The Hottest Movie Vampires

The Five Hottest “Movie” Vampires of the Modern Era

A Seriously Random List XLVII / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | January 23, 2009 | Comments (136)

On the eve of the release of Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, here’s a thematically related seriously random list: The Five Hottest Vampires of the Modern era. Here they are, without commentary. I’ll let the imagery do the talking for me (and do not give me anyone from Interview with a Vampire or mother-effing Robert Pattinson. Go screw.).

5. Gerard Butler as Dracula in Dracula 2000

4. Jami Gertz as Star in The Lost Boys

3. Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King in Blade Trinity (Hey! Former Vampires count!)

2. Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk til Dawn

1. Kate Beckinsale as Selene in Underworld

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Comments

Fix the link!

Posted by: Cindy at January 23, 2009 2:03 PM

Also, there is no hotter vampire than Gary Oldman. Period.

Posted by: Cindy at January 23, 2009 2:04 PM

Hey Kate! I've got something swollen with blood you can suck on!

It's this cyst in my back, see. It really hurts and it's infected. So if you could just come help me drain it, that would be swell. Thanks!

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 2:12 PM

Angel?

Spike?

Darla?

Dru?

Harmony (hehe)?

The Master (oh you sick fucks)?

Vamp!Buffy (from the nightmares episode)?

Vamp!Willow?

Ok we have a winner ... "bored now" never made me so excited.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 2:13 PM

You left off Gary Oldman as Dracula and David Boreanaz as Angel.

Therefore your entire list is FAIL and we are free to ignore it completely.

I realize it is Friday and we're all sick of the work week, but for Godtopus' sake this is lame even for Friday afternoon.

Posted by: Jerce at January 23, 2009 2:14 PM

Wasn't Hannibal King a familiar rather than a vampire?

Cindy is right in her statement.

With the exception of Mrs. Kate Bekinchanginghernameto Scott.

Posted by: admin at January 23, 2009 2:15 PM

Edward Cullen and his Cullen Clan vs. the almighty "Bauer-pire" and Sirius the Impaler...the Pay Per View event of the Millenium. Admin, I think this is a great opportunity for Horrendous TV, are you in?

Posted by: Mike R. at January 23, 2009 2:15 PM

Moooovie vampires! That leaves out the entire Buffy/Angel TV universe. Although I guess if you wanted to go with Paul Reubens that would be fine you sick fuck.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at January 23, 2009 2:20 PM

stipe42: In this instance I think "movie" means "Vampires in movies", so Buffy doesn't count but Vamp Willow should definitely be at the top if it did.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 23, 2009 2:22 PM

Moooovie vampires! Did that title just change? I scrolled up to the top to doublecheck that it didn't specifically say "movies". Maybe I'm illiterate. Or insane. Or both.

I guess it has to be movie vampires. Otherwise all five would be from Buffy, no competition.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 2:23 PM

Mike R. you know I'm always down for the Horrible. Maybe we could make it a garlic death match to take place on a platform suspended over a vat of pudding. Of course said pudding will be made with holy waterrrrr....milk. Yeah milk. Somebody holler at the Passiah. I need this cow blessed STAT!

Posted by: admin at January 23, 2009 2:23 PM

Thank you, Mrcreosote.

*mutters "fucking buffy. buffy buffy buffy buffy buffy"*

Ahem. I shall try to compose myself now.

Wasn't Hannibal King a familiar rather than a vampire?

No.

And I'll give you "former", but not "never quite". So Jami's out.

Julie Carmen in "Fright Night 2".

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 2:25 PM

Since we have The Lost Boys going on a loop at my house I am going to have to nominate Michael of "Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots" fame. But does he count since he was only half vampire? I suppose the same would have to go for Star too, so Maggot Michael is in!

Posted by: Lizardqueen at January 23, 2009 2:29 PM

Sadie Frost in "Bram Stoker's Dracula". All that writhing on the bed and teeth baring? No competition. Honorable mention to Monica Belluci as one of Dracula's brides.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 23, 2009 2:30 PM

No Gary Oldman as Dracula? Are you shitting me?!

Since my own reality is frequently better than actual reality, I'm just going to pretend that my eyes are deceiving me and that Gary Oldman is actually Number 1 and everyone else has moved down a notch.

Yep, that works out much better for me.

