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The Ten Most Inexplicably Inspirational '80s Soundtrack Anthems

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (125)

karate-kiddad.jpg

Before you even get started: 1) Rocky was released in 1976, so “Eye of the Tiger” doesn’t even qualify for this list, and 2) it wouldn’t have merited inclusion anyhow because, by “inexplicable,” I mean bad. So, you won’t be seeing any Kenny Loggins on this list (Loggins’ worst songs were better than any of the ones below), nor will you see “Fame,” or any other ’80s soundtrack song that didn’t abuse synthesizers. I have no doubt that many of you actually like some of these songs, but they only worked given their context and the decade. Unless it’s a parody movie, you can’t use any of these songs anymore. Because they are bad. Very bad.

And please, do not try to justify the quality of number two. “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” or “Love is a Battlefield” or “Hell is for Children,” maybe. But that song? No.


10. Nothin’s Gonna Stop Us Now, Starship. Mannequin


9. Man in Motion by John Parr, St. Elmo’s Fire


8. Push it to the Limit by Paul Engemann Scarface


7. Hearts on Fire, by John Cafferty. Rocky IV


6. Win in the End, by Mark Safan, Teen Wolf

5. Winner Takes It All, Sammy Hagar. Over the Top


4 Chariots of Fire by Vangelis, Chariots of Fire, Every Slow Motion Running Sequence in the ’80s


3. Holding Out for a Hero, Bonnie Tyler. Footloose and Short Circuit 2


2. Invincible, by Pat Benatar. The Legend of Billie Jean



1. You’re the Best Around, Joe Espisoto. Karate Kid









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Comments

If you hadn't included Man in Motion I would have had to hunt you down and montage-ed your ass. That damn song still makes me power walk down the street, imagining myself in Power V-Formation with my Imaginary Friends. So inspirational.

Posted by: malechai at June 9, 2010 12:31 PM

Over The Top. A more appropriate movie title I have never seen.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 12:35 PM

1) Rocky was released in 1976, so “Eye of the Tiger” doesn’t even qualify for this list

Except that "Eye of the Tiger" wasn't in the original Rocky. It was first used/made for Rocky III, which was released in 1982.

So it can be part of this list...except that it's too good for this list.

(I stand corrected. *shamefaced* -- DR)

Posted by: Fredo at June 9, 2010 12:36 PM

I don't know who rolled your cranky ass out of the wrong side of the bed today but you need to crawl back in. I like most of those songs at least a little. And really, Chariots of Fire? Really?

Posted by: EricD at June 9, 2010 12:38 PM

Most of the list, I''m fine with. But Benetar? She doesn't deserve that - there are FAR worse, I'm sure.

What's the criteria here?

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 12:38 PM

Eye of the Tiger would qualify as and 80's anthem since it was actually in Rocky 3, which came out in 1982.

Posted by: Sack Lodge at June 9, 2010 12:43 PM

The Legend of Billy Jean actually has a song that I equate with the movie even more than Invincible... Rebel Yell, Billy Idol. Can't be on this list, though, because it's explicably inspirational, and the source of many 4th of July fireworks awesomeness at Donner Lake from my childhood.

Posted by: logar at June 9, 2010 12:43 PM

Absolutley disgusted that there is no mention of Heavy Metal. DISGUSTED!

Posted by: peanut at June 9, 2010 12:44 PM

I completely struck out on these five... can't remember them at all. They must have been VERY inspiring.

10. Nothin’s Gonna Stop Us Now, Starship. Mannequin
9. Man in Motion by John Parr, St. Elmo’s Fire
8. Push it to the Limit by Paul Engemann Scarface
6. Win in the End, by Mark Safan, Teen Wolf
5. Winner Takes It All, Sammy Hagar. Over the Top


7. Hearts on Fire, by John Cafferty. Rocky IV

AH HA! Here's one I remember! So awesomely bad! I think a girl I dated in high school put this on a mix tape.

4. Chariots of Fire by Vangelis, Chariots of Fire, Every Slow Motion Running Sequence in the 80s

Yeah, I think if you're older than, say, 27 you remember this all too well. When did that movie come out?

