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The Worst Chick Flicks of All Time

A Seriously Random List LVII / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | February 13, 2009 | Comments (123)

I had a hell of a time actually finding the exact origin of the term “chick flick.” Chick flicks have been around for decades, of course, but back in the day, they were called melodramas. In the 80s, movies like Beaches and Steel Magnolias were considered female-friendly movies. Thelma and Louise was referred to as a chick flick by some, but I don’t think that the modern definition of chick flick would apply. Indeed, chick-flick seemed to have gained widespread recognition as a genre with Sleepless in Seattle. So, for the purposes of this random list, we’re going to go back as far as 1993.

I’ll also say that this is an impossible list to put together: There have been approximately 100 “true” chick flicks produced since 1993 (I’ve seen probably 90 of them), and there are maybe five decent ones, and that’s a stretch. Because the threshold for quality is so low, a movie like Bridget Jones Diary would necessarily fit into the top five (go ahead: Try to name four pure chick flicks better than Bridget Jones, and as soon as you get to The Notebook, slap the holy living shit out of yourself). So, in order to come up with a proper top five, I had to measure the lack of quality with box-office success, which weeded out a few movies, like Alex and Emma, Uptown Girls, Georgia Rule and Raising Helen because, though they were terrible, their atrociousness was not compounded by droves of women in attendance. I arbitrarily set the bar at $50 million.

So, without further ado, here is the official list of the five worst chick-flicks of all time, five movies that — if you caught them on a plane — you probably wouldn’t be terribly disappointed to find yourself hurtling toward the ground. I have built an incredible tolerance over the years for bad romantic comedies, but these five — never again. Never fucking again.

5. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde

4. Hope Floats

3. City of Angels

2. Runaway Bride

1. 27 Dresses









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Comments

I reject the very premise of this list because it presupposes there is such a thing as a good chick flick.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at February 13, 2009 12:15 PM

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days and The Wedding Planner.

Horrific.

Posted by: Nicole at February 13, 2009 12:18 PM

Just put all of Kate Hudson's and then add some Skank Cancer and you'll get like top 15 list and shit.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 13, 2009 12:22 PM

Does lesbian porn count as a chick flick?

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 12:22 PM

I had a hell of a time actually finding the exact origin of the term "chick flick." I am impressed/horrified at your thoroughness. Also, just fyi, the turd City of Angels is based on a much much much better German flick by Wim Wenders, Wings of Desire. Anybody who was foaming at the mouth over the melodramatic stupidity of that movie should check out the original. It's the only instance I can think of were Hollywood actually changed the ending of something to make it depressing instead of uplifting.

Posted by: s. pisaster at February 13, 2009 12:24 PM

The lack of any Kate Hudson or Jennifer Lopez flicks makes me question this list. But I guess those didn't make enough money.

Posted by: jM at February 13, 2009 12:25 PM

Stipe42: It's Chick Flick, not Clit Flick.

Posted by: TK at February 13, 2009 12:26 PM

You've Got Mail on my top list of all time. Nothing says love like shutting down your beloved's cherished family business. Serendipity was also excerable. (Rom-coms? Chick flicks? Whatever.)

In other news, I have chcoolate truffled tiny trapeze marshmellows. Not all bad, being my own valentine.

Posted by: twig at February 13, 2009 12:28 PM

I request a list of "Dick Flicks." Same rules, but with horrible action/sports/dude movies.

Definition of evil: Bunch of girls telling you that you just "HAVE" to watch "Must Love Dogs" and "Because I Said So;" they are just SOOOOOO good! (Blatant ripoff of Janeane Garofalo's stand up, but whatever, it applies)

Posted by: BouncingBetty at February 13, 2009 12:29 PM

TK: Swish.

Why I love this site: it has the conviction to describe the awfulness of movies using a plane crash analogy the day after a plane crash. You rule, Dustin. For as many of these awful chick-flicks you've sat through since I've been reading, you deserve to say whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you want.

Posted by: Sean at February 13, 2009 12:31 PM

Two Weeks Notice - Top 5 hands down. The scene where Sandra Bullock had diarrhea was a cringe-fest.

Posted by: Kenshiro at February 13, 2009 12:31 PM

my mom bought me the runaway bride one year for christmas. because i asked for pretty woman, but runaway bride was on sale.

i know it line for line. sigh.

Posted by: mermily at February 13, 2009 12:33 PM

TK: Well crap. I have to go rent a different stack of movies for Valentine's day then.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 12:33 PM

My love for Mr. Connick, Jr. has blinded me to the faults of Hope Floats. Because I admit it; I L-O-V-E LOOOOVED that movie.

Everything else on the list can suck my huge black imaginary balls.

Posted by: Clee Shay at February 13, 2009 12:37 PM

My sister and I actually played a drinking game to "Because I Said So." We drank every time:
1. Diane Keaton flailed
2. Mandy Moore rolled her eyes/overacted
3. We wanted to punch one of the female characters in the vaj

Drunk in 20 minutes, and my sister passed out in the first 35. It's the only way to view one of these cinematic debacles.

Posted by: BouncingBetty at February 13, 2009 12:40 PM

Goddamn motherfucking Bride Wars. Every stereotype come to life. Stab me in the fucking uterus.

