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The Five Douchiest Co-Stars to Whom Robert Downey, Jr. Has Had to Play Second Fiddle

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (53)



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At this point, we’re all pretty familiar with the incredible story of Robert Downey’s career trajectory: Incredibly talented, Oscar-nominated star falls from grace after a series of bouts with drug dependence only to slowly climb his way back to the top. And now, in fact, Robert Downey, Jr. is probably one of the five most popular actors on the planet, and unlike Jim Carrey, Tom Cruise, and Will Smith, Downey really can act.

In reviewing Tuff Turf, however, I began to get a view of the bigger picture of RDJ’s career. It wasn’t as though he quickly ascended to Oscar nominated status or disappeared in between stints in rehab. More than almost any other A-list actor I can think of, Robert Downey, Jr. paid his fucking dues. He’s got 76 credits to his name, including a stint on perhaps the worst year of “SNL” ever (1985-86, the year that nearly the entire cast was fired). And both before and after Chaplin (for which he received his first nomination) and again before Iron Man made him the huge success he is today, Robert Downey, Jr. appeared in an enormous number of commercial and critical turds. And not just as leading man (The Pick-Up Artist, Two Girls and a Guy, Heart and Souls); but as a second or third billed supporting actor. Look over on Tom Cruise or Will Smith or Tom Hanks’ iMDB profiles: You could combine all three of their flops and not come up with as many as RDJ has had all by himself. And despite all his talent, Downey has not just had to share the screen with inferior actors, he’s had to play second fiddle to them. Can you imagine, after being nominated for an Oscar, having to look up on a marquee and see your name below Billy Fucking Zane?

It’s an extraordinary story, all the more remarkable for the amount of shit that Robert Downey, Jr. had to eat. The pride he had to swallow. And the humiliation he had to endure. I’m not at all suggesting that he shouldn’t have had to: You fuck up as many times as RDJ did, you have a lot to prove, a lot to ask forgiveness for, and a lot of repentance you have to pay. I’m just saying that lesser men probably would’ve given up after Game 6, opposite Michael Keaton (post Jack Frost) or even back in 1995, when he had to star in a TV movie with Leslie Nielson called Mr. Willowby’s Christmas Tree.

I just think it’s phenomenal that, at age 44, if RDJ were inclined to do so (and all signs indicate he’d be too classy a dude), he could have the five actors below — to whom he played second fiddle at some point in his career — murdered. He could just snap his fingers: “Pepper, please have Billy Zane killed for me today. He was a giant douche. And I don’t want that man bothering me at cocktail parties anymore.” Done.

So, without further ado, here are the five douchiest co-stars that Robert Downey, Jr. has had to play second fiddle to over the course of his career. And not just the beginning of his career, while he working his way up. I mean after he’d established himself. And if you really want a good idea of how far RDJ had to climb back up, check out the clip for Hail Ceasar, under number three:


5. Mel Gibson, Air America (1990)

4. Tim Allen, The Shaggy Dog (2006)

3. Anthony Michael Hall, Weird Science (1985) & Johnny Be Good (1988) & Hail Ceasar (1994)

2. Wesley Snipes, One Night Stand (1997) & U.S. Marshals (1998)

1. Billy Zane, Danger Zone (1996)









Gattaca Review | Tuff Turf Review













Comments

Tom Hanks and Will Smith were smart enough not to become douchebags themselves. Downey wouldn't have to making comebacks if he hadn't shit all over his career so many times. If you're going to become a douchebag, at least do it like Tom Cruise and attach yourself to other, even more powerful douchebags.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at September 2, 2009 3:11 PM

Now this is a goddamed cool random list. Well done, Cap'n Internet...

Posted by: Skitz at September 2, 2009 3:12 PM

Is Anthony Michael Hall really a douche, or does he just play a douche in films? I've never heard reports of his douchiness. Good list otherwise...

Posted by: David at September 2, 2009 3:13 PM

It is RDJ's struggle over the years and his ability to defy the odds time and again that make him one of the most fascinating characters that Hollywood's ever produced. Add in the fact that we all root for the underdog and that he seems to be the Anti-Douche... well, is it any wonder that the women want him and the men want to be him?
Oh, yeah...the man CAN act!

Posted by: Spender at September 2, 2009 3:14 PM

OK, now look DR. I like you. You're a good guy. A friend. And, of course, my boss.

