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The Alternate-Life Big Screen Roles of 10 NFL Players

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (21)

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Tony Romo (The Douchebag Boyfriend — Think Craig Kilborn in Old School)

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Kyle Boller (The Harvard Asshole in 80s Comedies)

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Peyton Manning (Lenny Small in Of Mice and Men (Sorry, Peyton))

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Eli Manning (Lenny Small’s Understudy in Of Mice and Men)

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Phililp Rivers (The Next Generation of Yahoo Serious)

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Matt Cassell (The Local Yokel — Think Cletus Spuckler in “The Simpsons”)

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Wes Welker (The Gay Best Friend — Think Ethan Embry in Sweet Home Alabama)

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Ray Lewis (The Homicidal Reverend (with a Secret))

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Jason Taylor & Tony Gonzales (The Poor Man’s Dwayne Johnson)

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Tom Brady (The Mentally Challenged Dad in Justin Bieber Movies)

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Comments

I may have peed a little at the last one.

Posted by: Julie at October 26, 2010 3:52 PM

I love you forever for the characterization of the Mannings.

Posted by: PaddyDog at October 26, 2010 3:55 PM

Good call on the Mannings.

Posted by: admin at October 26, 2010 3:56 PM

No Favre?

Posted by: Jerry at October 26, 2010 3:58 PM

Dang, I was hoping for a mention of Alex Karras. Wrong kind of list, I guess.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at October 26, 2010 3:59 PM

Aaron Rodgers on the Packers kind of looks like Ryan from The Office.

Posted by: Matt at October 26, 2010 3:59 PM

I think you mean:

Wes Welker -- First openly gay man elected to public office.

Posted by: shanmarie at October 26, 2010 4:11 PM

Curse you, link! Well it was Harvey Milk (in case you couldn't have guessed.)

Posted by: shanmarie at October 26, 2010 4:13 PM

Do these guys play a sport or something?

Posted by: Justin Beiber at October 26, 2010 4:15 PM

I snorted so loud at that last one, it made my work nemesis glare. But then again, what do I do that DOESN'T make her glare?

Anyway, well done.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at October 26, 2010 4:19 PM

Ray Lewis (The Homicidal Reverend (with a Secret))

I thought you said this was a alternate life...

Don't jump on me, haters. I actually admire Ray Lewis. That was just too good an opening to pass up.

Posted by: Reba at October 26, 2010 4:39 PM

Don't apologize to Peyton.

You forgot Kyle Orton (Think Sam Rockwell in CHOKE. Where the main character spends a good potion of the movie CHOKE CHOKE CHOKING!!)

Sorry. I'm a little bitter after this weekend though it was ALL the Broncos that broke my heart not just my QB.

Posted by: Paultera at October 26, 2010 4:43 PM

I don't care for Tom Brady, don't like his politics, don't like his gameplay, don't like his stupid face.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 26, 2010 4:57 PM

With the onset of twitter and many of the NFL personalities injecting themselves into the cultural gestalt with even less of a filter, we might be seeing more of these players making the transition to movies soon.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 26, 2010 5:16 PM

That is a terrible picture of Wes Welker. He's usually adorable (albeit with a serious case of the crazy eye.)

As for Tom Brady...well, you'd have to have at least a hint of a personality to get into acting, even in a Justin Bieber movie. Have you seen the guy's commercials? I think William Hung made better commercials.

Posted by: Siege at October 26, 2010 5:32 PM

Siege,

"hint of a personality...Justin Bieber movie."

I think there's a contradiction in there somewhere.

Posted by: Paultera at October 26, 2010 5:48 PM

Hahahahaha. Awesome.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at October 26, 2010 6:19 PM

That's kind of hitting Romo in the sack when he's down isn't it? Well, I approve. Have at it.

And Jay Cutler is looks mentally challenged as well.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at October 26, 2010 11:48 PM

What BarbadoSlim said. I hate everything Brady and everything Patriots, and I hate how they are always called "Tom Brady and the Patriots" instead of just "The Patriots." He gets too much credit considering he's been surrounded by talent and his coach is a big fucking cheater, and he's responsible for the most hated rule in sports, the Tuck rule. I hate the man.

Posted by: EJ at October 27, 2010 4:01 AM

Sounds like EJ is a Jets fan. Couple of minor quibbles:

Brady is not responsible for the tuck rule. The Patriots benefited from the already existing rule. Also, the Raiders had plenty of chance to stop them after that rule was applied (correctly) and failed.

If you think Brady is successful because of Spygate you probably think Roger Goodell is doing a swell job as commissioner too.

Posted by: Brian at October 27, 2010 12:43 PM

Now now, Brian, think of all the good Roger Goodell has done! He's put a stop to all that worrisome dancing and celebrating. I think we can all sleep more soundly at night knowing that we don't have to fear any overly raucous touchdown dances or that Jared Allen might be putting his knee on a field somewhere.

/sarcasm

Posted by: Siege at October 28, 2010 3:57 PM