Pajiba

My only Oscar takeaway is my absolute horror at Melissa McCarthy's hair and dress. I love her so much. How does such a disaster happen at the Oscars? Who is responsible for this atrocity? I must assign blame in an attempt to understand the reasons why! She's so adorable. She rocked an apron and chef's hat for seven seasons of Gilmore Girls for cripes' sake and looked a thousand times better than she did for the Oscars?? It just kills me.

Best Dressed
Jessica Chastain. Perfect fit, beautiful dress, loved that the color had a bronzey hue to it. Her hair and lips made the color pop. LOVED it
Naomi Watts. Didn't absolutely love the dress but she rocked it. Another perfect fit and she's so pretty. Wish she had won
Jennifer Garner Loved the color and the fab necklace. Her hair looked so soft and feminine
Charlize Theron. A Goddess. I think her hair should have been a little more spikey or brushed back. It looked too boyish
Zoe Saldana. Take away the belt and the bow and that dress was my favorite. Loved the bottom
Honerable mention: Sandra Bullock & Jennifer Hudson I love good tailoring
Worst.
Helen Hunt A big old wrinkled mess
Brandi Glandville ICK ICK ICK Those boob holders should have been shaped like hands and then the tacky would have been acceptable. She shows the boobs and the leg. Does she have cutouts in the back to show off the cheeks?
Olivia Munn Looked like the window treatments in an antebellum mansion.
Melissa McCarthy The sofa to go with Olivia Munn's drapes
Jackie Weaver She looked like a dwarf in that dress and I will forever hate her for stealing Mila's nom for Black Swan.
Honerable mention Kristen Stewart's who-gives-a-fuck-look and Ann Hathaway's badly fitted what-happened-to-the-showstopper-on-your-biggest-night-dress

Oh and Brandi Glanville was there because some misguided show hired her to do fashion commentary. I know, right? They might as well have hired a Kardashian (but not Khloe who is excellent at fashion commentary). And she designed the dress herself which explains why it's too small and it's tacky as hell... She should have just borrowed that gorgeous yellow dress she wears in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills promos.

That's why she was there? And then to show her fashion prowess she wore that? That is DELIGHTFUL! HA!

Best dress: Naomi Watts, hands down although I do agree it was very Cate Blanchett. Worst dress: Melissa McCarthy, who should let Octavia Spencer hook her up with Tadashi Soji ASAP. Best tux: Pacey Witter at the Vanity Fair party, you know his woman totally hooked that up. Dress that I shouldn't love but do: Jane Fonda rocking that yellow Ver-sayce. Worst use of assets: Salma Hayek and I don't mean those you filthy minded people...her husband owns some of the best fashion labels around, surely she could do better. Most charming: Jennifer Lawrence. Utter perfection: Charlize Theron and/or Hugh Jackman. Too many clothes on: Charming Potato. Main reason I'm glad awards season is over: Anne freaking Hathaway. Class acts: Meryl Streep picking out her wedgie ON CAMERA and Daniel Day Lewis and his acceptance speech. Fan girliest moment: HOLY FUCKBALLS, IT'S BARBRA. I literally burst into tears. The look on my better half's face was priceless. Also when Ben Affleck won. Apparently shrieking is inappropriate.

When I got married, I decided that since it was the middle of winter, I
should get some kind of fancy cape to keep my bits from feezing off. I ended
up ordering one off the internet, so my expectations weren't high. Then it arrived.

It's the exact shade of blue as Robin Roberts' dress. It could even be the same fabric (okay, no chance in hell, but it's close). It's satin-lined and there's a small train and it's the most wonderfully glamourous blanket ever conceived and I love it more than my actual wedding dress.
Er, I think this just turned into a humblebrag. Sorry about that. But seriously - can anybody come up with a good excuse for me to wear it again? I mean, in public, instead of 'I'm feeling a bit blah so I'm going to wear my cape while watching TV and eating ice-cream straight from the bucket?'

get into steampunk?

Salma made the boobies go byebye!

Grohl and Cornell need to be a couple. SO matchy-matchy.

Poor Kristin Stewart, she tried... Well the bruise on her arm was a complimentary color... But still the worst accessory of the night. Sleeves might have been a better option...well that and a hairstylist...and perhaps a bath.

Whatever you do, don't look at Faye Dunaway's arm. Yikes.

