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The Five Best Movies Set Extensively in Shopping Centers

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (39)

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It’s Cyber Monday, which is the awesomest day ever if you like spending your time deleting emails. When you woke up this morning and checked your email, how many Cyber-Monday emails were waiting in your inbox? The only thing worse than Cyber Monday is Black Friday, because Black Friday requires that you wear pants the day after Thanksgiving, and fuck that noise. You know what Cyber Monday is? It’s the equivalent of booksellers unloading all their remainders — books they are about to shred — and we’re supposed to feel good about getting deals on merchandise that’s about to be trash binned. Hey! Get 70 percent off of iPod knock-offs that will be discontinued next month! Fuck you, Amazon. And if I get one more Zazzle.com email, I’m gonna hurl. They’re SPAM filter proof.

The other thing about Cyber Monday is that it comes after a long Thanksgiving Weekend where not a fucking thing happens in our little universe, which makes Cyber Monday an awfully difficult day to provide content to readers trying to avoid Cyber Monday emails. Did I work up a few reviews for the Monday after Thanksgiving? No, I was sitting on my ass like the rest of you. So, I offer you, out of desperation, the five best movies set extensively in shopping centers (Fast Times at Ridgemont High nearly made the cut, but I don’t think it features enough mall scenes to qualify).

And if you think this is desperate, wait for the next post.


5. Career Opportunities

4. Elf

3. Bad Santa

2. Mallrats:

1. Dawn of the Dead









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Comments

Glad to see #1. That was the first movie I thought of and was going to pitch a bitch if it wasn't.

Well played, sir. Well played indeed.

Posted by: Uncle JR at November 29, 2010 10:42 AM

What the deuce?!

HELLOOOO! The word "mall" is RIGHT IN THE TITLE, for crying out loud.

Oh, Dustin. I fear the Zazzle has gotten to your brain.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 10:46 AM

...I'm sorry, I just can't get past this.

It's got Barbara Crampton, for christ's sake. And Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov, as Paul and Mary Bland. And DICK MILLER, as WALTER PAISLEY. Jesus. Plus: Killer robot security!

What the I can't even.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 10:49 AM

Why isn't Mannequin on this list?!

Posted by: An Atlantan at November 29, 2010 10:49 AM

Why isn't Mannequin on this list?! -- An Atlantan

Because I'm an idiot. Its omission is inexcusable.

Chopping Mall, on the other hand? Just missed the cut, von Beaversquirrel. It was 6th. I swear*.

* It was not 6th.

Posted by: Dustin Rowles at November 29, 2010 10:52 AM

No Chopping Mall? Surely it beats Elf at least.

Posted by: headmonkeys at November 29, 2010 11:14 AM

WELL I NEVER.

I am TOTALLY telling TK on you. I'm pretty certain he'll have something to say about this.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 11:17 AM

You think I didn't notice? You think I ALSO didn't notice the omission of Night Of The Comet? THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE, PEOPLE. You think working for Pajiba is just an endless stream of whiskey and dead strippers and chainsaws and unicorn blowjobs? WELL IT'S NOT.

You also have to deal with a boss who is completely ignorant of the most elementary geek-related issues. The man didn't know the difference between The Flash and Flash Gordon.

I'll bet he's never even SEEN Chopping Mall.

Posted by: TK at November 29, 2010 11:27 AM

I thought Chopping Mall was #1, for sure. I saw it waaaay back in the day on SciFi under the alternate title Killbots. It ruled.

Posted by: Spickowski at November 29, 2010 11:28 AM

Oh, my god, do you SEE what he's DONE to me?! I was so stunned by the lack of Chopping Mall, I TOTALLY FORGOT ALL ABOUT Night Of The Comet!

I ... I think I need to lie down.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 11:34 AM

Oh, neat, Chopping Mall came out before I was born and I have no dog in this race. *shrugs*

And the next smelly pirate hooker who insults Elf is gonna get it.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 29, 2010 11:40 AM

Elf sucked more dick than I ever have.

Posted by: Stinkette The Pirate Whore at November 29, 2010 11:41 AM

Posted by: Stinkette The Pirate Whore at November 29, 2010 11:41 AM

Were I not completely incapacitated from the current unconscious state that I am in due to choking and passing out on my Coke Zero from stifled laughter, you'd totally be getting it.

And yes, I know how that must sound to a hooker.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 29, 2010 11:48 AM

AHA! This is where I usurp Dustin's mantle! For I know that The Flash is... it's, y'know, is it the one that runs fast in the Fantastic Four? Is there one that runs fast in the Fantastic Four? The one with the stone head and the one that's a woman, I'm sure about - the other two are a bit more tricky. Anyway, I still think that's what The Flash is. The fast one.

As for Flash Gordon - well, this one's easy, Dustin, you moron! Flash Gordon is the - er- he's in the future, maybe? I think he's the one that can change time. Yeah, I'm going with: Gordon is in the future and has the power to change time. Ooh ooh ooh, and he's got a Queen song named after him!

