By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (65)
5. The Clown cast of Killer Klowns from Outer Space
4. Pennywise in IT
3. The Clown Cast of Clownhouse
2. The Poltergeist Clown
1. Robin Williams in Patch Adams
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Posted by: George at August 26, 2009 3:03 PM
oh, fuck no. I'm not even looking at this list.
*runs away screaming*
Posted by: figgy at August 26, 2009 3:05 PM
*right behind figgy*
Posted by: Cindy at August 26, 2009 3:09 PM
oh god, did you have to use that same pic again?
Posted by: annoyingmouse at August 26, 2009 3:10 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh crap I think I wee'd meself now.
Posted by: Neodiogenes at August 26, 2009 3:11 PM
George: You take that back. Tim Curry is drop dead gorgeous as a woman.
And as a woman, myself, I'd nail that like a board over a broken window during a killer clown zombie invasion.
Actually, I just want ANY excuse to use that line. Thanks again to whoever I stole it from.
Posted by: BWeaves at August 26, 2009 3:15 PM
I couldn't sleep for YEARS without looking under my bed first because one of my aunts let me watch Poltergeist when I was six. SIX! It's a wonder I'm even speaking to her today.
Posted by: Kolby at August 26, 2009 3:16 PM
HA HA HA HA HA HA! I did NOT expect Patch Adams.
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2009 3:20 PM
BEEP BEEP, RICHIE
Posted by: duckandcover at August 26, 2009 3:22 PM
I was a little angry when I saw the Poltergeist clown at #2, till I scrolled down and saw what was at #1.
Well played Rowles, well played.
Posted by: ashes at August 26, 2009 3:27 PM
I too was going to complain, Pennywise was (is) one of the most evil things I've ever seen in my life. But Patch was pretty nasty, so I'll let it go. This time.
Posted by: Xtreme at August 26, 2009 3:35 PM
No mention of John Wayne Gacy? Really?.... Really?
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at August 26, 2009 3:39 PM
Tim Curry terrifies me, yet I find him weirdly arousing. Not while he's dressed as the IT clown, hell no, but...I don't know. Great, now I've made myself uncomfortable.
BWeaves - That was me. Use it in good health!
Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 26, 2009 3:49 PM
The Joker doesn't get a mention? He's not as scary as Patch Adams, but he's worse than even that discount clown my parents hired from the work release people.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 26, 2009 3:51 PM
I'll just assume that you accidentally put the numbers in the exact opposite order and be satisfied. I loves me some Killer Klowns. Such a fabulous, trashy movie.
Posted by: Robert at August 26, 2009 3:54 PM
Tim Curry is hot. I would do him 1 + 2 + 2 + 1 times.
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2009 3:59 PM
Thank you, Holy Godtopus, for blocking YouTube from my office, so that I didn't have to see said aforementioned clowns...[jibbly jibbly]
Julie, I heart you somethin' serious...
Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 26, 2009 4:09 PM
Pennywise. Always the answer to the question "scariest __________?" as far as I'm concerned. Not sure if he's scarier in the book or in the movie...
Maybe the presence of johnboy walton's mole in the film version tips the scales that way though...
btw, did anyone else realize that young Richie (as in "beep beep Richie") is played by Mr. Seth Green? Missed that somehow...
Posted by: jason at August 26, 2009 4:12 PM
Any discussion of film's scariest clowns has to include the dream sequence in Pee Wee's Big Adventure with the team of clown surgeons operating on the bike. Those clowns would make Pennywise pee his polka dotted pants.
Posted by: Brian at August 26, 2009 4:20 PM
I'd bone a feminine Tim Curry. Or let a feminine Tim Curry bone me. It don't matter.
But not you, Patch Adams. You cannot have me.
Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at August 26, 2009 4:21 PM
I've noticed there's a lot of Tim Curry fans here. Feast your eyes and ears on this:
Posted by: Drew Morton at August 26, 2009 4:25 PM
I cannot believe you put a gag above Pennywise.
I still cannot sleep when I have to walk past a storm sewer and I hear a scraping sound. Thanks for reminding me, Rowles -- now I have to drink myself to sleep. Again.