3. Holding Out for a Hero, Bonnie Tyler. Footloose and Short Circuit 2

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I watched Footloose a few months ago... when that stupid tractor-chicken scene rolled I thought to myself:

"Self, you're going to see this song listed on a Pajiba list some time."

Self was right... and totally justified too.

2. Invincible, by Pat Benatar. The Legend of Billie Jean

Hate it all you like, Rowles, but it's impossible to change the station when this song comes up. It's cheesy as all get out. But everyone likes it. Especially if you're from Texas. Even more so if you ever had a crush on Helen Slater.

1. You’re the Best Around, Joe Espisoto. Karate Kid

More awesomely bad! Made even better by Three Kings' "Sweep the Leg", which is utterly demotivating!

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 12:44 PM

By the way, you do realize we are mobilizing a strike team on your location, right?

Anyone who inflicts these many terrible earworms on a captive audience in such a cruel and callous manner must be considered a war criminal of the greatest evil.

We will show you the mercy you have shown us: none.

P.S. Having never seen Footloose, I never knew those kids were nucking futs to the point of suicide. Kevin Bacon was a hero indeed.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 12:48 PM

Somehow, you left off Kenny Loggins' magnum opus "Danger Zone," from Top Gun. Goddamnit Dustin.

I can't even look at you right now.

Posted by: TK at June 9, 2010 12:51 PM

Nothing from the Top Gun soundtrack? Goose just rolled over in his grave and Tom Cruise shed another fake tear.

Posted by: Brian K at June 9, 2010 12:52 PM

Hey cool, most of these were made before I was born. But of the movies I recognize, they're cheesy 80s anthem to the max. But I pretty much lump in all 80s music as "to the max," so, maybe my argument is, like, totally lame.

But ya know what? Why ya gotta call out "Hit Me With Your Best Shot?" That is a _damn_ fine Karaoke song. It's easy to remember the words if you can't quite see the screen clearly, you get to show off your wicked air guitar skills and the drunks in the bar generally no the hook, but it's not as overused as, say, "Sweet Caroline," or "Don't Stop Believin'." And for that I say good day to you, sir, ya ass hat.

Posted by: Kayanne at June 9, 2010 12:53 PM

What about that out of tune fuckery that is Sheena Easton's For Your Eyes Only?

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 12:55 PM

"Hey cool, most of these were made before I was born."

Kayanne... remember when I was in love with you for a day, last week? Forget that and GET OFF OF MY LAWN!

[hmph]

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 12:55 PM

Even more so if you ever had a crush on Helen Slater.

Oh, INDEED. I am still waiting for that one on DVD, and I feel no shame for it.

Posted by: Todd at June 9, 2010 12:56 PM

I'm just excited that someone besides me has SEEN The Legend of Billy Jean. Any time I've ever mentioned it, people look at me like I made it up. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be available on DVD and is only ever shown on TBS at like 4am.

Posted by: Siege at June 9, 2010 12:58 PM

TK: You know how Dustin yells at us when we quibble about something and he talked about it in the intro that we skimmed? May want to re-read before he thrashes you.

lubeg: Chariots of Fire came on in 1981 and (undeservedly) beat Raiders of the Lost Ark for best picture. So I will always hate that movie. I do like the cheesy song, though.

Posted by: TylerDFC at June 9, 2010 1:00 PM

How, in the name of all that is holy, did "UP Where We Belong" NOT make it on to that list?

It pollutes the airwaves to this very day, and evokes that horrible scene where he carries her out of the factory and makes me so ashamed of my gender.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:01 PM

Todd - Word.

Siege - Like I said... If you're from Texas, you're quite familiar with that flick.

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 1:01 PM

TK: The Loggins will not be bad mouthed! There is a special places on this site reserved specifically for Kenny Loggins. It's called: The Best Inspirational 80's Soundtrack songs. And he accounts for all of them.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at June 9, 2010 1:01 PM

How, in the name of all that is holy, did "Up Where We Belong" NOT make it on to that list?

It pollutes the airwaves to this very day, and evokes that horrible scene where he carries her out of the factory and makes me so ashamed of my gender.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:01 PM

Sorry for double-post: I'm having computer issues today.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:02 PM

I know I shouldn't. I know that. I believe it. But my God if I don't love the HELL out of that Starship song. LOVE IT. It's just so 80s and so damn earnest and oh so cheesy but I adore the fuck out of it. In fact, I just watched the video TWICE, singing along with it at the top of my lungs. Twice.

