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The Check-Out Aisle: A Round-Up of the Latest Magazine Covers

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (47)

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The Check-Out Aisle is a post specifically designed for those of you who like to peruse the magazine covers in grocery store check-out aisles or newsstands in airports but perhaps you don’t get out as often as you’d like. It’s also for airbrush enthusiasts and those who like to judge.

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Comments

Adele, Elle and Hailee are lovely, Taylor Lautner's cover reminds me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbwkkXGmFrI

Posted by: thatsjesstastic at November 9, 2011 11:51 PM

You forgot the 7 Holiday special ones with Paula Deen on the cover.

Posted by: MissRos at November 10, 2011 12:04 AM

Adele looks super hot. I don't care about her music, but she looks damn good.

Kirsten Dunst looks like she died in the 80s and was buried in those hideous clothes.

HOLY JE--WHAT THE HELL GERVAIS. PUT YOUR DAMN SHIRT BACK ON.

I thought Amanda Seyfried was Nicole Ritchie. That is NOT a compliment.

Posted by: figgy at November 10, 2011 12:10 AM

I see Cosmo is repeating the same six articles from the month before ... and the month before than ... and the month before that ... and the month before that ...

Posted by: , at November 10, 2011 12:58 AM

Ha! My husband always said Cameron Diaz looked like a German crack whore. That cover is fitting.

Posted by: katy at November 10, 2011 12:59 AM

Adele is so beautiful. I bought her cd when it came out not expecting much but some new music to listen to. I play it almost every night.

Posted by: Candy at November 10, 2011 1:24 AM

I feel like I just ate 6,900 Skittles with my eyes.

Posted by: Alabaster Salamander at November 10, 2011 1:53 AM

That's Adele? I thought that was a Judd.

Posted by: Protoguy at November 10, 2011 2:46 AM

Thoughts:

Why don't I know who Michael Vick is? Is he a sports guy? Wait, is he the dogfighting sports guy?

Florence and the Machine! And George Clooney!

FOUR TESTES? What the hell happens in Spanish Teen magazines?

RDJ!

Jessica Chastain looks like Julia Roberts. But not as annoying. So go ahead, make her Queen of Hollywood or whatever.

Kirsten Dunst clearly has a time machine, as an outfit that terrible could have been made nowhere but 1970.

Oh, wait, sorry - it's a Canadian magazine.

Please don't make shiny neon rainbow leggings a thing.

That woman appears to be made entirely of hair.

Rickey Gervais.....stop trying so hard.

This is why I don't buy magazines.

Posted by: BiblioGeek at November 10, 2011 4:10 AM

Much like fetch, Taylor Lautner is not going to happen. Stop trying already.

Posted by: cinekat at November 10, 2011 4:16 AM

*mandatory silly correction*

@BiblioGeek that's actually Portuguese, not Spanish. But I'm sure teenage magazines are all the same, anyway. This one claims to have "six secrets (from the boys!) to make the relationship work". Oh god, it starts so soon.

Posted by: Holly at November 10, 2011 5:05 AM

Love the Michelle Williams Elle cover. Adele is gorgeous, shame about the cheap looking dress.

10 years ago who would of thought RDJ would be on 3 magazine covers in one month?

Posted by: Kate at November 10, 2011 6:00 AM

I'm probably late to the party but Jude Law looks damn good with a mustache. Guess I should get around to watching that Sherlock Holmes movie so I can enjoy it in motion.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 10, 2011 6:34 AM

Also old news... Lautner looks like he's missing a chromosome which I guess I should be used to but it always startles me when I see new photos.

Posted by: snapnhiss at November 10, 2011 6:37 AM

'The wild boys issue' = Taylor Llamautner, Robert Pattinson, Henry Cavill, Jude Law.

Excuse me while I pull my testicles back out of my pelvis. They had to run and hide when they read the names of so many infamous hellraisers.

Posted by: zeke the pig at November 10, 2011 7:20 AM

...because, yes, of course I fucking read with my testicles. Eyes for ogling with. Testicles are for reading with.

Posted by: zeke the pig at November 10, 2011 7:22 AM

Also, is there a more profoundly BLAH person than Jennifer Aniston these days? Why do they keep putting her on magazine covers? And looking so stupid, too?

Posted by: figgy at November 10, 2011 7:42 AM

I kept expecting the EW cover with Kermit on it. THE SEXIEST ONE. HATERS GON' HATE

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 10, 2011 7:52 AM

Adele looks a lot like my Mrs., so obviously I like to see her on mag covers...

I look atthem more w/ a graphic design/ 'artistic' eye, since that's what I do...

What bugs me most about the first cover was how they added extra space between the two Ls to accomodate Jen Anniston's head.

WTF is with those 'Twilight' actors anyway? Is that some kind of zombie apocalypse film, or what?

Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at November 10, 2011 8:13 AM

OH HELLO, GERMAN GQ.

Posted by: Samantha at November 10, 2011 8:30 AM

A muzzle? Goodness gracious, Cosmo!

Posted by: encre at November 10, 2011 8:30 AM

Ricky Gervais, you been working out?
I mean, good for you...and all, but, let's find you a shower and a nice black tee-shirt and lose the whole mock crucifixion/but I'm an atheist and it's a mic stand and I'm a performer thing. Makes you look like clutchy douche.
Where's Stephen?

