be Pajiba. (Immediately followed by a proposal.)

Baby, my love for you is like Scientology, CRAAAAAAZY!

Baby, my love for you is like Rob Schneider's career, never dying, no matter what happens.

Baby, try topping this level of cheesiness. Not recommended if you can't handle the cholestorol.

Posted by: George at January 28, 2009 6:27 PM

"I wish I was your derivative because then I would be tangent to your curves."

Branded, that is great. I should have used that on the math major I had a crush on.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at January 28, 2009 6:27 PM

branded: you made me delurk today. If you used those lines on me, Euclid touch my climaxiom fractals any time.

Posted by: missSmilla at January 28, 2009 6:30 PM

Not really a pick-up line, because we were already friends... but I once said to a beautiful girl with a killer rack:

"My God, I want to be that shirt."

We've been together 16 years.

Posted by: SugarFree at January 28, 2009 6:30 PM

Perhaps this belongs in the Metal posts, but when I was working as a bartender at a cocktail bar in London this really crazy looking guy comes in and after I asked what I could get for him said "a blow job and a fuck back in my hotel room." Ummm, very charming but it's not gonna happen. So, I replied, "What would you like to drink" and he said "I'll drink you dry." So I said I'd call the bouncer if he wasn't going to order a drink and I wasn't going anywhere with him. His response "But you're American!".

After his friends stop laughing the other bartender told me he was the lead singer for Stryper (who were in the city for a concert). I suppose he felt entitled and that was a perfectly acceptable pick-up line for a "famous" person.

Posted by: Iwantsprinkles at January 28, 2009 6:32 PM

I worked as a home health nurse, and our agency had this old man who always trying to feel up the home health aides when they were giving him his bath. It got so bad, the company had to send a male aide from another office to attend to him. I am somewhat overweight. (Somewhat Hell! I AM overweight.)I went to his house for the first time and he met me at the door, looked me up and down, and said "I like a big woman" in a sexy, leering kind of way. Oh, that silver-tongued devil.

Posted by: rlr260 at January 28, 2009 6:38 PM

Most of my favorite cheesy ones have been mentioned already, but one that very nearly worked was,

"That shirt is terrible. I DEMAND that you take it off immediately!"

Posted by: marebear at January 28, 2009 6:52 PM

[drops pants]

"You wanna?"

Sadly, this would totally work on me. My underwear also magically melts off* for "I have eight inches, a condom and I fuck like a jackhammer. Wanna?"

*(Well, they would if I actually wore any)

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 28, 2009 6:55 PM

Pick up lines. Meh. Who has time for new exes when they're busy fending off old crazy exes?

BTW, Dustin, "XLX" is equivalent to 50 - 10 + 10. Wouldn't it be easier to just say "L" and be done with it?

Posted by: Che Grovera at January 28, 2009 6:58 PM

My first week of college. A very tall gangly insignificant creeper of a man came over brandishing a napkin and said "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" and proceeded to shove my face into the napkin so hard I thought he had broken my nose. This is also they guy who abandoned me at two am in what my friends and I now affectionalty refer to as the 'rape alley.' Now his fiancee is pregnant with a homeless man's child. Good times

Posted by: carolyn at January 28, 2009 7:17 PM

Nice dress, it would look great on my floor.

Nice tits, do you like motorboats? (caution doesn't work on stupid women, it only confuses them).

You Fuckin'?

Posted by: admin at January 28, 2009 7:22 PM

You're like a dictionary ... you add meaning to my life

What's your favorite position on extramarital sex?

I'll bet getting a date with you is more difficult than a five-finger prostate exam.

Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?

Hi, I'm Facebook friends with Pookie and Skitz.

Are you from Tennesee? Cause you're the only ten I see.

Can I borrow a quarter? Cause I want to call my mother and tell her I met the girl of my dreams

Variation: Cause I want to call your parents and thank them for getting together and having you.

I would crawl across a mile of hot burning desert sand just to hear your voice on the other end of the line.

Bond, James Bond.

Posted by: Rubble44 at January 28, 2009 7:29 PM

Che, you know damn well Rowles ain't no Phi Beta Kappa.

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 7:31 PM

Carolyn? What the fuck? That didn't even make sense.

Posted by: AM at January 28, 2009 7:36 PM

Actually tried on me: "Where are you from?" "Wisconsin" "Oh, I didn't know they made girls so pretty there." That elicited a laugh and me bringing over my friend and making him do it again.

