The Case of the Disappearing Lead Actress | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

The Case of the Disappearing Lead Actress

A Seriously Random List XLIV / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | January 16, 2009 | Comments (141)

You ever find yourself scanning through slightly older movies on HBO, Showtime, or TBS, and see someone who used to be around a lot, but who inexplicably disappeared? This happens occasionally with male actors (Yahoo Serious?)— most of whom fade away — but you see it a lot more with female actresses. One second, they look as though they’re going to be a big star, and a few years later, you’re watching an episode of “Law and Order” and you’re like: Hey! That’s her! What happened to her career?

We’ll call this the Shelly Long phenomenon.

There’s no way to really top this list, and finding female actresses who qualify is, necessarily, difficult (I mean, they are forgotten actresses, after all), but here’s ten of them, most of whom haven’t completely disappeared, just fallen off the radar. Maybe y’all can add to it:

Rae Dawn Chong

Last Seen: Soul Man, as C. Thomas Howell’s love interest.

Signature Role: Soul Man and Squeak in The Color Purple.

What’s She Doing Now? Still acting. Early in the decade, she starred in a television show I’ve never heard of called, “Mysterious Ways,” and last had a guest stint on “That’s So Raven,” in 2008.

9. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio

Last Seen: The Perfect Storm.

Signature Role: The love interest in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.

What’s She Doing Now?: A brief character arc on “Without a Trace,” and a TV movie, The Russell Girl last year.

8. Renee Russo

Last Seen: Yours Mine and Ours

Signature Role: Love interests in Lethal Weapon 4 and Tin Cup

What’s She Doing Now: No clue. Hasn’t had any work since 2005.

7. Mary Stuart Masterson

Last Seen: Bed of Roses

Signature Role: Benny & Joon

What’s She Doing Now: Not much. A few episodes of “Law and Order: SVU” and a few straight-to-DVD offerings.

6. Fairuza Balk

Last Seen: Almost Famous

Signature Role: The Craft and the love interest in The Waterboy

What’s She Doing Now: Although she hasn’t done anything significant since Almost Famous, she is lined up with a part in Warner Herzog’s remake of Bad Lieutenant.

5. Kristy Swanson

Last Seen: Big Daddy

Signature Role: The original Buffy the Vampire Slayer

What’s She Doing Now: An occasional TV appearance, including a show called “3Way” and, in 2007, an episode of “Law and Order: Criminal Intent.”

4. Janine Turner

Last Seen: Dr. T and the Women

Signature Role: Maggie O’Connell in “Northern Exposure”

What’s She Doing Now: She was in a few episodes of “Friday Night Lights” and a “Walker Texas Ranger” TV movie.

3. Erika Christensen

Last Seen: Flightplan

Signature Role: The daughter in Traffic and the lead in Swimfan

What’s She Doing Now: “Bus Stop Girl” in a movie called Struck and three movies in development, none of which I’ve heard of, though James Caan wrote one.

2. Joey Lauren Adams

Last Seen: Unmemorably in The Break-Up

Signature Role: Chasing Amy

What’s She Doing Now: She directed a movie I’d never heard of in 2006 and was in a movie called Trucker last year.

1. Lori Petty

Last Seen: Tank Girl

Signature Role: Tank Girl

What’s She Doing Now: Two eps of “House” last year, and some very small roles in some very small movies.

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Comments

Renee Russo and Kristy Swanson are gorgeous. I love Joey Lauren Adams - she's just so freaking adorable. Fairuza Balk scares the bejeesus out of me - like, she seriously creeps me out and not in a good way. In the - "I wonder if she drinks the blood of infants when there's a full moon" kind of way.

The rest I don't care about.

Posted by: tt_marie at January 16, 2009 2:23 PM

I miss Joey Lauren Adams and Fairuza Balk, believe it or not. They were both beautiful and talented. How disappointing.

The worst part of the Shelley Long phenomenon is that it can't even be explained by unwillingness to do nudity, since I know half of the actresses on tis list have shown goods.

It will always be a mystery.

You could also look at TV actresses who've had the same thing happen to them.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 2:32 PM

to the following, i say thank goodness:
- fairuza balk
- joey lauren adams
- lori petty

rene russo is cool even she kinda looks like a man.

Posted by: surly suzie at January 16, 2009 2:32 PM

Renee Russo periodically attends Red Sox games in Boston and gets interviewed and/or invited to the NESN reporters' box.

Posted by: tamatha at January 16, 2009 2:33 PM

Would Bridget Fonda count? Signature role, Point of No Return/Singles. What she's doing now? ... Holy crap, she's apparently evaporated.

Posted by: jason at January 16, 2009 2:33 PM

Erika Christensen's downfall is that everyone thinks she's Julia Stiles. And when they realize she's not, they realize that she's definitely more zaftig than Stiles, and that's never a good thing in Hollywood.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at January 16, 2009 2:33 PM

For me, Mary Stuart Masterson will always be Idgie in Fried Green Tomatoes And Joey Lauren was so good in Chasing Amy because the character was HER.

Posted by: superEdna at January 16, 2009 2:33 PM

Mastrantonio's signature role was Robin Hood? Was she not in Scarface and The Color of Money? Same for Russo, I would give her some credit and associate her more with The Thomas Crowne Affair.

Fairuza Balk scares the shit out of me.

Posted by: Eep at January 16, 2009 2:35 PM

I love Joey Lauren Adams and her crazy voice.

I've always wondered what happened to Madeleine Stowe. I still think she's one of the most beautiful women in the universe, but she hasn't done anything interesting in way too long. Where is she?

