By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (90)
1. Romp
2. A Worthy Addition
3. Hodgepodge
4. Too Cute By Half
5. Rollicking
6. Feel-Good
7.Tour de Force
8. Laugh-out loud funny
9. Thrill Ride
10. Motherfucker (Pajiba only)
(Updated with Reader Suggestions)
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Posted by: law_blah at June 15, 2009 3:41 PM
Great list, motherfucker.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 3:42 PM
You forgot, "I'm gay, but not that gay."
Rex Reed exempted, of course.
Posted by: hater from siloam springs at June 15, 2009 3:42 PM
Motherfucker (Pajiba only)
Eh, I'm tired of "cockwallet" too.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at June 15, 2009 3:49 PM
I hate the word romp. Hate it. But it makes me think of overalls...which makes me think of haystacks, which leads to Teri Garr, then Schooner Tuna: the tuna with a heart, then Ocean Breeze soap, then Kermit the Frog.
So maybe it's not all bad.
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 3:50 PM
"Meet-cute"
Fucking obnoxious.
Posted by: MN_Jen at June 15, 2009 3:51 PM
how about some mad lib phrases:
"I think _____ is the next _____of our generation!"
"It's the Coming of Age story about ______"
"It's ______ meets ______, only this time, ______ _____ ______!"
"Ben Lyons needs to get a real job, how about ______?"
That last one was more of an invitation.
Posted by: annoyingmouse at June 15, 2009 3:54 PM
Reboot. Also motherfucker and douchewaffle.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 15, 2009 3:56 PM
I hate the word romp. Hate it. But it makes me think of overalls...which makes me think of haystacks, which leads to Teri Garr, then Schooner Tuna: the tuna with a heart, then Ocean Breeze soap, then Kermit the Frog.
Despite the fact that we're practically the same person... I don't think I understood that.
Posted by: lizzieborden at June 15, 2009 3:58 PM
I hope this doesn't make you stop using the word "motherfucker." Next to old black actors with excellent voices like Morgan Freeman and Sam Jackson, no one else says it better.
Posted by: George at June 15, 2009 3:59 PM
thundercunt.
i don't have a problem with its over-use. i just wanted to type it.
Posted by: gp at June 15, 2009 4:00 PM
Lizzie, my mind is tangential and wonky.
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:01 PM
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear on four out of five. I ain't ever letting "motherfucker" go, though.
So there.
Motherfucker.
Posted by: TK at June 15, 2009 4:05 PM
"smash hit"
No. Shut up, motherfucker.
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 4:05 PM
"crowd-pleaser"
Maybe I don't want to follow the crowd, motherfucker.
Posted by: Melissa at June 15, 2009 4:11 PM
What about "must see"? That drives me out of my mind. Everything is "must see".
This summer's must see hodgepodge romp is a worthy addiction that is too cute by half!
Can you hear my brain breaking motherfuckers?
Posted by: Blonde Savant at June 15, 2009 4:12 PM
Ooh ooh, I have one: "A rollicking adventure."
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:16 PM
feel good
X of the year. Ugh. Only appropriate at the end of the damn year.
Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at June 15, 2009 4:19 PM
All ya' motherfuckers are missing the most overused of all:
Biggest "______________" of the summer/season etc.
Stupid motherfuckers.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 4:19 PM
"laugh-out loud funny!"
AR-motherfucker-GH.
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 4:20 PM
I have had it with these monkey-fighting lists on this Monday-to-Friday site.
Posted by: branded at June 15, 2009 4:20 PM
Everything is described as delightful. Maybe I don't want to be delighted, charmed, or anything cutesy like that. Maybe I just want to have a good time and enjoy myself. Or, ooh! Maybe even be interested.
Also, thought-provoking is overused. Don't go provoking my squishy brain bits.
Posted by: Sharon at June 15, 2009 4:20 PM
a POWERFUL! film.
brrrrrother...
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at June 15, 2009 4:27 PM
"Family-friendly"
and
"feel-good"
Also, I don't think I've ever heard a non-movie use of the word rollicking. I believe that only movie reviewers use that word. Perhaps they invented it?
Posted by: Jerce at June 15, 2009 4:28 PM
Christ, you should read the blurbs romance writers give each other.
Posted by: Jay at June 15, 2009 4:28 PM
Sleeper hit of the summer. Sleeper, like an item of baby clothing? Really, I hate sleeper.
