The Five Best Columbus Day-Related Films

The Five "Best" Columbus Day-Related Films

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (35)

Today’s Seriously Random List reflects the holiday it was inspired by. Half of America gets off today; half still has to go to work. So, I’m half-assing it with this list. I’m working today — but it’s hard to tell.

5. 1492: Conquest of Paradise , concerning the explorer, Christopher Columbus.

4. Columbus Day, starring Val Kilmer. Takes place on Columbus Day.

3. Home Alone, directed by Chris Columbus.

2. Zombieland, featuring a character named Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg)

1. Traffic, filmed in Columbus, Ohio.

Follow @pajiba

← Pajiba Love 10/12/09 | "FlashForward," Episode 3: "137 Sekunden" →

Comments

So this is all just an excuse to talk about Zombieland.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:06 PM

Yeah, THE BETTER HALF!

You heard me!

*throws down oven mitt in centre of ring*

Posted by: Lauren at October 12, 2009 3:07 PM

No Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone, Directed by Chris Columbus?

This list, she sucks.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 12, 2009 3:10 PM

Any list featuring Zombieland is a good one in my book.

I'd see it again right now if I weren't one of those suckas who has to work today. :P

Posted by: Jelinas at October 12, 2009 3:17 PM

This list needs to be Hijacked.

Anyone seen any good Porn lately?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 3:19 PM

Anyone seen any good Porn lately?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 3:19 PM

-----------------------------------------------

Columbus' Erotic Voyages

It's an eastern European porno, very obscure.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 12, 2009 3:21 PM

Do people still watch porn?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:35 PM

O.R.:

Only for about 15 minutes.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 3:37 PM

While watching Gremlins on Telemundo last night, I discovered that Chris Columbus wrote it.

I wish Macaulay Culkin had been trapped home alone with the gremlins instead of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. And then they murdered him with ingenious shenanigans that easily trumped whatever household booby traps he could devise. And then one of the gremlins mocked his corpse by putting the palms of its hands to its cheeks with mouth agape. And then they ate him.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 12, 2009 3:42 PM

Do you pay for it? Or even rent it? Is there a porn Netflix or do I have a great idea?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:44 PM

Do you pay for it? Or even rent it? Is there a porn Netflix or do I have a great idea?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:44 PM

-----------------------------------------------

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH how are things there... in 1979? Are the Bee Gees still around?

Nowadays you download, for free.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 12, 2009 3:47 PM

I don't pay personally, Slim. But I think people still do. Porn Netflix has potential. It just needs a snappy name.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:53 PM

Netlix porn. (Ohhh, best typo ever! I am leaving it) That IS a great idea. Except the USPS would probably get irritated by the sticky return envelopes.

I had a friend who worked at American Family Video in High School. He used to give us detailed accounts of the rental habits of some of our teachers from behind the magic curtain.

There are enough Fantasy Video Megstores around that I assume
1) people still watch it
2) they do inded pay for it
3) the rental market is still fairly strong.

Let me tell you there is NO EYE CONTACT MADE while perusing the selection at Fantasy video.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 3:55 PM

People don't want to be seen buying it! It can "come" to your house in a discrete package.
Now, what's better "Netdicks" or "SexFlix"?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 4:04 PM

Sadly, several pornflix companies already exist (SugarDvd is one, can't remember the others), and have for almost as long as NetFlix has been around.

So ... YES, it was a good business idea.

Although I wonder how the model is holding up these days when there are all the free porn clip sites.

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at October 12, 2009 4:04 PM

The only thing I remember about Columbus Day when I was living in the US was going to the bank to pay in my paycheck and finding it closed. Again. I swear to god banks were closed every other day when I was there. Frickin Columbus.

Posted by: Carrie at October 12, 2009 4:10 PM

I stand by Netlix.

I bet the business model is 'Holding up' juuuust fine. {giggle}
You can get free movies and shit on Hulu too, but I bet Netflix isn't too worried.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 4:12 PM

Lwa'e',

batdude and throbbin, inhand video #103
most. hilarious. porn. ever.