OK so I didn't watch the video a second time because omg that hair. THAT HAIR.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:03 PM

Seriously, you're not OK and you should consult a professional.

Posted by: TK at June 9, 2010 1:03 PM

I don't really get the Chariots of Fire inclusion. I mean, sure it has that 80's synth effect, but I don't see it as inexplicably inspirational. Have I run in "slow motion" on the beach while singing it? Yes. Did anyone in junior high with a modicum of piano skills know how to play it? Yes. But it was an instrumental score for a inspirational movie, rather than a doofy pop song for a pop movie. Way better than Kenny Loggins.

Piano students in junior high could also play "Everything I Do, I Do it for You," but sadly, that came out in '91. So close, Bryan Adams! So close.

Posted by: HB at June 9, 2010 1:06 PM

Figgy...


I don't even know what to say.

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 1:06 PM

Obviously, you've never geared up to wrestle the Shute!

Lunatic Fringe by, Red Rider, download it and start fucking running in a silver sweat suit. Life will become clearer to you and older hotties will move in w/ you and fuck the shit outta you before your big match.

Posted by: Ted at June 9, 2010 1:08 PM

OH FIGGY.....

TK, you REALLY make me want to post Kenny Loggins songs on your Facebook page. "Highway to the DANGER zone, Gonna take it right in to the DANGER ZONE!"

If the song from Karate Kid wasn't #1, I was planning a serious protest.

Posted by: Melody at June 9, 2010 1:08 PM

Invincible!! I was sooooooo obsessed with Legend of Billie Jean as a kid.
And whatever, that song is great. There is nothing inexplicable about it.

Posted by: MyySharona at June 9, 2010 1:12 PM

Figgy:

The intervention team will be over this afternoon. Please take it seriously and consider your future and what your behavior is doing to your family and friends. We just don't know who you are anymore.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:13 PM

I'm sorry, but "You're the Best Around" is simply SUPERB. I mean, I use it to inspire people all of the time. That and a quick punch to the temple with inspire people to do all sorts of things for you. Trust.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 9, 2010 1:16 PM

I was a child of the 80's and I STILL crank these songs when they come on. I actually bought the Scarface soundtrack for Push It To The Limit. I don't care what you all think!

Funny story:

Was on a Brooklyn bus about a year ago, and there's a punkish couple in front of me in their early 20's. They're kissing and cuddling, and suddenly the guy turns to the girl and goes "Hey". She asks "What?" And he raises his volume a little bit but stays deadpan and just says "You're the best....around. Nothing's gonna ever keep you down. You're the best....around." He speaks the whole song to her like he really means the words and by the end she had her arms crossed and was refusing to look at him. All the 80's kids on the bus couldn't stop snickering.

Posted by: scorzi at June 9, 2010 1:16 PM

/will inspire

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 9, 2010 1:17 PM

I know I've told this story here before but i still think it's funny. For my 8th grade graduation (in an extremely small town in Texas) we had to pick a song for when we walked out post-graduation. Our first choice was "We Built This City (On Rock and Roll)" but the conservative administration (which included my Church of Christ step-dad) disliked the rock and roll reference and refused to allow it. Instead we chose "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now". Even at the time I thought that was stupid. Hey, we just graduated 8th grade from Forestburg Middle School. Nothing's gonna stop us now! Yeah! Looking back I can't believe we didn't choose "The Time of my Life" from Dirty Dancing since we were all huge fans of that at the time.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 9, 2010 1:20 PM

HEY. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU DON'T KNOW ME! HATERS! HATERS THE LOT OF YOU!

Screw you guys, I'm going HOME. And I will be HAPPY because I have this song.

Haters.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:21 PM

By the way, my last comment was directed at Dustin, not Figgy. Although Figster, you've got some fuckin' issues to attend to as well.

Posted by: TK at June 9, 2010 1:23 PM

Shut up! I love Invincible! Pat Benetar rules! You drool!

