The Top Ten Bros I'd Cast To Play That Aryan Poster Child, Aquaman, In The New DC Movie
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The Top Ten Bros I'd Cast To Play That Aryan Poster Child, Aquaman, In The New DC Movie

By Joanna Robinson | Seriously Random Lists | December 2, 2013 | Comments ()

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Calm down. The Aquaman movie isn’t confirmed yet. DC is mostly talking about the ways in which they intend to beef up his presence in the world of comics. But, well, given that superheroes are the needle and Hollywood and the American public are the junkies, I really doubt a movie project will stay in the theoretical stages for long. Especially if we’re building towards a Justice League movie. Here’s what DC Entertainment’s Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns told Variety:

There is no doubt in my mind that this is one of the most well-known characters among super-heroes, and in popular culture…He became a little bit of a joke…suddenly, he was nobody’s favorite super hero…He’s a character that we talk quite a bit about.

You can blame that “bit of a joke” thing on Entourage or the fact that Aquaman is so virtuous he’s boring or the fact that he looks exactly like a poster child for The Hitler Youth. Anyway, I can’t imagine an Aquaman movie we could take seriously. Not even Nolan could make this character moody. So why not just go full-blown bro about it? Here are my top ten picks.

Justin Hartley : Coincidentally I had an Emily Owens, M.D. marathon on Thanksgiving (you try chopping mountain of sage while watching something substantial). The fluffy, cancelled drama is on Netflix and Hartley played the throb of our heroine’s heart. And he wasn’t half bad. He also once played Aquaman in a short film so I’m sure he’s not stranger to the peroxide bottle.

Zac Efron: Efron keeps teetering on the verge of grown-up, major stardom. While I’ve been enjoying his forays into indies and serious dramas, I think a superhero movie could be the final push he needs.
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Hunter Parrish: I love this kid and he wasn’t worked as much as I’d like since Weeds went off the air.
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Ryan McPartlin: Ditto. Where has McPartlin been since Chuck went off the air? Rizzoli and Isles? For shame.

Kellan Lutz: The most obvious bro.

Ryan Kwanten: We know this kid is practically allergic to shirts.

Alexander SkarsgĂ„rd: What? You don’t know what Atlanteans sound like. They could sound Swedish. YOU DON’T KNOW.
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Armie Hammer: Would it be enough to wash the memory of The Lone Ranger from our thoughts? No. But he’s welcome to try.
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Alan Ritchson: As I was making up this list I thought “ooooh, that walking Ken Doll from Catching Fire.” I swear to you I did not know Ritchson played Aquaman on Smallville. At least we already know he looks good in orange.

Ben Foster: Well, obviously, Ben Foster is the outlier here in that he’s actually a phenomenal actor. (Sorry, Lutz!) Foster is also in a dead serious “I’m dating Robin Wright and playing Lance Armstrong” phase of his life so he might think a comic book movie is beneath him. But we’ll never forget, Foster. The internet always remembers.

(via Variety)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Three_nineteen

    That pic does not do Captain Awesome justice. Try this one:

  • alannaofdoom

    True story: I misread "Alan Ritchson" as "Alan Rickman" and things got REAL INTERESTING in my head for a second.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I did that too, and my mind said "Doesn't old Hans skew a little old for Aquaman?"

  • Robert

    Hunter Parrish actually swung over to Broadway after Weeds. He replaced Jonathan Groff as the male lead in Spring Awakening, then came back a year or two later as the Jesus character in the awful Godspell revival. He's been working a lot more than you think and in different media.

  • chebyshov

    I'm kind of weirdly digging your Zac suggestion.

    Oh and also, Justin Hartley played Green Arrow in Smallville. Not saying he couldn't pull off Aquaman, but it'd be a weird transition for my brain to make.

  • Helo

    This failed pilot actually came before his casting on Smallville. Created by same showrunners.

    (Yes, I watched all 10 seasons. I called it "Charmed, but for dudes." Don't judge.)

  • Tatertot

    Aquaman? Where the f^ck's my Wonder Woman movie?!

  • alannaofdoom

    Silly puppy! Boys won't see a movie about a *girl*!


