The Five Blandest Actors in Hollywood

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (50)

Speaking to Moviefone the other day, Clash of the Titans actor, Sam Worthington (mushed kale?, tapioca? soy milk?) admitted what we already knew: That Clash of the Titans was a terrible movie. But, Worthington insists, the next one is going to be better.

I just think we can improve on it. I think the first one, we kind of let down some people. And yeah, I totally agree. The only point of doing a sequel is either the audience demands it or you believe you can better the first one. What we’re setting out to do with this one — the writers and the director and myself — is improve. I think I can act f*cking better, to be honest … Just take all the notes from people that I have been reading about on the ‘net and give them a movie they fucking want. This one I want to kind of try to satisfy a lot more people.

Oh Soy Milk, the only point of doing a sequel, as everyone knows, is to make more money. You can’t give us what we “fucking want,” dude, because what we fucking wanted was a good first Clash of the Titans movie. You can’t spend $100 million, treat your audience like shit on the bottom of your shoe, and then ask for a do over. It doesn’t work like that.

But hey! Thanks for inspiring this list of the 5 Blandest Actors in Hollywood, or, Graduates of the Chris O’Donnell School of Acting.

Sam Worthington

Paul Walker

Charming Potato

Hayden Christensen

Orlando Bloom

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Comments

I'm not gonna lie, reading the name Charming Potato always makes me laugh. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I want his career to continue just so I can keep seeing that. My morning has been relatively shitty, so it was awesome to scroll down, read "Charming Potato" and laugh. I laughed writing that again in this comment. CHARMING POTATO. ::giggles::

Posted by: KatSings at December 20, 2010 10:43 AM

As a woman, if you have sex with one of these guys, does it create a blank spot in your memory? Like you had some sort of floating penis in your vagina that smelled like ozone and gold bond?

Posted by: Kballs at December 20, 2010 10:43 AM

"The only point of doing a sequel is either the audience demands it or you believe you can better the first one."

Um, yeah, the audience can't "demand" anything. And the only point of doing a sequel is to make more money.

Posted by: Todd at December 20, 2010 10:47 AM

I've never heard of any of these guys except for Orlando Bloom. Did he get his lip pierced? Oh, glasses on, he's biting a ring. A cock ring? A wedding ring? A nose ring, like they put in bulls to lead them around?

Who the hell is Charming Potato. I keep seeing that pseudonym, but don't know what his real name is. Ah, forget it. I dont' care.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 20, 2010 10:51 AM

I mean, you do watch movies, right? Over the last ten years they have been all over the place, sadly.

Channing Tatum, to answer your question.

Posted by: Justin at December 20, 2010 10:59 AM

Shall we confirm the line of succession? Yes, let's!

Ralph Bellamy
John Howard
John Gavin
Bill Pullman
Bill Paxton

And now a zen riddle: Who is so forgettable that I have forgotten him?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 10:59 AM

Hayden Christiansen doesn't belong on this list. He isn't BLAND, he's HORRIBLE.

That picture of Orlando Bloom makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. He's just trying so damn hard.

Posted by: Edith at December 20, 2010 11:07 AM

I don't know, Orlando Bloom kind of sticks out for me. It must be my fondness for the LotR & the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I do agree, however, that that picture of him up there, is definitely ridiculous.

Also, I'm with KatSings, seeing the name, Charming Potato, at least makes me smile, if not giggle. Every time.

Posted by: tamatha at December 20, 2010 11:17 AM

Kballs, in the case of Paul Walker, I'd be more than willing to test your theory. Just deliver him to my front door!

Posted by: badkittyuno at December 20, 2010 11:19 AM

Orlando Bloom is actually a graduate of the Hugh Grant School of acting. You learn the two most important expressions.

1. Earnest.
2. Earnestly confused.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

You can’t give us what we “fucking want,” dude, because what we fucking wanted was a good first Clash of the Titans movie.

Love this site.

Posted by: twig at December 20, 2010 11:19 AM

And now a zen riddle: Who is so forgettable that I have forgotten him?

Eric Bana?

Posted by: psy at December 20, 2010 11:26 AM

I think I can act f*cking better, to be honest … Just take all the notes from people that I have been reading about on the ‘net and give them a movie they fucking want.

I think he's patronizing us. I can't really tell though because he LACKS THE ABILITY TO EMOTE.

And am I the only one to notice that all these assholes look like they could be brothers?

Posted by: Paultera at December 20, 2010 11:27 AM

Shall we confirm the line of succession? Yes, let's!

...
Bill Paxton

And now a zen riddle: Who is so forgettable that I have forgotten him?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 10:59 AM

Bill Paxton? Bland?