I've always wanted to try "Hey! Where's your girlfriend?" The response will be helpful.

Posted by: Scourgie at January 28, 2009 8:01 PM

my friend's favourite...
do you like seafood? cos i'd love to give you crabs

Posted by: ch-tothe-loe at January 28, 2009 8:07 PM

"Hey...You got something in your ear...Let me get that with my tongue"

And the seduction is complete.

Posted by: Diablo at January 28, 2009 8:08 PM

"That top looks very becoming on you...Of course, if I was on you I'd be coming too."

Totally crass but I give it props for getting creative.

Posted by: Facehugger at January 28, 2009 8:20 PM

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

What's got two thumbs and likes to eat pu$$y? (Add dramatic pause and point to self using thumbs only.) Me. (A friend's roommate in college used to say this one at the bars, and it always cracked me up because it was so forward.)

Want to hang out? I eat more pu$$y than cervical cancer. (A guy friend once accidentally said this to a cervical cancer survivor. The lady had a good sense of humor about it, but it made the guy more cautious about using the line in general.)

Posted by: illgirl79 at January 28, 2009 8:26 PM

pu$$y

Do you keep your cash up there?

Brings all new meaning to the phrase "put some money in the kitty".

Posted by: stipe42 at January 28, 2009 8:44 PM

I dont get that many pickup lines-- I guess Im too young for it, or just dont look like the type that would respond well to such things.

BUT.

I did get some guy asking me if my hair was a wig. I have a very razor sharp bob so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

but he then proceeded to ask my sister who has SHORT (Agyness Deyn short) hair whether hers was a wig.

I then read that in some book by the infamous MYSTERY, it says to "neg" women by asking if their hair is fake.

dudes this does not work.

Posted by: sara at January 28, 2009 8:44 PM

If you want to really start a conversation, ask them if their arms are fake. Then explain that yours are fake. Explain that you are bionic. Chicks dig bionics.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 28, 2009 8:48 PM

Okay okay, seriously decent pick up line. And by the way Codger is a lady.

Delivered in an Australian accent circa Crocodile Dundee:

"Hey ladies, I'd like to give you an Australian kiss. It's like a French one, but from down under!"

Posted by: Codger at January 28, 2009 9:00 PM

Skepchic had a contest for the top 10 Darwinian pick up lines.

My favorites:

Why don't you unzip my pants and let me show you the descent of man?

Is it subverting our genetic imperative if you cum all over my face?

But they're all pretty good.

http://skepchick.org/blog/?p=402

Posted by: lil at January 28, 2009 9:12 PM

I had a man in Tokyo come up to me and ask if I spoke Japanese. When I said a little, he asked if I wanted to "play," and when I looked at him horrified and confused, he yelled "Sex! Sex!" As I was shaking my head in horror, unable to come up with words, he offered me 20,000 yen. It was 10 am. And I was carting two enormous, extremely heavy boxes 10 blocks to the post office. Wearing my dirty gym clothes and no makeup with my hair dripping wet.

Posted by: Kirsten at January 28, 2009 9:25 PM

"If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicase so that I could unzip your genes."

Posted by: Jim Bob at January 28, 2009 9:26 PM

What is the exchange rate Kirsten?

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 9:28 PM

Ok got it: as of today 1/28/2009

20,000 yen is equivalent to $223.00

Meh...

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 9:44 PM

"You're pretty... for a Black girl."

Erm... yay?

Posted by: Ciji at January 28, 2009 9:45 PM

sara, quit trying to pick me up by teasing with you and your sister's short hair. You are an incorrigible flirt!

Posted by: Jay at January 28, 2009 10:05 PM

"I love that you are shaped like a guitar. Now the only question is who is going to play you?"

Umm...what?

Posted by: Kristina at January 28, 2009 10:42 PM

Me: Wanna play Pearl Harbor?
Him: What's that?
Me: You lay down in the tub and I blow the fuck out of you.
Him: ..... okay!

Guys are way too easy.

Posted by: Reba at January 28, 2009 11:26 PM

Oh my gosh, y'all, I love cheesy pick-up lines. My friends and I used to sit around and shoot some back and forth. Some of my favorites include:

"Hey, do you eat Lucky Charms? 'Cause you look magically delicious."

"Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you."

"If this place was a contract, you'd be the fine print."