But if you ever say any shit about Weird Science... in any way... ever again... I will come to your house and drown you in your own toilet.

That goes for everyone here.

Posted by: TK at September 2, 2009 3:18 PM

Is it Billy Zane Day and no one told me?

Also, Anthony Michael Hall is NOT a douche he is a SWEET YOUNG SOUL who just wanted a girl's panties!

Posted by: Julie at September 2, 2009 3:22 PM

Dustin, stop hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!

Strange topic, strange list, but I'll take RDJ any way I can get him..

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 2, 2009 3:23 PM

Hey um, TK if we could not mention this? I'd hate to have it affect my teaching job.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at September 2, 2009 3:25 PM

Can't argue with the douchiness. But don't forget he worked with Ally McBullemicfreakyfacefishlips. She's got to be right up there with Mel.

Posted by: Cindy at September 2, 2009 3:31 PM

Yeah, but in 1990 we liked Mel. It's only in later years he became a wackadoodle.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 2, 2009 3:33 PM

No Nicole Kidman in Fur? I feel like she'd be really douchey to work with. I could be completely wrong, of course; just a gut feeling.

Also, I'ma hafta back up TK on the murdering. And AMH is so not a douche.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 2, 2009 3:37 PM

TK: Just be careful not to slip on the wet tile when you're done with the drowning. There's bound to be some splash during the struggle, and you're prone to those kinds of accidents.

Posted by: Sean at September 2, 2009 3:43 PM

You know what day blew my mind? The day I realized that Anthony Michael Hall was Winona Ryder's boyfriend in Edward Scissorhands. I know I should have been happy that he grew up and got tall and buffer and stuff, but it freaked me the fuck OUT. It's like when you haven't seen a young male cousin in a few months, and then on Thanksgiving he says "Hi Julie" sounding like fucking Tony Todd and you're all "Holy SHIT, please don't talk to me ever again you creepy adolescent. And put that hook away."

Posted by: Julie at September 2, 2009 3:52 PM

Hey, man, heroin's expensive.

Oh, I'm sorry, are we pretending he didn't have addiction issues for most of the 90's, when the majority of these films were produced? My mistake.

Seriously, I get that the guy's a talented actor and I enjoyed Iron Man just as much as anybody but we're not talking about a tragically maligned talented actor who couldn't catch a break. He was an addict and I'm betting that meant he took just about anything that would get him a paycheck and made himself persona non grata on reputable sets.

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at September 2, 2009 3:52 PM

http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/11_18_2004.html

RDJ was in The Shaggy Dog? Holy Godtopus. That's possibly one of the worst fucking movies I've never watched. How do you get back from that? If I were one of his current co-stars, I'd never let him live it down.

Posted by: figgy at September 2, 2009 3:56 PM

erm, ignore that link. I was writing the comment on notepad and had that pasted in there as well. I'm such a dork.

Posted by: figgy at September 2, 2009 3:59 PM

I have the biggest crush on TK right now.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at September 2, 2009 4:02 PM

Keith Gordon in Back to School was a total douche.

I'm offended by this omission.

Posted by: icecreammang at September 2, 2009 4:10 PM

RDJ can be one of the 5 most popular actors in USA but no one know him in Europe!

Posted by: carrie at September 2, 2009 4:27 PM

Good god, enough with RDJ already! Talented, yes. Confirmed non-douche? The jury is still out.

I've seen this shit before: John Travolta. He was bigger than RDJ in his first act, then disappeared as surely as RDJ with just as many shitty roles. Then the breakout role puts him back on the A-list and he uses that clout to make a few good movies before cashing out and returning to mostly shitty role choices. The relevance to RDJ? What will he do with his new clout? Does he have a Wild Hogs reboot in his future? I won't be surprised.

You know who else reminds me of RDJ? Al Pacino. Immensely gifted actor, even beyond RDJ. That sumbitch is a parody of himself. It happens, and RDJ could easily follow that path.

Time fucks with us all and few come out unscathed. RDJ fatigue will set in. For me it already has.

And lay the fuck off Carrey, Cruise, and Smith. They have ALL shown that they can act, though inconsistently. It was said that Paul Newman couldn't act back in the day either.