  • Tatertot

    Well, Wonder Woman is "complicated", dontcha know

  • Kate at June

    My husband and I went to see Catching Fire this weekend and the only time he got into the movie was when he saw Finnick with his trident because he said he looked like, I vote that guy.

  • Aquaman has been an underrated superhero for a while now and it's nice to see him taken more seriously by DC. I'd definitely go see a movie featuring him before I'd go see one about Hank Pym. Why would you make a movie about him? Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

  • BlackRabbit

    Agreed. Aquaman could be awesome if handled right. I'm curious how you determined that Aquaman is "too virtuous."

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Who's gonna voice Aquaman's jive talking blue whale companion?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Robert Downey Jr., of course.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Justin Hartley is actually quite a good actor.

  • Repo

    Agreed. I prefer the newer incarnation of Oliver Queen, but Hartley was perfect for the Smallville world.

  • Steve Ward

    All you have to do is treat it like the current run of comics did. Aquaman acknowledges that people think he's a joke, then you put a scene like this in the trailer:

    Green Lantern - "Superman might not say a lot, but he can fly and juggle trucks. The Flash is the fastest man alive. Wonder Woman can slice through an army. And me? I can do anything with this ring.

    So, really, what can you do that we can't?"

    (Refer to image)

    (Aquaman then stabs another dude or two with his trident)

    Green Lantern - "Never mind."

    Hell, just get Geoff Johns to write the movie. I certainly didn't give a shit about Aquaman until the new 52 revamp, then ^ that happened and I proceeded to start buying Aquaman books.

  • Temmere

    Here's a very convincing article (partly) about how Aquaman should be handled:

    Spoiler alert: it does NOT involve constantly retelling the same old "Aquaman sux" jokes.

  • DeaconG

    If you really want to see Aquaman turned up to 11, read Flashpoint, then get back to me.

  • Steve Ward

    Will do. Thanks.

  • Steve Ward

    Actually, screw it, save Aquaman for the inevitable Justice League film. He's guaranteed to be the Hulk-esque surprise crowd pleaser.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Aquabro! Saving the world's oceans, one high five at a time!
    (Then I Googled 'trident high-five' but nothing useful happened.)

  • I sorta thought, "Nahhh, Ryan Phillipe," when I saw your banner pic. He has that curly-tressed, golden-god, can-we-get-some-water-to-drip-off-him-please look to him.

    Then again, I tend to think, "Nahhh, Ryan Phillipe," when people hand me coffee. So maybe it's me.

  • bastich

    Every time I hear about Aquaman being a joke, I'm reminded of this:

  • Don't forget this bit, either:

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I don't think Great Cthulu qualifies as a fish.

  • Repo

    Yeah, this movie is going to be camp city no matter who they cast. Second half of the list has some interesting choices though.

    Question though, why the racial overtones? I'm legitimately asking, as this website strives for progress it seems daily on most issues. Just seems unnecessary. I doubt when the Luke Cage movie gets made it would contain such content.

  • BlackRabbit

    Yeah, good thing the living costumed symbol of America isn't a blue-eyed blonde white guy.

  • oilybohunk7

    I know. I was thinking "Well some characters CAN have blue eyes and blonde hair. That does occur naturally sometimes." If the movie was mostly made up of the one type then a side-eye can be thrown.

  • Repo

    Totally. I wasn't being snarky, just was curious why it was so prevalent here. Aryan/Nazi, really? I mean if the character had origins or something but Aquaman actually had a rich (again albeit campy and silly) history of fighting the Nazi's in the 40's and 50's. One of his most common enemies were U boat and sub commanders.

  • oilybohunk7

    I am in total agreement!

  • Guest

    Totes. Can a post / post title fall under:

    "Don't Be a Douche Or We Will Happily Ban You" hammer?

  • Eva

    Ben Foster Forever

  • Fabius_Maximus

    How about no? To the whole thing?

  • kirivinokur

    You make a great point.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Um, good for Robin Wright.

  • Good for both of them. She looks amazing.

  • So that's why she stopped calling. Damn. I hate when hot older women trade up [sic] for the younger model.

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