"Your mom just called; she said you could go home with me."

"Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature."

And my favorite involves a little action:
"Hey did you know that the distance from here to here" (each "here" is punctuated by touching the edge of his/her shoulder closest to you and then the part of the shoulder that meets the neck) "is the same as the distance from here to here?"(these "here"s are punctuated by reaching behind him/her to touch the other point on the shoulder the meets the neck and then resting your whole hand on the edge of the shoulder so you've got your arm across his/her shoulders)

This one makes me laugh, but you have to be careful, because some people have a touching thing.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 28, 2009 11:39 PM

In a movie theater: "I just want you to know, the back of yo' head is riDIKulous!"

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at January 28, 2009 11:42 PM

I swear to Christ these two worked for me:

1. Went up to a guy in a bar with whom a friend of mine had a casual encounter. I said, "So I hear you've got a big dick. I'd like to see it sometime." To which he replied, "I do. When?" To which I naturally said, "Now." What followed was amazingly a 1 yr relationship and a LOT of amazing sex.

2. Had a straight guy over one night who was a little drunk, and I asked him what the craziest thing he'd ever done was. He told me that once in college, he'd let his male roommate blow him. I replied, "Well when you get ready to get crazy again, you just let me know." I dated him for a year and a half, until the fucker left me for his...wait for it...cousin.

Ah...the bad choices of my 20s...

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at January 29, 2009 12:21 AM

I actually had a guy tell me his name was Abe Froman.

I told him he was talking to the wrong girl and walked away.

Posted by: wsapnin at January 29, 2009 12:29 AM

20,000 yen is equivalent to $223.00

Meh...

Posted by: Pookie at January 28, 2009 9:44 PM

******

I know! Make it at least a month's rent and then I might consider it a bit more seriously.

Posted by: Kirsten at January 29, 2009 3:26 AM

When I was at college about six years ago (so i was 19) I told this one to friend, "I don't know about the Americans but you deffinately got Iraq (pronounced more like a-rack).
It actually worked on two girls, though personally i never use pick up lines.

Posted by: Lindon at January 29, 2009 8:55 AM

"I'm like the Titanic...once I go down, I'm pretty cold."

NO WAIT, I'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE!

"Hey baby, let's go home and I can put my dragon in your dungeon!"

Ah shit, can I have just one more try? Ok, ok...how about...

"Baby you look like a Transformer to me...because I want to take you home and position you in ways man cannot exist without serious injury or steroids."

FUCK! Ok...ok well if you think of any others let me know. Ok...love you too mom, remember prom is in two weeks. I don't want to have to take my sister again, I hate watching her have all the fun. NO, I'M NOT PEEPING IN THE BUSHES ANYMORE, I've outgrown that. Besides, there's security cameras at the motel.

Posted by: Mike R. at January 29, 2009 9:03 AM

Julie, my flatmate actually works for Norton, so I'll ask him if your poetry can make the cut for the next edition. Fingers crossed.

"Hey, ask me what my favourite animal is."
"What's your favourite animal?"
"Me, in bed."

Posted by: Caspar at January 29, 2009 9:05 AM

First of all, a reference to Tropic Thunder? Dustin I heart you! Let's be besties!

Now I will go on to tell you the worst pick-up "line" I've ever heard.(line is in quotes because I don't know if its worse to think its just something some guy said or a prepared line)

I'm sitting outside a bar waiting for my friend to get back from the bathroom so we can grab a cab. A guy sits down beside me and asks my name. I tell him and he tells me that his daughter has the same name. He then spends the next 5 minutes telling me about his 4 year-old daughter and how great she is. "She pretty and so smart. She could be President when she grows up" (she can't, we're in Canada). He then leans over a little and smiles. "Hey, you know, I'm very date-able"

Yes, the man used his 4 year old daughter to try to get in my pants. Ka-Pow indeed!

Posted by: Park at January 29, 2009 9:19 AM

Would kissing you increase global warming and damage the Arctic irreversibly, or is it just enough to break the ice?

Baby, you must be a start codon because you are turnin' me on.

Hello, I've just taken part in the clinical trial of a new drug to help memory loss; could you tell me, do I come here often?

Sara - I had a guy try the neg thing on me too by telling me I had lipstick on my teeth... um, I'm wearing gloss, asshole.

Posted by: missh at January 29, 2009 9:28 AM

"Hey, baby! Let me suck down your period."