Posted by: figgy at January 16, 2009 2:35 PM

Is it just me or was Gwen Stephani in her early years with No Doubt trying to be Lori Petty?

Posted by: Indulgemyenthusiasm at January 16, 2009 2:35 PM

Lori Petty's signature role? She will always be Kit from A League of Their Own for me. One of the best tantrums thrown by an adult on film.

She should totally be doing more voice work, with her squeaky-awesome pipes.

Posted by: foursweatervests at January 16, 2009 2:36 PM

Sadly, I haven't noticed anything for most of the week, including these people being missing, due to the fact that I've been transfered into a much busier department (I knew someone was going to notice how much time I spent on Pajiba!). I'll try to keep lurking, but I won't be posting nearly as much. See you around Mallory!

Posted by: Xtreme at January 16, 2009 2:41 PM

My mother has an intense hatred for Rae Dawn Chong. Whenever ever she sees a trailer for a shitty movie, she automatically assumes that ol' Rae had some part in it.

When the hell are we gonna get a review of The Craft? I watch that movie like once a week and I don't care who knows. It is hangover awesomeness and the only thing that would make me bat and eye if Robin Tunney fell down a well.

Posted by: jM at January 16, 2009 2:42 PM

I wouldn't consider some of these "leads", but I am surprised we don't see Renee Russo more.

How about Catherine Zeta Jones? She's sort of faded into the woodwork.

Posted by: Cindy at January 16, 2009 2:42 PM

Joey Lauren Adams is hanging out in Oxford, MS. I've seen her at some bars there a few times. She's supposedly a regular on the Square - don't know how many movies they make around Ole Miss.

Posted by: MC at January 16, 2009 2:44 PM

i will always love fairuza balk because she was in gas food lodging, which is one of my favorite movies!

Posted by: kelley at January 16, 2009 2:47 PM

Agreed, Stowe is hot.

Mia Sara, anyone? Legend? Bueller?

Posted by: Eep at January 16, 2009 2:49 PM

Whenever I see Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio I want to slap her in the face and yell "FIIIIIIIGHT!!!"

Mary Stuart Masterson will always be Idgie in Fried Green Tomatoes.

ALWAYS. Always always always. That movie is so warm and fuzzy and comforting...the cinematic equivalent of a Snuggie, if you will.

I love the food fight between Idgie and Ruth. "I just thought you needed a little coolin off."

Posted by: Julie at January 16, 2009 2:49 PM

Haven't seen Naomi Watts in a while. Seems like she was in everything five years ago.

If you want to get into the wayback machine theres
Whoopi Goldberg, Melanie Griffith and Geena Davis. I loved Geena Davis, something about hot, quirky red heads.

Posted by: EricD at January 16, 2009 2:49 PM

Janine Turner has been far too busy doing eye-drop ads to do any films or television shows.

Interesting note about Kirsty Swanson's L&O appearance: she was basically playing Anna Nicole Smith.

Posted by: Siege at January 16, 2009 2:52 PM

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's signature role is now and will always be Lindsey Brigman in The Abyss. My god that is a great movie that has been overlooked. One of the few cases where the Directors Cut turns a good movie into a great one.

Fairuza Balk played a cat-girl in the craptacular The Island of Dr. Moreau. I think that may have black listed her ass right there.

Posted by: TylerDFC at January 16, 2009 2:53 PM

Joey Lauren Adams = playground scene in which she explains to the BAD BAD BAD ACTOR THAT IS BEN AFFLECK IN CHASING AMY... how lesbian action can get interesting and worthwhile.

The Lori Petty talk reminds me... of Gina Davis... and so, maybe there should be a list of the actresses who look like COMPLETELY different people.. a la Gina Davis. She is a she-man now!

Posted by: soto at January 16, 2009 2:56 PM

Rene Russo was one of the few actresses allowed to play alongside aging male leads while being the same age as they were (Costner, Brosnan, Gibson). My guess as to what happened is 1) she turned 50 in '04, so it didn't matter how good she still looked, and 2) after Sideways, Virginia Madsen got all her parts...

Posted by: sansho1 at January 16, 2009 2:56 PM

Are you kidding, TylerDFG? That's when I fell in love with her! Yeah, the movie sucked...but she was hotness!

Second for a review of The Craft.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 2:57 PM

What about Jamie Gertz? She was the big hair/cute girl in the Lost Boys and Crossroads (awesome Ralph Macchio guitar movie, not horrible Britney Spears movie.) Last I remember seeing her is Twister.

I was actually going to include Gertz, until I found out she was starring in a CBS sitcom. Or was that Ione Skye? I never could tell them apart. -- DR

Posted by: Popsi_zen at January 16, 2009 2:59 PM

I absolutely loved Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction (very cheesy title) as Bridget Gregory. Man, she was one nasty bitch in that movie. She hasn't done much in the last few years or so but apparently has a movie out this year.

Posted by: Jade at January 16, 2009 2:59 PM

Jaimie Lee Curtis anyone? What has she done in, what, the last 10 years (besides yogurt ads). I would knock the dust off that pussy.

Posted by: admin at January 16, 2009 3:01 PM

At least Julie hasn't forgotten "The Abyss".

I was just thinking of Fairuza this morning, actually, but then I do think of her anyway. Why'd Jolie have to take your scary girl crown and then throw it all away? And why aren't you here with me now???

I suppose Michelle Meyrink doesn't really count as she hid herself away, but I still miss her. I'm definitely not seeing anything mannish in Rene Russo.