Posted by: Kassie at June 15, 2009 4:28 PM
"Roller-coaster ride!"
Motherfucker, do you really want to compare a movie to something that makes the bottom drop out of your stomach, fills you with terror, makes you wish you were dead and then makes you vomit?
DO YOU?
Well, ok, if it's an Eddie Murphy movie it's applicable.
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 4:32 PM
Christ, you should read the blurbs romance writers give each other.
Is blurb equivalent to quickie? Ah romance novelist love, who wouldn't enjoy a Friday morning blurb?
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:32 PM
Did Figgy just disparage roller coasters?! Crazy woman!
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:35 PM
The only "feel good hit" I'm aware of comes from the business end of a BONG!
Am I right, people?
Posted by: Spender at June 15, 2009 4:37 PM
They make me sick! I am weak! weak!
Also Julie:
"He gave her his soul. Now he gives her his cock. Then a blurb."
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 4:37 PM
Spender: or a bum-paddle, if that's the way you roll.
Figgy: ha!
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:40 PM
Did you even see Final Destination II? Roller coasters are unsafe! Six Flags is in bankruptcy-do you think they give a fuck about upkeep?
Sorry, that's just my thought process while standing in line.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 15, 2009 4:41 PM
For a moment, I thought this was the 5 most overused phrases in movie trailers:
1. In a world . . .
2. . . . and he was the only one who could stop it.
3. From the director of . . .
4. From the people who brought you . . .
5. . . . and then Tommy Lee Jones does something.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 15, 2009 4:45 PM
Did Figgy just disparage roller coasters?! Crazy woman!
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 4:35 PM
------------------------------------------------
Rational woman. Coasters are hell. Especially the ones that drop you straight down. That's not a ride, that's simulated elevator death.
Posted by: Lauren at June 15, 2009 4:48 PM
I HATE "too cute by half". One of the worst review phrases there is.
And I would swear "exhilarating" was going to be one of the words.
Posted by: TylerDFC at June 15, 2009 4:50 PM
"A cinematic tour de force". Knock it off, dammit.
Posted by: JC at June 15, 2009 4:50 PM
"A _______ time for the whole family!"
Yeah, you worthy addition to the hodgepodge of thundercunting, twatwaffling, motherfuckers!
I saw Bolt. Does it look like I had fun?
Cockwallet.
Posted by: admin at June 15, 2009 4:51 PM
god, i hate to be the one to say this but, that was final destination 3.
i'm a loser.
Posted by: gp at June 15, 2009 4:55 PM
Figgy you motherfucker i was JUST ABOUT TO SAY ROLLERCOASTER RIDE!!!!
Posted by: Nadine at June 15, 2009 5:01 PM
I demand a cease-fire on "Best _______ of the Year" before the month of November. Seriously, motherfucker, you can't call Bride Wars the "Best Comedy of the Year" when it comes out the second week in January. You'll be wrong every time, and I, for one, would prefer not to romp through a hodpodge of a movie critic career by announcing every too-cute by half film to be a worthy addition to the canon, lest the have a fuse and be fired by a pirate with a genuine eye-patch and wooden leg.
Posted by: Robert at June 15, 2009 5:03 PM
Tour de force.
It doesn't MEAN anything!!!
Posted by: ChristianH at June 15, 2009 5:04 PM
"tour de force".
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!
Posted by: Banshee at June 15, 2009 5:05 PM
I love roller coasters. Looooove them. I love feeling like I'm plummeting to uncertain doom. Well, certain doom. The doom is becoming all squishified.
Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2009 5:05 PM
Word that doesn't get used often enough by movie critics:
Butthole
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 5:10 PM
I must be spending too much time here, because I have never even heard of "too cute by half". Who the fuck says that? Soon to be dead people, that's who.
Posted by: jM at June 15, 2009 5:11 PM
Also thunderwaffle and twatcunt.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 5:11 PM
Don't feel bad, gp - if you didn't I would have. It was filmed at Playland, with a couple very high-profile rides that any Vancouverite could recognise. Although figgy's aversion could be understandable if she got a premonition, I would mainly be inclined to make fun of her weakness and take her turn for an extra ride.
Julie - the doom = G-forces, which kinda works. It's like gravity's always conspiring to kill us in various ways - staircases, ladders, rooftops, rollercoasters - the doom is everywhere!