Posted by: hater from siloam springs at August 26, 2009 4:26 PM
NO!!NO ROWLES!! FUCK YOU MAN!FUCK YOU!! THAT IS NOT OKAY!THAT IS NEVER OKAY!!! I AM ALONE IN MY GODDAMN HOUSE UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT YOU MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD AND NOW ON TOP OF BURGLARS, CATS(ALLERGIC), BATS(RABIES) BIRDS OF PREY, TERRORISTS, SENTIENT PLANT CREATURES, ALIENS, THE BOOGEYMEN, GHOSTS, POLTERGEISTS, FIRE, THE UNDEAD, VAMPIRES,SUFFOCATION, CHOKING, GETTING TRAPPED INSIDE, THE CLOWNS IM ALREADY CONVINCED IM HERE, SPIDERS, DADDY LONG LEGS, UNUSUALLY LARGE MOTHS AND THAT STRANGE SOUND I KEEP HEARING THAT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE SOME ONE WALKING AROUND OUR SPACIOUS AND EASILY ACCESIBLE AND EASY TO HIDE IN ATTIC, I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FUCKING MOVIE CLOWNS?!???????????
MOTHERFUCKER!
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:30 PM
Pennywise beats every fucker in the creepiest clown department.
"...we all float down here..."
Posted by: Brittany at August 26, 2009 4:30 PM
Nadine. My GOD. You're killing me with the funny.
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2009 4:35 PM
Pennywise scared me so bad in the book that I've never seen the movie. Or been to a circus since I read it. Or a fair. And my kids aren't allowed clown toys. I probably should have had therapy....oh, and I also avoid storm sewers like the plague......
Damn it, I'm scared to stop typing and turn around, I really really am. I hate you, Dustin, I really really do.
Posted by: dawn at August 26, 2009 4:37 PM
Oh Julie...sweet Julie...I wish i could share in your mirth. If i wasn't hiding behind the nearest vaguely protctive thing (a half burned over glove) I'd be able to speak more clearly and laugh and jest...like we used to...once...But I'll be dead by tomorrow...from...well one of the above...tell Chantreuse, the Key is under the Pebble....
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:41 PM
Dawn STFU. I know for a fact a clown is right behind me right this second. Im with you. We'll not turn around together, okay?!DONT YOU TURN AROUND!
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:44 PM
Nadine,
I can't even breathe and the stupidest part about my fear is that I'm at work with 10 other people in the office and I know one of them is really that damned clown...I thought I was over this.........Nadine...you still okay?
Posted by: Dawn at August 26, 2009 4:46 PM
.......I can hear him breathing.
He wheezes...oh god it wheezes
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:48 PM
I love clowns. They're cute and funny and make me feel all warm inside. I used to want to be that girl clown that gets to dress up like a ballerina. Then I found out they get paid about 25 cents a month and said nevermind.
Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at August 26, 2009 4:49 PM
I have to leave. I have a bus to catch. I hope you make it, Nadine. I hope I make it.
Why is there creepy music playing in the hall outside my office? And where did everyone go?
Posted by: dawn at August 26, 2009 4:51 PM
Snuggiepants....the drugs you're on...I can has share?
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:52 PM
oh Dawn...If you dont make it...I'll burn down the first circus I see...I WILL AVENGE YOU.
Meeep I can hear the sound of oversized shoes flopping around upstairs...there's blue coloured tissue paper and glitter coming out of my taps...WHERE DID ALL THESE CREAM PIES COME FROM?!
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 4:55 PM
why do i feel funny down there when i think about Nadine's cream pies?
Posted by: gp at August 26, 2009 4:59 PM
Posted by: Sofía at August 26, 2009 5:02 PM
Actually Nadine I want whatever you're on. Seems fun!!!
Clowns just never scared me as a kid. I think that's essential to this particular phobia.
I have other phobias. My fear of heights (specifically falling from or flinging myself from a tall building) is nearly crippling. My daughter has a different one that I also had as a child--defenestraphobia. A fear of windows. Seriously, she wants to brick up every window in our house. I outgrew it and it wasn't as bad as it is for her. But mine was because I watched Salem's Lot as a child. You NEVER look in their eyes and NEVER open the window when those damn vampires scratch on it! I don't care if they WERE once your best friend before they died and got vampirized. Leave it SHUT.
Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at August 26, 2009 5:10 PM
It's called TERROR, Snuggiepants.
