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The Best Fake Band Names Created By Pajiba Commenters

By TK | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (78)

sex-bob-omb-3.jpg

One game that everyone loves playing is thinking up great/ridiculous band names. It’s likely a provable fact that the universe is running out of good band names, which is how we end up with names like Death Cab For Cutie and Broken Social Scene. Oy. Decent bands, but yikes. And don’t get me started on metal, my favorite genre — I’m getting a little tired of bands with names like Immolation, Decrepit Birth and Municipal Waste. Sheesh. My personal favorite death metal band name right now is Job For A Cowboy, because it’s so un-death-metally. My second favorite metal band name? Wolves In The Throne Room. Personal current favorite band name, non-metal edition? Either Jackie-O Motherfucker or Split Lip Rayfield.

I digress.

Over the years that I’ve been writing here, we occasionally get some funny motor scooters in the comment threads, and every now and then someone blurts out a gem that the next commenter immediately grabs as their next fictional band name. And I’ve paid a surprising amount of attention to these occurrences, because I get really nerdy about random shit. And so, in what may well be the most random of all Seriously Random Lists (or at least, it was until Dustin’s fucking font list), I present to you The 20 Best Fake Band Names Created By Pajiba Commenters.

The band name is linked to the original article, the commenter name in parentheses.


20. Assplosion (nadine)

19. Scrotal Pirates (apocalipstick)

18. Moldy Crouton (figgy)

17. Portable Sweatshop (Anna von Beaverplatz)

16. Temple of Poon (MM)

15. Puppet Dystopia (Jenilane )

14. Zombie Cannon (the new transported man)

13. Crock Pot Abortion (Doctor Controversy)

12. Boobquake (Fredo)

11. Extraordinary Nutsacks (, (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy))

10. Crash Test Beautysmith (AM)

9. Odd Ostrich Variation (Ian)

8. Mystical Butt Plug (Slash)

7. Intellectually Stunted Monkeys (Brian)

6. Fistulated Cow (Erik)

5. Sad Puppy Pendant (Vermillion)

4. Friendly Vaginas (Nadine)

3. Muppet Death Threat (Dr. Controversy)

2. The Ben Foster Reach-Around (Odnon.)

1. Hot Mormon Muffins (Anna von Beaverpuppet)









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Comments

Shafted again!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 7, 2011 12:35 PM

Muppet Death Threat hits me in just the right place.

Posted by: ChristianH at January 7, 2011 12:36 PM

Now opening for Dethklok -- SHAFTED AGAIN!

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2011 12:40 PM

AVClub just did its "Year In Band Names", which is always awesome. The cream of the crop was not actually a band name -- just the greatest song title in history. It's by Annotations Of An Autopsy, and it's called "In Snakes I Bathe".

"In Snakes I Bathe"!! There's no improving on that, ever!

Posted by: sansho1 at January 7, 2011 12:48 PM

Vaginal Catastrophe.

I think it only works if your an all chick punk band from the early nineties though...

Posted by: Blank at January 7, 2011 12:51 PM

Fun Fact: This is the only place you'll see the term "Crock Pot Abortion". Go ahead...Google it. And as for "Muppet Death Threat" making it to the Top 3, I am shocked. (In the good sort of way.) Awesomeness prevails.

Posted by: DoctorControversy at January 7, 2011 12:54 PM

*sigh No love for the Five Skins?

Just when they were on the cusp of releasing their sophomore album, "Brisk British Bris" too. With such tracks as "Gimmie A Hand", "Low Ball", and their first single; "Rug Burns".

Later on their promotional "Aim High" tour kicks off in Buffalo, New York, with opening acts, The Bald Tacos and Green Jellÿ.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 7, 2011 12:57 PM

The Uvulas

I thought I came up with Nymphetamine, but I didn't; there's not a band, but a band named a record Nymphetamine. I suppose there could still be a band.

Both are all girl bands.

Posted by: Nisi at January 7, 2011 1:00 PM

Hee, #2 is my favoritest. Also love seeing TK's little obsessions.

Posted by: Figgy at January 7, 2011 1:05 PM

"Uncle Bob Touched Me"

Best ever....

