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The Five Squarest Jaws in Hollywood

A Seriously Random List XXXIX / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | December 18, 2008 | Comments (61)

You want seriously random? I mean, truly, seriously random? How about this: Hollywood’s squarest jaw? Because we all know an actor’s true talent is proportional to the chisel in chin. Notice, too, that many extremely square jaws also come with a dimple attached. Can someone explain that maxillofacialogy?


5. Viggo Mortenson

viggochinjpg

4. Ben Affleck

ben%20affleckjawjpeg

3. Josh Holloway

josh-hollowayjawjpg<

2. Aaron Eckhart

ekchartjawjpg

1. Jon Hamm

jonhammjawjpg


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Comments

Any one of these men would make a fine Crimson Chin. Except for Affleck. He had his chance as a superhero. Bastard.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 2:19 PM

Viggo makes me feel sweaty all over.

Thank you Dustin.

Posted by: Cindy at December 18, 2008 2:20 PM

Notice, too, that many extremely square jaws also come with a dimple attached. Can someone explain that maxillofacialogy?


Fuck! It's too easy. But it's because the jaws are so hot, that you just wanna fuck them. Hence, a whole for you perverts to stick your penises in. Good thing it's the right fit for you.

Posted by: Sofía at December 18, 2008 2:20 PM

No George Clooney? The man has a bigger chin than Rikki Lake and Aaron Eckhart combined.

Posted by: isiahatripod at December 18, 2008 2:21 PM

An article about chins and no Bruce Campbell?

Posted by: Mattfactor at December 18, 2008 2:22 PM

How about Hilary Swank? I mean how else could she attract Chad Lowe?

Posted by: richmac at December 18, 2008 2:23 PM

The Four Turds of the ChinAppocalypse:

Leno
Pratt
Montag
Willis (Rummer)

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Sofía at December 18, 2008 2:23 PM

Rumor Willis. Now that dude has a HUGE chin. He's more G.I. Jake than G.I. Jane.

Posted by: isiahatripod at December 18, 2008 2:25 PM

What about Adrian Pasdar on Heroes? He looks like his jaw was carved from a solid block of granite.

Posted by: alphawhiskey at December 18, 2008 2:27 PM

Ellen Degeneres.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: admin at December 18, 2008 2:28 PM

Where the hell is Bruce Campbell?

Posted by: JC at December 18, 2008 2:28 PM

the male actors on "the bold and the beautiful" soap opera. there were a few of them that had appendages, not jaws!

Posted by: glittergirl at December 18, 2008 2:29 PM

Mattfactor An article about chins and no Bruce Campbell?

That's what I came here to say, but as it's already been said, I won't.

Posted by: cockroach at December 18, 2008 2:31 PM

Oh Jon Hamm...you make me moist in areas of which I dare not speak.

Posted by: NotBlonde at December 18, 2008 2:34 PM

Bathroom sponges?

Posted by: Withnail at December 18, 2008 2:35 PM

Ha!

Posted by: Julie at December 18, 2008 2:37 PM

What? No Nathan Fillion. How dare you?

Posted by: BWeaves at December 18, 2008 2:37 PM

Oh Jon Hamm...you make me moist in areas of which I dare not speak.

What...like your armpits?

Posted by: Sean at December 18, 2008 2:38 PM

OH LAWS, I do love a square-jawed man. It's just so superhero. Rawr.

Posted by: Tammy at December 18, 2008 2:39 PM

Apologies for the exclusion of Bruce Campbell. However, though he may be known popularly as "The Chin," my experts -- using a variety of lasers and spectrographic instruments -- scientifically concluded that Mr. Campbell's jaw is not, in fact, as square as the above five gentlemen listed. It protrudes slightly more than the above listed, and the dimple is slightly more defined, but there is more curvature to his chin. Unfortunately, he was therefore dismissed from the above list.

Sincerely,

Dustin C. Rowles, Esq.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at December 18, 2008 2:40 PM

Jesus Christ, you cannot lay a list like this on a girl who is at work! I didn't bring any spare panties today.

Posted by: AM at December 18, 2008 2:41 PM

No Bunson Honeydew? Wait, I fucked up my shapes again.

Posted by: Julie at December 18, 2008 2:45 PM

I wouldn't call Viggo's chin square. To me its wedge shaped, his chin is narrow then his jaw expands behind it like a pizza slice. its incredibly distracting.

And does anyone else ever notice that Josh Holloway, in comparison to his body, has a really tiny head?

