Pajiba

I can't even watch the clips, the pain is too much just seeing the preview shot. Oh Godzilla, I wanted to love you so much. Then you came, and sucked, and brought that fucking "¡Yo quiero!" dog to the party too with those fucking commercials.

And then you came back, last year, with those Dorito commercials! What the fuck was that, mister? Trying to rub salt in our still open and weeping wounds? You would, wouldn't you, you fucking son of a motherless goat.

I HATE YOU.

...nothing to say...

Just staring at the screen while tears stream down my face.

How could you do this? Why would you do this? There are so, so many films that could fill this list, and knowing how this particular crew rolls, they will all be listed. ALL OF THEM. And as the afternoon dwindles and because porn is blocked from the higher-ups, I'll read through the list and be reminded of how shitty some of these shitty films are.

I don't understand why The Time Machine was on this list. It was true to the SPIRIT of the book, which is the whole point of book to movie translations, no? Of course Mr Wells intended for the story to diverge in such novel and unexpected ways! He certainly didn't intend for his novella to be a commentary on his society's ills or anything.
Books are meant to be butchered in the name of movies.

SNAP!!!! NO HE DID-UNT!!!

The Nutty Professor is a movie I can watch over and over again, if only for the dinner scene. And Jada's freaky hair. And Eddie Murphy tearing Chappelle a new one.

SWEET!!!!! The Nutty Professor is out on video!!!

Oh Godtopus Nicole, I had forgotten about that, and now you reminded me!

Puff Daddy fucking murdered Led Zeppelin.

AAAAAARRRRRGHHHHAPODAOIDNFAODINFALDKNFALDFN!!!!!!

I HATE GODZILLA GOD DAMMIT!

I've only even heard of two of the movies on this list (Godzilla and The Nutty Professor) and I think I'll keep it that way.

I'm still amazed at how many people justify remakes with "but special effects are so much better now! Think how much better it could look!" The lack of better special effects is what forced directors to be creative and create this funny thing called ATMOSPHERE which is a scarce commodity these days.

Plus, I don't think even updated special effects could save some old sci-fi movies. Plan 9 From Outer Space leaps glaringly to mind.

TK, I do the same thing!!!!!! Sherman, Sherman, Sherman!

PS: Are we ever going to be able to log in to Pajiba so we don't have to fill in the boxes every time we wanna comment, and so I can have my name in pink glitter?

And without The Nutty Professor, I would never do that stupid "Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!" thing that I do whenever someone picks up something heavy, thereby getting a bunch of weird looks.

Hee! I do that. When I'm drunk. I think I just like the clapping.

Sorry, Snath. I'm not trying to give you an aneurysm, really, I'm not.

And that annoying chick from that dumb thing!

Ha ha ha!! You mean Bye Bye Love? Ah that Randy Quaid.

I went to Mexico and bought a spanish dubbed copy of Godzilla on VHS (not for that sole purpose, it's a long story). Even though I can't understand a word he says, the Mexican Matthew Broderick is much less confusing. I couldn't take the original seriously. Godzilla vs. Mothra, Godzilla vs. Gamera, even Godzilla vs. Frankenstein, but Godzilla vs. Bueller? There's no risk involved! He jumps a few fences, pops a thermometer in his mouth and smiles all the radio-active lizards into submission. Godtopus bless him and all his nasally greatness, though.

Nutty Professor was okay, but it was a harbinger of things to come. He made the world love him in a fat suit and multiple roles, and now he just can't fucking quit!

I can't wait until they remake Bladerunner!

You shut your dirty shirtless farmer mouth, admin. You shut it right now.

Oh i see...I've never heard of this television Terminator..

"You've been saved, Flash Gordon. For now."

Oh.

No.

You.

Didn't.

You would dare slight the camp masterpiece to end all camp masterpieces? Sam J. Jones, Max Von Sydow, Brian Blessed, Timothy Dalton, & Topol bringing Flash Gordon, Ming The Merciless, Prince Vultan, Prince Barin, and Hans Zarkov to the screen as only they could? A soundtrack featuring Freddie Mercury and Queen at the height of their powers?!? The ludicrously hot Ornella Muti?!? Scenery-chewing at its best?!? One of the best fight scenes in movie history????

You think I'm kidding, but I'm absolutely not.

the worst ever was the Planet of the Apes remake.

As I said before, studly virile human pilot chooses hot, smart bangin' ape chick over pissed-off blonde cavebot.

The ending blew, but it was not the worst ever.

Godzilla was really, really bad.