Posted by: lordhelmet at June 15, 2009 5:12 PM
I do not even like to look at pictures of roller coasters, let alone ride upon one. I avoid any movie that has been described as such. While I stand in wonder at people who enjoy watching or riding things that go down very far or up very far at very great speeds, my people do not do this. Well, except for maybe when we listen to a Leonard Cohen song.
Posted by: Lynne at June 15, 2009 5:15 PM
Well, I have to tell you, I just promised my cats a rollicking can of Turkey Feast with Gravy, and they seemed to think it was a worthy addition to the flavor canon. On the other hand, they're cats, and cats are kind of dumb. Also, they're assholes. They said, "Best can of the Year!" and I said, "Um, guys, it's only June, don't you think maybe you should wait to make that pronouncement?" Then they suggested I take a thrill-ride off the roof. So I said to them, "Motherfuckers, you had better be planning on getting jobs, because that's the last Tour de Force you're gonna get from me."
Also, I hate roller coasters.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 15, 2009 5:34 PM
I hate hate hate:
"This ________ (insert season)'s __________ (title of another movie from last year that was good)!"
MAKE SOMETHING ORIGINAL UP.
Posted by: Amanda at June 15, 2009 5:36 PM
bucdaddy, you left out twatthunder and cuntwaffle.
Posted by: Mr. Rotinaj at June 15, 2009 5:49 PM
OK, we can argue about the merits of rollercoasters, but can we agree that "rollercoaster ride!" is a moronic thing to say about a movie? Specially if you're a paid critic?
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 5:55 PM
Also, I hate roller coasters.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at June 15, 2009 5:34 PM
---
You're dead to me.
Ladies, I have an opening for a rototonguing at noon tomorrow!
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 5:55 PM
What the motherfuck does 'meet-cute' even mean?
Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2009 5:59 PM
A sound of Twat Thunder is not so delicate. Man.
Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2009 6:04 PM
I'm with Amanda on this one. What really pisses me off is when advertisers choose quotes that refer to better movies to describe what you're seeing, such as "This Year's Juno!" or "The Best Comedy Since Superbad!!"
Posted by: UncivilizedMike at June 15, 2009 6:05 PM
"_________ is a revelation."
No they're not.
Posted by: Sackmemento California at June 15, 2009 6:06 PM
"(insert movie title) is this year's (insert movie title from previous year here)!
Posted by: John W at June 15, 2009 6:06 PM
Rykker:
A meet-cute is a convention of screwball comedies and their heirs, the romantic comedies, the contrived encounter of two potential romantic partners in unusual or comic circumstances, a comic situation contrived by the filmmakers entirely in order to bring them together. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meet_cute
blah blah blah no longer care
Posted by: BWeaves at June 15, 2009 6:08 PM
What the motherfuck does 'meet-cute' even mean?
Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2009 5:59 PM
---
It's when two movie characters become acquainted under supposedly clever and definitely contrived circumstances that have even less of a chance of happening in real life than I do of winning the Powerball jackpot. And I never, ever buy a ticket to the lottery scam.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at June 15, 2009 6:09 PM
Sounds like a plot device a wafflecunt would use.
Posted by: Rykker at June 15, 2009 6:14 PM
Descriptions we should see:
1. It's based on a comic book/video game.
2. Eddie Murphy is in it.
3. It's a rom-com, bring something to read.
4. It's a Michael Bey movie, bring ear plugs.
5. Steven Spielberg directed it so it must be good, right?
6. It's another vampire movie what more do you need to know?
7. It's another movie with high school age girls dressed up as hookers. Oh yeah they dance a lot.
Posted by: John W at June 15, 2009 6:21 PM
Well, BWeaves, snaps on the Janeane Garofalo nod with the Tommy Lee Jones bit, though we're probably the only ones who remember it, motherfucker.
Um, can we all talk for just a minute about how much I got laid this weekend? Because seriously, I'm thinking about just charging a cover down there.
Wait...is that off topic? Oh ok, already, here's my addition:
"_____________ never really finds its center/wings/gets off the ground."
"family friendly fare"
"the most ___________ I've had at the theater this year!"
Posted by: The Pink Hulk at June 15, 2009 6:43 PM
How about in trailers for movies that are currently doing well, but not that well, in which this phrase or something like it is used: "The #1 American action romance comedy starring more than two members of the original cast of Sesame Street at the box office!"