Ahem...I am going to have to nominate "Far from Over" by Frank Stallone, from the movie soundtrack Staying Alive (1980).
Oh yes...no need to rub your eyes...you just read that.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at June 9, 2010 1:23 PM

Joy killer.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:25 PM

Figgy:

All I'm asking you to do is take a few deep breaths, then slowly walk away from the song. We'll be there for you. Just turn your back on the song and come back to us. Keep your breathing up....you're doing great.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:28 PM

Joy killer.

I think you mean, people of taste.

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 1:28 PM

Seige, I too was convinced that The Legend of Billie Jean was the result of a vivid fever dream I had as a kid. Every time I would rave about this clearly spectacular cinematic achievement, all I would get in return were blank, incredulous stares. For a span of about five years I would scan the TV Guide to see when it was coming on. Your 4am on a Saturday morning, nestled among infomercials sounds about right. Some people clearly don't recognize genius.

(I may also have wanted to shave half of my head to achieve that bad girl hairdo for the same span of time.)

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at June 9, 2010 1:28 PM

Oh man, thanks to this list I am gonna go rock the SHIT outta some TPS reports.

Posted by: branded at June 9, 2010 1:30 PM

Cindy:

Perhaps she meant people with ears?

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:32 PM

The more you hate, the harder I sing. THE MORE I LOVE. YOU CANNOT STOP ME.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:33 PM

I mean, it's IN THE SONG, people.

Let them say we're crazy...WHAT DO THEY KNOOOOW?

See? I win by obviousness.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:36 PM

I LOVED The Legend of Billie Jean. Chopped off a couple of Barbie dolls' hair for that one. I also loved Pat Benatar. I was such a little wannabe tomboy at that age.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 9, 2010 1:38 PM

It must be the heat. Figgy is experiencing delirium due to her inability to deal with the heat in Texas. She was fine through the winter months, remember? Not a sign of madness or extremely bad judgment. And didn't she mention the air-conditioning was broken? Hang in there Fig-girl: we're sending help.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:42 PM

Paddy, I think there may have been some shipping damange. You know she was recently transported, and airplane safety isn't what it used to be.

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 1:46 PM

I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:47 PM

Nothing inexplicable about it. Without apologies, 9, 7, 6, 5, & 1 are all worthy of my iPod. The remainder I can live without.

10 and 3 are particularly loathsome. Whenever I heard them on the radio back in the 80s, I cringed.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at June 9, 2010 1:49 PM

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE??? I fired up my shitty work internet just so I could bathe in some cool Loggins rhythms, and when I get here I find NONE. I've been had. I've been bamboozled.

I am happy to know that there are now three, count 'em, THREE, things that TK and I now agree on: Journey's awesomeness, the glorious deliciousness of the Cadbury Creme Egg, and the majesty of Loggins. This is a special day, i tell you.

Posted by: Kolby at June 9, 2010 1:51 PM

Figgy, I love the Starship song too. Come over here so we can hold hands and enjoy the sweet sweet music.

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 1:54 PM

Cindy:

You're right and remember that whole coup and quasi-government overthrow thing? Anything could have happened to her. They might even have put a self-destruct chip in her that was on a timed release and was only just activated. Poor thing. It's the hubby I feel sorry for (she's clearly too far gone to notice). He thought he was marrying this cool Honduran-Pajiban chick and he got someone who thinks Starship songs are good.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:56 PM

Oh God!!! Everyone, stay away from Figgy and Julie: the virus has gone airborne.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 1:57 PM

You're the best around is so fucking streets ahead. That is the type of information that should have been dispensed to me before I hit the gym. I would have been slamming the weights with that in my head. Instead I had Tori Amos trying to bring me down.

Where is Danger Zone?

Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at June 9, 2010 1:57 PM

Oh thank GOD Julie. I was starting to think I was the only one in the world awesome enough.

SEE, Paddy and Cindy and all you other joyless losers? I have Julie. JULIE. She is all I need and the rest of you can go to the pit.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 1:57 PM

Really, people? I type the words "Frank" and "Stallone" and nothing?

This isn't over...you might say it's...far from over...

SAAAAAAAAAAVE me darlin, I am down but I am FAR from over!


Posted by: Whorish Mouth at June 9, 2010 1:58 PM

Ha! A-hahahaha! With the exception of Scarface I haven't seen any of these movies since I was little. Yes, I was young in the '80s. Too young, in fact, to remember most of these movies and their inexplicable inspirational songs.