Stacey Kiebler's might be my favorite. I would have loved Sandra's completely if it hadn't had the sheer parts. Jessica Chastain's was very pretty too, but I think I'm just happy she didn't repeat the droopy sack and Bride of Frankenstein hair from the Globes. Naomi's is pretty too, but a bit odd for my taste.
Loved Amy Adams' and Jennifer Lawrence's party dresses.
Olivia Munn looks like her knees are buckling.
Loved Garner's hair, necklace, and dress color, but that was a LOT of ruffles.
Charlize looked incredible as always. Aside from that and the lovely dancing, she also apparently helped some guy who had a seizure.

Oh Charlize, Charlize.

Naomi Watts gatDAMN.

Also: All the guys' suits look pretty much alike to me, a guy (except when somebody wears one sloppily, like Tarentino). What's the difference, ladies?

I'm sorry but I'm sick of this 'embrace your curves' nonsense with Melissa Mccarthy. She's funny, adorable, entertaining, yes. But not "curvy". She's FAT.

I'm not criticizing her for it. I'm not ridiculing her for it. But you'll never win the 'stick-think hollywood bobbleheads are not real women!" argument if you insist that every woman from a size 8 to a size 500 is a 'real woman' with 'curves'.

JLaw and Amy Adams won the night for me. They looked absolutely incredible. Halle Berry looked like a goddamn Star Wars character.

For me it's clearly a charlize theron win, as always. Also I'm proud of QT for not giving a fuck and still winning like a boss. And my main man Cristoph Waltz rocking it as always

I thought for the most part everyone looked pretty good, maybe a little too conservative/safe but generally the ladies looked lovely. Not on anyone's list but who I thought was particularly fab was Jane Fonda. She looked amazing in her Dynasty-glam yellow.

In terms of worst... Melissa McCarthy, damn it. As a fat chick, I am rooting for her to pull herself together at every event, but she almost always just looks like a frumpy mess. I think she has to let go of the belief that a dress is going to cover up the fact that she is fat - no dress is going to do that (trust me, girl, I know). But, a well-fitted, pretty dress is going to be so much more flattering than a big drab caftan. Somehow, I feel like she is ripe for an intervention from some of the bigger ladies of Ru Paul's Drag Race. On the flip side, Anne Hathaway knew this is likely her big award moment, had months to plan, is thin enough to wear just about anything, and choose that? Boo.

Not dealing with the guys, bc seriously all they have to do is shave, wash their hair and wear a well fitted, pressed suit. But, for couples? Tater and Mrs. Tater just kill me with their adorableness.

I agree about Melissa McCarthy. Just because she is fat ( yes FAT) doesn't mean she can't dress like she's thinner. A structured garment with forgiving material would suit her. Honestly, I am amazed everytime I see Queen Latifah. She is a large women but always put together well, looks gorgeous, and damn may I say it, sexy? The Queen knows how to dress. Even Octavia Spencer looked great. Someone please help MM, she is a talented comedian but she looks like an old sofa in that thing.

It took 2 seconds of looking at Salma Hayek to forget everybody else on this page.

Tuxes in general are dull. That's why DDL's blue suit is sweet. I'd never wear a straight-black tux if I could help it.

All i wanna know is why no one came after Kidman flashed the bat signal on her midriff for the whole night in sparkles?! Batman failed us again.

I liked Naomi Watts' dress, but I loved it more as something that Cate Blanchett would wear. Also, the ladies last night were fucking retarded. Do pale skinned people not know that wearing pale dresses makes them look washed out and haggard? I'm looking at you Kristen Stewart, Jessica Chastain, Amy Adams et al. Shake my head...
Stumpiest award definitely goes to Melissa McCarthy and Jackie Weaver. I loathe Olivia Munn but I thought she looked quite nice last night. She brought it, whereas most of the ladies looked drab and boring. Very few standouts. :( Wah Wah Wah

Liev Schreiber just gets more handsome every year, damn him.

Also, I am AGHAST at all the Brandi Glanville slut-shaming. What's next, singing about her boobs?

Can it be considered "tacky-shaming" instead?

she wishes.

I kept reading it as "Brandi GLAND ville" obviously due to showing off her breast assets. Yeah folks, I'm here all night, be sure to tip your waiter.

I agree that the best couple is anyone Joseph Gordon-Levitt is standing next to.

I don't know about those tight suits. They might look good if you got enough shoulder width. Case in point: Jamie Foxx.

If you don't, you look ridiculous. Cases in point: the apparently 12-year-old Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the very shiny Chris Pine.