Posted by: MG at February 13, 2009 12:42 PM

s. pisaster:

I second your comments on Wings of desire. Great film featuring an actor who was capable of displaying anguish without hamming it up (take note: Nic Cage).

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 13, 2009 12:45 PM

Clee Shay Thank you for sharing my shame in loving "Hope Floats." The plot is pretty similar to recent events in my life....hell, I even put something on my damm blog about that! And, I hate to admit, I also like "Sweet Home Alabama."

I would like to add any chick movie where the main character is dying from some dread disease/significant other is dying, i.e.

Autumn in New York
Sweet November
Stepmom

and absolutely one of the WORST movies EVER made, chick flick, dick flick or shit flick....

LOVE STORY

Just.....fuckin' die already. You ruined Steve McQueen, here you ruin Ryan O'Neal before he became a bloated bastard father....just, die.

Yeah, by concensus of most of my friends, I am a guy when it comes to movies. Blood, violence, explosions, and idiot humor....I'm good. Weepy washy whiny wimmins.....shoot me.

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 13, 2009 12:48 PM

Why is Christopher Meloni in Runaway Bride? Is she running from an abusive husband? Was she raped an/or kidnapped? Did she rape and/or kidnap?

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 12:50 PM

I also love Hope Floats. I think it's the scene where the little girl, played by the awesome Mae Whitman, is crying for her father when he leaves her and her mother after the funeral...gets me EVERY TIME!!!

And Harry Connick, Jr...oh dear. If I ever met him in person I'm sure a restraining order of some sort would soon be issued against me.

I'm ashamed to admit I've seen Legally Blonde 2 in the theater with my sister the day it was released. In my defense, she was 13 and dying to see it and I was trying to be the cool big sister. I was so proud of her when she said it sucked. Now only if I can get her to stop reading Nicholas Sparks novels.

Posted by: Austin at February 13, 2009 12:50 PM

My idea of a good chick flick is "Evil Dead".

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at February 13, 2009 12:52 PM

Hmmm... in all seriousness, I loved "Whale Rider" and it made me (and my husband) cry like little pathetic children, so maybe that also qualifies as chick flick material?

Posted by: Becky Tri-Tip Goddess at February 13, 2009 12:55 PM

Was Monster in Law mentioned? Crap crap crap.

Posted by: Julie at February 13, 2009 12:55 PM

"Whale Rider" and it made me (and my husband) cry like little pathetic children, so maybe that also qualifies as chick flick material?

The Whale Rider only qualifies as a chick flick if you are dating someone enormously obese.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 12:58 PM

Let's not forget the highest (unadjusted) grossing romantic comedy, My Big Fat Greek Wedding at over $240 million.

Posted by: branded at February 13, 2009 12:59 PM

2008 should be known as the year of the shitty chick flick. I was dragged to 27 Dresses, The House Bunny, and Mamma Mia and I fear I may never recover. (Ok, so I half agreed on Mamma Mia out of scientific curiousity...goddamn why can't I leave things alone?)

Sweet Home Alabama goes on that list too. I just listened to it and wept for Candice Bergen as my girlfriend watched it.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 13, 2009 1:00 PM

Sean, thanks. I was particularly proud of the "Flick" double entendre/pun.

Also, I nominate Message In A Bottle, and Jerry McGuire.

That's right, I said it and I ain't fuckin' taking it back.

Posted by: TK at February 13, 2009 1:02 PM

27 Dresses killed my soul. I felt awful after watching it.

dammitjanet--Love Story, while the premise is basically a 1970 version of A Walk to Remember, you have to give it up for characters who actually have personality. That Ali MacGraw is sassy. And at least they're upfront about the fact that she's going to die.

Posted by: kelsy at February 13, 2009 1:03 PM

Let's not forget the highest (unadjusted) grossing romantic comedy, My Big Fat Greek Wedding at over $240 million.

I kind of...like that movie, Branded. At least I don't own it.*

*I totally own it.

Posted by: Julie at February 13, 2009 1:04 PM

Seriously, anything with Jennifer Lopez is a monstrosity.

1) Monster-in-Law
2) The Wedding Planner (first and only movie I've EVER walked out of in my life)
3) Maid in Manhattan

I'd also add 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' because it made me want to stab myself with a blunt instrument.

I don't know if I'd put City of Angels on my list. It's bland and has some interesting moments, but it's just kind of harmless and not really offensive (except the ending of course). There's definitely worse examples.

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:04 PM

But on the plus side City of Angels has that cool Goo Goo Dolls song.

[crickets chirping]

This is why the music posts are greek to me, isn't it?

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 1:07 PM

I used to love the shit out of that song. Still kind of do.

*hangs head*

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:09 PM

Don't know if this is actually a chick flick or not, but one of the shittiest movies I've ever seen is What Dreams May Come.

Others to add:

America's Sweethearts

The Mexican

Posted by: Mattfactor at February 13, 2009 1:09 PM

Julie, you just bought that movie because of your secret love for Joey Fatone, didn't you?

Posted by: branded at February 13, 2009 1:12 PM

I agree on the Jennifer Lopez movie hate with a huge exception for Out of Sight which I thought was terrific and I sincerely thought she was great in.

Maybe she just picks her movies poorly?

