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What a Maroon! Television's Biggest Idiots

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (51)



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Here in America, we like our idiots. Hell, just turn on your television—to almost any channel—and you’re sure to see one. These days it’s likely to be a real person (or, I should say, a reality TV person), a pundit or talk show host or any one of a number of politicians. But for the purposes of this Seriously Random List, these idiots are made-up television characters. They’re also in no particular order, as idiots are relative.


Joey Tribbiani, “Friends”:

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Lowell Mather, “Wings”:

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Ted Baxter, “The Mary Tyler Moore Show:

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Chrissy Snow, “Three’s Company”:

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George Costanza, “Seinfeld”:

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Woody Boyd, “Cheers”:

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Barney Fife, “The Andy Griffith Show”:

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Edith Bunker, “All in the Family”:

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Kelly Bundy, “Married with Children”:

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Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”:

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Comments

Where's Rose Nylund? And no having Betty White in the same picture with Ted Baxter doesn't count!

Posted by: bleujayone at May 9, 2011 11:24 AM

Bull from Night court.

Posted by: Paultera at May 9, 2011 11:27 AM

Phoebe Bouffet (sp?) wasn't the brightest bulb in the "Friends" marquee either.

Betty White's Rose on "Golden Girls" has one of my favorite lines ever: Dorothy proclaims that when her husband displeased her, "I cut off his sex completely," and Rose, with a wonderful look of absolute astonishment, says, "You mean they grow back?"

Also Randy on "My Name Is Earl."

And why have Gilligan's face up there if he's not on the list?

Gilligan.

Posted by: , at May 9, 2011 11:29 AM

BlueJayOne and , with the mind meld.

Posted by: , at May 9, 2011 11:30 AM

George doesn't belong on this list. He wasn't actually stupid, intelligence-wise. He was just insanely neurotic and self-loathing.

Posted by: Damnyankees at May 9, 2011 11:31 AM

How could you NOT have Jethro Bodean up there?

Posted by: logan at May 9, 2011 11:34 AM

I agree with Bull on Night Court... and really, just about anyone except Darnel from My Name Is Earl.

Posted by: Markus at May 9, 2011 11:35 AM

Jim on "Taxi."

"What does the yellow light mean?"

"Go slower."

"Whaaaat ... doeeeees .... theeeeee ...."

Posted by: , at May 9, 2011 11:37 AM

Was George Costanza really an idiot? Willfully ignorant, certainly, selfish, lazy and possessing pretty much every character defect you can think of, but an idiot? I'm not so sure.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at May 9, 2011 11:39 AM

Oh, Jeez, forgot about Larry, Darrell and Darrell.

We could do this all day, couldn't we?

Of course, that's the point.

Posted by: , at May 9, 2011 11:40 AM

Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Posted by: Larold at May 9, 2011 11:49 AM

Screech!

Posted by: Mattfactor at May 9, 2011 11:53 AM

Brittany on Glee and Burt from Raising Hope.

Also, in the older vein, Maxwell Smart from the original Get Smart TV show.

And I agree with those who think Betty White's Rose absolutely belongs on this list.

Posted by: Siege at May 9, 2011 11:57 AM

@Damnyankees +1

Posted by: zaws at May 9, 2011 12:05 PM

Nowadays, Troy on Community and Andy on Parks and Rec, definitely. Also, Brittany on Glee. I kind of miss the ridiculous she would say, but we had to break up. It's not you, Brit, it's Glee.

Posted by: jM at May 9, 2011 12:11 PM

Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

He's just a misunderstood genius. Kitten Mittens, man. Kitten Mittens.

Posted by: admin at May 9, 2011 12:13 PM

Jeff Zucker?

Posted by: Brian at May 9, 2011 12:16 PM

I'll naysay on George Constanza's inclusion as well. He is narcissistic and venal but not an idiot. He is way too conniving to be an idiot.

Ted Knight. Man, did he play a great blowhard.

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 9, 2011 12:19 PM

Was George Costanza really an idiot? Willfully ignorant, certainly, selfish, lazy and possessing pretty much every character defect you can think of, but an idiot? I'm not so sure.
Posted by: Ballymena Bob at May 9, 2011 11:39 AM

Agreed, asshole does not equal idiot. Now, Kramer was kind of an idiot

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 9, 2011 12:26 PM

Jason Stackhouse from True Blood should be on this list as well!

Posted by: Angeleno Ewok at May 9, 2011 12:27 PM

"I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots"

Posted by: Patti at May 9, 2011 12:38 PM

Kelso from That 70s Show! My fave TV idiot for sure :) And, as others have said, Brittany from Glee & Andy from Parks & Rec. Rose from Golden Girls is practically mandatory so idk how she wasn't included?