Did you not see either Weird Science or Aliens? There is nothing bland about either Chet or Hudson. Nothing.

Posted by: FordbiddenDonut at December 20, 2010 11:28 AM

Aren't all these photos of the same guy?

Posted by: sars at December 20, 2010 11:28 AM

Edward Burns
Edward Burns
Edward Burns
Edward Burns
Edward Burns

Posted by: Bo at December 20, 2010 11:46 AM

Well, ForbiddenDonut, I don't care what you say, Paxton is BLAND and so is his muffin!

@Twig - I once read the most sublime description of Hugh Grant's acting: stunned bunny.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 11:49 AM

Justin: "I mean, you do watch movies, right? Over the last ten years they have been all over the place, sadly."

I watch movies with Bill Nighy, Colin Firth, Humphrey Bogart, or Cary Grant. And I own LOTR.

So, as far as I'm concerned, these guys are not all over the place. They're in crap I don't watch.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 20, 2010 11:51 AM

Josh Hartnettzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Posted by: branded at December 20, 2010 11:58 AM

I always remember Orlando Bloom because he always plays the same pretty boy in a different setting. It gets kind of funny to watch him get the same role over and over and over.

Posted by: A-schaef at December 20, 2010 12:06 PM

Mmmm...Bloom.

Posted by: Kate at June at December 20, 2010 12:13 PM

LOL at someone claiming they post on Pajiba yet have never heard of any of these actors outside of Bloom. BULLSHIT.

Oh, and Ed Burns times 1000.

Posted by: Repo at December 20, 2010 12:13 PM

I still snicker like an idiot every time I read "Charming Potato". The truth is his nickname entertains me more than his actual acting.

For some reason I think this should be on Idaho's license plates, or at least on the road signs greeting people at the border.

"Welcome to Idaho, Home of Charming Potato" And if Idaho doesn't want it, I'm sure Maine will take it gladly. "Vacationland", just doesn't cut it.

Posted by: bleujayone at December 20, 2010 12:23 PM

And Ed Burns is a triple threat as he is a forgettable actor, director and writer. Imagine if we find out he can't sing!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 12:26 PM

Sam Worthington seems to have also attended Russell Crowe's School of Facial Expressions.

Posted by: Dingles at December 20, 2010 12:35 PM

God dammit, IT'S CHRISTENSEN.
At least give him a funny name like Charming Potato, because that name makes me giggle a lot.

Posted by: THE Sofía at December 20, 2010 12:46 PM

I agree with FordbiddenDonut, Mrs. Julien. Bill Paxton can in no way be considered bland. He's been killed by an Alien, a Terminator and a Predator, no other actor can come close to that much awesomeness!

He's pretty creepy as the homicidal dad in 'Frailty' too!

Posted by: hh at December 20, 2010 1:06 PM

No one can call what Charming Potato does acting. I don't know what the descriptor is, but "acting" ain't it.

And I happen to find Bill Paxton's muffin quite tasty. Too bad it's strapped to the rest of him.

Posted by: Jerry at December 20, 2010 1:07 PM

"Orblando Gloom."
(TM) Paul Schneider in an Onion AV Club interview

Posted by: Kettle at December 20, 2010 1:33 PM

I'm with BWeaves -- I just looked at the imdb credits for these blandies and Avatar is the only movie I've seen in the last five years that stars any of them. There are a few I would watch, but not many.

Posted by: sansho1 at December 20, 2010 1:39 PM

As Mark Kermode named him during one film review 'Orloondo Bland'. You must read the transcript of part of his review of POTC2 that someone helpfully posted here - http://community.livejournal.com/kermodeans/14778.html. Hilarious.

Posted by: TS at December 20, 2010 1:59 PM

Dearest Repo: I tend not to read the Pajiba reviews for the movies these "actors" are in, and so I see no problem with being a frequent poster and yet not having heard of them. I read the reviews for stuff I'm interested in. Would you like to join me for a moist gleet martini?

Posted by: BWeaves at December 20, 2010 2:02 PM

I was watching LOTR a few weeks ago and it reminded me of when I thought Orlando Bloom was the shit (and pretty).

Oh how times have changed.

Posted by: grace b at December 20, 2010 2:03 PM

I love this! I've been saying for awhile that Worthington is worthless, yet for some reason, he gets to do these blockbuster movies.

Does he pics of James Cameron sexing a giant blue smurf?

Posted by: logan at December 20, 2010 2:15 PM

You forgot Ryan Reynolds and Nathan Fillion. Shame on you.

Posted by: sosumi at December 20, 2010 2:26 PM

Sam Worthington is by far the BLANDEST actor I have ever seen. At least Paul Walker and Charming Potato pretend to have an edge, all be it an edge that is about as sharp as a 23 year old butter knife. Orlando Bloom will be forever crystallized in his role as Legolas and Hayden Christensen will always be loathed and despised for ruining Star Wars.