Posted by: Neon at February 13, 2009 1:12 PM

Maybe she's just a WHORE!

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:14 PM

kelsy I know, I know....I just personally can't stand that movie.

I think my favorite movie romance of the last few years has either been Shaun/Liz or....yeah, definitely.....Shaun/Ed. THAT'S what love is supposed to be! So, you're a zombie? You are rotting, looking (and I'm sure smelling....but, to be honest, he probably was while alive, too) like shit, but I will keep you chained in the shed so that I can spend my "2 seconds" with you whenever I want, and we can play games together forever....

*sniff*
*tear*

That's love, dammit!!!! Show me a truer love than that, and I'll sentence you to an eternity of watching, "The Bridges of Madison County!"

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 13, 2009 1:14 PM

Stipe42: You might be onto something there.

Posted by: TK at February 13, 2009 1:15 PM

I can't help it branded, I want Fatone's babies. I always dreamed of having a hirsute child with no discernable talent and a last name that will guarantee an eating disorder.

Posted by: Julie at February 13, 2009 1:15 PM

Don't get me wrong. I love a chick flick. I've seen so many that I pretty much have my own vagina-by-proxy by now. But these...ugh...

1. The Holiday. Boring, and it had Cameron Diaz in it, which makes me hate it even more. The only silver lining there was that Jude Law is SO dreamy.

2. When Harry Met Sally. Yeah, I said it. It blows, and I don't care how much spin Hollywood tries to put on the issue, there is no WAY Meg Ryan would fuck Billy Crystal.

3. Legends of the Fall (Asleep). Zzzzzzzz.

4. Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason. What is it with this pervasive Hollywood myth that you can be pasty and fat and utterly ridiculous and STILL score a piece of ass like Colin Firth? I think not. Trust me, I've been trying for years. Damn you and your false hope, Bridget Jones!

5. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. I am generally a lover of Sandra Bullock. I like her one expression. I like her one emotion. I just think she'd be someone I could eat pie with, but this movie? Dull. Pointless. Osmentatious (adj. used to describe any movie that directly manipulates your emotions with the purpose of making one cry, like any early Haley Joel Osment film).

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at February 13, 2009 1:18 PM

Kelsy, I totally agree! The two things I was waiting for throughout 27 Dresses was either the Cloverfield monster or the Darkseekers from I Am Legend to shake things up.

(Bonus points to Clovey after the line about "...stomping around Manhattan, breathing fire, and swatting planes from the sky." Malin Akerman is amazingly LUCKY she had Watchmen lined up after this movie. Her career could have died early after this and The Heartbreak Kid.)

I have a question though: Would I be considered a dick for making my girlfriend stand with me outside of another theater to listen to the Cloverfield overture after being forced to watch Heiglfield?

Posted by: Mike R. at February 13, 2009 1:18 PM

Uh, why is Notting Hill not on this list?

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to lover her"

Gag me with a fucking spoon.

Posted by: Stella at February 13, 2009 1:23 PM

Don't know if this is actually a chick flick or not, but one of the shittiest movies I've ever seen is What Dreams May Come.

It WAS a shitty movie, but I still couldn't turn away. I just loved the visuals.

Posted by: ed newman at February 13, 2009 1:23 PM

oh GOD Notting Hill was just vile.

You know what chick flick I do like? Four Weddings and a Funeral. Shut up.

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:27 PM

I loved Music and Lyrics. I can't help it, I am unable to resist Hugh Grant. He only plays minor variations of an asshole and I don't care. He makes me laugh, and the made up '80s music makes me smile.

I hated How to loose a guy in 10 days, Run away Bride, and (GASP) Sleepless in Seattle. I thought I was the only one! Now I know that even though I am cold hearted, I am in good company.

Posted by: Morgagod at February 13, 2009 1:32 PM

Stripe42 poses an interesting question, but lesbian porno is legitimately fun to watch. But chick flicks are almost never good, and treat there audience with about as much respect as David Zucker. Spoof movies are the only thing worse than chick flicks.

Posted by: George at February 13, 2009 1:36 PM

stipe is in fine form today.

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 1:38 PM

Speaking of Sandra Bullock, how about The Lake House? I fell asleep 10 minutes after it started.

Posted by: Gaby at February 13, 2009 1:39 PM

stipe42 - City of Angels also has an awesome version of Peter Gabriel's I Grieve. A coworker used to play the soundtrack all the time, so though I've never seen the movie from start to finish, I love that song!

Notting Hill is not a great movie, but I do love when they all climb in the car at the end to save the day.

Posted by: mswas at February 13, 2009 1:40 PM

Man, Notting Hill. It's perfectly OK for girls to treat boys like shit - that's what they're there for.

Although I will give them props for not making her super sweet and letting her be unlikable.

I hate 99 percent of Sleepless but the bit where he's on the phone talking about loving his wife is beautiful.

... and 'While You Were Sleeping' is just hella fun.

Posted by: twig at February 13, 2009 1:42 PM

"...I don't care how much spin Hollywood tries to put on the issue, there is no WAY Meg Ryan would fuck Billy Crystal."