Did I make y'all feel old?

Posted by: stardust at June 9, 2010 1:58 PM

Figs, we sent Julie to make you feel better. The brain damage will only allow you to remember this for ten seconds.

10, 9, 8, 7...

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 2:01 PM

I knew it Paddy, it's a communist plot!

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 2:02 PM

"You're the Best Around" sneaks into my subconscious (just the one line, over and over and over) on an almost daily basis. I find myself singing it under my breath and only notice because my coworkers are all suddenly giving me strange looks. Then I duck my head in shame and snap the rubber band on my wrist one more time.

Posted by: Flo at June 9, 2010 2:02 PM

Most of the list, I''m fine with. But Benetar? She doesn't deserve that - there are FAR worse, I'm sure.

Posted by: Cindy at June 9, 2010 12:38 PM
---
No, no, she's really pretty bad. If she looked like me you'd have never heard of her.

Posted by: , at June 9, 2010 2:04 PM

Okay...donning Level 4 Biohazard suit...entering revers airflow chamber....cultivating anti-Starship vaccine using blood sample illegally taken from Figgy....We're safe.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 2:04 PM

The ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK of Streets of Fire. I mean I like Michael Pare as much as anyone, but there is a whole Midwest state full of cheese on that cassette. Yes, cassette you young punks. The clear cassette that looked cool in my giant boombox. In the arcade in the mall. Aladdin's Castle I believe-where we played Galaga and Spy Hunter for 25 cents!

Wow, none of those last three sentences have been relevant for what, 20 years? Damn it!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 9, 2010 2:06 PM

Kolby, I fear your misunderstand me. I despise Loggins. Which is why I lobbied for his inclusion. Dustin is the sick bastard who somehow thinks his music is good.

In other news, I am planning on hitting Dustin in the head with a shovel. It's either than or plan an intervention, and interventions are too much fucking work.

Posted by: TK at June 9, 2010 2:11 PM

i, for one, would like to protest the exclusion of these gems:

from Streets of Fire (mmm...Diane Lane)

Nowhere Fast

Tonight is What it Means to be Young

and Buckaroo Bonzai

End Credits

Posted by: causaubon at June 9, 2010 2:12 PM

Perhaps this had been noted before, but if the article title begins with 'Five Most' why are there 10 selections? Shouldn't there only be five?
Pajiba has always been a good value for the money.

Posted by: iamxenu at June 9, 2010 2:16 PM

I was always inexplicably partial to the Robbie Rob song "In Time" from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. It just barely squeaks in the 80s at 1989.

Sing along with me!
In time we'll be dancing in the streets all night
(all night all night)
In time, yes, everything will be all right
(all right all right)

Posted by: Joanna at June 9, 2010 2:17 PM

Oooh! Let's all sing Playing with the Boys next!!!

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 2:22 PM

Dustin I cannot believe that you put Holding Out for a Hero on this list! You are dead to me, do you hear me?! DEAD TO ME!

Posted by: tamatha at June 9, 2010 2:32 PM

Hey. TK and Kolby. I've been reading for a while and I clearly missed something. Cadbury Creme Eggs are not good. Not in any sense.

Now go and sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

Posted by: general rhubarb at June 9, 2010 2:34 PM

Damn, I'm going to miss Figgy and Julie. I don't know that there's anything modern medicine can do for the brain melt that is Starship. Much like the occasional recursion of the pneumonic plague, the tatters of the bastard hate-child of a once entertainingly angry, drugged up protest band crawls out of the muck to remind us that once upon a time, it had a measure of greatness. The world changed. People washed more frequently, decided to live in stable structures, grew strong. The taint of Starship could no longer touch them. The world had turned away. But once in a great while, someone sticks a hand into the ooze and ends up becoming infected and the rest of us watch, helpless.

Maybe we should organize a campaign to fund a cure.

Posted by: Reba at June 9, 2010 2:35 PM

The clear cassette that looked cool in my giant boombox. In the arcade in the mall. Aladdin's Castle I believe-where we played Galaga and Spy Hunter for 25 cents!

Mrcreosote, I think I'm in love!

Posted by: MM at June 9, 2010 2:40 PM

Agreed Reba. But surely while the research is underway they should be quarantined where they can do harm to others?

