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What In The Name Of Sanity Have You Got On Your Head? Film's Most Ridiculous Hats, Wigs and Helms.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (45)

Karl Urban, Judge Dredd.jpeg

Looky here! The first image of Karl Urban from the wholly unnecessary Judge Dredd remake (titled, simply, Dredd) was just released. While the image is dark and fairly benign, I think we can all agree that this helmet is going to present a serious challenge to Urban…you know…actingwise…not cracking-upwise…me taking him at all seriouslywise. Here’s the full image:

Karl Urban, Judge Dredd.jpeg

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of faith in Urban. This ain’t his first rodeo. (By “rodeo” I, of course, mean instances where Urban has clearly pissed off the costumers by sleeping with their wife or daughter and was then made to wear something preposterous while performing tricks for our amusement.) Exhibit A:
eros23.jpeg

Exhibit B:
Eomer_170.jpeg

And, listen, putting well-respected/beloved actors in laughable head gear is a Hollywood tradition. Here are some of my favorite “what what what are you wearing” moments. If you have a nominee, we request you submit photographic proof fo the preposterousness. You know, so we can point and laugh.

Most Baffling Use Of Plastic
Gary Oldman—The Fifth Element
Gary-Oldman-Fifth-Element-550x478.jpeg

A Wig So Bad It Cracked Kristen Stewart’s Sullenface
Taylor Lautner—Twilight: I Can’t Be Bothered To Check But I Think It’s The Second One
wig.jpeg

Saddest Instance Of “I Have Hair, No Really, Look How Naturally It Flops Over My Forehead”
Bruce Willis—Surrogates
article-0-068E48C3000005DC-512_468x393.jpeg

Most Effective “I Wasn’t In This Horrible Movie, You Can’t Prove It”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt—GI Joe
Joseph-Gordon-Levitt-The-Doctor.jpeg

Most Dreadful Locks
Academy Award Nominee John Travolta, Academy Award Winner Forest Whitaker—Battlefield Earth
barry_pepper_john_travolta_forest_whitaker_battlefield_earth_001.jpeg

Most Scientifically Dubious Contraption, Professional Category
Christopher Lloyd—Back To The Future
doc-brown-head.jpeg

Most Scientifically Dubious Contraption, Amateur Category
Academy Award Nominee Joaquin Phoenix, Academy Award Nominee Abigail Breslin, and The Teeniest Culkin—Signs
signs_zoomie_hats.jpeg

Suspend Your Disbelief That Her Royal Toothpickiness Could Support This Wig
Academy Award Nominee Keira Knightley—The Duchess
the duchess_6.jpeg

Just Narrowly Edging Out That Other Burton Monstrosity For Worst Combination Of Wig And Hat
Academy Award Nominee Johnny Depp—Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
johnny-depp-wonka-1.jpeg

You Have to See It From The Front Because Trust Me The Little Horns Are Unbelievably Bad
Michael Fassbender—X-Men: First Class
magneto-x-men-first-class.jpeg

Best Use Of A Homonym: Cage’s Cage
Academy Award Winner Nicholas Cage—The Wicker Man
nicolas-cage-bees.jpeg

Best Boderline Fetish Gear
Chris Penn—Fist Of The North Star
protectedimage.jpeg

I Can’t Choose Which Is Worse, You Can’t Make Me
Academy Award-Nominee Uma Thurman and Former Governor Of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger—Batman And Robin
Uma_Thurman_som_Pois_98242n-1.jpeg

Joanna Robinson would also like to nominate those Battlefield Earth codpieces for…something.









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Comments

What? No stupid Magic-Mop on Tom Hanks's head from The Da Vinci Code?

pffft, this list sucks.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 18, 2011 4:06 PM

Damn it Jim I'm a doctor, not a judge!

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 4:12 PM

In the future, justice is no longer blind, but it has extremely limited peripheral vision.

Posted by: branded at July 18, 2011 4:16 PM

Thank you! That Taylor Lautner pic made me LaughOutLoud.

Posted by: logan at July 18, 2011 4:17 PM

Hey, Urban rocked that giant helmet in LOTR, he can rock the hell out of this one, too. That is, unless the movie is crap. I love the guy but he hasn't had a stellar list of choices, has he?

That being said, he has a gorgeous mouth. Mmm.

And speaking of LOTR, I think poor Miranda Otto got screwed the worst with that terrible helmet she had to wear in the last movie. Awful thing.

