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White on White Translucent Black Capes: Ten Vampires Better Than Twilight's Edward Cullen

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (69)

cullen-e.jpg

Okay people, Breaking Dawn, Part I is on its way (November 2011) and as you know, it’s never too early to start complaining. Edward Cullen clearly needs a good schooling in the ways of proper fanging, so I’ve culled a list of folks who could teach him a lesson or two. Vampires can be campy. Vampires can be nasty. Vampires can be funny or scary. But, read my lips, little emo boy: No More Sparkly Vampires. Here’s the real deal:


10. Jerry Dandrige, Fright Night (1985):

frightnight3.gif

9. Damon Salvatore, “The Vampire Diaries”:

ian-somerhalder.jpg

8. Eli, Let the Right One In:

eli1.jpg


7. Spike, “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”:

Spike-.jpg


6. Pam De Beaufort, “True Blood” :

pam-true.jpg


5. Barnabas Collins, “Dark Shadows”:

bcollins.jpg

4. Eric Northman, “True Blood”:

enorth.jpg


3. Dracula, Bram Stoker’s Dracula:

Dracula_go.jpg


2. Russell Edgington, “True Blood”:


Denis O'Hare-.jpg


1. Count Dracula, Dracula (1931):

blugosi.jpg



Cindy Davis thinks Edward Cullen could use a little Bauhaus.









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Comments

This is not too difficult a list. You could have just as easily said ten vampires that aren't Edward Cullen, and they'd all be better. Even Blacula.

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at August 21, 2011 3:05 PM

Spike but not Angelus? seriously?!

Posted by: haplo at August 21, 2011 3:06 PM

The Bauhaus reference just made my day.
"The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Red velvet lines the black box
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead..."

Posted by: Edith at August 21, 2011 3:17 PM

You forgot Count von Count, from Sesame Street, and Morgan Freeman's awesome take on Dracula on the original Electric Company. So many Buffy vamps were awesome, but if you have to choose one, I'd go with Drusilla (much as I loooved Spike), because Dru *never* stopped being scary.

Posted by: Edith at August 21, 2011 3:23 PM

Really? Three out of the ten are from True Blood?

Posted by: fracas at August 21, 2011 3:25 PM

No Christopher Lee? For shame.

Posted by: Todd at August 21, 2011 3:31 PM

Vampire Jess, please. Because nothing would warm my cockles more than seeing her kick Wardo's pitiful, misogynistic ass.

Posted by: Aislinn at August 21, 2011 3:34 PM

I'm a little embarrassed admitting this but I watched Dracula 2000 recently... and enjoyed it. Gerard Butler is simply magnificent looking.

http://youtu.be/XOKKL_rwoKk

Jonny Lee Miller ain't too bad either.

Posted by: snapnhiss at August 21, 2011 3:37 PM

Out of all of the pictures featured in this post, the only one that made me scream in terror is the abomination that is the picture of Edward Cullen up top.

*brrrrr*

Posted by: stardust at August 21, 2011 3:39 PM

Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie never get any love for The Hunger. Why won't you love them, Internet, as I do?

Posted by: Robert at August 21, 2011 3:53 PM

Damon! Yes, Cindy!

Posted by: Kolby at August 21, 2011 4:07 PM

No love for anyone in The Lost Boys?

Posted by: Mattfactor at August 21, 2011 4:08 PM

Where the goddamn is Blade on this list? He counts. And if he doesn't, Deacon Frost does.

I however forgive you all sins for putting on Damon and Pam. We're friends again.

Posted by: Laurie at August 21, 2011 4:08 PM

Edith: Yes, the Count! Ah, ah, ah.

Posted by: An Atlantan at August 21, 2011 4:13 PM

This list doesn't really add up. We're saying, quite fairly, that Edward Cullen is a silly, unthreatening vampire. His replacements include various posey romantic-interest vampires from telly - and not even the best one of those from Buffy. What gives? Aren't there any horror movies featuring vampires any more, or is it mostly just soapy telly?

And do people seriously like Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula?

Hey ho. Eli's a sensible one, at least.

Posted by: Grafty at August 21, 2011 4:16 PM

And do people seriously like Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula?

Not the movie itself....that was rubbish.
But Gary Oldman in Dracula?
Hell's yes.

Posted by: Jules at August 21, 2011 4:29 PM

Count Chocula.

Posted by: Lucas at August 21, 2011 5:26 PM

Where the flying fuck is Alucard? Obviously, none of you have good taste in anime.

Posted by: Tenebrous at August 21, 2011 5:30 PM

Spike but not Angelus? seriously?!
Posted by: haplo at August 21, 2011 3:06 PM


Yup. Sounds right to me.

Posted by: Scully at August 21, 2011 5:42 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3SsYyTUu50&feature=related

No love for Jason Segel's puppet Dracula?

Posted by: Maymar at August 21, 2011 5:49 PM

Anne Parillaud in Innocent Blood. Talk about hot cockles.