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 2:45 PM

Whorish Mouth: lest we forget the amazing use of "Far from Over" in that SNL synchronized swimming skit with Christopher Guest. And "Invincible" is a fucking great song.

Posted by: samantha t at June 9, 2010 2:48 PM

Agreed Reba. But surely while the research is underway they should be quarantined where they can do harm to others?

Nuke the place from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 2:59 PM

I DON'T WANT A CURE!!

Let the world around us just fall apart, baby we can make it if we`re heart to heart!!!

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 2:59 PM

Stardust, you can get off my lawn along with Kayanne. Too young for these songs... HMPH I SAY! HMPH!

TK, send me a price for that shovel. I'll go halves with you.

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 3:00 PM

Julie please...the song was in fucking MANNEQUIN, for Godtopus sake!

MANNEQUIN!!!!!!

This is going to be our Old Yeller moment, isn't it?

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 3:01 PM

But I like that movie! And its sequel!

You may as well put me down now. There's no hope for me.

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 3:06 PM

Aw...I always liked that Man In Motion song, and who isn't holding out for a hero?

But all the rest...inexplicable. And yeah, I just watched the video for Tonite Is What It Means To Be Young...the lyrics...oh dear. And yeah, that Danger Zone song should have been in there. If only to watch the hotness play volleyball for a couple minutes and check out Iceman's cheekbones, which have mysteriously disappeared recently. I just sat thru Bad LT. - New Orleans, and they were nowhere to be seen.

Posted by: Chickaboom at June 9, 2010 3:08 PM

I LOVED The Legend of Billie Jean. Chopped off a couple of Barbie dolls' hair for that one. I also loved Pat Benatar. I was such a little wannabe tomboy at that age.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 9, 2010 1:38 PM

Lainie... were you truly a "wannabe tomboy"? If so, I'd certainly like that clarified... does a wannabe tomboy REALLY WANT TO BE A TOMBOY but only wears dresses? Or do you simply mean you wanted to be a REALLY BAD GIRL like Billie Jean was perceived by the media?

Either way, I'm in love with you for a day for wanting to be either with this as inspiration. Don't worry, I'm totally over Kayanne after that whole "before I was born" crack.

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 3:10 PM

Whorish Mouth - I am totally with you on the Frank Stallone "Far From Over." It is so bad but I have to admit that I had the album (not cassette an album because I'm old) and would dance around the room in leg warmers pretending to be the cool, bitchy girl from General Hospital who was in the movie.

I will be sending a bill to this site for the upcoming therapy I will need caused by exposure to Starship. Our high school band had to play "We Built this Fucking City" before every football and basketball game. It was every kind of wrong imaginable. Really - imagine it with untalented people playing it on flutes, clarinets and trumpets.

Posted by: LuLu at June 9, 2010 3:26 PM

lubeg, I really wanted to be a tomboy and I tried to be one of the guys a lot in grade school. I even beat up a boy once. OK, all I actually did was punch him hard enough in the stomach that he doubled over, but he didn't try to fight back. And it wasn't 'cause I was a girl because my whole justification for hitting him was that he had hit another girl. I yelled, "you shouldn't hit girls!" and hauled off and belted him. Good times.

But I still wore dresses and played with Barbies (even if my Barbies did more Indiana Jones type adventures in the creek rather than weddings. And I still pretended with my best friend that we were the girlfriends of the Simon and Simon brothers. Oh, and I was one of those little girls who always wore shorts under my dresses so I could do flips and cartwheels without showing my knickers. I also had a crush on the cutest boy in school but could also win any burp competition.

So I guess with the dresses, the Barbies, and the violence, it was both answers.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 9, 2010 3:29 PM

OMG JULIE. I totally watched the sequel the other day. It's on youtube and I watched the whole fucking horrible thing.

I still love the original. And I do not care what ANYONE says, I still love that stupid fucking song. LOVE IT HARD.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 3:39 PM

One of you who are also in Texas, for the love of God, please sedate Figgy. NOW. I can't take anymore.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 3:42 PM

No one can take this down.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 3:51 PM

My hubby isn't coming home tonight Figgy. There's nothing on TV. I can keep doing this for hours. You will not have the last word.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 3:54 PM

You were in the marines?
Yes, they were looking for a few good men...and so was I.