Ah, Chileans...

Posted by: Sofía at January 29, 2009 9:45 AM

Best Line Ever: "hey, baby- can I buy you a spatula?"

My brilliant response: "huh?"

And it didn't work because I wanted to talk about spatulas after that. But he totally didn't want to.

Posted by: Cletus at January 29, 2009 9:48 AM

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Posted by: Fuel at January 29, 2009 9:56 AM

George, I don't think you should talk to babies like that.

Posted by: jM at January 29, 2009 10:33 AM

From My Blue Heaven

Vinnie (Steve Martin): "You know it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section."


Shaldeen (Carol Kane): Why is that?

Vinnie: 'Cause you could melt alla this stuff.

I love me some old Steve Martin.

Posted by: tripp at January 29, 2009 11:21 AM

Aww, you had to go and remind me of crying shame Melanie Mayron.

Why, Melanie Mayron???
Why, Judy Gold???
Why do you have to hurt me???

Posted by: Jay at January 29, 2009 11:34 AM

Came out of lurkitude to deliver this gem:

" You remind me of a credit card bill, 'cuz I wanna tear that ass up"

That is all

Posted by: Dean's List at January 29, 2009 1:39 PM

"How much does a pola bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm Nick"

Posted by: carolyn at January 29, 2009 1:48 PM

Tony Danza. Ha ha. Different move altogether.

i love how this list totally backfired on Dustin. Started out weakly pro, then shifted hilariously and violently into con.

Posted by: scott at January 29, 2009 2:03 PM

It wouldn't be right not to reference the legen . . . dary Barney Stinson in this thread (sorry for the crappy aspect ratio):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDwZsaWb6pY

Posted by: Elfrieda at January 29, 2009 2:31 PM

Dude: So how much does a polar bear weigh?
Chick: What? I don't know.
Dude: Enough to break the ice. So what's your name?

Posted by: dude22 at January 29, 2009 5:13 PM

It's very sad that I have such an arsenal of cheesy pick up lines and now I think I need to hang out with a different group of people. This is the last one, and I swear this one actually happened too.
Random guy: Hey can I stab you? Cause you're a hot piece of meat.

Posted by: Carolyn at January 29, 2009 5:24 PM

Dustin you've just proven to me how in the closet GAY you are... (Aside from your unrequited love of Ryan Reynold's abs) Nah, I'm kidding, these pick up lines are so bad...they're almost funny...I said ALMOST.

Posted by: ph at January 29, 2009 7:13 PM

Margaret Cho:

STICK IT IN!!!!


(Too aggressive?)

Posted by: Corvus at January 29, 2009 9:52 PM

worst pickup line that I didn't fall for:

Do you have your belly button pierced? Because you're just way too sexy not to.

(As I am leaving the bar later that night, same guy is making out with a trashy girl literally on the hood of a car in the parking lot)

best cheesy pickup line that I've used:

What winks and f*cks like a tiger? {when the person looks at you and says "what?", you wink at them}

Posted by: blueshark at January 30, 2009 3:51 PM

Best pick-up lines I've ever heard:

"Listen, love, I've got a knife in my pocket. Let's not turn this rape into a murder."
&
"You know how I know you're going to have sex tonight? I'm stronger than you."

The guy I'm kinda seeing right now used this gem on me:

[nodding at my drink] "You should really finish that faster - you're not nearly drunk enough yet for my purposes." Classy.

(I have to agree with whoever it was above who said that it isn't the pick-up line itself that gets you to go out with someone, it's how well they deliver it)

Posted by: Shay at January 30, 2009 4:43 PM

(out a car window to my attractive, female coworker, in Nassau, Bahamas - "grind"is bahamian for "fuck")

"I'll grind you till 'ya dead!"

Posted by: john A Thompson at January 30, 2009 9:54 PM

(out a car window to my attractive, female coworker, in Nassau, Bahamas - "grind"is bahamian for "fuck")

"I'll grind you till 'ya dead!"

Posted by: john A Thompson at January 30, 2009 9:54 PM

[to pairs of girls]
"Hey, have you heard about the 2-for-1 special? Two of you, one of me - that's special."

We had a contest during a night out and one bloke used this exact line twenty-three times.


I got roped into opening with "Hey, are you from the Caribbean? Because Jamaica me horny."

Posted by: Ginginho at January 31, 2009 2:39 PM





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