Posted by: stardust savant at January 23, 2009 2:31 PM

Oh yeah, the Buffy vampires are also all the ugliest things since Max Schreck, like someone fucked up imitating Schumacher's beastlies. No one ever seems to mention this anywhere. Not saying it's wrong, but....not "hot", and not really scary either. So...just ugly.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 2:32 PM

Remember that time Xander was a vampire? That was hot.

Come on... David Arquette when he got turned in the Buffy movie? Huh? Huh? Hot.

Also, all the boy vampires from Lost Boys, but especially Billy Wirth.

And word to Gary Oldman.

P.S. Brad Pitt was completely dreamy in Interview. Suck it.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 23, 2009 2:33 PM

Cindy is absolutely right about Gary Oldman. Never been hotter than as a blood sucker.

Sadie Frost's performance in Dracula makes ya wonder what her & Jude Law got up to....

Pee-Wee was FUCKING FANTASTIC in the movie "Buffy" .... "ooh uhh ow ahhh...." ad infinitem.

But #1 for me will always and forever be Jack Bauer..er..David. DAMN!!!!! Bite me, Jack, bite MEEEEEEE!!!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 23, 2009 2:35 PM

Well since AB brought up Interview ... Tom Cruise was on fire in that movie.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 2:37 PM

Frank Langella was hot back in the day!!!

And don't knock Bela Lugosi. He made women swoon, or he wouldn't have made so many sequels.

My favorite is the Spanish version of Dracula that was filmed at the same time and on the same sets with the same script as Bela Lugosi's version. It's actually much better than Lugosi, except the Spanish Dracula looks EXACTLY like Nic Cage. I'm not kidding. You gotta rent it.

I also have a certain kinky fondness for Max Schreck.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 23, 2009 2:40 PM

And if you lipread German, Max Schreck, "Nice bosoms!"

Posted by: BWeaves at January 23, 2009 2:42 PM

What about Chris Sarandon in Fright Night? His voice alone is frickin' awesome (although you do have to get past the whole Prince Humperdinck thing).

Posted by: s. pisaster at January 23, 2009 2:42 PM

BRAD PITT!!! Holy crap....he was B E A U TEEE FULLLL!!!!

So, yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think this list is completely BOGUS!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 23, 2009 2:42 PM

OK, now you reminded me also of Antonio Banderas in "Interview" and,not hot is a sexy way, but funny/scary as hell, Nic Cage in "Vampire's Kiss"

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 23, 2009 2:44 PM

Also that reminds me: David Bowie, Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon in Hunger are all pretty delicious.

Posted by: s. pisaster at January 23, 2009 2:46 PM

Arly Jover as Stephen Dorff`s main beeyatch in Blade ... or if you want to get somewhat obscure, Julie Dreyfus in the French lesbian vampire flick, Bathory!

Posted by: dan at January 23, 2009 2:48 PM

I will echo previous comments: bogus list, I say. No "Interview with the Vampire" vampires, no "Buffy" vampires, yet we include Starla? Bollocks!

And for the record, Hannibal King was no vampire in Blade III, he was a familiar. I will now crawl back into my geek cave.

Posted by: Sara at January 23, 2009 2:55 PM

Couldn't we just say the Five Fugliest Vampires for brevity's sake? Then we could just throw up some names from Twilight and be done with it.

Also, I'm intrigued that Gerard Butler played a vampire. He's so sexy. I know he's a womanizer and such, but that just makes him Colin Ferrel 2.0: New and Bathed!

Posted by: Kayanne at January 23, 2009 2:56 PM

I'm assuming we're only talking movie vamps, which totally explains for Angel not making the cut. Right?

Ah, Hannibal King. Every movie Ryan Reynolds is in should have a clause in his contract stating that he must be shirtless for at least 75% of the time he's on screen. I could fill a book with all the fantasies I came up with after seeing him in Blade: Trinity. A dirty, filthy book, but a book nonetheless.

Posted by: Melissa at January 23, 2009 2:57 PM

Oh shit, how could I forget David Bowie in The Hunger?! I run a damned Bowie fansite, for God's sake! I should have my Bowie Super Fan card revoked. Gah.

But he's still not hotter than Gary Oldman as Dracula.

Posted by: stardust savant at January 23, 2009 2:58 PM

And for the record, Hannibal King was no vampire in Blade III, he was a familiar.

Have either of you seen the film?

Now, Norman Reedus

ahem SPOILER!!!!

he was the "surprise traitor" familiar in "Blade II", and of course the "surprise traitor" is always what's known in the UK as "doomed cunt".