Posted by: SpudTater at January 7, 2011 1:09 PM

The Ben Foster Reach Around!!!! Take THAT Ben Folds.

Posted by: valerie at January 7, 2011 1:15 PM

I'm not Googling that shit Doc C., but it's easily my favorite.

Posted by: Cindy at January 7, 2011 1:18 PM

I love that #2 is all of 3 days old.

I still maintain that Faith No More is the best band name ever, but since I'm a huge fan of their work, I'm probably biased. I'm sure in some far reaches of the galaxy somebody thinks Hootie and the Blowfish is the best band name ever. I'm glad I don't know that person...

Posted by: EJ at January 7, 2011 1:21 PM

I've heard Hootie gets very mad when you call him Hootie. Something about it not being his real name or some such nonsense. I wouldn't know since I've never met him and called him Hootie. If I did meet him I would call him Hootie and ask how his Burger King jingle campaign is doing.

You are fortunate, though, EJ... I know several people who think "Hootie and the Blowfish" is the greatest band name ever. I also know several other individuals with similar impressions of "Creed" and "Nickleback".

Posted by: lubeg at January 7, 2011 1:31 PM

Some friends and I actually have a list of fictional band names that have just appeared in our warped imaginations over the past few years. Among my favorites are Wee Velvetty Paws (pre-teen punk wannabees), Halibut Hand Puppets (grunge) and Fat Chance Underpants, who will open for Frankin Benjamin & The Pantaloons

Posted by: swingdude at January 7, 2011 1:38 PM

Immolation is a great metal name. One word names like that are always a sign of quality. Observe: Immortal, Decapitated, Dismember, Entombed, Emperor, Suffocation...

Posted by: Steph at January 7, 2011 1:44 PM

...and now my co-workers are looking over the top of my cube trying to figure out why I am suddenly choking...

Meat Popsicle

Bitches for Bundy

Big, Bouncy Babes

Count Crotchula

The Fucktards (or Fucktarts...optional spelling change)

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 7, 2011 1:46 PM

swingdude, Fat Chance Underpants is fucking inspired. --TK

Posted by: TK at January 7, 2011 1:46 PM

Mine is 'Leatherbarrow', named after a nurse I used to pay called Bertha Leatherbarrow. As vivid a picture that that name conjures, she was actually a very skinny woman.

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at January 7, 2011 1:49 PM

This is probably totally out of place, but is anyone else having problems with Break Media trying to show me crap every time I click on a link here? I can understand one out of every five times (Shakespeare got to get paid), but this is getting ridiculous.

Posted by: Maureen at January 7, 2011 1:51 PM

I love this SRL. And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm on it twice*. I love Puppet Dystopia, and both of Dr. Controversy's entires. My Next Band Name is the funnest game ever.

So, how the hell do you remember all of these?! They come up ALL THE TIME. Do you keep, like, a spreadsheet or something? You really ARE nerdy, TK.

*LIES. I totally am.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 7, 2011 1:58 PM

A friend of mine lost a bet and let me name his band a couple of years ago, "This cheese tastes like knife" broke up pretty quickly. I think it's because their drummer was a vegan.

Posted by: Wut? at January 7, 2011 1:59 PM

Oh. My. Word. Best post in FOREVER. Finally stopped laughing.

Posted by: Mr. Yuck at January 7, 2011 2:08 PM

In high school my buddies and I made a list of band names that we'd use. I can remember some of them:

Nubile
Nethersmooth
Springboard to Delinquency
Bananaramya
The Cockholds

If any of us had any musical talent, other than for band-naming, we'd be on our first reunion tour right now, and my name would have been changed to Captain Kielbasa many years ago. Unfortunately, Jimmy quit, Jody got married.

Posted by: logar at January 7, 2011 2:08 PM

A friend of mine once had a solo industrial/noise project called Jesus Egg That Wept. I thought that was inspired, personally.

I've always wanted to form an 80s-style glam rock/hair metal band called Sexhammer, just so we could have the obligatory "song named after the band" and the singer could stanf, legs akimbo, resplendent in glittery spandex strides, and howl the song's title refrain in a glass-shattering falsetto: "SexhammEEEEEEERRRRRR!"

