By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (70)
1. Titanic
2. Old Yeller
3. Mississippi Burning
4. JFK
5. Crank
5. A Beautiful Mind
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Posted by: admin at June 1, 2009 4:06 PM
The Goonies.
Posted by: Goldie at June 1, 2009 4:08 PM
Philadelphia.
Also, S1mone.
Posted by: Dario Delfino at June 1, 2009 4:09 PM
Thelma and Louise
Posted by: slower lower at June 1, 2009 4:10 PM
Addendum: The originally scripted ending of Heathers.
Posted by: Goldie at June 1, 2009 4:12 PM
Oh, but they did make a sequel to Titanic, also known as that fabulously insane episode of Doctor Who with Kylie Minogue on a spaceship Titanic.
Posted by: Claire at June 1, 2009 4:12 PM
The Sweet Hereafter
Posted by: corleone1967 at June 1, 2009 4:14 PM
Armageddon II: Bruce Willis is Still Dead
Posted by: Julie at June 1, 2009 4:14 PM
Reservoir Dogs
Posted by: badalamenti at June 1, 2009 4:18 PM
Pfffft!
You can sequel Titanic, Old Yeller and JFK in a heartbeat. How? One word: GODDAM CRAZY ZOMBIES. Yeah, it's three words, but suck it. Zombies. In fact, a sequel to any of these would be AWESOME. Can you imagine Old Yeller with a zombie dog? Can you?! It'd be the best goddam movie ever!
Travis: Yeller? Yeller, is that you? I... I thought you were gone, boy. I thought I killed you dead. Yeller, why is half your head gone, boy?
Zombie Yeller: Woof. Woof. Pant, pant, pant. Woof!*
(*in subtitles - "I'm going to eat your goddam brain and leg hump your corpse")
See? Zombies are the answer. GET ON IT HOLLYWOOD!
Posted by: Skitz at June 1, 2009 4:21 PM
Well, in all fairness you should make a list of the top five films that you could never make or should make a sequel to and they did anyways.
1. Highlander
2. Saw
3. Clerks
4. Predator
5. 28 Days Later
There could be a lot more...
Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 1, 2009 4:21 PM
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Posted by: branded at June 1, 2009 4:22 PM
Dead Ringers
Posted by: pausner at June 1, 2009 4:25 PM
Chariots of Fire, they finally let in colored athletes later...
Posted by: Ted at June 1, 2009 4:25 PM
Oh please, you can make a sequel out of anything. Just throw in some time travel, or call it a prequel. A GOOD sequel, on the other hand...
Not too many of those.
Posted by: Slash at June 1, 2009 4:26 PM
Thelma and Louise as zombies could kick some serious ass.
Posted by: slower lower at June 1, 2009 4:28 PM
1. momento
2. requiem for a dream
3. bonnie and clyde
4. easy rider
5. virgin suicides
Posted by: rabbi at June 1, 2009 4:31 PM
I would love to see a sequel of Requiem for a Dream....set it 20 years later and it could be a short film of tombstones.
Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 1, 2009 4:34 PM
Last Night
If they did make a sequel, it could be:
"So...[embarrassed shuffle]...the world didn't end after all.
...our bad."
Posted by: Julie at June 1, 2009 4:36 PM
Predator 2 was awesome. DeistBrawler is an al-Qaeda operative.
Posted by: Dario Delfino at June 1, 2009 4:40 PM
Speed Racer. No one is coughing up the cash.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 1, 2009 4:41 PM
Thelma and Louise!
Posted by: figgy at June 1, 2009 4:42 PM
You could never make a sequel to Braveheart or The Passion of the Christ. I hate Mel Gibson, and find Passion Plays incredibly offensive to everyone involved and the Jews, but it's the truth.
Yes, everyone's offended by something. Especially the people who say they're not offended by anything. Here's a list, at least one of these things will have to offend you:
Pat Boone Cover Songs
A sequel to The Blues Brothers
Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg
Fred Phelps
Platinum Jonas Brothers albums
Fred, from Youtube
98% of the content on Youtube
Spike TV
The Casting of Hayden Christensen in Star Wars
Posted by: George at June 1, 2009 4:45 PM
Julie, I would probably shell out cash for a matinee of Bruce Willis Is Still Dead.
Posted by: Marra at June 1, 2009 4:46 PM
JFK
Hello? Bubba Ho-Tep?
Posted by: Rykker at June 1, 2009 4:47 PM
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Posted by: branded at June 1, 2009 4:22 PM
HAHAHHAHAHA! I just snorted tea all over my screen.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 1, 2009 4:48 PM
Armageddon II: Bruce Willis is Still Dead
So the sequel to Armageddon....was The Sixth Sense?