Like disproportionately ?

Posted by: nadine at December 18, 2008 2:48 PM

Wait, no Javier Bardem? And who the heck is #3?

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at December 18, 2008 2:49 PM

I would suckle on their chins.

Except for Affleck. Affleck can suck his own damn chin.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 18, 2008 2:54 PM

Hamm's jaw doesn't even look square there. In fact, I can't find one picture where it does.

Pasdar for #1!

Trained scientists would disagree, Sabrina. As for Pasdar -- airbrushing. Lots and lots of airbrushing. -- DR

Posted by: Sabrina at December 18, 2008 2:56 PM

I agree, more Pasdar! And not for Heroes, fuck that. He deserves a spot for Near Dark. Little young cowboy hunk Pasdar instead of older hunk Pasdar.

Posted by: Snath at December 18, 2008 3:02 PM

These are all the runner-ups to Rumer Willis, right? It's not really a fair contest if you include her, so I can understand listing these dudes instead.

Who would have guessed that Bruce Willis + Demi Moore = OH MY GOD, BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

Posted by: Abe Froman at December 18, 2008 3:03 PM

I agree, Sabrina. In fact, it looks rather weak and garners a low moisture rating.

Posted by: Cindy at December 18, 2008 3:04 PM

No Bunson Honeydew? Wait, I fucked up my shapes again.

ahhhhahahhahahhahahhhahahahhaha! I love you Julie.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 18, 2008 3:09 PM

HEy wait!! I agree with Sabriba, Adrian Pasdar looks like Stan Smith of American dad in terms of jaw squarliness!!! And he has the most beautiful eyes


......man i want t make out with Pasdar now.

Posted by: nadine at December 18, 2008 3:09 PM

Mmm, me likey. I would likey more if there was Bruce. But maybe for the most amazing chin list? And I think it should go without saying that Bruce would be #1 on that.
Also, where's my best lesbian leads list??? Bruce Campbell and lesbians--I require nothing else.

Posted by: VeinsRHiways at December 18, 2008 3:16 PM

Who would have guessed that Bruce Willis + Demi Moore = OH MY GOD, BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

HA HA HA! That made me choke on my sushi.

Posted by: Julie at December 18, 2008 3:17 PM

Also, how is Jay Leno not on this list? Just because we're not giving him love for lat night it doesn't mean we can't give him credit for having a square-shaped jaw.

*examines photos* Well, I guess a rectangle is not technically a square.

Rumor Willis has an oblong chin, not square. There is absolutely no definition to that girl's head. Just like there's no reason for that girl's acting career. Abe Froman you made me laugh; thanks!

Posted by: Kayanne at December 18, 2008 3:21 PM

No Daniel Day Lewis? Mr. Daniel Plainview himself?

Shenanigans!

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2008/specials/redcarpet/oscarnoms/daniel_day_lewis.jpg

Posted by: branded at December 18, 2008 3:23 PM

You know what Rumer's face reminds me of?

You ever seen the skulls of those...I believe Incan peoples(im REALLYsorry if thats wrong and i'm coming off as ignorant, i just cant get google to work right now) where theyir skulls where bound since birth to make their heads grow cone shape? cos it was supposed to make them smarter or something?

That's what Rumer looks like

She looks like when Demi popped her out her cootchie didnt stretch enough. I know we have the soft spot to enable us to pass through the cootchina easier, but clearly Demi's a tightwad in the most literal possible sense and se smooshed that girls head, smooshed it until it stuck that way.

Posted by: nadine at December 18, 2008 3:43 PM

Oh fuck off -- how can Bruce Campbell not be on this list? John Hamm's jawline looks like it was molded from a soup ladle, not the corner stone of a bank. Campbell being off this list disqualifies it not only as random but completely uninformed.

And George Clooney? How's Clooney not on this list but Ben Affleck turns up? Put them up side by side and I promise you: Affleck's chin looks downright girlish next to Clooney's straight angles.

Who picked this list anyway? Somebody reading "US" Weekly?

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at December 18, 2008 4:05 PM

Did Hamm get his dimple surgically removed because everyone else has one except him? Weird...

Posted by: ph at December 18, 2008 4:25 PM

No Jennifer Aniston?!?!?!!!

Posted by: lux at December 18, 2008 5:09 PM

Jennifer Aniston.

Posted by: Que Sera at December 18, 2008 5:10 PM

All I know is I just woke up, and seeing that beautiful beautiful Josh Holloway smiling at me has made for a happy day.