I'd argue that Rae Dawn Chong's (and James Earl Jones) signature role was in "City Limits" though. Their reunion in "Soul Man" was a pale imitation of that glory.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 3:04 PM

How bout Tia Carrerre? She used to be all over the place, and I'd say her title roles were either Wayne's World of True Lies. Is she even doing anything anymore

Loading up ole imdb, I see she's had bit appearances on a couple shows and has a couple movies in the works. Huh. Never mind then.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 3:07 PM

I absolutely loved Linda Fiorentino in The Last Seduction

Not a movie to see with your girlfriend. For that matter, neither was "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?". Neither was "Henry and June".

Obviously we were doomed, and those are frightening films.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 3:07 PM

She should totally be doing more voice work, with her squeaky-awesome pipes.

Lori Petty I believe was the voice of 'Live Wire' shock-radio DJ turned lightning-powered supervillain on the Superman animated show.

Fuck yes, dork.

Posted by: twig at January 16, 2009 3:08 PM

Whenever I see Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio I want to slap her in the face and yell "FIIIIIIIGHT!!!"

OH HELL YES!! "FIIIIIIGHT YOU BITCH!!"

Sorry, Ed Harris is actually pretty hot in "The Abyss".....

I would argue that Rae Dawn Chong's signature role was in "Quest for Fire," at least that's what my ex always said....getting slammed from behind.

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 16, 2009 3:11 PM

Janine Turner has been far too busy doing eye-drop ads to do any films or television shows.

Not just eye-drop ads, also those crummy workout things Chuck Norris shills for. Oh Janine...

Posted by: Lee at January 16, 2009 3:11 PM

twig, did not know that. I thought she sounded familiar.

Be proud of your dorkdom.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 3:12 PM

Ellen Barken, Elisabeth Shue and Laura Dern are the ones that I come up with.
Did Swanson burn her bridges by breaking up a marriage from Skating with the Stars?

Wish we could add Bullock and Meg Ryan to the list.

Posted by: richmac at January 16, 2009 3:13 PM

Wasn't Fairuza Balk in Personal Velocity? I remember her being quite good in it.

And Erika Christensen has seemed to have made a career out of taking roles simply because better actresses are in the lead: Flightplan and The Upside of Anger seem like projects where she was like "Shit! The role sucks and is thankless, but I'll get to work with [ ]."

Posted by: whatBENwatches at January 16, 2009 3:13 PM

I love The Abyss. It's on every fucking day on one of the Encore channels, and I always have to watch the scene where they bring Lindsay back.

Because of that movie, I know that the cure to drowning is CPR, electric defibrillator, CPR, shock them again, give up, cry, get HULK SMASH ANGRY, scream at the corpse, bitch slap bitch slap, yell fiiiiiiight until your voice gives out, CPR, shock, shock, YAY my heart it is beating again!

Posted by: Julie at January 16, 2009 3:14 PM

What about Joan Allen?

Posted by: richmac at January 16, 2009 3:17 PM

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's signature role is now and will always be Lindsey Brigman in The Abyss.

I would agree, and I love that movie, but her signature role has to be Kevin Kline's love interest/the mayor's daughter in The January Man. Why, you ask? Because of the hot sex scene where she shows the goods. That was an "I'll be in my bunk" moment for a young mongoose.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at January 16, 2009 3:18 PM

What about Joan Allen?

She has a cottage industry going as Jessica Landy in the Bourne series. I hope she and Bourne do the nasty in the next one.

Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at January 16, 2009 3:21 PM

Linda Hamilton, Kelly McGillis, and Lori Singer? Is Singer still alive?

Posted by: EricD at January 16, 2009 3:22 PM

Personally, I thought Rae Dawn Chong's signature role was in Commando.

Posted by: MM at January 16, 2009 3:22 PM

"Commando"...talk about disappearing movies.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 3:25 PM

Oh you completely left out Janine Turner's "Yoga for Christians" DVD series in which she demonstrates yoga poses in which the usual ayurvedic and Sanskrit names for poses (that tend to invoke eastern Gods) are replaced by position names such as the "Praise Jesus squat". All of the usual mantras are also replaced with "Shout to the Lord" type phrases.
Thank the Lord it's now possible for Christians to do yoga without worshipping false gods.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 16, 2009 3:31 PM

I used to live next door to Lori and Mark Singer's cousin, and the first Christmas we lived in that house my sister and I spent a good hour seeing if there was a chance that the Beastmaster would visit.

He didn't. We were sad. But we cheered ourselves up by sacrificing a few ferrets by tossing them in the fireplace.

Posted by: Julie at January 16, 2009 3:32 PM

I saw Lori Singer on, I think, the Today Show last fall when they were talking about Footloose. Age is not a friend to everyone.....

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 16, 2009 3:35 PM

Beyond her 'Yoga for Christians' DVD, Janine Turner's most notable work has been her stumping for Sarah Palin for much of 2008. If it weren't for that, I would have thought she died. although if you're promoting Palin, you may as well be dead as far as I'm concerned.

And I miss Linda Fiorentino too. Where is she?!?

Posted by: Andrew at January 16, 2009 3:41 PM

The Sopranos did such an excellent job of resurrecting the gorgeous Annabella Sciorra, who I'd have put on this list.

Posted by: samantha t at January 16, 2009 3:41 PM

My CPR instructor was obviously a quack.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 3:42 PM

Always had a bit of a thing for Erika Christensen...

Fairuza Balk disappeared because she's a horrible actress. You suck, Vicky Valencourt. Please, disappear forever.