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 3:55 PM

HAAAAAA!

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 4:01 PM

Lainie, you girls sure are confusing. But, hey, great Simon and Simon reference ;)

Paddy, if I had the kit necessary to sedate Figgy I would probably sedate myself first. It's absolutely frakking miserable today.

Posted by: lubeg at June 9, 2010 4:01 PM

Oh PaddyDog, it is obvious she is too far gone. Don't let her take you down with her.

But I like that movie! And its sequel!

The...the sequel? THE GODDAMN SEQUEL?!?!?!!

Oh, my sweet Julie. I...I cannot see you suffer like this. May Hollywood Montrose guide your forsaken soul to the Underworld, for you will find no purchase outside the black gates.

*Command? Reroute the Robot Strike Teams to her location. Leave no survivors.*

/tear

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 4:03 PM

I thought the Flashdance song might make this list.

In regards to Bonnie Tyler though (and perhaps I was thinking of it because of Mr. Murray's "Freebies" article) I think the "Hero" song was quite effectively used for Cate Blanchett in Bandits, which is much more recent than the time period restriction.

I love the scene in the beginning where she's playing the pots and pans in time to the song... I probably remember that scene more clearly than just about anything else she's been in.

Posted by: Gentleman Farmer at June 9, 2010 4:04 PM

Indeed Vermillion.

She's progressed to the maniacal laughing stage. All that's left is the coma now.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 4:11 PM

But it's funny! It has Bernie in it! And crazy Germans in wife beaters!

Posted by: Julie at June 9, 2010 4:31 PM

Thanks! Now I'm going to have "I Need a Hero" in my head the rest of the day. I'm not even being sarcastic!

Posted by: Michin70 at June 9, 2010 5:02 PM

You're all a bunch of weiners, that's what.

Oh, Julie, the Germans! oh God they're so awful. And that scene where the girl starts dancing some medieval thing in the club? and how she starts saying "OH THAT IS SO COOL" like 2 seconds after she wakes up? Good God that is a gloriously awful movie.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 5:10 PM

You can't win Figgy. If I have to hire some child labour in India to keep entering comments after I go to sleep, I will do it to show you the error of your ways. Haven't you seen "The Exorcist"? We don't go away just because the demon has a strong hold on you. We tough it out. Spin your head in circles all you like, I will continue to sprinkle holy water comments in your direction.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 5:14 PM

I DO NOT HAVE A DEMON IN ME. GAWSH.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 5:17 PM

But it's funny! It has Bernie in it! And crazy Germans in wife beaters!

Shhh...shhhhhhh....

/puts finger on lips

It's okay. It will hurt at first, when the napalm hits. Oh, you will scream. But then the shadows come. Just let the shadow take you. It will be like sleeping. A silent, peaceful, unending sleep.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 5:20 PM

Aw, I thought you were going to mention 'The Glory of Love' by Peter Cetera from Karate Kid Part II, which actually has the crossover appeal of having actually been written for Rocky IV.

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at June 9, 2010 5:32 PM

I love that each of these songs are unrecognizable until the chorus comes in and you're like, "I LOVE THIS SONG." Especially number 1. Love. it.

Posted by: kelsy at June 9, 2010 5:36 PM

What does it say about my musical taste when I "Man in Motion" is on my "Top 25 Most Played" iTunes playlist? I just can't quit you, John Parr.

Side note: I was living in Monterey, California on the day that Pat Morita died. One of the local morning radio stations dedicated their four-hour morning show to playing "You’re the Best Around" on repeat while the deejays screamed "WE LOVE YOU MR. MIYAGI!" in the background.

Banzai!

Posted by: Rosiose at June 9, 2010 5:50 PM

I DO NOT HAVE A DEMON IN ME. GAWSH.

We are not talking about your new hubby and whatever crazy sex games you play. We are talking about your lousy taste in music. Don't change the subject.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 9, 2010 5:52 PM

I ran cross country in high school. Let me describe EVERY 3-miles(ish) race to you in terms of songs, which is generally how I think of them:

Start: Knockin' on Heaven's Door. The Guns n Roses version. Because adrenaline.
After about 20 seconds of that: Chariots of Fire.
Mile 1.5(ish): Someone on the sidelines shouts, "You're Halfway There!" and Livin' on a Prayer kicks in.
1 chorus later: Chariots of Fire.
Start of Mile 2: Pachelbel's Canon. ALWAYS. Drove me crazy. I'd try everything to kill it.
After about 2 minutes: Chariots of Fire.
Finish: Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind. Don't ask me why -- I don't know.
Cooling Down: Chariots of Fire.