Posted by: figgy at July 18, 2011 4:28 PM

Holy smokes, the - uh - codpieces on those Battlefield Earth costumes...

What in the H - E - double hockey-sticks???!!?!!!1???

Also, the tinfoil hats from Signs are quite endearing.

Posted by: MM at July 18, 2011 4:38 PM

This list is missing Gary Oldman's gray butt-wig from Dracula.

http://namedropped.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/espectadores-net-wp-content-dracula.jpg

Posted by: Joel at July 18, 2011 4:41 PM

Are you kidding? The LOTR helmet is fucking awesome. It's my favorite of all the LOTR costume pieces. Karl Urban got to take it home. I want to steal it. And if Urban wants to come with it, I wouldn't say no.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 18, 2011 4:41 PM

Hmm...codpieces...best use of personal atheletic support equipment for a non-atheletic event?

And the Taylor Lautner thing...I'm pretty sure that was from, "Dude, Where's My Vampire?"

Posted by: NateS1973 at July 18, 2011 4:45 PM

I just want to throw in an honorable mention for the hat worn by one Alan Bourdillion Traherne aka Mississippi (James Caan) in El Dorado. Only because the other characters spent the ENTIRE movie making fun of it. I guess because it wasn't a holey, moth-eaten cowboy monstrosity.

Yes, I love old cowboy movies. So?

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at July 18, 2011 4:56 PM

You're poking a bear with that Dredd talk.

Posted by: Jay at July 18, 2011 4:57 PM

In defense of Bruce Willis in Surrogates - that hair is supposed to look fake because that is the robot version of him.

Posted by: Blair at July 18, 2011 4:58 PM

Yeah, I'm with Joel. How did Gary Oldman's grey butt wig from Dracula not make the list?

Also, I half expect JGL's photo to say, "Are you my mummy?"

What about Elsa Lanchester's do from Bride of Frankenstein?

http://collider.com/neil-burger-wants-to-resurrect-bride-of-frankenstein/2551/

Posted by: BWeaves at July 18, 2011 5:01 PM

So the "real" Bruce Willis in Surrogates has better fake hair?

Posted by: Three-nineteen at July 18, 2011 5:01 PM

Bruce Willis' surrogate has perfect hair in the movie. When we get to see real Bruce, it just looks like, well, real Bruce's hair.

Posted by: Laura at July 18, 2011 5:04 PM

When I saw the title of this list, the first thing that came to my mind was Gary Oldman in Fifth Element. Well picked, Joanna.

Posted by: fracas at July 18, 2011 5:07 PM

I'm assuming The Fifth Element entrant beat it out, and there's no need for too much Gary Oldman. This is one of the few instances where too much Oldman is possible.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at July 18, 2011 5:13 PM

Codpiece.

That is all.

Posted by: superasente at July 18, 2011 5:26 PM

MM, I'm with you. Never deigned to watch Battlefield Earth and I too am taken aback by the alien codpieces. Poke somebody's eye out.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at July 18, 2011 5:26 PM

John Travolta is preening standing stock still in the Battlefield Earth shot. And, yes, the codpieces are ... something. Plus they had things dangling from their nostrils in the movie. I remember an interview with Travolta saying he was proud to have used his power in Hollywood to get that movie made. He also said that he realised "not everyone is equipped to be a scientologist".

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 5:28 PM

Mrs. J, now that I've seen that picture, I have a clearer understanding of why I'M not equipped to be a scientologist.

"Are you the lemon?"

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at July 18, 2011 5:34 PM

Joel, get thee to a proctologist if your posterior in any way resembles that wig.

All I can think is "lift and separate"...

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 18, 2011 5:48 PM

It looks to me that John Travolta has the biggest of all the codpieces. Do you think it was in the contract?

Also "not everyone is equipped to be a Scientologist" should read..
"Not everyone is stupid enough to be a Scientologist"

and don't get all freedom of religion on me, it's a business.

Posted by: kirbyjay at July 18, 2011 5:51 PM

I would go with cult myself, but I have taken a vow if kindness and didn't want to overplay my shit disturbing.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 6:00 PM

Mrs. Julien said a curse word.

1) I'm telling.

2) That'll be 25 cents, please.