Anyway, the sad, brutally honest truth about many of these (Mastrantonio, Russo, Chong) is... they got old. And Hollywood is very unforgiving of even slightly older female actresses, with only a handful of exceptions. It sucks, and I disagree with the idea, but it's true.

Posted by: TK at January 16, 2009 3:45 PM

Wait, the guy from Beastmaster married the girl from Footloose? Hmmm...

and maybe we don't see these ladies anymore because, oh, I don't know...none of them can act?

That or they all have too much decency to accept roles in todays crappy film market.

Nahhh.

Posted by: Some Guy at January 16, 2009 3:45 PM

Fairuza Balk voiced the snail in Crispin Glover's pet project "What is it?" and was also in an episode of "Masters of Horror." and shouldn't Dorothy in Return to Oz be noted in her signature roles? Yeah, I'm a huge dork.

Posted by: snarla at January 16, 2009 3:47 PM

Sister.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 3:47 PM

When was Lori Petty "on" the radar? Besides Tank Girl & A League of their Own I haven't seen her in anything. She was barely D-List before she disappeared.

I miss Elisabeth Shue. She was a genuinely cute girl who showed some serious acting skill. She needs to make a comeback.

Wasn't Michelle Meyrink in Revenge of the Nerds? Or was that Melanie Mayron?

Posted by: Brie at January 16, 2009 3:48 PM

rikkitikkitavi, hells yeah on January Man.

"Anyone know where I can get a cup of coffee? Preferably an espresso?"

She also show's 'em in White Sands. Just, you know, an fyi.

Posted by: TK at January 16, 2009 3:49 PM

Yes, she was in "Revenge of the Nerds" as well as "Valley Girl", and "Permanent Record" was her last, I believe. The triumph though, of course, is Jordan in "Real Genius".

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 3:52 PM

Except that Return to Oz sucked ass. I mean, the heads opening their eyes and screaming terrified the bejeezus out of me, but otherwise it blew chunks.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 3:52 PM

Original Buffy > TV Buffy.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is one of those hideously overrated leading charcters who stole much needed airtime from far more interesting and likeable supporting roles.

You know, like Terri Hatcher.

I have a long held grudge towards Joss for not bringing Kristy Swanson in on the TV show.

My logical mind understands why, but my emotional self just sits, dispondent in the corner, quietly loading ammo.

Posted by: Bane at January 16, 2009 3:54 PM

Except that Return to Oz sucked ass.

It was, notably, one of the only remakes/sequels/reinterpretations that actually took note that there WERE other Oz books besides Wizard, with characters and adventures and worlds and hey, Oz's actual ruler.

Posted by: twig at January 16, 2009 4:01 PM

Well, true, I'll give it that.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 4:06 PM

Wasn't Renee Russo a model for years and years before she did a few movies, more or less just for fun?

I agree with sansho1, though -- she's 54 now. Maybe she's just not willing to play Mother-in-Law parts.

She was amazing in Thomas Crowne sexy as hell despite the fact that she wasn't 25 ... do I lose Pajiba Points for loving that movie?

Posted by: Neon at January 16, 2009 4:08 PM

In my book, Neon, you gain points for that. I adore that movie.

Posted by: TK at January 16, 2009 4:10 PM

Lori Petty got shafted in a League of Their Own.

I prayed Erika Christensen would vanish after Traffic, and then after that Susan Sarandon abortion. I'm glad she's on the list. She was awful, but kept getting work because she sort of looked like Julia Stiles.

Posted by: Kat at January 16, 2009 4:21 PM

'Mysterious Ways' is the reason I think "Hey! It's that guy from that show!" every time I see Adrian Pasdar on Heroes. I used to watch it every day, though I have absolutely no memories of it now.

Posted by: James at January 16, 2009 4:25 PM

And had boobies.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 4:31 PM

I was just thinking about Mary Stuart Masterson last night because Eric Stoltz has a tiny character arc on 'Grey's Anatomy', and despite him playing a crazy-ass serial killer I couldn't help but remember how DREAMY he was in 'Some Kind of Wodnerful', and how happy I was that Keith and Watts ended up together, instead of a 'Pretty in Pink' kind of thing where he would have ended up with Amanda Jones.

Um...anyway.

The same episode also included Samantha Mathis! 'The Thing Called Love', anyone?!

Posted by: Mimi at January 16, 2009 4:40 PM

I prefer Erika Christensen to Julia Stiles. Julia has a face like an old cat and besides 10 Things I Hate About You (supported by Heath Ledger, no doubt) I don't need to watch her in anything.

Mary Stuart Masterson was in that HBO movie "Something the Lord Made" but I don't know what she did in it.

I remember when Fairuza Balk & Robin Tunney won some MTV award for The Craft. Oddly enough, Robin acted like a slutty crackhead while Fairuza was the gracious lady and accepted the award. Couldn't hate her after that. Although I pretend The Waterboy doesn't exist.

Posted by: Brie at January 16, 2009 4:43 PM

I liked Fairuza because she doesn't take birth control and eats all the steak...

Posted by: Smiley at January 16, 2009 4:46 PM

"Something the Lord Made" is actually an excellent movie.

Posted by: TK at January 16, 2009 4:46 PM

I will always love Fairuza, but only because of The Worst Witch. "Anything can happen on Halloween..."

Posted by: Julie at January 16, 2009 4:52 PM

Want to know where the Lead Actress went?

Just turn on FX, Showtime or HBO.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 16, 2009 4:57 PM

i can't believe i forgot about the worst witch. that has to be one of the best tim curry (and fairuza balk) performances! love it!

Posted by: kelley at January 16, 2009 4:57 PM

No, Samantha Mathis's highlight was Pump Up the Volume.