Posted by: ed newman at September 2, 2009 4:30 PM

I have become totally fascinated by the character or 'Pepper' who is she? How can she organise assasinations? How did she and RDJ meet? Does Pepper only work for RDJ or is she the go to girl for having Z-List celebs killed? because I have some work for her. Is she sleeping with RDJ?

I totally see her as a Selena Kyle Post Being Thrown Through A Window type secretary, all big hair, sexy pout, smoky eyes and an ice cool attitude with the lives of thousands of lesser actors in her perfectly manicured hands.
She grew up the daughter of an entertainment lawyer in LA her mother died when she was 2 she was incredibly close to her dad. Bookish with an IQ of 173, and nerdy she wasnt considered popular but she was well liked.
Her father represented the B-C List actors, his career was on the up until one day a former member of the Splat Pack (a group of actors who starred in horror films) tried to sue a huge A list director for making sexual advances towards her. The actress claimed she had a video of the said harassment, Pepper's dad took the case and worked himself to the bone going after the director, safe in the knowledge that he had cold, hard proof.....Until the day he arrived at the Directors house to discuss a settlement only to find the C-List Actress in bed with the Director! There was no tape, the actress was just trying to get more publicity. The director had used the bad publicity to open his new film and made a deal with the actress he would get her a starring role of a medical show in the future, her character would annoy everyone before eventually getting cancer and having sex with ghosts.
Pepper's dad was blacklisted by everyone single person in the entertainment business, no clients, no money, nothing.
He shot himself in the head two weeks later.

Pepper was 13 and at college, she had a complete nervous breakdown and was institutionalised. She soon disappeared from view. Rumours surfaced every now and then she was seen in tibet, Italy, Marrakesh apparently she had been in the Viper room the night River Pheonix died, she was supposedly in the back seat of the Bronco OJ drove down the freeway there were whispers that the glove fit her hand, she had been seen hanging out with the Sicilian Mafia and people believe she was solely responsible for the cancelation of 'Firefly' just because she could.

Pepper surfaced three years ago as the head of a respected PA firm and has been working for RDJ among others ever since.

Posted by: nieve at September 2, 2009 4:43 PM

I had forgotten all about Johnny Be Good and Hail Ceasar. Thanks for bringing those memories back up like so much Jagermeister and pizza after a night of binge drinking.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at September 2, 2009 4:44 PM

Amen to icecreammang...

Keith Gordon almost ruined that perfectly mediocre comedy.

Posted by: Mohaski at September 2, 2009 4:46 PM

Listen Rowles I like you, you’re a decent enough type of guy and run a tight ship, and I’m sure you never stole a freight train. You can slobber all over Downey Jr’s sack all you want to, but don’t come with no bullshit about Tom Cruise and Will Smith can’t act, you lose all credibility when you say stupid shit like that. Fair enough that Downey has paid his dues, but so have Smith and Cruise. No one put a gun to Downey’s head and made him start free-basing coke and banging whores on Sunset Boulevard. Don’t get me wrong I like Downey, he’s serious with his acting shit. But you don’t have to shit on Smith and Cruise to make a point about Downey Jr.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 2, 2009 4:49 PM

I have to give Nieve her smiley pills

Posted by: Nadine at September 2, 2009 5:04 PM

Um, nieve. I... I think he's referring to Pepper Pots, Tony Stark's (RDJ) ever faithful assistant in Iron Man. But I really like your version.

Posted by: jM at September 2, 2009 5:09 PM

jM, Nieve doesn't watch comic book movies, just to explain why she doesn't know who Pepper is. Nieve, your version would be cooler if Pepper wasn't played by Gwyneth Paltrow

Posted by: Nadine at September 2, 2009 5:14 PM

.........oh, right.


Well I've never seen 'Iron Man' so.........


Geez this is embarrassing.

Thanks JM, I like my version too, and I might need to lay off the spanish headache pills.

Also 'Pepper Pots'????? Were her parents higher than me?

Posted by: nieve at September 2, 2009 5:16 PM

I watch batman, especially the one with catwoman.

Posted by: Nieve at September 2, 2009 5:18 PM

Third the nom for Back to School.

Also, "to WHOM RDJ has had to blah blah blah".

People are not which, they are whom.

Posted by: Recondite at September 2, 2009 5:41 PM

All actors are in crappy movies, because the vast majority of movies are crap. And I bet they don't care, because they still get paid. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

I agree RDJ is underrated.