Posted by: dorquemada at August 21, 2011 6:00 PM

This list is a joke. 4 characters from cheesy TV series (not counting Spike, one of Buffy's saving graces). Where is Max Schreck? Were is Klaus Kinski? Where is Christopher Lee?

Posted by: FabMax at August 21, 2011 6:03 PM

Severen from Near Dark wins everything. Except maybe against Oldman's Dracula, that fucker gives me shivers

Posted by: sailboat at August 21, 2011 6:17 PM

Yay for Barnabas Collins!

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 21, 2011 6:32 PM

Scully, I would like to second your comment. Spike over Angelus every time!

Posted by: Melody Be at August 21, 2011 6:40 PM

A vampires-better-than-Edward-Cullen list? Is it 2008?

Other than that: what FabMax said.

Posted by: Thijs at August 21, 2011 6:46 PM

All of them. All of the vampires.

Posted by: Steph at August 21, 2011 6:49 PM

Whatever you may think about the Underworld franchise, Bill Nighy as Viktor was badass.
If you're going for comic effect as well, you have to include Lauren Hutton in Once Bitten.

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at August 21, 2011 6:57 PM

The lack of Near Dark and the predominance of True Blood means this list is barely half a step higher up the ladder than Twilight. Fucking hell, people, can we not mention True Blood for at least one goddamn day?

Posted by: the_wakeful at August 21, 2011 7:16 PM

i just got finished reading a sequel to dracula written by stoker's greatgreat grandson i liked it but every review iv'e found of it says it's an insult to the original. i loved the gary oldman version i also loved the darkprince movie about draculas inspiration vlad the impaler but no vampire is better then edward cullen.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at August 21, 2011 7:38 PM

HOLY SHIT at leaving off Kiefer from The Lost Boys. I call foul, and I mean it this time.

Posted by: Repo at August 21, 2011 7:44 PM

the_wakeful:
Nope, it's Sunday, and vampires will be naked and fornicating soon.

Posted by: Jerry at August 21, 2011 8:26 PM

Nope, it's Sunday, and vampires will be naked and fornicating soon.

Posted by: Jerry at August 21, 2011 8:26 PM

Mmmmm, naked, fornicating vampires...

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 21, 2011 8:32 PM

Severen from Near Dark wins everything.

Spot on, sailboat.

I do think it's fair to include Russell Edgington, because he was scary in many, many ways. Not as scary as Max Schreck as Count Orlok in Nosferatu, or Klaus Kinski in Nosferatu the Vampyre but I know a lot of people haven't seen those.

Posted by: Reba at August 21, 2011 8:40 PM

No Kiefer Sutherland (The Lost Boys)?

Posted by: Bee at August 21, 2011 8:41 PM

Leslie Nielsen as Dracula in "Dracula: Dead and Loving It,"

Posted by: eman at August 21, 2011 8:55 PM

Count Orlock - Nosferatu
Kurt Barlow - Salem's Lot
Count Yorga - Count Yorga
Carmilla
Vampirella
Count von Krolock - Fearless Vampire Killers
Martin
Peter Leow - Vampire's Kiss
Janos Skorzeny - The Night Stalker
Varney the Vampire

Posted by: John W at August 21, 2011 9:05 PM

Yeah, 3 out of 10 from "True Blood"? I call shenanigans, Cindy. Shenanigans! ;P

Having just gotten into the UK version of "Being Human," I humbly suggest Mitchell. Now that's one vamp I would invite in... to my bed.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 21, 2011 10:02 PM

Agreed on The Hunger. Never any love.

Posted by: Protoguy at August 21, 2011 10:08 PM

Yay for the mentioning of Alucard. And another yay for Barlow from Salem's Lot.

It's like many said, every other representation of vampires are better than Edward Cullen and that include Lestat. Yes, even Lestat.

Posted by: yocean at August 21, 2011 10:18 PM

I can see how people would prefer Spike over Angel, but when it comes to Spike vs Angelus, there is no contest - Angelus kicks Spike's ass every time.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 21, 2011 10:48 PM

I have to disagree with all the True Blood vamps. That show is a travesty.

Posted by: anne at August 21, 2011 11:22 PM

Waldemar (Jeffrey Tambor) in "Saturday the 14th"


Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at August 21, 2011 11:53 PM

Lothos from the Buffy movie. He played the violin (strikingly close to "violent"), crashed a high school dance AND dealt with Luke Perry.

Posted by: runbmc21 at August 22, 2011 12:30 AM

This is a bit of strange thing to make a list of. As TheOtherGreg said, you could pick virtually ANY vampire from any other source and they'd be a better vampire.

Thanks for mentioning my homeboy Jerry Dandridge. But I must admit, I have even more time for his sister Regine in Fright Night Part 2.

Her revenge on Charlie for killing her brother, make Charlie a vampire:

"Soon you'll be immortal, you'll live forever. And it's forever that I'll torture you."

Yikes! Sign me up!

Posted by: CountDarthBrookes at August 22, 2011 12:55 AM

Severen, Diamondback, Jesse, Homer, Caleb, and Mae from Near Dark. Any or all of them would kick Eric's whiny ass and they would all demolish Edward without even slowing down.