Posted by: Vermillion at June 1, 2009 4:49 PM
Damn it Vermillion, you proved me wrong!
Posted by: Julie at June 1, 2009 4:49 PM
Dario Delfino:
If Arnold almost died trying to kill a Predator you explain to me how Glover would even come close to pulling it off....makes no sense.
Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 1, 2009 4:53 PM
The Neverending Story.
It seems pretty self-explanatory.
Posted by: branded at June 1, 2009 4:55 PM
What? No Titanic II: The Resurfacing?
Posted by: Neodiogenes at June 1, 2009 5:01 PM
Or better yet, Titanic II: The Resurfacing: In My Pants!
Posted by: meaux at June 1, 2009 5:07 PM
DeistBrawler:
1) It was a younger, smaller Predator; he was clearly a rookie (he wasn't very stealthy at all, that was a plot point); a kid trying to impress his elders.
2) Bill Paxton was in the film.
3) Trophy Room.
CheckMATE!
Posted by: Dario Delfino at June 1, 2009 5:09 PM
Addendum:
Those would be three reasons why the film ruled. The first is how Glover beat it. And note how messed up he was by the end.
Posted by: Dario Delfino at June 1, 2009 5:11 PM
What? No Titanic II: The Resurfacing?
haha. Excellent idea. Here's another
Titanic II: Ghost Ship
Some crazy mixture between Titanic and Pirates of the Carribean.
Posted by: barf at June 1, 2009 5:11 PM
Hollywood:
"I accept your challenge, Mr. Rowles."
Posted by: Stacey at June 1, 2009 5:15 PM
The Neverending Story.
It seems pretty self-explanatory.
Posted by: branded at June 1, 2009 4:55 PM
Sorry, but they did make a sequel to The Neverending Story called The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter. Sigh. It was the second half of the book.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 1, 2009 5:17 PM
oh god, george, i *hate* fred phelps!
Posted by: gp at June 1, 2009 5:19 PM
And according to Wikipedia, there was a Neverending Story III: Escape from Fantasia. Never heard of it. I think it had something to do with fleeing from an American Idol winner.
Personally, I'm waiting for The Neverending Story : In My Pants.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 1, 2009 5:19 PM
OK, that last bit was supposed to be "The Neverending Story INFINITY SYMBOL : In my Pants.
Somehow the infinity symbol words within brackets disappeared into infinity.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 1, 2009 5:21 PM
BWeaves I die a little on the inside every time I think of that piece of shit film. Fuck you Hollywood. Fuck you for ruining my childhood happiness.
Posted by: Heathen at June 1, 2009 5:22 PM
"Kissing Jessica Stein"
Posted by: Sofía at June 1, 2009 5:28 PM
Dario Delfino:
Imagine it with Morgan Freeman ala Se7en...and the messed up Glover felt like they were trying to make a Predator Die Hard.
You got me with Bill Paxton though, can't argue that.
Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 1, 2009 5:34 PM
Wow. That picture makes it pretty obvious Winslet's had plastic surgery.
Posted by: samantha t at June 1, 2009 5:48 PM
Sorry, but they did make a sequel to The Neverending Story called The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter. Sigh. It was the second half of the book.
I know about II and III. I'm just trying to empower my denial.
Posted by: branded at June 1, 2009 5:49 PM
Actually, they did sort of make a zombie sequel to "Old Yeller". "Pet Sematary", anyone?
-Ralphie
Posted by: Ralphie at June 1, 2009 5:56 PM
1. Salo
2. Pan's Labyrinth
3. Prince of Darkness
4. The Ninth Gate
5. The Machinist
Predator 2 RULES.
Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at June 1, 2009 6:02 PM
The Usual Suspects: Usual-er and More Suspicious
Posted by: Jerce at June 1, 2009 6:16 PM
"Citizen Kane"
Unless ...
"Citizen Zombie"
Undead Charles Foster Kane eats ... well, just about everything. And turns into Orson Welles.
Oh, Jesus H., here we go with the zombie plots again.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 1, 2009 6:50 PM
Oh, but there is a Titanic II!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vD4OnHCRd_4
How did you miss this? It was a total blockbuster!!
Posted by: Kate at June 1, 2009 6:57 PM
Awww...Kate at June beat me to it!
I remember seeing that trailer...and finding it so unbelievable, yet somewhat possible.
Get those guys who made that trailer to re-edit it with footage of the films DiCaprio has shot nowadays, and you'll sell me completely.