END SPOILER!!!!

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 3:01 PM

I'm the outlier but I think Thomas Ian Griffith was so sexy in Vampires. I think he rivals the number 5 spot.

Posted by: lex at January 23, 2009 3:03 PM

You should've gone with two separate lists, one for female vampires, one for male vampires because what the hell, you can't just fit five on this list!

And dude...no Gary Oldman? Shame on you. SHAME. ON. YOU.

Kate Beckinsale is dull as a box of hair.

Posted by: figgy at January 23, 2009 3:07 PM

Tom Cruise was on fire in that movie.

What? Come on! No one is going to laugh at this? I have to be first?

stipe, that was beautiful and hilarious.

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 3:08 PM

To all the whiners about vampires being left out: Please recognize this list as what it really is--an excuse to put up another photo of Ryan Reynolds' abs.

And then enjoy.

Posted by: frumpiefox at January 23, 2009 3:08 PM

I had a thing for Stephen Dorf in Blade. Where is Parker Posey on this list? Also Dominic Purcell? I had nearly forgotten how much eye candy was in that movie, almost makes me forget the damn poodle.

Still, no one beats Gary Oldman, he didn't need to show off his abs to be seductive.

I move that this list be extended to 10 Hottest Movie Vampires.

Posted by: Morgagod at January 23, 2009 3:08 PM

Oh, how could I have forgotten Antonio?! That man oozed sex in that movie. Mmm. Well, i guess i know what I'm watching tonight...

Also, I came back because I was like, wait, wasn't Susan Sarandon a hot vampire at some point? And there she is. And word to s. pis for Chris S. in Fright Night. I completely forgot about that awesome flick. Also, Bowie = hot vampire also.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 23, 2009 3:10 PM

Yep, I'm vote #583 for Gary Oldman as the top sexiest movie vampire OF ALL TIME NO COMPETITION.

Spot #2 would be co-occupied by Catherine DeNeuve and Susan Sarandon. I love David Bowie deeply, but those ladies way out-hot him in that movie.

Dustin, you rock, but...seriously? Leaving these 4 out?

Posted by: Susquehana at January 23, 2009 3:11 PM

Kate Beckinsale is dull as a box of hair.

Clearly the problem is whatever boring box of hair you've been playing with. I have three, and they're dynamite!

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 3:12 PM

But am I the only one who giggles at the offscreen Carpathian sobbing as the tears wet the paper? As the Crack Fox said, it's just a funny funny funny sound.

Now, throw me that whiskey.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 3:14 PM

What about Kristen Dunst in Interview With a Vampire. Now that was a hot pedophile wet dream- she was all "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman." All that experience in a little girl's body....

Posted by: Your Neighbor Down the Street at January 23, 2009 3:16 PM

Aaliyah (RIP) in Queen of the Damned

Posted by: boo at January 23, 2009 3:18 PM

I had a thing for Stephen Dorf in Blade.

mmm hmm to this too. Though I have to correct you... it was a Pomeranian.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 23, 2009 3:22 PM

Aaliyah

Eh. Slink, hiss. Slink, hiss. Accent so incredibly bad I have no idea what she was even trying to sound like.

At best a poor attempt at channelling Salma's performance in From Dusk til Dawn

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 3:23 PM

No Stephen Dorff love? Really? None?

Posted by: moralish at January 23, 2009 3:23 PM

Kate Beckinsale is dull as a box of hair.

Word, figgy. She's a younger version of Andie McDowell, in my mind. Both are terrible actresses with no appeal.

Posted by: Melissa at January 23, 2009 3:24 PM

Dammit! Stuart Townsend. That was before he became completely manorexic.

Ok, I'll stop now.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 23, 2009 3:25 PM

Ha! Awesome edit of the post refuting the Gary Oldman lovers. Good one Dustin.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 3:25 PM

What about Anna Parillaud as Marie in Innocent Blade Julie Carmine as Regine in Fright Night II or maybe Grace Jones as Katrina, in Vamp?

Posted by: Adam C at January 23, 2009 3:29 PM

SHENANIGANS!!! Dustin, you know good and damn well that there are many, many scenes of Hot Gary Oldman in Dracula. You just don't want to admit that Gary Oldman is hotter than Ryan Reynolds.