Also
Marie or Solly the Shark from Innocent Blood
Katrina from Vamp
Blade

Hell, even Maximilian from A Vampire in Brooklyn is better than those True Blood clowns.

Posted by: Adam C at August 22, 2011 1:26 AM

Oh Barnabus. How quickly the world forgot you!

Posted by: Nicolae at August 22, 2011 2:39 AM

thanks for the oldman. love it!

Posted by: maxwell at August 22, 2011 3:42 AM

Angel/Angelus over Spike any day of the week. Spike's just an Angel wannabe anyway.

Posted by: AbbyNormal at August 22, 2011 4:45 AM

Darla and Drucilla...... silly!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: dl at August 22, 2011 8:16 AM

Amen to the The Hunger love out there. So scary! And Sutherland - the PERFECT vampire.

Posted by: samantha t at August 22, 2011 9:18 AM

Thank you thank you thank you for the Bauhaus reference!!

I know everyone despises Tom Cruise these days but I thought he was an excellent Lestat.
George Hamilton with Love At First Bite???

Posted by: daria at August 22, 2011 10:55 AM

"Angel's hair goes straight up and he's bloody stupid!"

That is all. Carry on.

Posted by: Tarn at August 22, 2011 12:01 PM

For what it's worth, I think Angel is a genuinely interesting character, and a fairly unique take on vampires. Buffy tackled more or less the same love plot as Twilight, except it was well-executed and poignant. He should absolutely be on this list for that reason, among others.

Poor old Spike is a bit of a one-joke character, especially when you compare the two. The attempt in later-Buffy to emulate the Buffy/Angel love plot, except with lots of sex, was one big facepalm for me. Plus Spike getting his soul back was a bit of a cul de sac. He's still a bastard, except he... er... okay help me out, he *was* different somehow, right?

Anyway, now that I've babbled on about gooey TV romance vampires in a *positive* light...

Blade's pretty amazing too.

Posted by: Grafty at August 22, 2011 2:19 PM

Mitchell from Being Human (UK) should be here. He's just . . . mmmmmmmmm.

Posted by: MyySharona at August 22, 2011 2:58 PM

The list should have simply read: every other vampire ever.

Posted by: Dave at August 22, 2011 2:59 PM

Akasha?

Posted by: Uncle Mikey at August 22, 2011 5:41 PM

Vampire Willow.

Posted by: John W at August 22, 2011 5:54 PM

*clears throat*

CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY LITTLE SISTER
CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY COME TO YOUR BROTHER

Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at August 22, 2011 6:56 PM

I'd go with above suggestions of Max Schreck from Nosferatu and Vampirella - for different reasons obviously.

Posted by: Pat C. at August 22, 2011 7:21 PM

Come on now. I loves me some Gary Oldman, but that cheesy Beatle wannabe schtick was only useful to the world because it begat us some Mr. Burns Dracula action.

Bart [whispering]: Uhhh ... did you see that?
Homer [whispering back]: I know ... his hair looks so gay.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at August 22, 2011 10:42 PM

Willem Dafoe AS Max Schreck in Shadow of the Vampire. Love that movie.

Posted by: MN_Jen at August 22, 2011 11:38 PM

ALUCARD, you fools!

Posted by: Tenebrous at August 23, 2011 6:23 AM

Plus Spike getting his soul back was a bit of a cul de sac. He's still a bastard, except he... er... okay help me out, he *was* different somehow, right?

Yes, he was different. When Angelus tried to destroy the world with Acathla, Spike 1.0 just took Dru, buggered off and left him to it. But souled Spike sacrificed himself to close the Hellmouth and save the world (*sniff*)!

I don't think Spike was a one-joke character. He had layers, dammit! I wouldn't argue against putting Angel on this list, but Spike belongs too.

Posted by: Tarn at August 23, 2011 9:50 AM

"I know everyone despises Tom Cruise these days but I thought he was an excellent Lestat."

Same here.

Posted by: Samantha T at August 23, 2011 10:26 AM

Hell, I'd prefer Cheesy Death Scene Vampire from the original Buffy movie to Sparkles McSparklepants.

http://youtu.be/QCOzKufIIzs

Posted by: Whiny Dancer at August 23, 2011 11:58 PM

Posted by: Whiny Dancer at August 23, 2011 11:58 PM

Bunnicula...

Posted by: henrythepenguin at August 24, 2011 4:10 AM

Let me twenty-third the "all of them" sentiment.

Even the "Mary Shelley's Frankenhole" version of Dracula that Dino Stamatopoulos pokes all sorts of fun at.

Even Marge as the leader of the vampires in the Simposons' Treehouse of Horror from way back when.

(And yeah, no Angel? I do have to agree with the above commenter that Angel was everything that I think S.Meyer was thinking when she created Edward - the whole vampire with a soul, who falls for the girl who isn't a co-dependent whiny-ass Mary Sue... oh, wait there's the problem...)

Posted by: Kelly O at August 28, 2011 9:58 PM