Posted by: gp at October 12, 2009 4:19 PM

gp, I knew I could count on you.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 4:26 PM

If we really want to honor Columbus, shouldn't half the country get the day off while the other half gets slavery and genocide?

Columbus Day pisses me off.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 12, 2009 4:30 PM

So this is all just an excuse to talk about Zombieland.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 3:06 PM

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Posted by: George at October 12, 2009 4:33 PM

Tracer: No, only the fat white rich European men should get the day off. The rest of us can eat shit.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 4:49 PM

What George said. ^^

Also, Optimus, yes, there are many porn-Netflix operations. This reminds me of Seth Rogen and buds in Knocked Up, thinking their website cataloguing nude scenes is the Best.Idea.Ever. Dude, if you think you thought of the best idea ever, you better reconsider, because 100 other people already thought of it before you.

Posted by: MM at October 12, 2009 4:52 PM

Yeah, but just because a thing has been 'done' doesn't mean you can't do it better. I mean, what if Mozart had said, "Nah, the music thing has been done."
Strive for greatness, I say. Optimus' NetDicks may not be the original, but it could be the best.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."
Aristotle

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 5:05 PM

Lindsey with an 'e',

I should clarify. Just because something's been done or thought of before doesn't mean we shouldn't pursue our. . . pursuits?

But if you think you're going to get rich ("Rich, I say, fabulously RICH!") because you thought of the next great thing, you're probably not, because somebody already thought of it. :) But of course we all know that.

Off I go to buy a lottery ticket!

Posted by: MM at October 12, 2009 5:27 PM

P.S. NetDicks! That's my personal favorite name.

Posted by: MM at October 12, 2009 5:34 PM

Traffic was filmed in Cincinnati, not Columbus. Yes, both are in Ohio and begin with "C."

Posted by: legaleagle at October 12, 2009 5:34 PM

Lets not wrap our dreams in wet toilet paper. Onward and upward with NetDicks!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 5:52 PM

Can we just use the amassed porn collections of the Pajiban community? I'm sure Skitz has some ... interesting stuff. And bucdaddy probably has some classics along the lines of "Victorian Strumpet Shows Her Ankle"
(Old Man Jokes! YA BURNT!)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at October 12, 2009 7:06 PM

Absolutely, sort of a 'Private Reserve' collection.

Be nice to Bucdaddy, he's my imaginary internet silver-fox boyfriend.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 12, 2009 8:10 PM

"Be nice to Bucdaddy, he's my imaginary internet silver-fox boyfriend."

That's my imaginary Internet bareback-riding girlfriend. I'm feeling my oats today, so ... Giddyup, baby! Ride 'em cowgirl!

(BTW, I'm OK with the riding crop but easy with those damn spurs next time.)

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 12, 2009 11:14 PM

Fuck Christopher Columbus with a rusty tomahawk.

Posted by: Ling at October 13, 2009 8:25 AM

Love 1492 and especially Michael Wincott as Adrian de Moxica. He's such a sexy beast -- those eyes and THAT VOICE (I would like to take this opportunity to thank Phillip Morris Companies Inc. on behalf of my libido).

But Wincott's primary Panty Creamer Role is Frank Elgyn in Alien: Resurrection. I mean, he's the reason that I even own that DVD. (And Dominique Pinon. He's awesome.)

Posted by: piedlourde at October 13, 2009 10:00 PM

Hi guys, especially you, Optimus Rhyme, I saw your question. I've been using a Netflix for porn type service for a while called Sugaradultdvd.com and they have been pretty good so far. It's the same as Netflix sorta, you can rent dvds, stream movies, buy your disc if you want to keep it. They have toys and novelties and Blu-Ray even.. Hope this answers your question.

Posted by: Steph at October 19, 2009 9:11 PM

Who cares!!! My boyfriend also agrees with me. He is 10 years older than me, lol. We met online at age-gap club -- http://AgelessOnly.COM/. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Posted by: Loanna at October 24, 2009 10:54 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

The Five "Best" Columbus Day-Related Films

Comments