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The Ten Most Anticipated Summer Blockbusters as Represented by the Leading Actors in Various Stages of Undress

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (46)



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I had earnest intentions of composing a lengthy and comprehensive Summer Movie Preview today, but sometime around 3:45 a.m. last night, as I was driving around a desolate city searching (in vain) for just one goddamn bottle of Children’s Tylenol or Motrin in this godforsaken nation that hadn’t been recalled, I realized that I’d have to find a way to short-cut this piece. A child’s illness is four times more challenging than your own (and it’s often compounded once you contract that sickness). And because Mrs. Pajiba-hyphenate is a very important person who was due in court to do very important things, I was put on parenting duty for the day.

In other words, my child’s illness is your gain. Now, you don’t even have to pretend to skim the blurbs of beautiful prose: You can simply gawk at the images and take issue with the actual list in the comments below when you’re done without worrying that you’re repeating something I already wrote that you didn’t have enough time to read in between pretending to do work at your real job.

One note: It’s probably something I’ve written ahead of every Summer Blockbuster Preview I’ve ever written, but this time, I really mean it. The state of the summer blockbuster slate is sad in 2010. There are exactly four and a half movies I’m actually enthusiastic about this summer — the rest of the list looks like films I’m not anticipating as much as I’m not as bothered about their existence as the rest of the meek summer slate (Marmaduke, Sex and the City 2, Twilight: Eclipse, etc.). There’s not even a potential sleeper hit like Hangover this summer.

So, without any more ado, here are the Ten Most Anticipated Summer Blockbusters as Represented by the Leading Actors in Various Stages of Undress.


10. The A-Team

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9. Jonah Hex

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8. Salt

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7. Predators

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6. The Other Guys

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5. Knight and Day

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4. Toy Story 3

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3. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

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2. Iron Man 2

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1. Inception

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Comments

HAHAHA... you're eeeevil man... this post is beautiful!

Posted by: Tammers at May 6, 2010 3:07 PM

Half of this was the worst post I've ever seen. Half of it was RDJ. We're even.

Posted by: esme at May 6, 2010 3:10 PM

Is this your most anticipated? Or you're just fucking with us again with the "Inception" bit.

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 3:12 PM

Also, I'm now sad that Josh Brolin isn't playing the remake Jim Rockford.

You can see it, right?

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 3:13 PM

Yeah, there were several instances of nekkidness there I could have done without. But JGL at the end kinda made up for it.

I appreciate the brevity of the list, though. Kind of like when someone says, "Here, you could read this 1,000 technical manual, OR, here's the picture pop-up book." Hmmm... which to choose, which to choose?

Posted by: MM at May 6, 2010 3:16 PM

I can't believe you made me scroll through all that just to get to RDJ. And then you close with a terrible frightening depiction of some odd drugged scarecrow that was attacked by marker-wielding children.

What are you trying to do to me, man? Sick.

Posted by: Sbrown at May 6, 2010 3:17 PM

That was the best Angelina you could find?

Posted by: Brenton at May 6, 2010 3:18 PM

*pictures Angelina and Megan making out*

Ahhhh. I love imagining things.

Posted by: Kballs at May 6, 2010 3:26 PM

I have a proposal for you Rowles since you seem woefully unprepared, give ME the child. I shall raise it and prepare it for the upcoming Apocalypse.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 6, 2010 3:29 PM

I don't need the Ipecac now, man.

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 3:30 PM

What, no half-nekkid Michael Caine?

Posted by: Mimi at May 6, 2010 3:30 PM

(referring to Ms. Jolie and Ms. Fox, of course)

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 3:31 PM

Despite the fact that this thread is all about objectification, I need some support from my fellow pajibans to save me from the insanity over on Celebitchy where commenters are defending dressing babies in HIGH HEELS (they are soft, so they aren't actually heels)! For god's sake people, why are we sexualizing babies!? Especially when we have RDJ to fawn over...

Posted by: Alarmjaguar at May 6, 2010 3:31 PM

AHHHHHHH JGL, AHHHHHHHH!

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 3:31 PM

Already seen Iron Man 2. It's ok.

Posted by: Steph at May 6, 2010 3:33 PM

I don't know Alarmjaguar, it getting harder to compete in the business, you HAVE to start early. I heard some clinics in Cuba are even doing lipo on fetuses.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 6, 2010 3:35 PM

I think barefoot chicas are much hotter than high-heeled chicas, but that may be the Hawaii hippie in me talking. Barefoot babies are just, well, babies.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 3:43 PM

Boy, did you sucker me in. I was looking forward to ogling and commenting on how brilliant this post was, and then I was reminded how male-actor-centric summer movies are.