Afuckinmen, Pink Hulk. No friggin' way, would Meg Ryan get nekkid with Crystal. Don't get me wrong, I actually dug the movie, but come the fuck on. Actually, who would bone Billy Crystal period? He's the goddam definition of "schlumpy". Granted, you've got Paul Giamatti vying for second, but Crystal grabbed that brass ring decades ago. And what the hell's his deal with his hair? What is that? Where the hell's he been, anyhow? Isn't he due for another fucking City Slickers?

On the flip side of the card, who's banging Megaloo now, anyways? Way to inject a load of shit into your face, lady...

Posted by: Skitz at February 13, 2009 1:42 PM

I am proud to say that the last chick flick I saw was City of Angels, in the theater, on my wife and mines first date, ten fucking years ago.

If Mrs. Admin and the assistants want to watch a chick flick, there is another tv in the house.

Homie don't play dat.

Posted by: admin at February 13, 2009 1:43 PM

And that Goo-goo Dolls song is shit.

Posted by: admin at February 13, 2009 1:45 PM

I just think she'd be someone I could eat pie with.

What a strange expression for a gay man to use.

Zing!

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 1:46 PM

I also loved that Sarah Machlachlanlandingdong (I never know how to spell her name) song in City of Angels. Every time I hear it I'm a wreck.

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:53 PM

Ok Ok Ok....someone I could eat sausage with.

Better?

Posted by: The Pink Hulk at February 13, 2009 1:53 PM

I love Sleepless. I can't help it. Tom Hanks is so charming in it. I love when him and Reiner are discussing great butts and tiramisu, and when Spy Daddy pops up long enough to make fun of An Affair to Remember. I love how cute Meg Ryan used to be. I love the scene in the bathroom when Jonah asks Sam if his girlfriend will scratch his back up during sex. I love the ridiculous romanticism of Annie and Sam's meeting. And I cry every time Sam talks to Dr. Marsha and then sits sadly in his beautiful house.

I may be a dirty sarcastic bitch, but I am super sappy at heart. I might go home and watch it tonight, because I own that shit.

Posted by: Julie at February 13, 2009 1:56 PM

I love how the guys start fake-sobbing about The Dirty Dozen after all the girls have been sobbing about An Affair to Remember. The look on Rita's face is priceless.

Damn you all, I love that movie.

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 1:58 PM

Neon, I firmly believe Out of Sight's greatness is all attributable to Soderbergh. Well, and a tad to Clooney. But JLo was good in it... "We tussled."

re: The Holiday. A small part of me wishes I could have seen just the half of the movie with Kate and Jack...perhaps this option exists on the DVD?

Posted by: greenmyeyes at February 13, 2009 1:59 PM

And I cry every time Sam talks to Dr. Marsha and then sits sadly in his beautiful house.

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. "

Yep.

Posted by: twig at February 13, 2009 1:59 PM

I used to watch Hope Floats when it was coming on HBO five times a day for a couple years. I got scared every time when Sandra Bullock made her eight year old daughter take the wheel of the car. That shit is frightening and merits an R rating.

Posted by: Lucas at February 13, 2009 2:00 PM

Really hot, all-around good women end up with ugly d-bags all the time. Tao of Steve explored how it happens.

Fwiw, I feel like we're trying to squeeze the fat end of the bell curve into a short list. A list of good ones would be more meaningful. I mean, the number of chick flicks at or near ultimate suckage is huge and the difference in suckage level between them is insignificant.

Posted by: Eep at February 13, 2009 2:00 PM

Dammit, now I want some sausage.

MEAT.

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 2:00 PM

Do you know Tom Hanks and Spy Daddy totally ad-libbed that shit? That was some funny shit! "And...then...Richard Jaekel....STOP STOP!!! Oh, god, I love that movie!"

genius

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 13, 2009 2:01 PM

Heh, that's great Janet, I always thought Rita's laughter looked too real.

Posted by: Julie at February 13, 2009 2:05 PM

The two worst chick flicks in the history of the universe without any doubt have to be Uptown Girls and Sweet November. The last five minutes of both movies alone qualify them for that honor.

Posted by: wandereraz at February 13, 2009 2:20 PM

My daughter watched Uptown Girls on a portable dvd player with her friend in the friend's mother's car-----she hurled IN THE CAR. Does that tell you all you need to know about that movie?

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 13, 2009 2:34 PM

Interestingly, the top 2 (arguably--#1 definitely) fit neatly into the subgenre of Wedding Porn.

Posted by: Optramark at February 13, 2009 2:42 PM

I like City of Angels (including the soundtrack) because I prefer Meg Ryan to dramas as opposed to comedy. Which leads me to my most hated chick flick:

You've Got Mail. I hate this movie so fucking much, it hurts. I don't even care about the product placement, but that the movie is so incredibly full of itself. Tom Hanks and his douchey bargain store, but I hate Meg even more because of her smug, shit eating grin. She's supposed to be so cute and adorable, but she annoyed the fucking shit out of me. I wanted her store to burn to the ground. With her still in it, writhing and screaming in agony. And Tom and Dave Chappelle (with more than 2 lines) standing by, toasting marshmallows.

And to top it off, they had no sexual chemistry. Really. I honestly could not imagine them having sex. I could see them going to Blockbuster, or walking that stupid dog, or even reading the newspaper in bed, in their bland vanilla glory. But actual sex? My mind draws a blank.