Posted by: Dill The Devil at January 7, 2011 2:17 PM

Miss Smith has already named her all-girl band Nerdy Bunnys.

They will all wear glasses.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at January 7, 2011 2:18 PM

FUCK YEAH! ASSPLOSION AND FRIENDLY VAGINAS!!!!. Dudes if you EVER need Band Names, just call me, I DESTROY those damned things, it's like a gift from Godtopus or somethin' I dont know

Posted by: Nadine at January 7, 2011 2:25 PM

When I was in Amoeba, I swear to god there was a band called Anal Cunts. The Cunts might have been spelled Kunts though. But it's real, look it up.

Posted by: Theseus at January 7, 2011 2:26 PM

I made up a term for a sex-act that would be a great name for an all-girl band: The Lazy Susans

Posted by: logar at January 7, 2011 2:30 PM

Krusty Foreskin FTW

Posted by: BAM at January 7, 2011 2:36 PM

Real band name - Fred Bread and the Toasters.

Posted by: Jadine at January 7, 2011 2:36 PM

Theseus, not only was Anal Cunt a real band, but they were from my home town. Hell, I've seen them live.

Posted by: TK at January 7, 2011 2:37 PM

Theseus - There's definitely a band called Anal Cunt. They've penned such charming ditties as "I Intentionally Ran Over Your Dog", "Hitler Was A Sensitive Man", "I Just Saw The Gayest Guy On Earth" and "Everyone In The Underground Music Scene Is Stupid".

Posted by: Dill The Devil at January 7, 2011 2:37 PM

I forgot to mention that Fred has since left the band and they are now MT and the Toasters which makes absolutely no sense.

Posted by: Jadine at January 7, 2011 2:38 PM

We could make a whole new list of band names based on medical terms:

Glaucoma
The Varicose Veins
Love Pump (my name for the heart)
The Stretch Marks
Breasts
Thrush

You get the picture.


Posted by: logar at January 7, 2011 2:39 PM

Dr. Controversy's "Entires"

Posted by: Cindy at January 7, 2011 2:47 PM

not mine, but....

dinosaurs with vagina sores

you're welcome.

Posted by: john at January 7, 2011 2:48 PM


my favorite one i've come up with is Urinal Cake.

they're a skater thrash band

Posted by: SCOTT at January 7, 2011 2:50 PM

Nethersmooth induced giggles. I'm randomly dropping that into a conversation at some point in the near future.

Posted by: psy at January 7, 2011 2:53 PM

"Thrush" will undergo a Jefferson _____ transformation into "Oral Thrush" after losing their lead singer and guitarist to a tragic dental accident.

Posted by: Ian at January 7, 2011 2:54 PM

Silky kunts

Jonn Boner

Cunning Stunts

Skunky Bucket

Fell A. Schio

The Bumpitts

my band in college (no lie) was the Rhythm Wadds.


Posted by: dammitjanet at January 7, 2011 2:59 PM

The Arrhythmics

Posted by: logar at January 7, 2011 3:04 PM

Don't know why, but the single image of an album cover popped in my head one time - the band name was Bad For Baby. The album was self-titled, and the front cover was a crib with a mobile made of knives.

Posted by: Lauren at January 7, 2011 3:06 PM

I still want to see an actual band named Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuck.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 7, 2011 3:10 PM

Bananaramya

Posted by: logar at January 7, 2011 2:08 PM

I read that as Bananaramayana and was inspired.

The Bhagavad Guitars
Pentatouch
The Minor Prophets
The Corinthians
Qu'rock
The Tao Te Ching$

Religious texts are awesome for band names with only slight alteration. You don't even have to mess with The Book of the Dead.

Posted by: coryo at January 7, 2011 3:21 PM

Oh, and I had a friend in highschool who named his band Cancer Romancer. Yes, he was whatever you are thinking.

Posted by: coryo at January 7, 2011 3:24 PM

For the movie "Zombie vs. Mardi Gras" (look it up, haters) I was the lead singer of "Solyent Brown and The Chump Change". Our big hit was "Funky, Part 2".

Awwww yeaaaaaah...

Posted by: Green Lantern at January 7, 2011 3:27 PM

While brainstorming with my bandmates to name our band, my bassist and I settled on the names "The Talented Mr. Nippley" and "Krang's Belly-House". Unfortunately, everybody else wanted a "serious" name. Whatever.