Posted by: Corina at May 9, 2011 12:38 PM

Joey was the last funny character on Friends. Kevin on The Office is now the same. Dumb guys are the easiest for coasting shows to write.

Posted by: Rummy at May 9, 2011 12:42 PM

Goldie Hawn as "Goldie Hawn"

Posted by: arrrghzi at May 9, 2011 12:44 PM

Lowell! I love Lowell!

Do you think poor Thomas Hayden Church dies a little inside every time people see him and say "It's Lowell!"? Because you know they do.

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at May 9, 2011 1:16 PM

Anya!

Posted by: jeem at May 9, 2011 1:26 PM

We can let go of the literalism and pretend that Sue Ann is Rose for a few seconds, no?

Posted by: Jerry at May 9, 2011 1:44 PM

No GOB? Come on!

Posted by: vaskark at May 9, 2011 1:49 PM

Kramer wasn't an idiot. Kramer was a pot-head.

Building levels in his apartement? Stoner idea.

Posted by: superasente at May 9, 2011 2:12 PM

Mrs. Brady on The Brady Bunch - she didn't even know Mr. Brady was gay!

Posted by: mswas at May 9, 2011 2:15 PM

Zapp Branigan!

Posted by: greg at May 9, 2011 2:16 PM

Andy in Parks and Rec!

Posted by: Julie at May 9, 2011 2:17 PM

Johnny Burns from 'Deadwood'

----
What about Rita from "Wee Britain"?

Nearly all of the characters on A.D. could qualify as idiots. From the main cast, I'd say Buster is a bigger idiot than GOB, who was merely a amoral narcissistic cretin.

Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at May 9, 2011 2:20 PM

I go with the Trinity of Homer, Gilligan and Jethro.
Some also-rans -
Ensign Parker in McHales's Navy (Tim Conway).
Dr. Smith in Lost in Space
Colonel Klink

Posted by: Pat C. at May 9, 2011 2:42 PM

I'll see your Zapp and raise you a Fry:

"And Fry has that brain thing."
"No I'm...doesn't..."

Posted by: antoinette jeanine at May 9, 2011 2:43 PM

Jason Stackhouse. Because he loves the smell of nail polish in the morning.

Posted by: klingonfree at May 9, 2011 2:59 PM

Good God, all these and none of the Bluths? You've made a huge mistake.

Posted by: Bert at May 9, 2011 3:46 PM

Tyra Banks.

Posted by: pee pants at May 9, 2011 4:51 PM

Tom Smothers?

Posted by: Eep at May 9, 2011 6:13 PM

I'm not sure Edith Bunker belongs here. From what dim recollections I can have of that show, she was more the character that plays dumb because that's what expected of her, but is often more insightful (and certainly more caring) than those around her. Archie would externally appear more intelligent, but as a bigot and bull-headed, was often less observant than Edith.

Wonderful actress though, in retrospect. I see from Wikipedia she won multiple Emmys and Golden Globes - they seem well deserved.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at May 9, 2011 6:29 PM

How is it even possible that Chris Elliot, from his masterpiece "Get a Life", not included? Hell...his stupidity got him killed on a regular basis on the show.

Or for that matter...his current show?!?

Posted by: Diablo at May 9, 2011 7:05 PM

Ted Baxter and Georgette were the best dumb couple ever!

Posted by: TheEmpress at May 9, 2011 7:19 PM

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Posted by: ugh at May 9, 2011 7:21 PM

Chris Griffin. That is all.

Posted by: Pandakid at May 9, 2011 8:20 PM

Vinnie Barbarino.

Who? What? Where?

Posted by: ed newman at May 9, 2011 9:11 PM

Woody Boyd was not the best idiot on Cheers. You forgot Coach.

...and my brain just segued to Coach, so now I must put forth Dauber.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at May 9, 2011 9:42 PM

Here's a vote Gob Bluth.

"Going to live it up down ol' South America way, huh, Mikey?"

Posted by: Matches at May 9, 2011 9:44 PM

Stevie from Eastbound and Down.

Posted by: kateo at May 10, 2011 12:53 AM

Father Dougal McGuire from Father Ted has got to be one of the daftest characters on television. The following had to be explained to him: "These are small, and those are far away."

Posted by: zomgmouse at May 10, 2011 3:05 AM

Someone listed "Chris Griffin". You can't have him without his father, Peter "King of the Animated Idiots" Griffin.

(keeping in the animation vein)

Ralph Wiggum

Posted by: MadameUgly at May 10, 2011 11:33 AM

Since someone above mentioned Jethro Bodine, just for fun, I'll throw in Mr. Drysdale and Mr. Douglas from "Beverly Hillbillies" and "Green Acres," two country comedies where the supposed rubes often proved to be smarter and more common-sensical than the city slickers they dealt with.

Posted by: , at May 10, 2011 11:39 AM