Posted by: Brie at February 13, 2009 2:51 PM

It's the only instance I can think of were Hollywood actually changed the ending of something to make it depressing instead of uplifting.

Isn't that the freakiest shit? "Wings Of Desire" has fresh-off-heroin Nick Motherfucking Cave singing a song about torturous unobtainable love...and the movie leaves you beaming. Plus Peter Falk's explanation of coffee and cigarettes is classic.

I do love that era of Meg Ryan's hair though. She looks lovely in that one. And Frank Pembleton!!

And stipe....don't make me rescind the hosannas I just gave you on the Danny McBride thread! Dang!

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 2:56 PM

Sleepless in Seattle made me feel so empty inside. The fake-crying with "Affair to Remember" was cringe-worthy, as was the "My father's dating a ho!" radio call-in moment. Not to mention that the idea of pining after Tom fucking Hanks simply strains credulity too much for me. I hate that dude.

Posted by: samantha t at February 13, 2009 3:01 PM

Jay: Are you knocking on the Goo Goo Dolls? Because if you are, I will throw down some Gin Blossoms, Better than Ezra, Third Eye Blind and Dishwalla.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 3:01 PM

and absolutely one of the WORST movies EVER made, chick flick, dick flick or shit flick....

LOVE STORY

Now, I say everyone is entitled to his opinion. But dammitjanet, I will call you out on this one. Don't besmirch this film or we will throw down. Hard. And I will win, because it's how I roll.


Moving on, I am a total sucker for any romcom chick flick with Hugh Grant. I can't help it. I will watch every one and I will probably cry because he's Hugh Grant and I want him to make out with me. I want to lie on a park bench with my head in his lap, and listen to a really cheesy song that he wrote on his piano overnight and sings to me at a poptart's concert, and be his lawyer and share another family's helicopter. And if you get those three references then you are just as lame as I am and you love it.

I never bought into the Hanks/Ryan thing. Too staged for my tastes.

Posted by: Nicole at February 13, 2009 3:07 PM

Damnit stipe, you just reminded me that I totally own that sound track. In my defense I was in highschool when that movie came out.
And again in "they did it better the first time," news, all of you hating on You've Got Mail go rent The Shop Around the Corner asap. It is every thing the pathetic remake wasn't. (actually, remakes, 'cause there was another version I remember with Judy Garland that also couldn't hold a candle to mother-fucking Jimmy Stewart)

Posted by: s. pisaster at February 13, 2009 3:07 PM

Well, "Found Out About You" isn't that bad a song, and I kinda like "One More Murder". But that's all you'll get out of me for any of them.

Great, going and putting "Semi-Charmed Life" in my head, which they then put into commercials for the motherfucking "Tigger Movie", desecrating Pooh, and I hate that bouncy ratfuck!!!

ENJOYING THE RAIN IN SAN DIEGO?!?!?

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 3:17 PM

I do have to admit, too, that I have the soundtrack for "City of Angels." "I Grieve," "Uninvited," "Red House," "Further on up the Road".....craptastic movie, but great music.

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 13, 2009 3:23 PM

It's positively drizzletastic today!

I changed my wiper blades last weekend. Did you know that wiper blades actually wear out with use? Thirteen years of driving in California and I'd never accumulated enough windshield wiper use on a car to learn this staggering fact.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 3:26 PM

Stipe, I live in California too and I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't know why my wipers no longer worked as they should. Somebody had to tell me that they could be replaced. Very sad. On another note, I'm not stalking you or anything (really, I'm not) but I look forward to reading the comments section of these posts just to see what you've got to say. Rarely am I disappointed. To wit;

"Whale Rider" and it made me (and my husband) cry like little pathetic children, so maybe that also qualifies as chick flick material?

The Whale Rider only qualifies as a chick flick if you are dating someone enormously obese.

Posted by: stipe42

I choked on my coffee!

Posted by: Sharopa at February 13, 2009 3:45 PM

Gosh I need to learn how to change fonts!?!

What Women Want
Serendipity
Just Like Heaven
Fried Green Tomatoes

Add these to the growing list

Posted by: richmac at February 13, 2009 3:48 PM

I've seen Hope Floats, which I didn't hate - but then I was in the hospital with a ginormous blood clot when I watched it, so perhaps the morphine made it seem better. And I've seen City of Angels (a film that should die). But I haven't seen the other three on the list, thank god.

My vote for worst chick flick of all time goes to Titanic, though. Not only is it badly written, melodramatic, overwrought bullshit, but it took two talented actors whom I love and almost ruined them forever for me. I mean, you expect crap when you go see a Kate Hudson or Jennifer Lopez flick. But DiCaprio and Winslet? Not so much. That being said, I still watch the damn thing when it comes on, because they're both just so goddamn hot that I can almost block out the shitty movie that they're in. ALMOST.

I have to admit, though, that I do love a few chick flicks: Fried Green Tomatoes (love me some Fannie Flagg, a fellow Alabamian), Steel Magnolias, and House Bunny. Other than those three, I would rather be disemboweled with a KFC spork than have to watch a goddamn chick flick.

Posted by: Whitney G at February 13, 2009 3:54 PM

Actually, though, if Thelma & Louise wouldn't be considered a chick flick by today's standards, would Fried Green Tomatoes? After all, you've got a woman trapped in an abusive marriage who eventually leaves him and becomes involved in a lesbian relationship with her childhood friend. Then her husband is killed, chopped up, cooked, and served as barbecue.