Posted by: stardust savant at January 23, 2009 3:30 PM

Julie Carmine as Regine in Fright Night II

I gotcha covered, Adam. That's who I disqualified Jami for.

Speaking of "Vamp", I am the only person who remembers Chris Makepeace, right? And, you know, between him and Adam Baldwin, one might've thought he was gonna be the "My Bodyguard" costar who was really gonna go places.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 3:38 PM

Jamie Gertz should have been higher on the list.

Salma Hayek -- best succubus ever.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at January 23, 2009 3:40 PM

oh come on stipe42, this is a Hottness list, not a freakin' acting award. You west coasters. So uptight. Sheesh.

Posted by: boo at January 23, 2009 3:40 PM

Though I have to correct you... it was a Pomeranian.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That made me laugh out loud. Bravo!

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 3:41 PM

Oh wait, it wasn't a joke, and you were actually talking about a dog. It was funnier the first way...I cracked myself up. Nevermind, AvB, you're not as funny as I thought. Teehee!

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 3:43 PM

What about Stephen Dorff in Blade? C'mon!

Posted by: Jen at January 23, 2009 3:48 PM

What, not Donal Logue in "Blade", rather?! I just don't understand you people.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 3:54 PM

Ahem.

While it is a completely shit movie:
Sheryl Lee in John Carpenter's Vampires.

Oh, and speaking of hot vampires in shit movies:
Izabella Miko in The Forsaken.

You people, I swear. Neglecting the classics.

You disgust me.

Posted by: TK at January 23, 2009 3:55 PM

Also, Jenny Wright in Near Dark.

Posted by: TK at January 23, 2009 3:56 PM

Lauren Hutton from Once Bitten!!!

I just really wanted to reference that movie.

Posted by: Julie at January 23, 2009 4:00 PM

Wait? Is that Gary Oldman in real life? I thought it was Barry "Brad" Bostwick from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Speaking of which, can we count Frank N. Furter as a vampire? He was hot and sucked liquid out of Barry "Brad" Bostwick.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 23, 2009 4:02 PM

*rolls off balance ball substituting for computer chair and hits ground in fit of laughter.....really*

Touché, Dustin. Set and match.

Posted by: stardust savant at January 23, 2009 4:10 PM

Fuck you, Dustin. Gary Oldman will always be infinitely more seductive and awesome than that walking set of plastic abs.

Oh, it is ON.

Posted by: figgy at January 23, 2009 4:10 PM

HAHAHAHA. Nicely played, Dustin, nicely played.

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 4:13 PM

Hello? Where is Frank Langella? You whippersnappers are killing me.

Posted by: Mrs. Adams at January 23, 2009 4:14 PM

BWeaves Speaking of which, can we count Frank N. Furter as a vampire? He was hot and sucked liquid out of Barry "Brad" Bostwick.

I am crying, do you hear me, CRYING at my desk right now. That is farkin' hilarious!!!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 23, 2009 4:15 PM

Dustin, et al....I present:

http://www.dvdtown.com/images/displayimage.php?id=2912

and

http://www.listal.com/image/252190/600full-gary-oldman.jpg

case closed

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 23, 2009 4:21 PM

this is a Hottness list, not a freakin' acting award. You west coasters. So uptight. Sheesh.

Oh come on, I'm not trying to make an acting requirement, but she was so incredibly bad in that movie that every second she was on screen was so bad it was funny. At no point did I ever think she was hot, because I was too busy snorting stoli out my nostrils anytime she slinked across the screen and hissed something in that atrocious accent.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 4:26 PM

TK: While it might not be a classic, it's a bit off the beaten path: Aleksey Chadov in Night Watch.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 4:28 PM

Chunky monkeys like young Kiefer and Gerard cannot be vampires. They look less like predators, and more like slow, juicy prey. This is a fundamental law of nature.

so:
Frank Langella - yes!
Gary Oldman - yes!
Ryan "Manboobs" Reynolds - no.

Posted by: Janis at January 23, 2009 4:29 PM

stipe, I second your Aleksey Chadov pick. Night Watch is pretty great, sometimes I forgot I own it and could rewatch it if I wanted.

Posted by: Snath at January 23, 2009 4:33 PM

Chunky monkeys?

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 4:42 PM

How are we defining modern, here? I'm sure it falls outside of your time frame (by, at most, 5 years), but Catherine Denueve and David Bowie in The Hunger should clearly be tied in the number 1 spot. Pure sex. Bonus points for Denueve for the lezzing out sequence with Susan Sarandon.

