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7 Movies That Seriously Fuck, Y'all

By Tori Preston | Lists | August 8, 2018 |

By Tori Preston | Lists | August 8, 2018 |


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We all know what it means to say that a person “fucks”, right? They’re a total boss! They may sort of fly under the radar and be unappreciated, but in reality, they deserve ALL the recognition for actually being pretty badass. Also, they might, uh, get laid a lot or whatever? I dunno, modern slang’s just a buncha nonsense words strung together that manages to both mean nothing and mean exactly what they say.

Point is, the Overlords started applying that label to movies, and we’ve pulled together a list of films that we think carry that certain “fucks” je ne sais quoi. Now, these are not movies that necessarily contain a lot of fucking, and we’re not saying these are movies that we’d like to fuck. Unless that’s an option, in which case we’d probably reconsider — after all, we’re not above ranking the hotness of cartoon characters. Instead, in Pajiba parlance “movies that fuck” should be understood to mean films that were initially unappreciated, and probably still are — and yet they’re definitely cool as hell, and just seem to wow us anew every time we rewatch them through the years. Movies like…

Sunshine

Why does it fuck? Simple. It’s directed by Danny Boyle, written by Alex Garland, set in space and features one of the all-time best casts ever assembled, including Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Michelle Yeoh, Hiroyuki Sanada, Rose Byrne, Benedict Wong, Cliff Curtis, Troy Garity. And then, like the perfect disfigured cherry on top, Mark goddamn Strong shows up. We can quibble about how effective that sudden turn to horror in the third act is, but if nothing else, Sunshine’s worth watching for the weirdly pathetic Murphy/Evans ugly-fights alone. (Shameless plug — I actually wrote a lot about this movie for Ranker, in case you wanna read why I think it’s the best space flick ever made)

via GIPHY


Idle Hands

Why does it fuck? Look, the ’90s/early 2000s were a heady time for teen movies, horror movies, and teen horror movies. And while Final Destination became the Devin Sawa vehicle du jour of that period, I’ve always found its predecessor, 1999’s Idle Hands, to be far more interesting. It’s funnier, to be sure, but it’s also weird and gross and surprising in its own way. The hero IS the killer — or at least his possessed hand is. And his slacker buddies (played by Seth Green and Foggy Nelson himself, Elden Henson) return as disfigured zombies after falling victim to that hand. And then there’s Jessica Alba and Vivica A. Fox and a lot of slapstick humor and cameos and the hand scalping the lead singer of The Offspring, while a bong plays a very prominent role in the film’s climax. So yeah, this movie is kind of A LOT, but it also was unlike anything else that came out around it. And its title in German? “Die Killerhand.”

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Velvet Goldmine

Why does it fuck? Um, I mean. A movie about bisexual glam rockers, inspired by David Bowie and Iggy Pop, starring Ewan McGregor, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Christian Bale, and THE Toni Collette? The movie would have to be actual garbage to somehow NOT seriously fuck. Luckily, the finished product is more than just a helluva good elevator pitch. And it gifted the world with THE BEST GIFS.

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang / The Nice Guys

Why do they fuck? From the mind of Shane Black (TAKE MY MONEY!) comes two different Los Angeles-set neo-noir comedies (YESSSSSSS!) involving unlikely partners investigating mysterious murder scenarios (OMG!). Granted, each film takes place in different eras (Kiss Kiss is a modern Christmas movie, sort of, while Nice Guys is a ’70s homage). But while Robert Downey Jr. and Ryan Gosling are mostly doing what they do best in their respective roles, these films will make you see Val Kilmer and Russell Crowe in a whole new light. Point is, each one is fun and funny with twists to spare — and we’d kill for a crossover.

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Clue

Why does it fuck? First: DAT CAST. If there is any ensemble that could challenge Sunshine in terms of sheer insane greatness, it’s this fucking movie. Madeline Kahn, Christopher Lloyd, Michael McKean, Martin Mull, Eileen Brennan, and Lesley Ann Warren turn in timeless comedic performances as characters from a goddamn board game, while Tim Curry just Tim Currys it up as the butler. But it’s the story that sells it, turning that classic murder mystery game into a twisted and zany romp with multiple endings. They don’t make movies like that anymore (or at least not well), but luckily this one stands up to endless viewings. And each time you watch, you’ll discover another one-liner to die for.

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The Faculty

Why does it fuck? Another forgotten ’90s teen horror gem, this time from writer Kevin Williamson (Dawson’s Creek) and director Robert Rodriguez (way before he said some fucking shit). This sly take on alien invasion paranoia is basically “What if The Breakfast Club crossed over with Invasion of the Body Snatchers and also the only weapon is drugs.” It inevitably stars someone you forgot was in it — and I say “inevitably” because the cast list is so impressive and so long that it’s basically impossible to keep it all in mind. Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Shawn Hatosy, Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Laura Harris, Robert Patrick, Bebe Neuwirth, Piper Laurie, Famke Janssen, Usher Raymond, Salma Hayek… Oh, and Jon Stewart has a terrible goatee and gets a pen in the eye.

Speed Racer

Why does it fuck? I could argue that it’s a rare specimen: a genuine, honest-to-goodness live-action cartoon. I could praise the candy-colored visuals, or the casting, or the heartfelt story. But if you can overlook the fact that this is a movie where a chimp flings poo at a bad guy, you’ll see that the Wachowskis pulled off a technically marvelous film. And nowhere is that more clear than in the first act, which economically tells the emotional backstory of the Racer brothers through a series of racetrack scenes: Rex teaching his little brother behind the wheel, then Racer racing as an adult, and flashing back to his older brother’s disgrace and tragic “death”. It culminates in Racer literally chasing his brother’s ghost (and his brother’s speed record) around the track, weaving the past and present together. If nothing else, the movie DEFINITELY tells you what it’s all about from the get-go: Speed, and Racing.

These are just 7 films out of so many movies we think fuck (RocknRolla, Wanted, The Sweetest Thing, Red Eye, Master and Commander, and so on and so on ad nauseam), but I think you get the drift. What are the films you think just get better with age, and you wish more people still talked about?



Tori Preston is deputy editor of Pajiba. She rarely tweets here but she promises she reads all the submissions for the "Ask Pajiba (Almost) Anything" column at [email protected].



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Image sources (in order of posting): Getty Images, Columbia Pictures












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