Somehow I'm thinking that these elements would be frowned upon in modern chick flicks.

Posted by: Whitney G at February 13, 2009 3:59 PM

You should move to Minnesota, stipe. We just bought new blades this week.

Minnesota! Where the weather is so shitty you have to change your blades at least once a year for maximum results. Sometimes even more frequently!

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 4:03 PM

MUST LOVE DOGS. Could not bear to watch it. It was painful.

I agree on the City of Angels thing. Yuk.

Kind of liked Hope Floats. I'm sorry.

Posted by: tt_marie at February 13, 2009 4:13 PM

Now, I hate a crappy chick flick as much as the next non-brain dead lady, but don't hate on Fried Green Tomatoes. I give out very few lifetime passes, but Mary Stuart Masterson has one of mine. I'd bat for the other team if she were on it. I'd make grilled cheese with an iron if it would make her smile. I take all kinds of crap for refusing to see most of the movies that marketing departments think I should, but then again, I have one friend who wouldn't take her kids to see Wall E because she heard there was, like, not even any talking for the whole first part of the movie. I need to get the fuck out of Delaware. I cannot honestly remember the last girlie movie I saw in or out of the theater. Bridget Jones, maybe? On a bored night after I had forgetten to update the netflix queue? Probably. Mr. Lower and I will see Gran Torino (finally) on our VD date without the crumb lickers. Yeah for teenage babysitters who will spend a Saturday night, VD no less, with three kids in a house with no cable.

Posted by: slower lower at February 13, 2009 4:21 PM

Is that what that book's about? I suppose I would've been less surprised to hear Fannie Flagg had been shacked up with Rita Mae Brown in that case.

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 4:23 PM

"Lake House". It was my goddamned boyfriend's fault we watched that one. That's two hours of my life I will never get back. "Must Love Dogs". Same thing.

But I'm glad I'm not the only one with a soft spot for "Hope Floats". I know its terrible, but I can't help it. That little girl running after the father's car hits just a little too close to home.

My barometer is my mother, who recently told me I have to see "Marley and Me" because it is wonderful. She thought "Momma Mia" was stupid, so I can't even imagine the level of suckitude.

Posted by: Lee at February 13, 2009 4:23 PM

"Sleepless in Seattle" definitely makes the list because, not only was it a SHITTY chick flick, but it was a quasi-remake of another SHITTY chick flick ("An Affair To Remember," which I wish I could forget -- badoomboom).

Posted by: jimbob at February 13, 2009 4:31 PM

"The Notebook". I've tried to watch it like...fifteen THOUSAND times but oh God I can't make it past that dude's lost-puppy eyes and the kissing in the rain and PUKEPUKEBLARGH.

Why do so many women love that movie? Why? WHY? it's horrible!

Posted by: figgy at February 13, 2009 4:35 PM

Lee, I think you need a new boyfriend. One who isn't a GIANT FUCKING PUSSY.

Posted by: Snath at February 13, 2009 4:38 PM

I was forced to watch Lake House when I was a camp counselor (also Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, but we don't talk about that), and when I heard people saying they LIKED it, I almost stopped talking to them for the rest of the summer.

I haven't seen 5-3, 1 can definitely suck my balls, but I didn't think 2 was anything so much worse than most other chick flicks. Maybe I was too young to know better.

Posted by: Sabrina at February 13, 2009 4:50 PM

And I'm with figgy: The Notebook? More like the Thisisreallyfuckingcrappybook, amirite?!

Posted by: Sabrina at February 13, 2009 4:59 PM

Sharopa: I hear stalking is an Olympic sport in some Asian nations. They call it "arranged-marriage" or some such.

And please be careful choking on coffee, if you choke to hard, the jet of liquid can actually puncture the soft tissue separating your nasal cavity and your brain. You would be rendered a coffee zombie in moments.

Jay: San Diego's deities were angered by your mockery of our precipitation. The rain disappeared and the sun shone for my lunch hour, so I could sit on the cliffs and watch the Pacific pound in. As soon as I got back to the office, the drizzling started again. Now that's weather I can get behind.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 13, 2009 5:05 PM

Dirty Dancing.

I hate that movie.

You can heap me with insults now.

Posted by: shootmenow at February 13, 2009 5:22 PM

Don't get cozy, low pressure is all up in that bitch.

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 5:22 PM

Hope Floats? Shit Floats.

Posted by: Odnon at February 13, 2009 5:23 PM

Shootmenow, you're not alone in that one. I have never understood the appeal to Dirty Dancing. It's just the story of a dance instructor screwing a minor.

A few friends of mine went to see the musical and gushed about the lift scene and the songs. If I rolled my eyes any harder, they would have been stuck in the back of my head.

Posted by: Brie at February 13, 2009 5:35 PM

Why do so many women love that movie?

Because Ryan Gosling is hot and I wish it were me that was being kissed so thoroughly in the rain?

Posted by: Nicole at February 13, 2009 6:36 PM

I have a fairly high crap tolerance, but oh my dear freaking Godtopus, I think the worst chick flick I have ever seen (twice...) is A Walk to Remember. I had to watch it the second time with a bunch of girls who actually sat around eating ice cream, crying and not shutting up about how 'dreamy' Shane West is. I didn't think people did that in real life. I think I can safely blame chick flicks for creating this monstrous culture.