Although that's a crazy coincidence...she was in American Psycho...

I remember that award, Brie. One of the last times I ever watched an award show. I'm glad I did, just to see her. That's when I knew she must be a classy girl in rl. After all, for how crazy she looks and acts onscreen, you never hear about her in the tabloids.

I have to admit that I'd rather look at Erika Christenson than Julia Stiles, but I'd prefer to talk and be with Julia. She's got a brain on her. Erika's just got the girls and a pretty mouth.

Wonder why she hasn't gotten further n Hollywood?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 16, 2009 5:01 PM

@ Cindy:

Catherine Zeta Jones seems to have been locked in the basement by her husband Michael Douglas so that he can attempt to impregnate her whenever possible.

A similar effect was seen when Edie Brickell married Paul Simon and suddenly vanished from the music scene.

I have visions in both cases of these poor women trapped in wells with the male in question above saying, "It will put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again."

Posted by: Deacon Blue at January 16, 2009 5:16 PM

Please don't bring up Return to Oz. That movie scared the befuckingholyhelljesusbuddhasdickshit out of me.

*shudder*

Posted by: superEdna at January 16, 2009 5:17 PM

Christenson is too busy giving all her money to Scientology and trying to find the right sized bra to get work.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 16, 2009 5:17 PM

Julia Ormand should be on this list.

Posted by: ditto at January 16, 2009 5:25 PM

It's not like there aren't older women working in Hollywood and film elsewhere. Think a bit and you'll come up with plenty. I wonder if the reason for the perception is the large number of careers that fail not long (if at all) after 30. I posit that the disconnect is not because Hollywood is a cruel mistress that taketh away, but rather that it is a slavering dog that giveth. In other words, girls with no talent get parts because they're young and pretty, then those parts go away. Meantime they've pushed out the young girls with talent. Well I mean not all of them, but basically it makes no sense for Hollywood to bother selecting young actresses based on talent. Older actresses, however, are selected mostly on talent, and thus rarely intersect with the pool from which the younger actresses were pulled.

Q.E.D.

Posted by: Eep at January 16, 2009 5:28 PM

Wow. Points from TK. I gotta delurk more often.

Posted by: Neon at January 16, 2009 5:33 PM

Kristy Swanson got fat, Rene Russo and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio got old, and Lori Petty I heard directed some indie (VERY indie) flick last year.

Posted by: louveciennes at January 16, 2009 6:04 PM

I saw the 11th Hour last nite (bf makes me watch these crime shows ad nausem and i sorta enjoy them in their predictability) and this actress came up and she sorta looked like the sister of Renee Zellweger in Jeremy McGuire, but I think she was another one of those disappearing actresses as well (she's not on your list though). Anyway, I know I've seen this actress and she was actually good in the movie I saw her in. I can't remember what the movie was for the life of me. I may have to do a little google research if not it'll haunt me to my grave!

Posted by: ph at January 16, 2009 6:09 PM

Did Jessica Harper do anything after My Favorite Year?

Posted by: Arkansan at January 16, 2009 6:10 PM

Mimi, I've always had those kind of thoughts about Mary Stuart Masterson she did end up with Eric Stoltz in the end which was totally cute! Mary was also in Benny and Joon and she ended up with Johnny Depp (lucky her, oh how I burned for him too!) I'm surprised she's not doing more work, she is cute and understated in her quirkness and actually quite pretty. I so wish Pretty in Pink ended differently too, Ducky and Sam deserved each other!

Posted by: ph at January 16, 2009 6:13 PM

Awwww, Samantha Mathis! Yes, "Pump Up The Volume" and "This Is My Life" were quite the crushbuilders. I'm sorry I forgot you, Samantha. Seems to have been working her ass off, just more blue collar style. Maybe that movie with Mimi Rogers'll be good.

Also, she was never a lead but I was glad to see Martha Plimpton reappear last year with some press about her Broadway Shakespeare. I still love ya, Stef.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 6:19 PM

The story I've heard is that John Hughes wrote "Some Kind of Wonderful" to "correct" "Pretty In Pink", since he'd been pressed to have Andie wind up with.....you know...that guy.....and I've seen girls ooh and coo and such when she does outside by the car (before...Kristy Swanson comes in! And of course both Martha Plimpton and Samantha Mathis dated River Phoenix. It's all connected!). I stomped out of the theater MAD at age 11. I wasn't even sure WHY I was mad. I wasn't that hormonal yet and couldn't have known I was watching something of the future. I just knew somehow that bad shit had gone down.

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 6:31 PM

If you drop Kristie Swanson and Erica Christensen, you have prett much my list of favorite actresses of the last couple of decades - especially Fairuza Balk and Lori Petty. If any of them decide to come back, I'll be there.

You know I've often wondered why the more business-minded and successful actresses don't produce their own movies. I know all about Hollywood's legendary sexism (and racism), but I think that the way out is to create product separately, and not wait for the crumbs from the system.

Posted by: Meander at January 16, 2009 6:55 PM

Its nice to see Gretchen Mol getting work again.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 16, 2009 6:55 PM

I know she gets alot of love but the last movie I saw Renee Russo in (the gawd-awful Two for the Money) she looked like a pre-op tranny with freakishly large and boney hands and face. Just saying. I'm really not one to hammer someone for being unattractive either. It just really effected me.