Windows? Really? I have a fear of like, open doors behind me because when I was younger we had a really bad robbery but windows...actually I can see that working...yeah I can understand that...and now i'm peering at the windows in the kitchen with great suspicion and am suddenly greatful my own bedroom has one small window. Because I'm the one they dont love.
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 5:13 PM
you just love that picture, don't you?
Posted by: rio at August 26, 2009 5:51 PM
My mom thought it was funny to send me a clown marionette for Christmas once. In what universe is that normal? I screamed like a little girl when I opened the box. I stuffed it in a box and banished it to the back of the closet, where I am sure it is biding its sweet time until I come home, at which point, I will not be able to sleep because clowns will most definitely eat me.
I started to watch the Poltergeist scene, and then decided I'd like to not spend the evening crying and rocking in a corner.
Posted by: Zooby at August 26, 2009 5:59 PM
Two words: Zombie. Clowns. See Diary of the Dead for a good example.
Posted by: Kurdt at August 26, 2009 6:11 PM
Zooby...i dont want to insult your mum but is she genuinely evil/insane? I say burn it. Now, before its too late. IT COULD ALREADY BE UNDER YOUR BED
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 6:31 PM
I was never afraid of clowns until Pennywise. Now I can't even look at Tim Curry. And I was in COLLEGE when I saw IT. A grown ass woman. Losing sleep because of a clown character from a book I had already read - played by the guy from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. What gives?
Posted by: greer at August 26, 2009 6:32 PM
I know it isn't a movie, but I would also add the creepy ass clown from Supernatural. The one who looks like a cross between John Wayne Gacy and Pennywise.
Posted by: Marcela at August 26, 2009 6:32 PM
I'm home now so I can see the clips, but the Pennywise one just looks dumb. Stupid kid. A clown is LIVING in the sewer? That didn't strike him as odd?
Whatevs. And I would have never known that was Tim Curry!
Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at August 26, 2009 6:59 PM
Marcela noooo!!! Whyyyy? that one GETS IN YOUR HOUSEEEE aaaaaah! Suddenly i'm glad my brother is at a rock festival. He's 19 but his ass is dumb enough to invite a clowin in cos he's knocking.
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 7:00 PM
Nadine, I made it but they followed me home and my daughter wouldn't listen and now there's a real mess on the front porch and greasepaint stains on the porch swing. I think they are still out there but I'm scared to look..............
Posted by: dawn at August 26, 2009 7:07 PM
GET FIRE!MAKE FIRE KILL IT WITH FIIIIRRRREEEEEE!!!
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 7:17 PM
Well, I saved the baby, but of course that required the deaths of my two older kids and my husband. Actually, I took your advice, Nadine, and turned my husband into a torch and sent him after the clown. They perished together in an apocalyptic embrace. Now it's just me and the baby, alone against a cruel world...
Wait...why does the baby have greasepaint behind his ears?
Posted by: dawn at August 26, 2009 7:28 PM
i would feel guilty about telling you to burn the baby...specially since i inadverdantly made you set your husband on fire. But hey...in the constant battle against these Fiends, sacrifices need to be made.
They died not in vain but in Glorious Honour
Posted by: Nadine at August 26, 2009 7:50 PM
HBO used to show Killer Klowns From Outer Space on a motherfucking loop when I was younger. Clowns scare the shit out of me, but I would always watch that damn movie when it came on. I was so afraid that one day there would be a knock on the door and it would be a grotesque killer klown standing there when I answered. I didn't want to be wrapped in a cotton candy cocoon and be a drink!
My fear was so intense that my cousin, Cock Vulture, and I were home alone once. There was a knock on the door and I dove to the floor, taking her with me. I made her crawl through the house, army style, past the door, and safely into my bedroom. We peered out of my high window to see who was knocking. It was just a Mormon or something, but it could have been a shit-eating killer klown. Either way, I'm glad we didn't answer the door.
Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at August 26, 2009 7:51 PM
How about those clowns from Pee-Wee's dream in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure? That scene ruined clowns for me.
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at August 26, 2009 8:07 PM
burp
Posted by: dawnsbaby at August 26, 2009 8:14 PM
Aww, Rowles. I was having such a shitty day but your inclusion of "Patch Adams" totally turned that shit around. Thank you, sir.