Posted by: rach at February 13, 2009 6:51 PM

I watched that one Hillary Duff/Heather Locklear movie where she's desperate for a man as part of the bad-movies-in-a-hotel series that I take part in, and it was close to unwatchable. Even for a bad movie. It was a blatant rip off of Mermaids, which is a kick ass chick flick.

Posted by: katy at February 13, 2009 7:03 PM

@DammitJanet and Julie - I love that scene too! I crack up everytime Daddy Bristow starts weeping about Trini Lopez. The tiramisu/swatches conversation always makes me want to go watch some Cary Grant flicks. Sleepless,/i> pulls off homage to old films far better than The Holiday's recent attempt.

Uptown Girls is hurl-worthy (SHUT UP, Dakota Fanning). So was Failure to Launch (no thanks, I'd rather not see Terry Bradshaw's butt), and Must Love Dogs(what were you thinking, Christopher Plummer?). Actually, just add any movie Diane Lane has ever done. She's whiny and annoying. Under the Tuscan Sun was equally wretched.

I watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton on tv the other night and devised a stupid chick-flick drinking game. I drank whenever
-there was a random pop song to cover scene transitions
-the best friend did something "quirky"
-a crowd of people applauded our heroine
-there was a montage
I didn't catch the end. If someone had run through an airport to profess their love at the last minute, I would have smashed the wine bottle against my head.

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at February 13, 2009 7:05 PM

I would have smashed the wine bottle against my head.

Yer well 'ard, woman. Just the mental image is enough.

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 7:27 PM

Well then Stipe, I'm gonna start training in earnest for the Gold and my picture on a Wheaties box! Unless, of course, I end up with my picture at the post office in an orange ensemble first...

Posted by: Sharopa at February 13, 2009 7:58 PM

Just so you know Dustin, I don't think the term "Skank Cancer" was going to far, there has never been a better description of Katherine Heigl. First she razzes on the one good movie she will ever be in by saying her character is a bad role model for women, only to take a roll in 27 Dresses. She is Satan's vagina. To all impressionable young women out there, ignore Katherine Heigl.

Posted by: George at February 13, 2009 11:10 PM

Could someone please pen the ultimate chick flick and kill the genre all together? If it promises to be the last one ever, I vow to view and promote a movie in which a single, successful, 30-something woman is so desperate to find love that she ruins her friend's/ex-boyfriend's wedding by showing up with a man who is smoother than all other men but sadly gay and/or a prostitute but still loves her and will encourage her to jettison every redeeming quality she ever had in order to fulfill the fantasies of some asshole with a cleft chin whose wife/girlfriend has died/left him for another man (or woman). In the process, she must damage him in astoundingly cruel ways and/or charm his child/dog until it favors her over him and engage in a series of horrifically embarrassing stunts with as many witnesses/collaborators as possible, with the end result being that he somehow finds enlightenment and gives up everything/everyone he ever enjoyed just to be with her. Major points if he's mildly abusive because he can't resist her but is afraid of commitment. Bonus points if she can alienate her friends/family who were previously supportive/consistently denigrating but all show up at the wedding anyway because they just want to see her happy. Super fantastic bonus points if one of the leads is fairly unattractive and/or there is absolutely no chemistry between the them.

Posted by: Reba at February 13, 2009 11:14 PM

Okay, I gotta issue you a homophone citation this time. Have a nice day.

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 11:15 PM

27 dresses is light years better than maid in manhattan,, monster-in-law ( sorry, j-lo) and bride wars and the worst of all was so bad, i can't even remember the name. it misleadingly had las vegas included in the title and starred demi moore's life partner and , the all-time worst, cameron diaz. at least 27 dresses had appeal for the target audience. the diaz opus didn't have a target audience.it must be included on any short list that has the word " worst " in the description.

Posted by: snake at February 13, 2009 11:39 PM

27 dresses is light years better than maid in manhattan,, monster-in-law ( sorry, j-lo) and bride wars and the worst of all was so bad, i can't even remember the name. it misleadingly had las vegas included in the title and starred demi moore's life partner and , the all-time worst, cameron diaz. at least 27 dresses had appeal for the target audience. the diaz opus didn't have a target audience.it must be included on any short list that has the word " worst " in the description.

Posted by: snake at February 13, 2009 11:40 PM

Posted by: s. pisaster at February 14, 2009 12:13 AM

I have a story to tell about Chick Flicks. I met a girl at a party....we clicked and decided to go out on a date. During the first date, she said that she was Jewish, but it didn't matter if I was because she was just looking for a good guy. About three dates in, she calls me and says that she likes me, but if we are to keep seeing each other, I would have to consider a conversion to Judiaism. Since I am an Agnostic, I wasn't going to not do a new religion after spending years not doing the religion I was born in. So I say nix to that idea. She says well then, I guess it's better off that we just stop it here.

Right after that, she mentions that her and her friends are having a "girls night" and want to get a good movie to watch. She says, since you know so much about films, what do you recommend.

"In The Company of Men"

"What's that?"