Posted by: Jack Klompus at January 7, 2011 3:47 PM

I think "A Seriously Random List" is a great band name.

Posted by: samantha t at January 7, 2011 3:51 PM

Balls Deep In Rainbows

Posted by: Bronson at January 7, 2011 4:07 PM

Dr. Controversy's "Entires"
Posted by: Cindy at January 7, 2011 2:47 PM

EntrIEs. I meant entries.

Though I do enjoy his entires as well. (Or were you suggesting yet another band name?)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at January 7, 2011 4:12 PM

The fact that Totally, Nintendo didn't make the cut makes me really sad.

Posted by: Lennon at January 7, 2011 4:31 PM

Combine the exploding sex toy and the name of a Pajiban to get: Dildo Baggins. Irish lesbian little people band?

Posted by: psy at January 7, 2011 4:58 PM

Logar, there was a popular band in Halifax called Thrush Hermit a few years back. I think they're now defunct since the lead singer went on to start a successful solo career.

Posted by: meaux at January 7, 2011 5:09 PM

Woo HOO!!! Let's get the tour started!
I nod, headbangingly, to admin for the inspiration.

Also:I still want to see an actual band named Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuck.
Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 7, 2011 3:10 PM
Fuck yeah! They're gonna make it! I know it!

Posted by: Odnon. at January 7, 2011 5:27 PM

And I've always like the name "Afghanistan Bananastand."
Fave album name "Bills, Bills, Bills by Bill and the Bills."

Posted by: Odnon. at January 7, 2011 5:30 PM

real bands from my home town:

Poo Poo Ka Ka and the Bum Bums

The Dumbs (well, Gatineau, close enough)

Anal Chinook (one of the members went on to found that periodical of lofty concerns, Vice magazine)

Canadian punk band names were filled with the sort of thing one would think culled from the sewer minds who frequent these here parts.

God bless these here parts!

Posted by: idleprimate at January 7, 2011 5:49 PM

Late to the game, here are mine:

Glum Kuntz
Montenegro Stylee

and my favorite fake television band?

Rod Torkelson's Spanish Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk.

thanks for letting me play!

Posted by: JuiceinLA at January 7, 2011 5:57 PM

If you don't think any of these are funny, you need to say them aloud. I said, "Wait a minute. 'The Ben Foster Reach -- *gigglesnort*"

Posted by: duckandcover at January 7, 2011 6:48 PM

I just saw the word "Molesterbation" on Very Demotivational.

I could totally see that as a nice Ska band...

Posted by: EJ at January 7, 2011 7:05 PM

I can't stop laughing at "Temple of Poon." Temple of Poon!!! I want a t-shirt with that name on it.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 7, 2011 7:11 PM

Love these:
Temple of Poon
Shafted...again!
The Five Skins
Uncle Bob Touched Me
Captain Kielbasa
The Lazy Susans
Pentatouch
Balls Deep In Rainbows
Count Crotchula

Death metal has some interesting names - it's all in the juxtaposition:
My Dying Bride
Cradle of Filth
Impaled Nazarene
Dying Fetus
Inactive Messiah
Morbid Angel

My contribution:
Suspicious Blue Van
The album cover (or rather the mp3 thubmnail) would feature the back of a standard issue Lester the Molester blue van (the kind with few windows that anyone who grew up in the 70s is familiar with.) The focus would be on the back of the van where you can see a tiny hand presing against the small, dark window.

Posted by: Groovy Violet at January 7, 2011 7:11 PM

New Jersey Meathook.

I imagine them as a hardcore/metal band, ala Carnivore or M.O.D.

Not sure what The Grumpy Asners would play ...

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at January 7, 2011 7:33 PM

Thanks to an article I read yesterday:

Traumatic Insemination

then:

Going Commando

based on personal experience:

Clogged Milk Duct

Mattress Dancin'

It's Never Lupus

Charlie Bit Me


Posted by: dammitjanet at January 7, 2011 7:35 PM

It's Never Lupus - this is genius. The rest of your names are ensuring that I will never have children.

Posted by: Groovy Violet at January 7, 2011 7:39 PM

I will buy It's Never Lupus' first album.