The Hollywood remake of Godzilla doesn't count. You have to see the Japanese remake "Godzilla 2000: Millennium."

This is my new favorite cheesy movie. Godzilla the way Godzilla is supposed to be: Tokyo stomping, radiation breathing, flame throwing, guy in a rubber suit. The other special effects are CGI and they aren't bad at all. They're good enough that you can tell what they're supposed to be, but they're just bad enough that they don't look real. The models are small enough that they do look like models. The underwater scenes don't have water in them. Godzilla's new arch enemy is a giant ROCK, that turns into a giant flying bicycle seat, and then morphs into a Godzilla wannabe. The dubbing is terrible, and the jokes, and the acting. Ah! My favorite line, "Bite me!" After Godzilla kills the alien monster someone says, "Why does Godzilla always help us?" Immediately after, Godzilla flames the entire town. Gotta love him! This movie really isn't bad for a B movie. You won't be bored by it. Highly recommended for the cheese factor alone!

Actually, yes, "The Nutty Professor" was pretty funny. It played at the campus theater and my roommate and I were the only honkies there that night. He stuffed his clothes with a pillow, because he could.

"Nigger-ace" (that rhymes with "Liberace" for anyone who hasn't seen it) is still one of the funniest lines I've ever heard. I'd take that off the list, but NOT to put "Flash AHH-AHHHHHH Gordon" in its place. No way.

I saw "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" that fateful kaiju weekend in 1998, they even tailored their ads as Godzilla counterprogramming. I think I made the right choice.

I like the Sci-Fi Channel "Dune"s, but nobody better talk shit about Lynch's. Even at the time I was like "What's your problem? I'm NINE and I get it!"

Oh, Godzilla 2000's great! I was quite pleased that I got to see that and "Gamera: Guardian of the Universe" in first-run theaters.

I felt like an uppity ass when I was trying to find that special re-issue of the original a few years ago, but the employee at Fry's helped me feel better about myself, as I kept saying "it's Gojira, it'll be listed as Gojira, G-O-J, instead of Godzilla" and she just kept on showing me every other Godzilla dvd they had"

I'll watch anything with Guy Pearce, and no, it's not cause he's dreamy, it's the Rollo Tomasi face that made me a fan forever. Even though the last half of the Time Machine sucked balls, he still made it better than all the other movies on that list put together.

Smokin, I use that line as well. All the time. It's simple and effective. Don't be ashamed.

Would Tin Man count? I heard it was very meh, despite starring Zooey Deschanel and some B-list actors. It was that mini-series on the Sci-Fi network. Zooey is overrated to me, but I know a lot of Pajibans love her.

Tin Man was good in concept, if you remember that it would've been good at under two hours instead of the twenty three it felt like.

It also had a pretty cheesy happy happy ending.

It had Zooey... - watch the extras, the interview with Zooey...YECH she's ill that day or something. In other interviews with her I've liked her and found her unique/interesting. The Tin Man interview...she's scary. Especially after watching the long series and then seeing...bi-polar Zooey in the interview.

I'll still attribute it to her having a bad day or something.

Return to Oz was pretty damn cool.

From the sounds of it The Day The Earth Stood Still is close to being on this list?

I like reading the comments to these lists. But it would be nice if the person making them added a few comments. They are starting to seem like nothing but filler.

I really really really think Time Machine should be number one. There was no shining light in that shit pile of shit.

Good Remakes:

The Fly
The Blob
The Thing
Invaders from Mars
Not of this Earth

@George:
But without the Planet of the Apes remake, I never would have known the joys of Monkeyham Lincoln.... Or is it Ape-raham Lincoln?
Whatevs, that movie is hilarious when you're baked. But then again, so is Sybil.

What, now with the dune hate? For shame, you people. As for the list, I have to agree that planet of the apes needs to replace the nutty professor. I mean, prof is no masterpiece, but have you seen the original? Boy, do I hate me some jerry lewis.

The only one of these remakes I've SEEN is Village of the Damned, and that because it was on Showtime or HBO or some extended cable network and the remote's batteries were dead or something and I was too sick to get out of bed.

So I cannot comment, except to say that watching it was like licking the hairy asshole of a stranger who has not bathed in weeks and then will not even pay you the five dollars he promised you.

They're making more Dune movies? For TV or the big screen?

Oh oh!!!! I just read Sofia's comment about actual log ins, specially since i use friefox and it doesn't always remember by information but i cant use IE for some lame reason but YES!!!i too want to make my name sparkley and animated!!!!!

Here, lizard, lizard, lizard.

UR A FAG, DUNE MINISERIES WAS AWESOME.