Posted by: Sapphiar at August 26, 2009 8:29 PM
As much as I liked Curry as Pennywise, i think he had the character's voice all wrong. He makes King's hellish creation sound like a carnival huckster. Curry should have used a fey Michael Jackson-type voice. That would have been far scarier, and that's how i always read Pennywise in the book.
Posted by: stryker1121 at August 26, 2009 9:03 PM
Could we have zombie clowns eat Patch Adams? I would pay very good money to see that...
Posted by: Kurdt at August 26, 2009 9:05 PM
Nadine, you're killin' me here.
But the clowns ... they are killin' me here.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 26, 2009 10:19 PM
holy crap.
if these random clown posts, and photos don't stop: alarming me to such a great degree that i yelp up half my beer while scanning the site for wonderful insight into modern life, I'm going to have to shun y'all. jebus dude, I just scrolled all the way down to the end of the comments. rowles, you're killing us here.
can you at least put a disclaimer at the top, ie: IF YOU HAVE A DISABLING CLOWN PHOBIA, PLEASE AVOID THE TOP 1/3 OF THE SITE. or put a WARNING SYMBOL instead of a crap inducing photo and say, don't read this if you don't enjoy clowns.
I'm just sayin'. please dude.
Posted by: irene of the north at August 26, 2009 10:52 PM
Ronald McDonald. Artery-clogging killer. Over 1 billion severed.
Not a movie clown, you say? Au, contraire:
www.imdb.com/title/tt0238714/
I win.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at August 27, 2009 1:57 AM
Nadine: My ex had a cat that wheezed. You would never even know he was there until it was too late. You'd just be sitting there on the couch watching a scary movie when you would suddenly notice there the sound of gurgley breathing from right behind you. Poor little Sammy just wanted to snuggle and would end up scaring the shit out of everyone. Maybe the clown behind you just wants a hug. Probably not though.
Posted by: Smatt584 at August 27, 2009 3:15 AM
Oh I wanted to hug alright. And I did. I hugged while she screamed and I hugged after she had fallen still and silent. And now I'm coming to hug all of you
Posted by: The Clown That Got Nadine at August 27, 2009 6:05 AM
HA HA HA HA HA HA! I did NOT expect Patch Adams.
Posted by: Julie at August 26, 2009 3:20 PM
----------------
Neither did I, neither did I. I died a little inside, unfortunately.
(Thing is...I actually like the movie. It made me cry. It's....endearing. Am...am...Am I the only one that thinks silly laughter actually matters sometimes?)
Posted by: Miss A at August 27, 2009 6:21 AM
The Poltergeist clown is the reason I can make it from any light switch to any bed, regardless of the distance, in a single bound thus ensuring my feet are never within arm’s length of under the bed.
I’ve said it before and I don’t mind saying it again, I have not been able to read or watch It. I just can’t seem to muster up the courage. Besides, my list of phobias is long enough without adding a fear of storm drains to it.
Posted by: Eyvi at August 27, 2009 12:41 PM
Late to the party as always...I hate clowns in their regular, supposedly-non-threatening guises, I don't need to see evil ones. I could never understand why that kid in Poltergeist had that doll clown to begin with--that thing was terrifying even when it wasn't animated by evil.
I had some relatives visiting from Germany once who bought me a doll clown. It wasn't life size, but that didn't matter. Fucker was evil. I wasn't fooled by his little fabric hands or shiny metallic onesie; his cold dead eyes under that mop of pink hair followed me everywhere. Once my relatives left, he was banished to a box in the basement, never to be see again...
...until I was cat-sitting for my mom a few months ago and opened a closet to look for cat litter, and there that evil clown bastard was, sitting on a shelf like he had been waiting for me all these years. I shrieked and ran for my life. So yeah, clowns are bad, but fabric German doll clowns are in a class by themselves.
Posted by: DeadBessie at August 27, 2009 3:22 PM
What about Shakes the clown with Bibcat Golthwaite and Florence Henderson as the clown groupie? that made me re-evaluate why Mr.Brady was gay.
Posted by: ehass at August 28, 2009 4:28 PM
Ain't nobody scarier than Tim Curry dressed as a clown, except Tim Curry dressed as a woman.