Posted by: esme at June 9, 2010 7:35 PM

Pshah. I'm not ashamed!

OK I'm a little embarrassed, but I like a lot of admittedly terrible things. It's how I roll.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 7:40 PM

Dude, what is this? What are you doing? All of these entries are beneath mention. And then you put Chariots of Fire on the list?!?!

You've taken up smoking stale bacos again, haven't you?

Posted by: Johnnyboy at June 9, 2010 7:50 PM

MM, I'll be right over, as soon as I stop by Chess King for my snappy new wardrobe! And possibly a headband. Oh, and I'm pretty sure "You're the best around" needs to be played at all Presidential inagurations. It's just that awesome.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 9, 2010 8:15 PM

Aaaaand now I have to netflix "Mannequin". Again.

Posted by: Laura at June 9, 2010 8:24 PM

Why is Kevin Bacon so fucking awesome?

Posted by: OrRoy at June 9, 2010 8:58 PM

samantha t:

"Hey YOU! I know you, I know you!"

No one EVER knows that skit when I reference it! I heart you! It's one of the fucking funniest things ever filmed. I can't believe more people don't know it.

"I'm not that...strong a swimmer..."

Posted by: tinmo at June 9, 2010 9:06 PM

Did you think I had gone away? I'm here until you repent Figgy. We're making progress. I see you are starting to acknowledge some shame.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 9, 2010 9:13 PM

2 Words: "The Touch" from Transformers the Movie. So good, Dirk Diggler did a cover of it in Boogie Nights......

Posted by: Puck at June 9, 2010 9:17 PM

WHERE IS THE LAST DRAGON!?!?

now how can i harness the power of the glow? HUH!?

Posted by: kristin at June 9, 2010 10:10 PM

I WILL NEVER REPENT.

Like I just told TK: there's no cure for my disease.

Posted by: figgy at June 9, 2010 10:57 PM

Tinmo: Agreed on all fronts. People will bring up "More Cowbell" or some such nonsense as being SNL's best. I challenge anybody to watch the synchro skit and find something funnier.

"I don't swim. I'm not that...strong a swimmer." Fucking genius.

What about good uses of music in 80s movies? I'm listening to Stevie Nicks's beautiful "Sleeping Angel" and thinking about how it gets used in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" so perfectly.

Posted by: samantha t at June 9, 2010 10:58 PM

When it comes to "You're the Best Around," I actually prefer the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" homage, where they train Charlie to become an underground streetfighter by getting him blackout drunk and throwing trash bins at him.

Then again, I was born in 1990, so what do I know?

Posted by: kate at June 10, 2010 4:33 AM

Figgy:

There may be no cure but we can try to make life more comfortable for you.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 10, 2010 10:19 AM

I love every song on this list and I'm not embarrassed.

Posted by: Patrick C at June 10, 2010 12:13 PM

I love every song on this list and I'm not embarrassed.

Patrick, honey? You also aren't human. Seriously. Liking all these songs means you need to start checking for circuitry and wires, because someone has played a cruel, cruel joke on you.

Figgy and Julie may have been hypnotized, given this weird affection for a single horrid song, and released back into the wild, but liking all of the songs is a clear indication that you are a constructed being, designed by an evil overlord who clearly read the entire manual. That's why you were never told of your origins.

I still feel for you, though. Not your fault you're the product of pure evil.

Posted by: Reba at June 10, 2010 12:35 PM

nothings gonna stop us now is my favorite non airsupply song for use when with a girlfriend.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at June 12, 2010 7:25 PM

Don't You Forget About Me falls under 'explicable' then?

Posted by: DominaNefret at June 12, 2010 10:56 PM

I know it's weeks later and no one is on this thread anymore, but I HAD to tell SOMEONE -- The Legend of Billie Jean is available on Netflix OnDemand RIGHT NOW.

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