Best dress/best tailoring=Naomi Watts. That dress was interesting and looked like old hollywood
Robin Roberts looked beautiful and Reese Witherspoon also looked lovely in blue

Damn, I could get lost in the BLUE of Robin Robert's dress forever.

Tobias Funke would be in heaven

I agree with @Smokin - Day-Lewis looked SHARP in that blue number. But then again, most of the dudes looked quite decent. I'd like to see Downey give up the formal blackout look though, it looks too "superdouche" for my tastes (though a good-looking tux otherwise, just change the shirt). Doing something different is fine - I thought Sam Jackson's jacket/shirt combination was interesting and different while remaining classy and gentlemanly.

Burton and Tarantino though? Just...gah. Take one of the mirrors off your bedroom ceiling and f*cking LOOK in it before you leave the house, Quentin!

And finally, thanks to Salma Hayek for finally reading that fanfic I wrote. That's not exactly what I had in mind for the blue velvet, but we can certainly improvise.

That picture of Sandra Bullock doesn't show the hair accessory that made her look like she has pointy ears. Is she an elf? Is she a fairy? Is she a Vulcan? Well, live long and prosper, Sandy, but I don't think so.

DDL lookin sharp as a tack... I love it!!

Fun fact: Stacy Keibler was the only person at last night's ceremony who has also been spanked in front of millions of people by Scott Steiner.

Charlize Theron should win all the awards for fashion last night. Not a single woman looked better than her.

She is the most beautiful actress in Hollywood.

Am I the only one who thinks Helen Hunt looked like a hot mess? Her dress didn't fit right (boobs looked LUMPY), and was wrinkled all down the front. There was a lot of pretty, though - Charlize Theron was flawless as usual, and Christophe Waltz is MINE.

Wait? Chris Evans and Chris Pine are two different people?

Ok, they go on the list of people I thought were the same people.

1. Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel.

2. Chris Evans and Chris Pine.

3. Liev Schreiber and Liam Neeson

4. Quentin Tarantino and the pile of clothes my husband just took out of the dryer.

2. Chris Evans and Chris Pine. Wait? Chris Evans and Chris Pine are two different people?

It's all about the eyebrows. Otherwise both are pretty (emphasis on pretty) vanilla.

I love Stacy Keibler's dress so much I want to marry it. Hugh Jackman's wife isn't classically beautiful but she has a sassy sparkle in her eye that makes me think that if we ever met we would totally be best friends. Except for the part where I would be constantly flirting with her husband.

Hugh Jackman:

Get your wife a stylist, please!!! You can afford it.

Sincerely,
The World

I agree. I'm sure she's a delightful woman, but she often looks terrible at events...which is inexcusable for someone who's not terrible-looking and who's married to a dude with a LOT of money.

does she look *terrible*, or does she just look like someone who hasn't bothered to spend a month and a hundred thou getting ready for prom? and who has a sexy guy who is crazy about her on her arm?

I loved the pantsuit. She's a fantastic lady.

I agree, she's a fantastic lady and Hugh appears to adore her. I love a pantsuit. I know lady tuxes are in this season, but her pant hems are dirty. Her hair isn't special. Her whole look isn't as good as I think she has the potential to be. That's all I'm saying.

A few notes...

That Armani Prive is HIDEOUS. You know...the one most of you LOVED?

Jeremy Renner (not pictured) has no facial awareness.*

WILL NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGE THE FANTASTIC SUIT THAT DANIEL DAY LEWIS WAS WEARING???

*Seriously, go find the picture of him that was up on Yahoo. It pretty well cements his Grumpy Cat status.

Jeremy Renner is grumpy cat? I thought Tommy Lee Jones was grumpy cat?

I was the sole hater of that dress! Glad to find a fellow dissenter

Definitely - DDL's blue suit trumps Waltz's.

I also liked Halle Berry's dress - it was sexy & different. I'm loving most of the metallics (not so fast, Zeta-Jones)

Planet Danger, indeed. Astar can put his arm back on (Astar did metallics best), but Cathrine can't put her face back the right way, so play safe.

I like Nicole Kidman's dress and I don't care what you say! As far as the metallics go, Catherine Zeta-Jones had the best one. I hate asymmetrical cuts, so I cannot like Naomi Watts' dress.

I loved CZJ, NW & NK...They're dresses had pizazz. Made up for most of the booooring colour choices...

Rebecca Miller is so beautiful.

You shut your mouth about Halle Berry's dress. She is crazy as all get out, but she looked absolutely impeccable last night. Damn.