Posted by: Robert at January 23, 2009 4:44 PM

I know y'all are TWILIGHT haters.

But Rob Pattinson as Edward Cullen was one hot vampire. That little fucker made my old lady ovaries twitch like a Cougar in heat!

Janis-- "manboobs" = moobs.
(that word will crack my kids up everytime)

Posted by: wsapnin at January 23, 2009 4:44 PM

sorry but totally disagree-- Garry Oldman wins over Reynolds any day.

plus think of it, best Reynolds could get: Scar Jo
Gary Oldman: Uma Thurman.

like i said, no contest.

Posted by: sara at January 23, 2009 4:44 PM

Gerard Butler chunky?

*looks down at self*

Why you gotta be like that?

*sobs*

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 4:47 PM

I think there should be a 5 or 10 best movie satans/devils/lucifers (you get the idea) list.

Posted by: Jadine at January 23, 2009 4:59 PM

Have you seen the films?

http://www.mcheathers.com/images/GBdracula/Dracula_022.jpg

http://www.kiefer-rocks.com/photos/large_moviestills/lost_boys/4.jpg

I suppose Kiefer looks boyish but, you know, Peter Pan and all that.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 5:00 PM

Kate is not hotter than Salma. She is not.

Posted by: dia at January 23, 2009 5:02 PM

Thirding a vote for Chris Sarandon in Fright Night. (Even if he did look rather like a Thunderbirds puppet from certain angles. Still hotttttt!)

Posted by: tarn at January 23, 2009 5:05 PM

Plus, you can't go using just one basket here, so let me give an honorable mention to Jeri Ryan, also from "Dracula 2000".

And are we just talking "hotness"? I've never been into Uma Thurman like that. Can't I like both Gary and Scarlett? Too many walls have been built in between us!

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 5:08 PM

stipe42, I wouldn't really know. I watched that move on mute and with my pants around my ankles.

Posted by: boo at January 23, 2009 5:14 PM

DammitJanet: You're welcome.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 23, 2009 5:19 PM

You people are blind to the facts because you are stuck in the last 20 years. George Hamilton in Love at First Bite was hot sex on a platter. His smouldering sensuality and come hither stare had women moist from Maine to San Diego. Add to that the fact that he was the only vampire with a tan??? He oozed machismo like a young George Wendt and you people need to recognize.

Posted by: Rubble44 at January 23, 2009 5:20 PM

I wouldn't really know. I watched that movie on mute and with my pants around my ankles.

boo, Of course, that is how a friend and I watched the second half of the movie. We weren't dating, just friends, but hey, we'd watched Reign of Fire first and her judgement was impaired by two hours of shirtless Bale and McConaughey combined with the bottle of vodka we'd split.

It was Halloween, we were drunk, and the movie was excruciatingly bad. Like plane crash survivors in the Andes, we did what we had to do.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 5:23 PM

Pomeranian, yes, thank you Anna von Beaverplatz. It has been a while since I have seen that movie, and all the punting dogs look alike. Also I was distracted by the age old question: which would win in a fight, vampire rottweilers or zombie dobermans?

Posted by: Morgagod at January 23, 2009 5:24 PM

Isn't this supposed to be 'of the modern era'? If it's meant to be 'of my youth, with a few cursory modern ones thrown in' then just come out with it!

p.s. the only good choice was Salma. And even that was pushing it for 'modern'.

Posted by: ben (thpbt) at January 23, 2009 5:26 PM

The Gary Oldman/Ryan Reynolds debate is eerily similar to the Hillary Swank subplot on The Office last night. This is some life imitating art shit.

Anyway, while Gary Oldman can be debonaire, Ryan Reynolds is built for a tumble. I'd let him take me anywhere, any how... Oldman could watch, though, he seems like he'd be done for that.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 23, 2009 5:28 PM

ben, what the hell are you talking about?

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 5:35 PM

By my calculations, if Ben thinks that Salma Hayek circa 1996 is "pushing it for 'modern'", then Ben must be approximately thirteen years old.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 5:38 PM

I just finished watching season one of True Blood and Stephen Moyer is pretty hot as Vampire Bill, I'm surprised no one else has mentioned him, (although it is TV).

Posted by: that girl at January 23, 2009 5:54 PM

Like plane crash survivors in the Andes, we did what we had to do.

You ate her frozen corpse?