Nothing would set people so off the edge when they see Jack Dawson take a bullet in the head via The Departed. We'll say Matt Damon killed Rose, and that her death was in fact MURDER.
Lemme get a pen and some paper...
Posted by: Riley at June 1, 2009 7:34 PM
Is it just me, or is that last cry of 'Rose' in that fake trailer actually the 9th Doctor?
Besides which...thanks a bunch for cursing the world to these sequals, Dustin. You know some asshole will make them now...
Posted by: rach at June 1, 2009 7:47 PM
Se7en: Outside the Box
Posted by: chickenchaser at June 1, 2009 8:38 PM
Daredevil (I mean come the fuck on, we saw that bitch's heart stop!)
300 Oh wait, that's in production too.
Atonement
The Bucket List (I bet they still do those Rob Reiner loving motherfuckers.)
Zodiac
Strange Wilderness (I dare anyone to try)
The Last Samurai
Donnie Darko (Hollywood you twatfucks.)
Posted by: Ryan at June 1, 2009 8:49 PM
Armageddon II: Bruce Willis is Still Dead
Posted by: Julie at June 1, 2009 4:14 PM
Continuing the theme
Sixth Sense 2: Bruce Willis is Still Dead
Posted by: RandyPanTheGoatboy at June 1, 2009 8:59 PM
dammit vermillion, beat me to it. Curse this international dateline
Posted by: RandyPanTheGoatboy at June 1, 2009 9:16 PM
300 Oh wait, that's in production too.
No. Fucking. Way.
Posted by: figgy at June 1, 2009 9:33 PM
Philadelphia
Posted by: brian at June 1, 2009 10:02 PM
With the exception of 'Old Yeller', this list is comprised of films based on historical events and people, making a sequel implausible. Your list would be far more entertaining if it held the titles of only fictional films instead of films that cannot have sequels due to obvious reasons of history.
Posted by: KK at June 1, 2009 10:09 PM
Julie beat me to Last Night. (And I thought I was the only one who saw that movie.)
Sophie's Choice.
Posted by: Louise at June 1, 2009 10:46 PM
1. Rosemary's Baby
2. Black Hawk Down
3. Fight Club
4. Saving Private Ryan
5. The Matrix (oh I thought sequels that SHOULD NOT happen)
Posted by: Fredo at June 1, 2009 10:53 PM
Proof that anything can have a sequel:
"Final Destination 2"
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 1, 2009 11:07 PM
gandhi 2: electric boogaloo
driving miss daisy: to the graveyard
coming to america 2: going back to africa (wait, is that rascist?)
Posted by: gp at June 2, 2009 12:37 AM
ok, so um, i consulted with a friend in RL and they said, yeah, that was pushing it.
sorry to, you know, eddie murphy and arsenio hall.
Posted by: gp at June 2, 2009 12:40 AM
dr. strangelove
Posted by: groovekiller at June 2, 2009 12:44 AM
"3. Fight Club"
I could actually see a sequel to this finding its way to a straight to DVD release. More anarchy and fighting against the man (chock full of product placements, of course).
I bet the only reason it hasn't happened yet is that they killed off Meat Loaf. He would be the only afordable actor recognizable enough to fit into a few minutes of story explaining why all of the major characters aren't in the movie.
I can even see the twist ending. near the end something gets jammed in our hero/anti-hero's skull in some epic battle/explosion. When he pulls it out by hand, he realizes the whole movie has been a dream sequence and he is a victim of the bombings at the end of the first movie. The surgeons just removed something that was blown into his head.
He dies.
The message, anti-establisment kills.
Posted by: LwoodPDowd at June 2, 2009 12:56 AM
back to the prequel, aka: a very troma menarche.
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at June 2, 2009 2:27 AM
The Mechanic II: Zombies in my Pants
Posted by: BWeaves at June 2, 2009 8:52 AM
hamlet...oooooh wait. they just did. (and yes, that movie is exhibit A of why you cannot possibly make a sequel to hamlet.)
seriously, though, any shakespearean drama is fair sequel-less game. I could also make a strong case for "A Streetcar Named Desire"...what would you call THAT sequel? "Blanche: The Crazy Years?"
Watchmen and V for Vendetta are also fairly unrepeatable...not least because the movie versions of these novels are so horrific that I would shoot myself if I had to sit through any successive films.
Posted by: jules at June 2, 2009 10:02 AM
The Last Temptation of Christ (or was the Mel Gibson Jesus movie the sequel?)
Saving Private Ryan
Alive
Posted by: Dristan at June 3, 2009 7:45 PM
Marley and Me.