Look at some of the crap Robert DeNiro's been in! No, don't look! Cover your eyes. Don't look! Jim Carrey was good in Eternal Sunshine. Even Will Farrell (who's made a career of the worst imaginable, excruciatingly embarrassing suckitude that amuses only 12 year old boys which I know because I have 12 year old boys who make me watch awful movies with them)was good in Stranger Than Fiction. Look at Holly Hunter - she was in total crap roles until The Piano. Whose fault is that? Most movies are bad.

If an actor is successful, that probably means he or she can act, in addition to - not because of - being in the right place at the right time with the right people, including being born into some sort of Hollywood dynasty.

Posted by: blue at September 2, 2009 5:56 PM

Who are you to call "Heart & Souls" a - of all things - TURD?

Dustin, listen. What little I know of you, I like. You're a good guy. Hell, you even threw me a huge bone by publishing my little amateur article. But... Heart & Souls? You would call a movie that features a group dance down a busy San Francisco street set to Walk like a Man... a TURD?

I'm disappointed and saddened.

Posted by: Ling at September 2, 2009 6:27 PM

Nieve, that was brilliant. I had a vague idea that 'Pepper' is a nickname, but that could have just been because I also couldn't believe the Potts parents would name their child Pepper. Thankfully, wiki just confirmed it. Her actual name is Virginia, but if it makes you feel any better, the writers of the comics she was in are definitely higher than you are.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at September 2, 2009 6:30 PM

I have to agree with Guess Who?, Cruise, Carrey and Smith are good actors. And I'm right there with TylerDFC, I miss when Mel wasn't considered a douche. On a side note I have to say that this Air America trailer was quite enjoyable.

Carrie said that Robert Downey Jr. is not as famous in Europe as he is in the US. It's true, and I can't speak for the rest of Europe here, but he is quite loved in France.

See the thing is, of all the many films made in the 80s, the crappy ones (Johnny Be Good, Tuff Turf, Breakin', etc...) were either not distributed in France or really badly. So we missed on all those masterpieces. And wouldn't you believe it, John Hughes is a nobody here, except in the eyes of the non-pedantic, non-moronic film critics or movie-geeks like me and and some of my frog-eating friends. I guess The Breakfast Club is not a cult here because, well our high school are not the same (we don't have jocks nor cheerleaders) so audience can rely. Yes we hae the same problem here, audiences are a bunch of trandformers-loving stupidfaces, thanks to you America, and Michael Bay, I spit in your general direction.

As for RDJ goes, given that we haven't see the shameful but only his decent or great roles, it's weird cause we can't really say that we have followed his career, but followed his rise & fall & rise with attention. So gossip has more to do with him being famous in France.

Posted by: rg at September 2, 2009 6:52 PM

...and every night, little Robby would drift into a wine-fueled reverie situated upon a mount of peeches. But before the sleep, came the dream. The dream of a brighter tomorrow.

'Are you there, God? It's me, Robby. Won't somebody please do something about of the drugs I take and all of the brazenly stupid decisions I make?'

Replied God:

'Don't you remember free will? I gave it to you 34 Kwanzaas ago.'

'Oh, Lord. My free will was stolen by um, er. My free will was stolen by The Parallax View.'

'That doesn't even make sense.'

'Holy Land Hot Grits a-Flyin', I'm high. I am *high* on the sprit. You know what high is like, right? Isn't your geodesic dome on Mount Olympus?'

'Oh, son...'

'Oh, right, right. The Mount of Olives!'

'It's more of a slight incline. We're thinking of changing it to 'The Slope Of Ayer's. Moot point, son. I don't live in the vegetation. And, REALLY? What happened to those geography books and Mappas Mundi guides I sent?'

'I traded them for a dialysis machine. And then I sold the machine for drugs.'

'Fix your life and share your talents. Be wise, and be well.'

'And as for the slavering fanbase I'll rack up in my second act?'

'They will be the greatest scabies of all! Fare thee well, my son.'

'Next year on Ellesmere Island!'

'Hmm-hmm, son. Drink your milk.'

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 2, 2009 7:16 PM

I actually liked our man, RDJ in Two GIrls And A Guy. He was hilarious in that. Am I alone on this one?