And WOW at Amy Adam's post-show dress. I liked her red carpet look fine, but now I'm mad at it for not being that divine silver-tasseled dress.

I really liked Jennifer Lawrence's dress, and was pleasantly surprised (shocked?) at how Stacy Kiebler turned it out, too. I obviously liked Naomi Watts' because she is perfection and it was kind of a cool look, but it wasn't anywhere near my favorite.

And yes, what the hell was Anne Hathaway thinking. More important, what were her husband, her stylist, her various makeup and hair people, the Prada team, her limo driver, and the maid she ran into on her way to the elevator in the hotel thinking, that of all of those people not a single one pointed out that she was wearing a wrinkled apron and was basically naked on top?? Words fail.

Sparkles/sequins can be just as bad as satin for making slim, fit, enviably shaped women look like they have some paunch going on. Halle's dress is doing it, Kidman's dress is doing it.
Hathaway's looks a teenager took a late-90s prom dress and tried to make it sexy.

Halle Berry looked like Beetlejuice.

Best Dressed:
1. Naomi Watts
2. Jennifer Lawrence
3. Salma Hayek
4. Jennifer Hudson
5. Zoe Zaldana

Honorable Mention. Renne Zellwegger

Guys don't have thoughts on fashion? Interesting...

cause I have thoughts that aren't tainted by my wanting to bone JGL.

Suits: Liev > Christoph > JGL

Dresses: Kiebler > Charlize > Saldana > Garner > the whole mess of foo foo fug. What the hell were you lot thinking?

I'm asking what the hell the women that wore the dresses were thinking, not the contributors for this piece. And I wasn't even asking that in a serious manner, although there were a LOT of ugly dresses last night. Please accept this clarification before beating me down.

Accepted.

Now... DESTROY HIM!

Weird, it's like different people have different opinions!

admit that you're tainted.

So in short, I will do no such thing!

My love for JGL does not dimish the fact that he looked very dapper and handsome

still, he was no Liev.

Oh wait, you hated Goon, now I'm seeing all kinds of prejudices emerging.

house. of. lies.

Wait...she hated Goon?

Yes, yes I did. It's horrible. HORRIBLE.

She did! She yelled at me numerous times for recommending it.

I like Liev! I also thought Aaron Tviet looked really nice

no idea who that is.

If only there were some way to look it up...

fine, I looked. Still don't know who he is.

He was in Les Mis

http://lmgtfy.com/

Chris Cornell in a suit. I'm never leaving this page.

and Dave Grohl? New desktop background!

Cornell is starting to look like Mickey Rourke's long-lost brother.

Don't forget his permed hair and the copious amounts of fake tan on his face.

Quentin Tarantino looks like his Oscar tux fitting consisted of mugging his limo driver 35 seconds before he walked onto the red carpet.

And Halle Berry looked like she went shopping in Crystal Carrington's closet.

You BITCH! It's Krystle.

GLORIOUS!

It was a formal event! Why are there so many neck beards?!

I'd imagine some might have to do with being in the middle of movie production.

Word. What the hell?

Jessica Chastain WON THE NIGHT!

Simply Gorgeous.

P.S. Except for the Oscar.

I wish Aniston would do something to her hair. Tease it! Cut bangs! Do something! K-Stew looked like she changed in the back of her car. She looked unwashed and her hair looked greasy af.

The Aniston 'do' is the dullest hair eva! I wish she'd shave it off.

What was up with the top of her head? Her hair was all broken and sticking out like she ripped an elastic band out of a ponytail. No one thought to tell her that?

I just wish they'd stop inviting her.

It looked like she fell out of her limo. While it was moving.

Robin Roberts, Reese Witherspoon and Helen Hunt were gorgeous. The others were pretty good, but those three women knocked my socks off.

Words along can't express my sudden, burning desire for Christoph Waltz. The man should get all the Oscars, just for being him.

Best: Amy Adams (in the BIG) dress.
Worst: Norah Jones

There is nothing best dressed about those hideous slip on sneakers Eddie Redmayne is wearing.

And isn't that the same exact cut Melissa McCarthy wears at every awards show?

Jennifer Lawrence, Naomi Watts, Samantha Barks, and Amy Adams were total knockouts in my book.

What in the ever loving hell was Anne Hathaway thinking? According to GFY she changed dresses at the very last minute because hers was too similar to Amanda Seyfried's, but I can't believe she couldn't find anything better than that 90's nipple-horned prom dress.

Samantha looked GORGEOUS in the black dress and the blue one she wore on stage.