Posted by: Agogagogo at November 10, 2011 8:30 AM

Clooney looks like he's passing a kidney stone.

Also, the obviously shopped Adele's waistline to make her palatable for the Cosmo crowd. Disgusting.

Posted by: FabMax at November 10, 2011 8:30 AM

Also, what the hell is Jennifer Aniston wearing?

Posted by: encre at November 10, 2011 8:32 AM

FabMax I don't know, that could be shop or it could be some sort of restraining undergarment. That's what it looks like to me - I feel like when Cosmo slims, they slim a little weirder than that.

It's a really ugly dress, though.

Posted by: encre at November 10, 2011 8:34 AM

Well... rock me, Sexy Jesus.

I could've sworn Kirsten Dunst was Michelle Pfeiffer for a minute. The bangs threw me off.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 10, 2011 9:01 AM

It would seem Ricky Gervais had one Pretty-Boy-Band Pout he kept in reserve for just such an occasion.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 10, 2011 9:18 AM

If Jessica Chastain is a "Hollywood Supernova" then I think someone like me should be able to name, off the top of my head, a single movie she's been in. I can't.

Posted by: Todd at November 10, 2011 9:45 AM

The Michelle Williams cover is the least cookie-cutter. I think it's great. And it's great to see Hailee Steinfeld again. She was so impressive in True Grit. I hope she has big things coming.

And stop paying attention to Lautner!

Posted by: sars at November 10, 2011 9:48 AM

I like grocery shopping. I really love the produce section. But the checkout line is the WORST part. The magazine covers are grabby whores. These are perfectly heinous examples, but I assert that far far far worse are the little fecking TVs they have at Albertsons that squauk at you and tell you what to buy in that insipid, faux-wholesome manner. I feel semi accosted when I have to stare at these covers. Which leads me to wonder why I clicked on this post to begin with....

Oh, yes. The Aniston photo. That woman is the actress/model version of generic, watered-down imitation vanilla extract. And that cover should be shot. Pistols at dawn.

Posted by: klingonfree at November 10, 2011 9:58 AM

I clearly spend to much time on the interest. The Kirsten Dunst cover bugged because Emma Stone wore that same dress to a premiere this summer and totally worked it better.

Although that might be easier to do with a Gosling by your side.

Posted by: Petrie at November 10, 2011 9:59 AM

Jessica Chastain = swoon

Posted by: haplo at November 10, 2011 10:18 AM

Adele looks lovely, I hope her surgery went well.

Helllllooooooo multiple RDJ covers! Come, sit next to me and let's talk.. oh, you're a magazine cover and don't talk? That's ok too... I'll just stare...

Posted by: jmd at November 10, 2011 10:20 AM

I've heard many people say that Adele is fat and ugly. I've thought many people should suck a gangrenous cock.

Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at November 10, 2011 10:33 AM

i work at a grocery store so i get to see these very often and you don't have the weekly world news full of conspiracy theories? the last one i bought predicted we'd find osama bin laden this year. and we did!

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at November 10, 2011 10:42 AM

Why must every pregnant actress strip down and show her gestating goodies?

Posted by: Carolina Girl at November 10, 2011 11:31 AM

That chick on the last one needs to get some of those moles checked.

Posted by: Slash at November 10, 2011 12:03 PM

I've decided that Dustin photoshopped those "LOVE" covers. 432 page of discipline, desire, and obsession, indeed. What a great commentary on celebrity "worship". Putting little girls on the covers, effectively saying we should desire them and obsess over them, was the icing on the cake. Ha, ha - good one, Dustin.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 10, 2011 12:26 PM

Gisele still isn't as pretty as her husband.

Posted by: , at November 10, 2011 12:49 PM

I am a little concerned about that LOVE magazine thingie talking about obsession and desire while putting out two covers with teenage girls on it.

::clutches pearls::

Posted by: Donut Plains at November 10, 2011 12:50 PM

I don't really pay attention to the magazines at the grocery store. And I don't recognize most of these people withough trying to find their name amid all the magazine text on the covers. SO... I just zipped through the photos really quick on my way to the comments. Only one magazine cover made me pause: the Elle cover featuring Ms. Williams.

Take that as you will.

Posted by: lubeg at November 10, 2011 1:00 PM

I can only say that I'm going to be needing those rhinestone cuffs on Hailee Steinfeld. Those are FABULOUS.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 10, 2011 2:25 PM

Elle Fanning is beautiful!

Posted by: glyrics at November 10, 2011 2:36 PM

4 Testes!!!

***Disclaimer*** Yes, I realize that was a Spanish language magazine and so it means something different. Still...

Posted by: NateS1973 at November 10, 2011 2:52 PM

Ahh...Portugese...my bad. ***Goes to listen to to the Getz/Gilberto album as penance. Wonderful, wonderful penance***

Posted by: NateS1973 at November 10, 2011 2:57 PM

Sadly, that is not the most embarrassing picture of Ricky Gervais ever.

This is:
http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/music/article/927624--video-ricky-gervais-s-past-as-an-80s-pop-singer

Posted by: Zombie Mrs Smith at November 10, 2011 4:01 PM

Love this idea!

Posted by: Bethany at November 10, 2011 7:16 PM