Posted by: Handel at January 16, 2009 7:27 PM

I just picked up The Thomas Crowne Affair in the 2 for $9 bin at Tar-jay today. Win!
Unfortunately, the only other movie in the bin I could find that didn't totally make me want to gag or I didn't already own was Sense and Sensibility.
I just can't get over Winslets hair in that one. It looks like a cross between a bad blond afro wig and a brillo pad.

Posted by: hersheygirl at January 16, 2009 8:17 PM

neon, I am totally with you. I've wanted to be Catherine Banning since I was 15.

Posted by: jvo at January 16, 2009 9:21 PM

Life is current intensely grim, so it might be making me brusque. But for once in my life, I'm going to say I'm kind of entitled to my moribund ways.

1) I have no problem with the loss of Edie Brickell, because I have heard her sing. Swamp Donkey.

2) Julia Stiles may give off the impression of intelligence to some because of her affected speech and airless demeanor. But if she's so smart, how come she doesn't know how to act? Did anyone see that MONA LISA film? Because I got screwed into it, and she was TU-HU-HAIR-I-BULL in it. First she just blew, but then she branched off and diversified into yellow, ecru and puce, like some kind of miscreant thespianic stockbroker. She managed to make an already useless character damned risible. Blergh. Just because you pretended to be an Ivy Leaguer in real life, doesn't mean you can pull it off on the big screen. Jack-a-ninny.

3) Lori Singer's lucky she got two seasons out of FAME. Yawn. They're going to remake FOOTLOOSE, and Efron's gonna straddle them cars like Tawny Kitaen is watching, and you'll cry, Lori Singer.

4) Apropos of nothing, who is sick, sick, sick of the talk about Winslet's weight? And I'm not even going in the direction you're expecting. I'm pointing at YOU, Kate. It's like every second movie and interview is about how she's 'fat'. It's so sad...FUCK YOUR STUPID LIFE! Maybe that kind of self-pity works for some gusset-clutches, but I could menstruate a sadder story than that. I'm not saying she's not talented, I'm just saying she should shut up.

5) I wanted to slap her in THE ABYSS too, but not for the same reasons as the my friends out the Yucca Flats of Pajiba.

6) Gretchen Mol? Nobody remembers that shit!

7)Balk got Firthed. 'Firthed' is a word that I'm using to describe the affect that he has had on the careers of some of his co-stars.

Balk? Firthed.

Tilly? Firthed (don't even pretend like it was a choice)

Zellwegger? Firthed.

(fucking) Bynes? Firthed.

Jennifer Ehle? Firthed.

Benning? Firthed.

7) Also apropos of nothing: Jennifer Morrison is an exceptionally terrible blonde, and if I have to slap the brunette back onto her, it is SO dunzo.

8) Age and weight are one thing, but the reason none of these people mentioned around the boards here are the same person, right? I've been hearing their names for eons, and I still can't remember who's who. Hoisted by your own narrow-fracking-minded petard, Hollywood. Paled, blanded, and washed out into obscurity.

Whatev's, I've given you cats enough of my wisdom. Besser Out.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 16, 2009 9:26 PM

I do not feel sorry for these women because they have pussies, and when you have a pussy you don't have to worry about where your next meal is coming from, there, I said it.

Posted by: Pookie at January 16, 2009 9:38 PM

Deborah Foreman
Valley Girl
Real Genius (Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?)
and two guilty pleasures of mine (My Chauffeur and April Fools Day)

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at January 16, 2009 9:38 PM

Oh testify Pookie!

But an original Buffy, the Buffy movie was blasphemy! There can be only one Buffy!

Posted by: George at January 16, 2009 9:56 PM

Wait...so does my Michelle Meyrink have to fight your Deborah Foreman then?

I had no idea who Jennifer Morrison was, but is it a coincidence that she's playing Kirk's mother who's named Winona while Winona Ryder is playing Spock's mother? Krazy!

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 10:01 PM

"Haven't seen Naomi Watts in a while."

"21 Grams" (that was less than five years aho, wasn't it?) Amazing nipples, like, 3 inches long. Never seen anything like it.

Mariel Hemingway? I used to think she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 16, 2009 10:12 PM

I know from which you speak daddy, I used to date this chick that had nipples the size of shot glasses. We used to hang out and I'd spend half the day sucking on her nipples.

Posted by: Pookie at January 16, 2009 10:19 PM

the Buffy movie was blasphemy

Huh?

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 10:21 PM

I would put my money on Deborah Foreman the killer from April Fools Day, although, Michelle Meyrink could get horney and torch Deborah ala Nice Girls Don't Explode.

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at January 16, 2009 10:26 PM

Jeez, spoiler warning next time???

Posted by: Jay at January 16, 2009 10:36 PM

Pookie, Shot glasses, yeah, them's some fine knobs. But these looked more like three-inch straws.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 16, 2009 11:21 PM

Three inch straws! Sweet Jesus! I don't why a woman wouldn't want to have her nipples sucked, it should be a law that says a man should be able to walk up to a woman and start sucking on her nipples.

Posted by: Pookie at January 16, 2009 11:42 PM

I remember even Mrs. Daddy was impressed.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 16, 2009 11:45 PM

Nipple envy?

Posted by: Pookie at January 16, 2009 11:48 PM

I just have to say its a total hollywood shitpile of machismo that causes good actresses to drop off the radar for their middle years, only to turn up again as 80 year old grandmothers (a la Jessica Tandy). Either you're hot or you're old, nothing in between.

Rene Russo is an ok actress, but always solid. and MEM and MSM are fantastic! I think they both do a bit of theater, especially MEM...ah, Broadway, the place where aging actresses come to wile away their time, honing their craft until they become old enough that sexy doesn't matter.