Posted by: bubblegumshoe at September 2, 2009 7:17 PM

rg, how could you? Only someone with a very tenuous grasp of the english language could possibly agree with Guess Who?!

(reads entirety of rg's comment)

Ah, I see, nevermind then.

Posted by: becks at September 2, 2009 8:27 PM

That Danger Zone trailer is craptastic!

From the muddled/thick/slippery/cajun accents, the seven slow motion falling scenes, and Billy Zane's contract specifically forbidding any footage be shown of him without his khaki hat on...I smell another Underappreciated Gem!

Who's with me?

...

No one?

...

*sigh*

Posted by: NJ at September 2, 2009 8:42 PM

Becks, a lot of people here agree with a great many of things that I say. Unfortunately those that voice their approval of me are then cast down into a pit with the sodomites. I will never bow to the machine, my words fuel the weak and the timid so that they may seek a higher ground. The four corners of the earth will know my meaning.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 2, 2009 9:08 PM

Tom Cruise and Jim Carrey (Truman Show, Eternal S...) can act. I agree with Guess Who, no need to shit on good actors just to make a point about RDJ.

Posted by: kerokan at September 2, 2009 9:55 PM

Didn't you say that you were Will Smith's bitch after HAPPYNESS came out?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 2, 2009 10:03 PM

Jeeeez, I wish I'd read the rest of the comment thread before I published my own. Now I look like a slimy plagiarizer, and not a good one either.

Posted by: Ling at September 2, 2009 11:39 PM

To ed newman:

Never talk down to me about Al Pacino. He has earned the right to star in a few bombs because of his amazing track record. Dog Day Afternoon? Godfather I and II? Scarface? Serpico? I would gladly let his dry, dusty, saggy old man nutsack cover my pretty young face any day.

Posted by: scorzi at September 3, 2009 1:26 PM

Scorzi, I just pray you aren't a dude.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 3, 2009 1:43 PM

Guess Who!

Nope, twenty-eight year old female that loves me my daddy figures :-) Biggest sexual fantasies are Al Pacino circa Godfather I in his vest and watch chain combo, or as a dirty coked up Tony Montana. We both live in Manhattan and he's divorced, so if I ever run into him in a bodega buying milk at 2am I'll let you know how he was.

Posted by: scorzi at September 3, 2009 3:01 PM

Al Pacino is one of the all time greats and he has certainly earned his bombs, but you can't deny he no longer acts. Whether he has lost is ability or his desire, I don't think he has been anyone but "Al Pacino" in a movie since Donnie Brasco. That's a long time ago.

I wouldn't be surprised to see RDJ playing "RDJ" for the next 20 years. And unlike Al, he wouldn't have earned it.

Posted by: ed newman at September 3, 2009 4:10 PM

Well honey you’d better hope “The Don” is lactose tolerant before you let him put his sack all over your young beautiful face, if not you're going to rue the day you ever walked into that bodega.

Posted by: Guess Who! at September 3, 2009 9:47 PM

OK, now look DR. I like you. You're a good guy. A friend. And, of course, my boss.

But if you ever say any shit about Weird Science... in any way... ever again... I will come to your house and drown you in your own toilet.

That goes for everyone here.

Posted by: TK at September 2, 2009 3:18 PM

_____________________________________________

Wait, we're ALL going to go to his house and drown him in his own toilet?

Posted by: karstark at September 3, 2009 11:48 PM

Was Danger Zone made in 1990 but released in 96? It looks that way.

Posted by: Vellocet at September 3, 2009 11:49 PM

Wait...so douchier than Downey? Is that a riddle/possible?

Posted by: Jack Random at September 4, 2009 5:49 AM

Mel Gibson? Come on, what is he doing on this list? Like him or not Gibson was HUGE in the late 80s/early 90s and a box office draw. Who wouldn't have been billed under Gibson at that time?

Posted by: Jeff at September 4, 2009 9:02 AM

I live in Playa del Rey, and so does Anthony Michael Hall. He's always around, and he's a real sweetheart and treats everyone awesomely. Of course, since he's always around, no one kisses his ass. He just has beers with the locals.

He might have been before, but in no way now is he a douche.

Posted by: AlexaCastro at September 5, 2009 1:23 AM

Hallie Berry, Gothika

Posted by: Steph at September 6, 2009 11:21 AM


















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