Kinky. I like how you roll, Stipe.

Posted by: TK at January 23, 2009 6:09 PM

I, for one, completely enjoy the total shutout of anything Buffy-related on this list.

Posted by: Anna at January 23, 2009 7:05 PM

Dustin, I've just gonna start a fund to send you to Ryan Reynolds rehab.

Posted by: agent bedhead at January 23, 2009 7:08 PM

I don't know about being the hottest Vampire, but Oldman certainly is the coolest.

Posted by: Pookie at January 23, 2009 7:08 PM

For your next list, can you do your favorite 80's movies?

Posted by: Some Guy at January 23, 2009 7:27 PM

You ate her frozen corpse?

Like a flesh flavored popsicle, she was.

Posted by: stipe42 at January 23, 2009 8:01 PM

No Gary Oldman as Dracula? Are you shitting me?!

No shit.
Creepy hot.
How is it possible?
I do not know, he just was/is.

(and really where is the Bill Nighy love?)

Posted by: Jules at January 23, 2009 8:27 PM

that girl No one mentioned Vampire Bill, because he is nothing when compared to Eric. If you haven't figured it out yet, you will soon enough. Or, you could read the books, which I highly reccomend. They are witty, charming and well written. Alan Ball stayed true to most of it, but made it a little over the top. Ms. Harris is a master storyteller.

Posted by: Morgagod at January 23, 2009 8:48 PM

Skipped all the comments to come right down here and say:

Deneuve, "The Hunger," and get off my lawn.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 23, 2009 9:04 PM

Sorry, but Kiefer Sutherland would slice and dice all the Cullen males, then the Cullen ladies would take turns emptying the "Jack Sack"! As for Lauren Hutton, even now I'd still cheerfully have deviant sex with her-Rowrrrr!!

Mike

Posted by: MadMike at January 23, 2009 9:15 PM

Can y'all imagine if Ryan Reynolds had been in The Dark Knight? Dustin would have spontaneously combusted.

Put up the worst pictures of Oldman and put them up against that same old white bread boring ass picture of RR - I'd still take Gary.

Posted by: Cindy at January 23, 2009 10:08 PM

No love for True Blood. Pam? Eric? Bill? The redhead Bill converted? Dustin, I know you have a thing for Ryan Reynolds but the majority of commentors are right in that he wasn't a vamp in Blade 3. A better suggestion from Blade 3 would have been Parker Posey as she was pretty frickin hot in that movie. She was also Hannibal King's nemesis if that gives her any bonus points because of the connection to Reynold's character.

Posted by: TVConnoisseur at January 23, 2009 10:22 PM

A third for Lauren Hutton.

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at January 23, 2009 10:35 PM

"(Hey! Former Vampires count!)"

She was also Hannibal King's nemesis

Because....

From the script:

KING
I picked Danica up in a bar, had a one night stand with her -- then spent the next five years playing step-and-fetch-it as her little vampire cabana boy.

(beat)

Eventually Abigail found me. Sommerfield here managed to treat me with a cure. Now I kill them.

(beat)

That's called turning a frown upside down.
------------------------------------------

I believe the line that was finally used was "playing hide and go suck", but that's the scene.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 10:57 PM

bucdaddy, I wrote the same thing. Deneuve is the hottest female vampire. The accent, the lezzing out, the marvelous rack - pure sex. Assisted by the collected hotness of David Bowie and Susan Sarandon in the film, naturally.

Posted by: Robert at January 23, 2009 11:00 PM

to late to mention DICK-FACE,CHENEY?

Posted by: pasadenamike at January 23, 2009 11:02 PM

From another script:

Ryan Letts: There's not calling you the new George Epstein you know.
Tony Wilson: Brian Epstein.
Ryan Letts: George Epstein, Beatles' manager.
Tony Wilson: That's Brian Epstein, dickhead.
Ryan Letts: George Epstein.
Tony Wilson: It's fucking Brian Epstein.
Ryan Letts: Brian Martin.
Tony Wilson: It's not Brian, it's George Martin.
Ryan Letts: Brian Martin, the producer ...
Tony Wilson: You're just fucking wrong!

Hey, I've got your back when you're right, Dustin.

Posted by: Jay at January 23, 2009 11:06 PM

It's a bit odd, but someone mentioned Sadie Frost, and this reminds me that Jude Law, although he has since proven himself to be an awful and utter douche, was pretty hot as a vampire in a little movie called "The Wisdom of Crocodiles." He was still young and had all of his hair... and this is sort of funny, but what about Nic Cage in "Vampire's Kiss". Say what you will, but he ate a cockroach or something for that movie ...that's kinda hot, right? No?

