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The First 5 People I'd Audition to Play the Lead in a Film About Nikke Finke's Life

By Dustin Rowles | Seriously Random Lists | November 27, 2012 | Comments ()


For the unfamiliar, Nikki Finke is allegedly the most powerful woman in Hollywood. She knows every casting story before anyone else because she eavesdrops from her roving residence underneath the stairs of Hollywood agents. Rumor has it, if you speak Nikki Finke's three times in a mirror, she will magically appear, eat your children, and vanish into a deep well.

She's also famously reclusive. There's only one known picture of her (above), and who knows when that image was taken. In fact, she's so guarded about her secrecy that, when Brett Easton Ellis revealed which apartment building she lived in, she threatened to reveal the home address of the agents at Ellis' agency, ICM, and the school in which there children attended. That's baskets, people, BASKETS.

Given the fact that no one really knows what Nikki Finke looks like anymore, we're forced to rely only on her Deadline post and deduce from her writing what she might look like. Given that context, these five people seem natural fits to play Finke is the feature film adaptation of her life.

(P.S. If you don't hear from me ever again, you'll know why).

Rosie O'Donnell


Sandra Bernhardt


Joan Crawford


Shelley from American Horror Story


Mama Peacock


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Salieri2

    Goddammit, I thought we were clear: Ma Peacock, like Tim Curry's Pennywise, demands a scroll alert! You can't just unleash that shit on us. That's how people crap their pants while reading Pajiba. Unleashed shit. Leash your shit, people.

  • AudioSuede

    I think Slimer could make a pretty big career comeback.


  • This post is stone cold. How could you compare Sandra Bernhardt and Rosie O'Donnell to Shelley after the surgery took?

  • lowercase_ryan

    No Pepper?

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