Oh, it's about bonding and there's a part with a deaf girl and her relationship with this guy, I think it's perfect.

Great! And by the way, have a nice life.....

****TWO DAYS LATER****

I wish I had kept the phone message from this woman. Apparently she did rent that movie for her friends and two of them cried and one left the house and hadn't called her back she was so angry. And why would I tell her to rent such a bad film towards women? Um, you just broke it off with me, you don't get free video reviews after that.

Needless to say, we never talked again, but she is married to a nice Jewish Doctor.

Posted by: Rubble44 at February 14, 2009 12:16 AM

Anything involving an Ephron should be in the top (or bottom?) 5.

Posted by: theoriginalslash at February 14, 2009 12:48 AM

Posted by: Jay at February 13, 2009 11:15PM

Jay, your grate. I cant beet that. Dam.

Posted by: Lainey at February 14, 2009 12:49 AM

Made of Honor was one of the single-handedly worse "chick flicks" I've ever seen. Utterly pathetic. I'd rather watch 27 dresses while getting hosed with cold water than watch Made of Honor... uuuhhh

Posted by: Michelle at February 14, 2009 4:58 PM

Jennifer Garner was in it. Her husband died and she finds out he may have had a kid. Jack Black also stars and I think it takes place in Oregon.

That one was pretty bad.

Posted by: Jenks at February 14, 2009 11:09 PM

I'm still just trying to wrap my head around 27 Dresses actually making enough to get on the list.

Posted by: Alex at February 15, 2009 4:18 AM

My dad loved "Mamma Mia!" He also worries about his hair more than I do, and tends to have suspiciously clean fingernails. I am hereby calling his man-card into question, or blaming him for the "gay gene" my half-sister ended up with. :D Whatever.

I totally don't believe this list since it didn't have any J-Lo on it, either. Lopez is the scourge of the earth.

I'd nominate Titanic, too, if it weren't for the special effects. The only thing that saved that movie: boat sinkage. Iceberg FTW. Unfortunately for the overrated crap festival that is Titanic, there are much more deserving nominees for the five worst chick flicks out there. I haven't seen The Notebook, but I'm still certain it or anything Nicholas Sparks farts out edge out Titanic on this.

And--dare I say it--I don't understand the way-too-common female obsession with Jane Austen. Especially the three?-hour-long boring-ass crapfest that is Pride and Prejudice.

Posted by: Pef at February 15, 2009 4:57 AM

On our first date, my husband and I saw The Deer Hunter playing at a classic cinema in town and on our second we saw Full Metal Jacket. I suggested both, OK? Which means I AM COOL DAMMIT...but I still love You've Got Mail. Every time I'm sick, that and A Walk to Remember go directly into the DVD player.

Posted by: cath at February 15, 2009 7:08 PM

Be it known that "You Light Up My Life" (herein referred to as "The Plaintiff") has filed a lawsuit against Dustin Rowles, dba PajibaInc., his heirs and business partners and anyone else he has ever met in his life (herein referred to as "the Defendant[s]") re: the arbitrary and capricious 1993 cutoff date, and as the movie bucdaddy saw with his first fiancee after they went to pick out the ring, seeks an apology, the official title "Worst Chick Flick Of All Time" and redress not to exceed one (one) Whiskey Baby Ninja Star T-shirt and 50 bazillian (fifty bazillian) dollars U.S.

Filed this day 15 Feb. 2009

Didi Conn & Associates

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 15, 2009 11:09 PM

Whale Ride is NOT a chick flick but a really well-made Kiwi film about a Maori community. Do we not understand the idea of a "chick flick" being about stereotypes of women and relationships, meant to act as escapism for female filmgoers but instead often ending up as craptacular examples of bad writing and even worse acting? Gee, maybe this explains why these movies are so damn popular...

Posted by: Ariel at February 15, 2009 11:57 PM

Rubble44 remind me to never piss you off....but that was AWESOME!!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at February 16, 2009 8:53 AM

How about that steaming pile of shit called "The Wedding Date"? Dermott Mulroney notwithstanding, that movie sucked. My room mate made me see it with her because she liked Will and Grace.

Debra Messing is a one trick pony and that trick is played out.

Posted by: Carolina Girl at February 16, 2009 1:48 PM

maybe it was mentioned in the comments and i just missed it but what about " nights in rodanthe"?? a snorefest if ever there was one and probably the longest tear jerking finale in history.... simply awful!

Posted by: snake at February 16, 2009 5:47 PM

Not sure if this is a rom-com, pure, or a marginally chick flick the way I see it. But What Women Want seems to have two sides to it: up to when Meeeh Gibson sleeps with Marisa Tomei, it's a really funny movie in many aspects -- entertaining, at least. Then it becomes the worst thing I have ever put eyes in my life, even when compared to Scary Movie 2 (which I had the pleasure of watching in the movies).

Seriously, it's worse than The Day After Tomorrow to a duet of Bolton and Dion. With lasers. And Sarah Palin as a talking Statue of Liberty.

Posted by: godzilla_foil at February 16, 2009 11:47 PM

You've Got Mail makes me seethe with fury every time I see it. Parker Posey's character was just so fucking annoying. I wish Tom would've slapped that bitch in the elevator. He probably did! :-)

Posted by: Tomasina at February 17, 2009 1:07 PM