Posted by: MissSmilla at January 16, 2009 11:48 PM

Daddy did you hear somebody say something? I mean I hear somebody talking, I'm just curious as to why someone is talking when I don't hear dinner being prepared?

Posted by: Pookie at January 16, 2009 11:58 PM

Bridget Fonda married Danny Elfman and had a couple of babies. Who needs to sing for your supper on a movie set when you can live the cushy life on all that composing money?

Posted by: Jeano at January 17, 2009 12:05 AM

Most of these females got dropped 'cause they got FAT.

Lay off the proteins ladies.

there I said it..CALL JENNY!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 17, 2009 1:13 AM

Janine Turner spent several years, I think, on a Lifetime series called Strong Medicine. But I'm curious about a few others, too: Madeline Stowe, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meg Tilly, Deborah Winger (who only recently resurfaced in Rachel Getting Married), Lauren Ambrose, where have you gone? I guess it's like that line from The First Wives Club about the three ages of actresses - babe, DA and Driving Miss Daisy - and there are fewer and fewer decent roles as the years go on. Let's hope women Connie Britton, Toni Colette, Rachel Griffiths, Amy Adams and others from this generation don't wind up doing Guthy Renker infomercials...

Posted by: audrey at January 17, 2009 2:08 AM

Gabrielle Anwar anyone?
She was beautiful.

Posted by: simmy at January 17, 2009 4:59 AM

Obvious point barely mentioned: did non of these actresses take a career break for babies?
Also isn't the money from one film enough to retire on and live on the interest if you have moderate tastes?

And last of all, good to see the old Pookie back, I was really worried when he started blathering on about being nice! How long did he last?

Posted by: ChrisD at January 17, 2009 6:23 AM

Just pots and pans, Pooks. And I could use another beer.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 17, 2009 9:38 AM

8:40 in the morning and you want a beer? Dude try orange juice.

Posted by: Pookie at January 17, 2009 9:44 AM

Hey, whatever happened to that actress from that TV show, the one about ... well, I can't quite remember now, and I can't recall her name either -- Jezebel Anderston? Jessica Afghanistan? Jender Ann Something? You never see her around anymore.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 17, 2009 9:48 AM

Oatmeal stout: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Orange juice? The bar I hang out, a lot of people like tomato juice in their beer but I never got that. I would never ruin a good beer with tomato juice or orange juice or (gag) lime juice. Closest I'll come is a slice of lemon in a hefeweizen. Tried shandy once, didn't much like it. Not real big on your fruit beers, either, though the brewpub guy here makes a really good apricot wheat every summer, and I love it even though I detest apricots.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 17, 2009 9:56 AM

Apricot, what you got your period? Sorry, I always wanted to use that line from " The Departed."

Posted by: Pookie at January 17, 2009 10:34 AM

HA!

*'daddy sets it on tee; Pookie hits it out of park*

Happy to oblige.

Posted by: bucdaddy at January 17, 2009 11:45 AM

Gabrielle Anwar was doing TV's Burn Notice, last I heard.

And ALL those women did movies with Colin Firth? For a second I thought you meant Colin Farrell. And I replaced "did movies" with "slept" and suddenly had a much clearer understanding of why I became an actor.

Posted by: karstark at January 17, 2009 12:25 PM

I watch that movie like once a week and I don't care who knows. -jM

HA! Me too, jM, me too. (Also, I kind of secretly love Fairuza Balk. Island of Dr. Moreau? Anyone? Just me? ... Fine. Now you know too much and I shall have to kill you all.)(ETA: I see now after reading all the comments that I am not alone. Fine. I shall only have to kill some of you.)

To me, Mary Stuart Masterson will always be Watts in Some Kind of Wonderful.

Doesn't Joey Lauren Adams do voice work in cartoons? Like, wasn't she one of the Rugrats or something?

And, I don't think you can count Annette Bening "Firthed". She, too, "got old".

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 17, 2009 1:16 PM

Oh, and alos, she (Bening) worked ALOT after that movie. And that wasn't one of her biggest ones. AND she's still working... I am confused by the inclusion of Bening in this "Firthed" list.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at January 17, 2009 1:18 PM

I'm also a fan of The Abyss. I just rewatched some of it a few weeks ago, and though it's silly in spots, it has some awesome acting.

I do prefer the original to the director's cut, however. It's nice that the director's cut is out there, but I prefer the slimmed down version that focuses on their relationship. The leap in scope that the director's cut takes isn't quite smoothly achieved.

Anna>> I'm with you on Mary Stuart Masterson's Watts.

Genny>> I'm in Hollywood, and I prefer the more zaftig Erika Christensen. Of course, I'm just a cog in the machine with no decision-making clout whatsoever, so you might be right about your statement.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at January 17, 2009 1:38 PM

wait!
Ericka was in the cancelled show 6 degrees.
and I don't agree with 2 signature roles:

Mary stuart: Fried green tomatoes

Fairuza: Moby's love interest in his video.

Posted by: mario at January 17, 2009 3:21 PM

Jo 'Mama' Besser NEEDS to be remembered come Comment of the Week time for that fucking BRILLIANT summation, goddamnit.

I may not MAKE Comments of the Week, but I can fucking SEE them when they come around.

You people worship the funny, but I like the INSIGHTS.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at January 17, 2009 3:32 PM

Here's what happened to Mary Stuart Masterson.

http://www.fametracker.com/2_stars_1_slot/miller_parker.php

Posted by: Rowen at January 17, 2009 4:25 PM

"Signature Role: The love interest in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves."

Fucking WRONG.

You need to round out your M.E.M. history and modify accordingly.