Posted by: anon at January 23, 2009 11:24 PM

Robert, Saw that when I went back and read the comments. 10-4 that. *fist bump*

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 24, 2009 12:12 AM

Let's forget the fact that Queen of the Damned was a big honking fail-boat...but Stuart Townsend was fucking gorgeous. And Aaliyah was quite tasty as well. Lena Olin was a vampire? Hell yeah.

Also, Brad Pitt was a fucking breathtaking vampire in Interview, but Tom Cruise was better based on character alone.

Posted by: CiCi at January 24, 2009 12:25 AM

Agree with Stuart Townsend being smoldering hot in Queen of the Damned. About Ryan Reynolds de-tox, I need that one too, but I'm poor. Maybe put me on the list as "accepting donations too"?
Also, how can people find Kate Beckinsale attractive? She used to look like this http://www.la-story.com/upload/2008/01/masterpiece_theater_debuts_new_host_jane_austen_se/emth_EMMA_1_1617_37.jpg

Breast implants FTW I guess... Easily impressed americans...

Posted by: Irina at January 24, 2009 1:43 AM

Jim Carrey was cute and preppy and not very threatening.

Grace Jones was hot in a freaking terrifying way.

Bonnie Bedelia gave me nightmares, but was pretty while also being damn scary.

Posted by: Loob at January 24, 2009 2:09 AM

Also, Amanda Wyss in To Die For.
And in Son Of Darkness (To Die For 2) heh.

Posted by: Loob at January 24, 2009 2:12 AM

I think Gary Oldman is a hot pepaw, even in Dracula. Ryan Reynolds may have abs that make you have a man-crush on him, but he really can't compete in terms of acting chops; no pun intended, but hell, I totally intended it...so BITE ME! (pun intended)

Posted by: ph at January 24, 2009 3:21 AM

I also can never forget Brad Pitt as a vampire in Interview. He was pretty hot back then, how could I have forgotten? Tom Cruise was also well suited for his role as Lestat...and I know people all basically hate him now, but the bastard can act pretty damn well when he plays an egomaniac (note: Magnolia, a role that he probably deserved an Oscar nom for now that I think about it, the movie? Kinda long and annoying P.T Anderson flick.)

Posted by: ph at January 24, 2009 3:36 AM

Agreed ph, Tom Cruise as Lestat is an unforgivable omission. Cultured, sensual, well-dressed, healthy sexuality, musical, inwardly tortured, ye gods, could you describe a more desirable man?

(At least Kiefer was nowhere to be found. Because then I might have actually had to slit my own jugular.)

Posted by: Ling at January 24, 2009 3:49 AM

speakin of interview...

i've wondered for decades...

how in the fuk, lestat - (by rice's rich descriptions a tall languid blond) was portrayed by stumpy little obnoxious cruise.. lestat was in fact ... a cross btwn sting/robert plant.

politics and influence did that casting a supreme injustice.... tsk tsk tsk

Posted by: kikz at January 24, 2009 10:32 AM

kikz....lifts in his shoes? teasing out the hair?

he looked a lot more like the book-version of Lestat than Stuart Townsend's in Queen of The Damned. Why did they think he was a brunette with a British accent? And they completely screwed up Marius. But I won't complain too much because both Lestats were quite tasty to look at.

Posted by: CiCi at January 24, 2009 12:04 PM

Is Dustin bi? I mean, he talks about male eye candy and included dudes on his hot lists. It says he has a wife and kid, but... I mean, he's into dudes too, right?

Posted by: Count Dragula at January 24, 2009 1:03 PM

agent bedhead and Cindy are totally right.
I can give you 5 bucks for his rehab (and could we have a christian bale intervention too??)

Posted by: mario at January 24, 2009 1:27 PM

My vote goes to Jenny Wright in Near Dark. Tasty.

Posted by: Some Guy at January 24, 2009 1:43 PM

Weak.

Posted by: Recondite at January 24, 2009 2:15 PM

Um......what about Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie (and a rather haggard Susan Sarandon) in THE HUNGER????
I *still* love that movie! (nice glimpse's of Peter and Daniel in the "Bella Legosi's Dead" sequence)

Jen

Posted by: Jen at January 24, 2009 3:02 PM

How could I forget Jenny Wright? I am soooo ashamed.