Posted by: Tim at June 15, 2009 7:01 PM
I would have nominated 'shitballs retarded' for Pajiba, but whatever, ummm, mutherfuckers.
Posted by: RandyPanTheGoatboy at June 15, 2009 7:30 PM
Seminal
So motherfucking overused.
I always like to pronounce it like semen-al.
And Spender, I'm all about that feel good hit.
Posted by: krza at June 15, 2009 7:33 PM
"Return to form"?
Posted by: Ling at June 15, 2009 7:34 PM
I personally think many a review would be improved with use of the phrase "_____ is the tits"
Posted by: chole at June 15, 2009 7:37 PM
"pitch perfect"
Posted by: Trampy at June 15, 2009 7:53 PM
I fucking love roller coasters. And I am afraid of heights.
Posted by: Biscuit at June 15, 2009 7:56 PM
This weekend you must see The Number One Comedy!
The Number One Action Film!
The Number One Animated Purple Fucker Movie!
Posted by: Cindy at June 15, 2009 8:13 PM
Hee. Cindy is on fire today.
"Purple Fucker" movie. There are so many places to go with that, and none of them good...
Posted by: figgy at June 15, 2009 8:19 PM
The Number One Animated Purple Fucker Movie!
Is that the one starring the one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater? Because that guy really needs to catch a break. It's been rough since that stint at Promises.
Posted by: Lauren at June 15, 2009 8:22 PM
I'm cut and pasting wholesale from this thread into a word document titled "My Next Review". It's going to be epic.
Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at June 15, 2009 8:43 PM
"a veritable," typically used as "a veritable treasure trove"
Had me going. I thought it was going to be a real treasure trove.
Also, now that Six Flags is filing Chapter 11, it's the perfect time to pitch them with my scary clown and camel spider themed roller coaster idea.
Posted by: branded at June 15, 2009 9:15 PM
Fine, it's Final Destination 3.
Purple fuckers
Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 15, 2009 9:33 PM
The use of "preternatural" within the text of the review. GO TO YOUR THESAURUS AND USE ANOTHER WORD. Aren't you embarrassed?
Posted by: samantha t at June 15, 2009 9:51 PM
don't take *that* tone, mrcreosote. we only gently admonish you because we love you.
and the ridicule you endure makes us look rEaL cO0L.
Posted by: gp at June 15, 2009 11:19 PM
spot on.
if there is a dumber combination of two words , i have yet to see it.
Posted by: snake at June 16, 2009 1:44 AM
Fine, it's Final Destination 3..
Would you like to make friends with people from other country or place?
Here's a community __ B l a c k W h i t e C o n n e c t--c om ___
Then you can get help and suggestions from all over the world.
While you may find your true love or friendship there.
Posted by: cookie at June 16, 2009 2:19 AM
Oh God, I am pissing myself at my desk over 'cockwallet'. Where has that word been all my life?
Posted by: James at June 16, 2009 4:14 AM
Neat. The spam-bots are quoting people now.
Posted by: Rykker at June 16, 2009 4:18 AM
Holy shit, the spambots are evolving! Skynet can't be far off now!
Posted by: Melissa at June 16, 2009 10:36 AM
Gritty.
Whenever a film is described as "gritty" it simply means that there has been a heavy-handed attempt to be "serious" and "dark." Yawnsville. Dark Knight was sooooooooo gritty. Lame.
Posted by: Rainy at June 16, 2009 10:58 AM
Inspirational! Heartwarming!
Words to beware in a movie review.
Posted by: Miri at June 16, 2009 12:20 PM
"The #1 _____ of the year/summer!" stirs murderous impulses within. Every fucking movie is somehow #1 at something.
Posted by: monkeyhateclean at June 16, 2009 4:00 PM
I'm with Rainy - nothing's more overused than "gritty." It's code for "handheld," "poorly-lit," "lots of profanity," and occasionally, "not totally assembled correctly."
Posted by: Ben at June 17, 2009 1:53 PM
"Riveting"
Posted by: Lautaro at June 23, 2009 7:54 PM
a mere "Thrill Ride"? Not POWERFUL enough.
Laugh-a-minute Thrill Ride.
Posted by: moretrooops at June 25, 2009 11:47 AM
LOVE the Pajiba. This motherfucker is a motherfucking worthy addition to my hodgepodge of romps with (too cute by half?) motherfuckers.
The end.
How do you like them apples?