...in my pants.

Posted by: Gabs at December 18, 2008 5:16 PM

That made me choke on my sushi.

Is that what you girls are calling it these days?

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 18, 2008 6:36 PM

Minnie Driver.

Posted by: Benny at December 18, 2008 6:49 PM

Maybe it's just Wire bias, but honourable mention to Hassan Johnson.
http://www.hbo.com/thewire/cast/characters/weebey.shtml

Posted by: Benny at December 18, 2008 7:10 PM

I throw in my vote for Jennifer Aniston, too.

Posted by: monkey_b at December 18, 2008 7:16 PM

Awesome random post, Dustin.

To the people talking about Adrian Pasdar on Heroes - there's another guy on the show with a great jawline - Sendhil Ramamurthy: http://www.bollywoodblog.com/images/TN8057_Sendhil.jpg.
*Swoons.*

Anyhow - Oh Viggo, you beautiful, beautiful man you. Excuse me while I go take a shower now.

Posted by: Lydia at December 18, 2008 7:24 PM

Of all the injustices! Where the hell is Greg Kinnear?

Posted by: Caspar at December 18, 2008 7:29 PM

Affleck? Yeah, so he's got that dimple thing, but that sure as shit ain't a square jaw. 'the fuck you smokin'?

Whaddabout Kurt Russell?

Posted by: Rykker at December 18, 2008 7:54 PM

I think Rumer, Jay Leno, and Bruce Campbell all fall under the category of "large chins", but not necessarily square.

Ben Affleck makes me feel like I'm on Sesame Street, though. One of these things is not like the other...

Posted by: Phaeolus at December 18, 2008 8:55 PM

Who would have guessed that Bruce Willis + Demi Moore = OH MY GOD, BURN IT WITH FIRE!!!

Pretty sure the phrase is "kill it with fire."

But I'll shut the fuck up now, because I'm in a weird mood and have a tummyache.

And FYI, square jaws and chin dimples are associated with each other because a chin dimple is actually a sign of a jaw that didn't completely merge in the womb, causing an upside-down y-shape at the bottom and forming a little dimple. That makes a square jaw because the bottom of the jaw is actually not connected with the other side. Jaws are square with dimples because they're fucked up from birth, that's why.

Posted by: Jaci at December 18, 2008 9:59 PM

You forgot Jolie and Paltrow.

Posted by: Subi at December 18, 2008 10:17 PM

Thirding Jennifer Aniston. Whenever I see her the Roger Ramjet theme song starts playing in my head.

Also I'd just like to state for the record that I am APPALLED that Josh Holloway was overlooked for the part of Gambit in the X Men Origins: Wolverine.

Posted by: Ali at December 18, 2008 10:41 PM

Damn, I was hoping for a pic of Clive Owen. The sexiest square jaw on any side of the Mason Dixon. But then it wasn't about the sexy was it? You threw me off with that picture of Viggo. MMMMMMM. VIGGO!

Posted by: cmoody at December 18, 2008 10:46 PM

Squarest Jaws? What about roundest (female) asses?

Posted by: JP at December 19, 2008 1:06 AM

Campbell has a big jaw, but it's not square.

Posted by: chenry at December 19, 2008 7:19 AM

What about Jennifer Garner? Jennifer Garner+Benaffleck=a kid with jaws enough to defend us all from Rumer Willis.

Either that, or the Hollywood elite (ha ha ha, I just called Demi Moore and Benaffleck Hollywood elite) are breeding a super race of cro-magnon-faced-monsters set to chew us all to hell.

Posted by: frumpiefox at December 19, 2008 1:39 PM

Where is Jessica Simpson?

Posted by: Joe at December 20, 2008 3:18 AM

JENNIFER ANISTON: Squarest jaw anywhere.

Posted by: chick at December 21, 2008 6:17 PM

Viggo is over 50, meow!

Posted by: viggo at December 21, 2008 8:57 PM

Hamm's jaw isn't actually square, which is perhaps why he also avoided the dimple.

Brad Pitt's jaw is like a triangle. Like Oliver Reed's was. So thoroughly square that it's no longer square, because of the conehead factor. Which is (I guess) why he didn't make the list.

It's probably quite easy to give birth to a conehead baby. Just musing.

Posted by: Loob at December 26, 2008 5:08 AM

and where's keira knightley

Posted by: lorena at January 23, 2009 9:41 AM