So when do I start running Pajiba?

Posted by: Caspar at November 29, 2010 12:04 PM

As soon as you put Chopping Mall and Night Of The Comet on this list, Caspar.

Well, also there's this rigorous ...erm, shall we say "audition process" that I conduct. To ...prevent terrorists from taking over the site. Yes, that's it.
(Those TSA people have nothing on me, I'll tell you.)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 12:09 PM

Is this where the Anti-Elf forces are gathering? Rise up, my brothers! No mercy!
(Except towards Zooey. She's wonderful.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 29, 2010 12:10 PM

Our uneasy truce as ended, Rhyme, your declaration against Elf means war. An adorable war filled with narwhals, snowballs, candy cane forests and swirly twirly gumdrops. And smiling.

Smiling is my favorite.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 29, 2010 12:16 PM

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Posted by: ed newman at November 29, 2010 12:17 PM

Anna von Beav, there was no way for you to know this, and I know that really you're a good person - but just so we're clear in future, the words "rigorous audition process" make me duck under the nearest table, close my eyes, and rock backwards and forwards while making whimpering noises. I thought I'd gained closure, but... it - still - hurts.

Posted by: Caspar at November 29, 2010 12:20 PM

Oh, no! Well, never you mind I even said that then. I'll make you some delicious... um, what do you people eat over there? Scones? Yes, scones and tea. You just go on and take over Pajiba, and pretend it never happened.

Not the part about Chopping Mall and NotC, though. I still want those on the list.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 29, 2010 12:41 PM

How about "top 5 post-apocolyptic shopping mall movies"?

5.Gremlins
4.Logan's Run
3.Demolition Man
2.Night of of the Comet
1.Dawn of the Dead

Posted by: Mrcreosote at November 29, 2010 12:42 PM

Who needs a movie to feel post-apocalyptic in a shopping mall?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 29, 2010 12:53 PM

Don't ask me, I can't even spell post-apocalyptic. Is that stench coming out of Hollister so you can't smell the rotting bodies?

Posted by: Mrcreosote at November 29, 2010 12:55 PM

Yeah no Gremlins 2? I'm shocked, hurt even.

Posted by: Blank at November 29, 2010 12:58 PM

I was momentarily embarrassed that I thought of Night of the Comet right after the obvious Dawn of the Dead. And then I got to the comments and was reminded of why I so love Pajiba.

Posted by: hindulovegod at November 29, 2010 1:17 PM

Um, Debbie Does Dillards anyone? Glaring ommision.

Posted by: superasente at November 29, 2010 2:19 PM

Is that stench coming out of Hollister so you can't smell the rotting bodies?

Seriously, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 29, 2010 4:20 PM

Night of the Comet didn't take place extensively inside a mall. There was one scene where the girls go on a post-apocalyptic shopping spree (set to "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", naturally), only to end up in a fight with psycho former mall employees. The bulk of the movie takes place in other locations around the city and in the SEKRIT GOVERNMENT LAIR.

Posted by: Craig at November 29, 2010 5:41 PM

"You sit on a throne of LIES!"

Hell yeah, it's time to break out my copies of "Elf" and "Home Alone" and play them fifty times (each) before X-Mas Day!

Posted by: smijca at November 29, 2010 5:44 PM

Went 3/3 on the top 3 inside of 15 seconds. Never change, Pajiba.

Posted by: trippdup at November 29, 2010 6:12 PM

I DON'T CARE, NIGHT OF THE COMET SHOULD BE ON THIS LIST.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at November 29, 2010 8:48 PM

THIS LIST IS USELESS WITHOUT PAUL BLART.

Posted by: Rykker at November 29, 2010 9:39 PM

(Not really. Never seen it; never will. I just wanted to be all LOUD NOISES! like all y'all.)

Posted by: Rykker at November 29, 2010 9:40 PM

You think working for Pajiba is just an endless stream of whiskey and dead strippers and chainsaws and unicorn blowjobs?
---
I've never blown a unicorn. What does it taste like? I always figured "cinnamon stick."

#1 fuck yeah. Monroeville Mall FTW.

Posted by: , at November 29, 2010 10:01 PM

I don't think Mannequin was an omission. Wasn't it technically in a self-contained department store? My New Jersey blood tells me that's fundamentally different than a shopping mall.

Posted by: Lindsay at November 29, 2010 11:00 PM

Commando?

Posted by: richmac at November 30, 2010 1:01 AM

No richmac, I wear briefs.

Posted by: CptCrckpot at November 30, 2010 2:39 AM

As long as you've apologized for 'Mannequin', we're square Rowles. 'Chopping Mall' as said by many is WAY better than 'Elf' but I can let it slide.

Posted by: Teresa at November 30, 2010 11:40 AM

How could you leave off the Empire Films classic, Chopping Mall?

Posted by: Adam C at November 30, 2010 3:37 PM