Sam Worthington was given 3 huge Blockbusters back-to-back-to-back because.....what??? Seriously what? I DON'T KNOW. I have no idea what the appeal is. None. Absolutely none.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at December 20, 2010 2:41 PM

OK, so I'm having these weird, confused emotions:

I saw a commercial for the new Vince Vaughn movie The Dilemma (of "that's so GAY" fame) on TV. Apparently, the Charming Potato is in the movie. And the brief glimpses of him in the ad were... funny. Amusing. Yes, he's playing a super-douche character, but he's playing it... well. Like he's in on the joke. He actually seemed animated. Do I have to revise my opinion of the Potato?

World view - shaken. (Possibly stirred.)

Posted by: MM at December 20, 2010 2:50 PM

Didn't Dustin dub Sam Worthington "The Vessel"? It's not as obviously derogatory as Charming Potato, but it is equally apt.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 3:43 PM

Agree with everyone who has defended The Pax (Bill Paxton for those who aren't in the know). His performance on Big Love has been criminally under-appreciated for the last 8 years. I honestly can't imagine another actor capable of pulling that role off as brilliantly as he does. Sure, he's detestable sometimes, but he's far from bland.

Posted by: elizabeth at December 20, 2010 3:58 PM

Re: Sam Worthington... He is ennui-inducing, yes. But, oh yes, but... his blue avatar guy was (i am admitting this, yes I am) totally foxy. I was/am disturbingly attracted to Sam Worthington's blue avatar guy with the twitchy ears and the pointy canines. I'd hit that in a big way. It's the reason I saw that movie (Avatar, not Clash) twice.

Also: Charming Potato = immediate guffaw every single time.

Posted by: klingonfree at December 20, 2010 3:59 PM

And by the way NO WAY is Bill Paxton bland. He made his brother barf by talking about greasy pork sandwiches. He asked Vasquez if she'd ever been mistaken for a guy ("NO, have you?")and finally (best of all) he crowed "Finger lickin good!" as he sucked human blood off his fingers.

Not bland. Nossir.

Posted by: klingonfree at December 20, 2010 4:05 PM

Well they may not be able to act, but that's one HOTT list. I love Orlando and Paul Walker. Even Charming Potato (OMG, I laughed so hard reading that) is hot.

Posted by: Sarah at December 20, 2010 4:10 PM

How can you think GAME OVER MAN is bland? How?
A little cheesy early in his career? Sure. But bland? NEVER.
I'm actually hurt someone thinks that about Bill Paxton.

Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at December 20, 2010 4:46 PM

My goodness what a lot of impassioned Paxton defending. It's not like I had the list laminated.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 20, 2010 5:07 PM

PATRICK DEMPSEY!!!!

Posted by: LB at December 20, 2010 7:14 PM

Hayden Christianse can not possibly belong on this list, because instead of being appropriately bland and forgettable, he inspires COMPLETE AND UTTER ALL CONSUMING RAGE in me, and that is not something soy milk should do. I'd rather just forget it exists.

Posted by: dsbs at December 20, 2010 7:20 PM

Sam Worthington is so bland that I have seen him in a handful of movies and not recognized him. Don't ask me what those movies are because I don't remember. Sam Worthington has the power to cause forgetfulness.

He could approach me on the street tomorrow and introduce himself to me, list all of the movies he's been in and I am sure he would get a full 60 seconds of "blank stare" from me before the realization finally kicked in...or until I woke up.

I have to stop typing now because I am falling asZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by: greer at December 20, 2010 7:59 PM

And now a zen riddle: Who is so forgettable that I have forgotten him?

Eric Bana?

Posted by: psy at December 20, 2010 11:26 AM

You need to see Chopper. He was fantastic before he went to America and was turned into processed cheese.

Posted by: Will at December 20, 2010 10:02 PM

Hayden's not bland, he's Canadian...oh, right. Never mind.

Posted by: whackingphobos at December 21, 2010 12:03 AM

HC was incredible in "Shattered Glass", so he's got a free pass from me. Ed Burns? BRILLIANT suggestion. Totally, totally bland.

Posted by: samantha t at December 21, 2010 11:14 AM

Sam Worthington was good in Somersault, Gettin Square, Macbeth and the TV series Love My Way (all Australian productions). Not great mind, but far far better than his US output suggests.

I've had a bit of a soft spot for Orlando Bloom since his cameo on Extras. He's surely a lot less bland than Channing Tatum!

Posted by: Kate at December 21, 2010 11:28 AM

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The Five Blandest Actors in Hollywood

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