Posted by: Adam C at January 24, 2009 3:49 PM

Some more candidates.
Bai Ling as Lucy in The Breed, Milla Jovovich as Violet in Ultraviolet and Phina Oruche (Giles' love interest Olivia in BtVS) as Cym in the aforementioned Forsaken.

Posted by: Adam C at January 24, 2009 3:55 PM

Is Dustin bi?

I think it's more catering, pandering even, to his audience in most cases. The Reynolds thing though? I dunno. Maybe it's like me and Alan Cumming, though it's more telling stories with an accent on Conan than his torso that make me giggle (An authority on the subject, that is, a gay friend in New York, told me that Alan was the Mango of Broadway during "Cabaret" and it wasn't just me mysteriously drawn to him).

Posted by: Jay at January 24, 2009 4:24 PM

This is turning into Thursday night's episode of 'The Office'.

That being said, as a straight male with no homosexual tendencies, Ryan Reynolds's body is a wonder to behold.

I'm actually doing sit-ups as I type this.

Posted by: adam at January 24, 2009 5:07 PM

Also I was distracted by the age old question: which would win in a fight, vampire rottweilers or zombie dobermans?

Hahhahahahhahah! I just peed a little.

Definitely zombie dobermans. Zombies have no blood for vampires to drink, right? But, vampires have brains for zombies to eat.

P.S. Jay, I totally crushed on Donal Logue.

P.P.S. Just so we're all clear, this:
I, for one, completely enjoy the total shutout of anything Buffy-related on this list.
Posted by: Anna at January 23, 2009 7:05 PM

... not me. Just so we're clear.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 25, 2009 1:24 PM

Hey, us AntiBuffies get so few victories to enjoy.

Posted by: Jay at January 25, 2009 1:35 PM

I can't believe I'm only the second person to mention Anna Parilaud in Innocent Blood, that was the hottest female vampire ever.

Posted by: Huckleberry at January 25, 2009 1:41 PM

Zombie dogs, are the one consistant form of zombie that is fast moving. Also, if a human turning into a zombie simply reduces the higher functions into the "need to feed," how does this effect an animal that does not have higher brain functions, ie. speech, art etc.? The few extensive examples we have are it just turns the animal into a fearal creature without pain.

As for a Vampire dog, well does this dog attain any of the other powers humans would attain, or do we have these powers, mind control, flying, shape changing and so on because of our higher brain function? Would the dogs only be able to achieve super speed/strength? If humans gain these powers afer years of being a vampire, would a vampire dog gain them in dog years or would they be tied to the Earth's revolution?

You can see my predicament. There just hasn't been enough research in the field.

Posted by: Morgagod at January 25, 2009 9:19 PM

...I might be a little drunk... just thought I'd share that.

Posted by: Morgagod at January 25, 2009 9:27 PM

1. HELL YES to Gerard Butler as Dracula. Oh... yes. Yes.

2. Also "hell yes" to leaving Gary Oldman *off* the list. I know this isn't popular opinion, but, Oldman as Dracula? *makes sour face*. Was NOT feeling that. At all.

3. But but.. no "Interview" vampires? WHAT?! Ugh.

4. I nominate Stuart Townsend from Queen of the Damned. And I'm surprised more people aren't doing so!

Posted by: monkey_b at January 25, 2009 9:53 PM

wsapnin: moobs will be my pajiba name from now on. Thank you.

stipe42: Take heart. Gerard is not a human chunkster. I was not referring to the BMI (Body Mass Index), but to the VMI.

To vampires, we are all juicy, juicy prey. Especially Keifer. Look at those pinchable cheeks!

Posted by: Janis/Moobs at January 28, 2009 1:08 AM

Yes, this list is utter crap, I take it the author hasn't even seen any vampire movies. The real list is

10. Christopher Lee as Dracula
9. David Bowie as John
8. Ingrid Pitt as Carmilla
7.Tom Cruse as Lestat
6.Kirsten Dunst as Claudia
5.Antonio as Armond
4.Winona Ryder as Mina (Hey there was a scene of her with fangs, that counts doesn't it?)
3. Brad Pitt as Louie
2. Monica Bolucci as Dracula's Bride
1. Gary Oldman as Dracula

Posted by: holyguyver at February 7, 2009 12:25 AM

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