For the record, I think Scott Pilgrim and Predators have potential, but the only movie I'm actually excited about seeing this summer is Inception. Take that into account, Hollywood, as you continue your remake/sequel orgy.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at May 6, 2010 3:52 PM

No, no, God made feet so we could wear shoes. Real shoes. Shoes that cover the feet completely.

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 3:56 PM

Oh Jay, you;'e hating on Malick and barefeet. . .let's meet in the thread where I'm rhapsodizing about Dr. Who and put all our differences aside.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 4:04 PM

Wow, that's me not typing so good.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 4:05 PM

Well, in lessers of two evils, bare feet are better than open-toed shoes.

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 4:09 PM

Oh, Rowles.... You're usually better on finding hot people's pictures. Or maybe that wasn't the intention. I was expecting semi-naked gorgeousness and there's a red Will Ferrel, a chubby Josh Brolin and Adrien fucking Brody???
At least we can always count on Robert to save the day.

Posted by: Mariazinha at May 6, 2010 4:10 PM

Putting Knight and Day on here, let alone above The Other Guys feels like a slap in the face.

Also, THAT'S the slightly less dressed pic of Angelina Jolie you chose?

Posted by: ChristianH at May 6, 2010 4:11 PM

Dammit I was hoping for Cillian M/Inception. Teaser.

/Adrien B/Predator will suffice for now

Posted by: Ranylt at May 6, 2010 4:13 PM

Mariazinha -- The intent, actually, was to find the least appealing images to thus reflect my attitude toward this summer's crop of blockbuster movies. The reality, however, is that there are no unattractive photos of RDJ in a partial state of undress.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at May 6, 2010 4:13 PM

I don't care about any of them except Adrian Brody. I would do filthy things to that man.

Posted by: figgy at May 6, 2010 4:14 PM

Especially if he is wearing a jaunty bowler.

Posted by: coveredinbees at May 6, 2010 4:15 PM

The reality, however, is that there are no unattractive photos of RDJ in a partial state of undress.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at May 6, 2010 4:13 PM


Dooooode, dude, dude.

*shakes head*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 6, 2010 4:16 PM

Yeah the movies this summer suck fatty ding-dong. I'm interested in maybe 3 of these.

And I might be the most ardent Megan FoxI'dChainYouToTheRadiator defender here, but I've been more interested in dental exams than Jonah Hex.

Posted by: D-Day at May 6, 2010 4:23 PM

I've been more interested in dental exams than Jonah Hex

Hey, dental exams can be exciting. Maybe your dentist will put you under the gas and molest you. You never know!

Posted by: MM at May 6, 2010 4:29 PM

So, at some point, can we get a summer blockbuster post with some words--you know, descriptions, info, that kind of thing? For those of us who no longer subscribe to EW and need the info from our one trusted source.

Posted by: tamatha at May 6, 2010 4:32 PM

You trust them?!?!

Posted by: Jay at May 6, 2010 4:48 PM

That trifecta of Robert Downey Jr, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Leonardo Dicaprio was gorgeous.

Posted by: grace b at May 6, 2010 4:48 PM

I was originally going to make a comment about this being the 3rd testosterone laden post by Dustin, but then I saw the photos and I realized he's back to his old whipped self.

Posted by: BWeaves at May 6, 2010 4:52 PM

I'm trying to work this out. Dustin's first post is a list on the hairstyles of mostly young boys/men and one woman looking like a man. Then the second list is mostly shirtless men!
Will the next post be about shoes, hand bags or the trippy kiddie medicine he's been knocking back?

Posted by: bob at May 6, 2010 5:00 PM

Apparently it's Gayjiba day and someone forgot to pass around the memo..

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at May 6, 2010 5:05 PM

Male GOGO Dnacers?

Posted by: peanut at May 6, 2010 5:32 PM

This excites me greatly. Who needs words when you have skin instead?!

Posted by: Ana at May 6, 2010 6:26 PM

RDJ, my god.

Posted by: caroline at May 6, 2010 6:39 PM

Robert.

Downey.

Junior.

Ggaaaawwww.

Posted by: Jerce at May 6, 2010 7:23 PM

In this case it was a complete success!! Congrats.
And yeah... It must be a chalenge finding a non insanely hot picture of RDJ!

Posted by: Mariazinha at May 6, 2010 9:52 PM

Well Hello Leo!

Posted by: Cindy at May 6, 2010 10:24 PM

hope child Pajiba is doing better, nothing worse than your child in pain before dawn...they distract from the zombie killing

as for the movies? can i say meh

Posted by: karen at May 7, 2010 9:40 AM

maybe i should have read Dream Con first....

Posted by: karen at May 7, 2010 9:42 AM

Pretty lazy post, but the Tom Hanks one made me laugh.

Posted by: Franzibald at May 10, 2010 11:22 PM