Posted by: idleprimate at January 7, 2011 8:55 PM

This is why I worship at the altar of Pajiba.

Hey...that's a pretty good band name.
"Altar of Pajiba"
"Worship my Pajiba"
"Pajiba Goes to College"
"A Man Called Pajiba"
"Pajiba in Alabama"
"The Five Neat Pajibas"

OK, now I'm getting silly...

Posted by: OldSchool60 at January 7, 2011 10:28 PM

Waiting for the Seizure (inspired by a previous thread)

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 7, 2011 11:27 PM

I recall a good friend of mine who's a musician (Sam McPheeters from Born Against & Men's Recovery Project)reading me a list many moons ago of prospective band names for his new project and three of them still stick out:
Ooga Booga
Strange Indifference To Faggy Scarf

but the best...Cock On Doily

Posted by: kidtiger at January 8, 2011 1:05 AM

I actually searched Crock Pot Abortion. Now I'm scared that that search will haunt me forever. Damn you Google! And whoever put it on Pajiba Love that Google is tracking every search!

Posted by: Maggi at January 8, 2011 6:17 AM

Do not search crock pot abortion. it gets you put on a homeland security watch list.

the revolution will not be televised. it's wi-fi

Posted by: idleprimate at January 8, 2011 8:49 AM

Real or Fake?

The Disposables
Sandbottle
The Flaming Anuses
Fat Fish Don't Get Treats
The Coldcocks
The Bushwhackers
Meat Depressed
Lazarus Sleeping
Lenin's Thumb
Yankees Suck
Asphalt Ballet
The Doosh Canoos
The Ronald Wilson Ray Guns
The Atomic Punks
Penny Allah Vodka
Balderdash
Cornflake Rockets

Posted by: bleujayone at January 8, 2011 10:21 AM

Based on a call last night where my Sgt found two naked guys humping in a car: The Open Starfish

I was initially dismayed upon learning last night that Hidden Valley Raunch was thunk up 5 years ago.

Posted by: EJ at January 8, 2011 1:18 PM

Actual name of a friends band: Damp Old Man.

Just magnificent.

Posted by: DeadlyMiho at January 8, 2011 6:29 PM

I was in the mall once, walking past a Claire's or Claire's-like store, and the sign out front had the best band name ever:

Ear Piercing Studs

A newspaper once held a contest for readers to make up band names and the winner was (and you have to imagine it with .. above all of the vowels because I don't know how to make

Pointless Umlauts

I think Shemp's Swollen Prostate was up there too, along with Spastic Mohels.

There are two bands I'd like to start, if anyone's interested: an all-male Courtney Love tribute called Manhole, and old guys in flannel playing '90s grunge covers as Shoegeezers.

Posted by: , at January 8, 2011 7:36 PM

Oh, and for a few minutes here long ago there was a real band called Urethra Franklin. And not so long ago there was a Pontius CoPilot.

Posted by: , at January 8, 2011 7:46 PM

Fuck, I just cleared my name. Damn you Google!

Posted by: Maggi at January 8, 2011 8:24 PM

Curse you all, went on to read up at Boing Boing and I couldn't stop seeing band names:

"At CES in Vegas, PC maker Lenovo's weirdest installation was its 'ThinkLab,' a room full of computers and mad-scientist oddities. Alongside bubbling retorts and a stuffed jackalope was a glowing red tray full to the brim with the little red tracknubs used on ThinkPads as pointing devices."

Weirdest Installation
ThinkLab
Mad-Scientist Oddities
The Bumbling Retorts
Stuffed Jackalope
Red Tracknubs
Pointing Devices

Aaaargh, I can't stop...

Posted by: TrickyHD at January 9, 2011 11:23 AM

I have 1 word and I can't believe it's been left off this list...

Whiskeybabyninjastar!

...for shame.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 10, 2011 8:30 AM

Dead thread by now, I'm sure. I can't keep generating names now, though. My latest:

Credible Threat
Insult to Injury
Homo Superior
Dancing with Terrorists
This Side Up
The Swingline Staplers

... ok, now I'm just reading items off my desk.

Posted by: logar at January 12, 2011 7:02 PM