Even the quality of arbitrary criticism is declining here.

Too many groupies making things cloudy?

Posted by: Recondite at January 17, 2009 5:43 PM

Friends,

The Firthening does not need to occur immediately after the fact. Oh, Benning has definitely worked (and pretty prolifically), we're in agreement. But a few actresses have managed some critical acclaim, and her Oscar cupboard remains bare. Sure, Judi Dench and Meryl Streep were able to wrest themselves from his neon talons, but they're a force beyond nature who prove to be the exception to the rule.

Rachel Blanchard: Firthed

Alison Lohman: Firthed

Gwenyth Paltrow: Firthed comma GOOP-ed.

Minnie Driver: Firthed

Chris O'Donnell: Firthed (that makes a Firthicorn)

Jennifer Jason Leigh: Firthed

Michelle Pfeiffer: Firthed

Jessica Lange: Firthed (Fir-Fecta)

Parminder Nagra: (E.R. Limbo is as good as Firthed)

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio: FIRTHED!

Nia Long: Firthed (friggin' Ice Cube 'Summer Shine-Town Crack Homes Jamboree' films don't count.)

Jeanne Triplehorn: Firthed

Mariel Hemingway: FIRTHED, cows!

Heather Graham: Firthed

Norah Jones: Firthed (they shared an episode of SNL. It was enough)

Helen Hunt: Firthed

Bette Midler: Firthed

Whatever Matthew Broderick is: Firthed

Uma Thurman: Firthed

Do you see the way my mind works? It's like a LASER! This is now SCIENCE!

I have absolutely nothing against Colin Firth, but it's pretty conclusive that The Firthulating consumes all who pass. He's the Scylla and Charybdis of the industry. Look at the numbers. Those would sit well with Nightingale.

I'm glad people were able to follow my Ramblin' Rage-Induced Short Bus to Typos-Ville, Nowhere.

I'm waiting for the Re-Firthening it kick in with a certain Scarlet. Knightley would be fine too. Soon, puppies. Soon.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at January 17, 2009 10:27 PM

"I have absolutely nothing against Colin Firth, but it's pretty conclusive that The Firthulating consumes all who pass. He's the Scylla and Charybdis of the industry."

It may be the whiskey talking, but that made me cackle like a goon.

Posted by: TK at January 18, 2009 12:45 AM

Sorry but I gotta go back to Renee Russo and take huge dump on the idea the she's "gorgeous." By the time she did Thomas Crown Affair she looked like a fucking circus freak.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 18, 2009 9:50 AM

Just imagine the deep moans she makes while she's cumming, I bet she sounds just like Herman Munster.

Posted by: Pookie at January 18, 2009 10:06 AM

So you weren't a fan of "Big Trouble" then, Slim? Rene Russo with Zooey Deschanel as her daughter was a pretty good deal for those so inclined.

Posted by: Jay at January 18, 2009 1:39 PM

saw kristy swanson on a Showtime horror flick and swear to god her ass was as big as one of the willams sisters asses.broke my heart!....hey philly hows my ass taste?GO CARDS!!!!

Posted by: pasadenamike at January 18, 2009 7:07 PM

Gabriel Anwar WAS beautiful. I've seen her on Burn Notice, and age is not being kind to her. Neither are the tanning beds, lip collagen, and starvation diet she's apparently addicted to. I can't bring myself to get too worked up though, because she's such a shitty actress. She's the only bad spot on an otherwise fun show.

Posted by: louveciennes at January 18, 2009 7:51 PM

Fairuza Balk just did Humboldt County (which I'm pretty sure I only know about because I live here).

I loved Return to Oz when I was a kid. She'll always hold a special place in my heart because of that.

Posted by: Alexandra at January 19, 2009 1:19 AM

I really miss Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio who, besides being old, never made it because her name was so difficult and people got it mixed up with Mary Stuart Masterson (I rest my case).

What of Madeleine Stowe, though? She was the lead in about six quite big films, wasn't she? I seem to remember she acquired a new face not too long ago - perhaps that did it.

Posted by: Caspar at January 19, 2009 8:15 AM

Stowe went hacked her face?

Please say it ain't so.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 19, 2009 8:20 AM

Erika Christensen was on an episode of one of the Law & Orders last year and she was absolutely awful.
Maybe that's the problem...

Posted by: anonyname at January 19, 2009 6:59 PM

I'm glad Lori Petty mostly disappeared. She was highly annoying.

Posted by: d00d at January 19, 2009 9:16 PM

I actually met Lori Petty at a comic con really nice but seemed really busy to me. Trying to answer phone calls and sign autographs, she looke a little stressed. I liked her ever sine I saw her in Booker.

Posted by: b003 at January 19, 2009 10:43 PM

Sorry but I gotta go back to Renee Russo and take huge dump on the idea the she's "gorgeous." By the time she did Thomas Crown Affair she looked like a fucking circus freak.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at January 18, 2009 9:50 AM

Why do I get the feeling that you are just hideously ugly?

Posted by: Sally at January 26, 2009 10:31 PM

I disagree, Lori Petty's lead role was in A League of Their Own.

Posted by: grace at February 3, 2009 4:05 PM

Hells Bells, twig, why'd you have to go and mention one of Cartoon Network's DC properties? Now I'm all depressed thinking of how all the good action cartoons are gone.

Petty and Balk were my favorites on this list. All were good actresses, but as a very boring and very pragmatic man, it will always be the unpredictable and possibly dangerous women who hold the key to my heart.

Posted by: Julian at February 3, 2009 6:36 PM

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