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What Gritty Post-Apocalyptic Reboot Should We Expect Next?

By Kristy Puchko | Seriously Random Lists | August 19, 2015 |


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First it was Little Women. Now it’s Zorro. And just like that the latest Hollywood equation for perceived success is clear.

Public Domain Property + Gritty Reboot With Post-Apocalyptic Setting = Box Office Gold?

Excuse me a moment.

Okay. Anyway. Since this is going to be a thing until one or several of these projects crashes and burns, we’ve peered into the Magic 8-ball of Hollywood’s latest trend. Here are the movies/TV series we predict we’ll be collectively groaning over soon.

Don Quixote
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In a barren wasteland where oil and water are as scarce as hope or kindness, a fearless warrior hurls himself into battles against giants and tyrants, in dedication to his ladylove. But is it all just a horrible hallucination brought on by the a mental break in such a bleak landscape?

Opening Christmas 2017.

Around the World in 80 Days
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An electronic pulse from a passing comet throws our world into chaos. While the dust settles, a hot air balloon enthusiast makes a desperate bid to find a new home for his family. But can they locate a safe place before their 80-days of supplies runs out?

Starring the 2019 equivalent of 2012 Taylor Kitsch.

Moby Dick
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In a not so distant future, the ice caps have melted, forcing much of mankind to thrive in a new Waterworld on the high seas. But the wearied survivors aboard the Pequod face a new threat when a massive mutated white whale ascends from the dark depths of the ocean, hell-bent on bringing the lot of them to watery graves.

Coming to Syfy in 2017.

Pride and Prejudice
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The love story you love! But with zombies…oh, right that’s an actual thing.

Actually opening February 5th, 2016.

Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde
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After a pandemic has wiped out a harrowing swath of humanity, biochemist Dr. Jekyll seeks a vaccine that will stop the deadly disease in its tracks. But it comes with some dangerous side effects that could put his colleagues and loved ones at risk.

Every white ingendude will be rumored for the role, but Eddie Redmayne will snag it just after Twitter decided it should be genderswapped for Hayley Atwell.

Alice In Wonderland
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Chemical warfare has mutated mankind, churning America into a ghoulish hellscape of human-animal hybrids, deranged hobbyists and zealous tyrants. Searching for her runaway dog, young Alice must scramble through this terrain while being careful which side of the inevitable turf wars she takes.

Directed by David Cronenberg, it becomes John Waters’ favorite film of 2019.

Robinson Crusoe
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A crime of passion threw Robinson Crusoe into the cryogenic cells of the country’s highest security prison. But when a massive Earthquake not only destroys the facility but also throws his cube adrift on the sea, he’ll wake to a new world and new adventure.

Renny Harlin’s fifth attempt to reclaim his Die Hard 2 heat.

Great Expectations
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Same story, but with aliens in place of frigid British women.

Directed by Under The Skin’s Jonathan Glazer, it launches countless think pieces from inspired feminists and Twitter rants from enraged meninists.

Anne of Green Gables
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After her parents are slain in a zombie apocalypse, scrapper orphan Anne stumbles into the remote Prince Edward Island and finds solace and sanctuary with a pair of elderly siblings. But as death looms, Anne must make some tough choices about her new home and family.

It launches 2020’s answer to Chloe Grace Moretz.

Beauty and the Beast
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Belle has spent her entire life in the bunker built by her doomsday prepper dad. Oh how they’d scoffed at crazy old Maurice. Then the atom bombs came. But with her father’s health failing, Belle must venture out into a world transformed through radiation, and filled with beasts.

Though critically reviled, it becomes a cult classic inspiring a whole new generation to embrace goth fast fashion.

——

Kristy Puchko may have accidentally convinced herself this Hollywood trend is rich with potential.


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