Posted by: MM at July 18, 2011 6:07 PM

Here's a silver dollar. Go buy yourself something pretty.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 6:45 PM

I said it in facebookland and I'll say it here too. The Dredd helmet IS the Dredd helmet from the comic. Which makes me happy. The centerpiece looks a little large, but I'm hoping it's just the angle.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 18, 2011 6:51 PM

The worst headgear in the LOTR trilogy was those Orc helmets Sam and Frodo wore in the last movie. Compared to them, Urban probably thought wearing a horse's tail on his head was a vast improvement.

I didn't noticed the cod-pieces until you pervs mentioned it. Yet another thing I'll never un-see.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at July 18, 2011 7:37 PM

I can't believe there is only one Nicolas Cage entry on here and it's the bee-hat. I feel like his hair (be it wig or natural or somewhere in between) from both Con Air and Sorcerer's Apprentice was robbed of an award. I mean, that man has been rocking bizarre, inappropriate, blatantly fake, totally unnatural hair for years and by God, he deserves some kind of "Lifetime Achievement Award" for the effort he has made to make himself look terrible through the years.

Posted by: Siege at July 18, 2011 7:50 PM

"Wholly unnecessary Judge Dredd remake?" Great comic. Horrible movie that totally missed the point. This is one of the most necessary remakes I've ever heard of.

But, man have they screwed up the helmet! How does this happen? They've only had decades of great comic book art to use as a guide.

Posted by: The Mutt at July 18, 2011 8:12 PM

It takes three drag queens to make one Bruce Willis...

I haven't seen a hairline so beaten out in decades.

Posted by: Jerry at July 18, 2011 8:58 PM

What about Halle Berry's awful helmet/headpiece/piece-of-shit in that God awful Catwoman remake?

Posted by: Derreck at July 18, 2011 9:20 PM

Eomer's helm rawked

Depp's Willy Wonker did nawt. In so many ways. Though the hair did complete the whole ceepy pedophile look he had goin.

Battlefield's horrible dreads were the least of all the evils that film brought us

Posted by: Protoguy at July 18, 2011 10:11 PM

I agree with Siege. Lifetime award for Nic Cage. The man always looks like he's wearing something on his head (even when he isn't.)

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 18, 2011 11:06 PM

three-nineteen, Karl got one version of the helmet, there is another still at weeta and I might know someone that owns one of the other versions of it. There were definitely three versions made for filming with different weights to them.

I think the helmet is awesome in LOTR, it's his horsehair wig that makes me giggle, but it's not as bad as this one Chris Pine got to wear...

For shame, Joanna, you didn't post up a pic from Pathfinder. You know, the movie wht had historically accurate costumes until the Executives complained about the size of the leather flap Karl was wearing. It was too small and they were seeing too much Karl arse so it had to be made bigger *pouts*

Posted by: noo at July 18, 2011 11:38 PM

Posted by: noo at July 18, 2011 11:40 PM

Still, be it the "butt-wig" or "slice o' milk jug," Gary Oldman is awesome regardless of whatever happens to be on his head.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at July 18, 2011 11:42 PM

Re: Lautner's wig. It was New Moon.

.. I just want to feel useful in contributing to the article. :(

Posted by: duckandcover at July 19, 2011 12:01 AM

Lord Dark Helmet from space balls --- it's even in the character's name!

Posted by: homeslice at July 19, 2011 12:39 AM

Wake me when the fans release "Judge Minty."

Posted by: Uncommoner at July 19, 2011 1:29 AM

Chris Penn....the "what dead person would you invite to dinner"? column had me thinking about Chris Penn because I would invite people that I miss on stage or screen...

Lee Marvin
Chris Penn
John Candy
George Carlin
Madeline Kahn

Posted by: kirbyjay at July 19, 2011 6:19 AM

Karl looked pretty badass in that Rohirric helm actually.

Posted by: foolsage at July 19, 2011 12:01 PM

Maybe I just missed his better roles, but can someone explain to me the love for Karl Urban? He's been uniformly horrible in everything I've seen him in (LOTR, Chronicles of Riddick, Star Trek). He seems to mistake forehead-furrowing for showing emotion...

Posted by: Claus at July 19, 2011 1:43 PM

RIP Chris Penn.

Posted by: Derekthered at July 21, 2011 6:39 PM

Superb actress....Not many people can put so many hairstyle. Nevertheless, she is not a good actress, and if she didn't have that stunning face, she would never be acting in film!

Posted by: créer book photo at September 3, 2011 11:28 AM