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The 5 Most Painfully Awkward, Non-Football, Non-Commercial Related Moments of the Super Bowl

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (61)

diazalex.jpg

5. The National Anthem: Give Christina Aguilera some credit: She didn’t lip sync. But she also botched the lyrics, which is odd because this is not the first time she’s performed the National Anthem at a huge sporting event. My guess is that so few people know the actual lyrics, it went unnoticed by many until some nerdy journalist pointed it out. Still, credit her for trudging on like a professional.

4. The Running Man: Is there a Guinness Book of World’s Record entry for the most Running Man participants in one place? If we’d only known ahead of time, we could’ve dug a fiery pit for them to run into.

halftimerunningman.jpg


3. Slash: And speaking of that interminable, agonizing Super Bowl halftime show from the most painfully infectious pop group in the history of mankind, the lowest point may have been Fergie’s Axl-like seduction of the former Guns n’ Roses guitarist during the “Sweet Child o’ Mine” performance from karaoke hell. The very fact that “Sweet Child o’ Mine” was put in the same set as “Boom Boom Pow” is probably enough to discourage Axl Rose from making another album for two decades.

2. Omar Epps: I checked in on Twitter at some point during the Super Bowl last night, and caught that Omar Epps was trending. It took me a second to realize why, but now I know: Twitter is racist. (But not that racist).

omar&mike.jpg

1. Cameron Diaz Feeding Alex Rodriguez: If you’re like me, and 98 percent of the free world, you hate the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez. This moment will be mentioned on every sports talk radio show for the next decade. It’s not that Diaz simply fed Rodriguez popcorn, which might have been cute if anyone actually liked Rodriguez or Diaz, it’s the look of utter annoyance on Diaz’s face that sells it. It was deliciously joyless.










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Comments

Oh Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, Slash, why you a-do this to me?

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 7, 2011 10:15 AM

Isn't Christina Aguilera's face what addicts see when they're having flashbacks? Godtopus, I despise her even more than usual after she butchered the National Anthem.

Mind you, I hit Mute after she sang the first line. If I wanted to hear shrill caterwauling I'd put someone's testes in a vise.

Posted by: The Wanderer at February 7, 2011 10:17 AM

Did you also notice Laura Bush's frozen smile? She kept every muscle in her face clenched for about 4-5 seconds, which doesn't seem that long, but it is.

Posted by: sars at February 7, 2011 10:17 AM

Someone on reddit figured out why she sang the lyrics wrong => the wikipedia page for Star Spangled Banner was vandalized a few days prior to the game and I guess 'someone' didn't sing the Star Spangled Banner every freaking day during grade school and decided to use wikipedia as a reference.

Posted by: Vi at February 7, 2011 10:25 AM

which might have been cute

No. It would not have been cute under any circumstances. Feeding your SO in public is gross, 100% of the time. I don't need to see that, I don't WANT to see that, I don't care of you are famous or attractive or in love or none of the above. DON'T DO IT. Ugh...it almost ruined my appetite for chili, wings and mac n cheese. ALMOST.

Posted by: KatSings at February 7, 2011 10:25 AM

Zeke, there was a time, so long long ago, when I thought Guns N' Roses were just the hardest rocking, drunken quinfecta of awesome, mainly because Slash and his guitar-playing (until they became pretty cheeseball after Appetite). I thought it was great that they (seemingly) didn't give a fuck, but you can't not give a fuck about EVERYTHING, and you really should give a fuck about what performing with Fergie really means. I'm pretty sure Slash doesn't need any money, so I'm just plain disappointed.

Posted by: sars at February 7, 2011 10:27 AM

I admit, I was furiously trying to figure out what Omar Epps was doing on the field. To my credit, I don't watch American football regularly (This was only the fourth game I have watched. Ever.) and I have no idea who Mr. Tomlin is. My increasing look of confusion worried some friends who finally explained who that man is and that, in fact, he is not in any way related to Omar Epps.

I'm still not convinced.

Posted by: Scully at February 7, 2011 10:28 AM

I couldn't understand a single word of what Christina was singing, what with the slurring and endless stupid runs, so there's no way I could have noticed the slip. Plus I was too distracted by her horrible fucking hair to pay much mind. Also: hideous shoes. I think her career is in its death throes, honestly.

Fergie shouted. She fucking shouted every single word. It wouldn't have been so bad if the music had drowned her out a little bit, but the sound was so terrible that all you could her was her screaming into the mic. Pain beyond pain.

Posted by: Figgy at February 7, 2011 10:29 AM

I watched the half time show and I was surprised they let someone with breasts perform. I don't think since the "Janet incident" a female has been in the half time show. You can kind of count Prince, who all by his tiny self, in the rain was 10000 times better than the BEP, Slash ascending from Hell or wherever the hell he was and Usher descending from Heaven or wherever the hell he was.

Posted by: daria at February 7, 2011 10:35 AM

That was ... astonishing.

Look, if you're going to go all Electric Horseman, go the whole way & ride Fergie right out of the stadium. And I know Slash has to make some coin, but isn't it ridiculous to reduce the 5-minute burn of Sweet Child ... to 25 seconds of the one riff that starts it?

You know what would be better? Have Glee (not so much a fan) do a GnR episode? Put the riff into the backing singers - bum, ba, bah-da, bee-da, bah-da; bum, ba, bah-da, bee-da, bah-da ...

I'm so happy I chose to drink. Now, I'm gonna rinse out my brain with Prince's halftime show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfNeoKv8qzk

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at February 7, 2011 10:38 AM

I caught Xtina's screwup. However, her rendition of the anthem was AWFUL. Actually AWFUL. Painful even.

I'm certain Axl will use Slash's appearance as grounds for his next lawsuit. The only, and I mean ONLY redeeming characteristic of any member of the Black Eyed Peas is that Will.I.Am punched a very deserving Perez Hilton.

I like the Yankees and HATE HATE HATE Alex Rodriguez. He's a whiny dick with NO personality traits other than being a dick.

Posted by: Melody at February 7, 2011 10:38 AM

My dad once asked why the Super Bowl can't have someone good perform at halftime, "...like the Three Irish Tenors." So, that's where I come from and why I was never educated on the American passtime of football. Also, I feel that I should mention that I spelled it "Superbowl" just now, but changed it after reading the header again. Sometimes it's like I live under a rock.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at February 7, 2011 10:39 AM

I heard Christina sing the National Anthem for the NBA Finals, so I knew it was going to be horrendous. But she exceeded my expectations by screwing it up. I would have rather heard (not seen) Lea Michele sing it.
Everything about the halftime show was terrible. My ears started bleeding. I still haven't recovered.

Posted by: Dingle Berry at February 7, 2011 10:41 AM

I'm as vigilant against racism as the next guy.

But Mike Tomlin looks EXACTLY like Omar Epps. It's uncanny.

Posted by: Martin at February 7, 2011 10:50 AM

I completely missed it when they said that was Cameron Diaz. I was thinking, "Who's that old hag with A-Rod and why doesn't he have better taste in women already?" I'm sorry, Cameron, but you were not looking your tastiest last night.

Posted by: pickled tink at February 7, 2011 10:54 AM

I see they had another "wardrobe malfunction" at halftime. You'd think they'd have learned their less ...

What? That's Fergie's FACE?

Oh ...

Ew.

Posted by: , at February 7, 2011 10:55 AM

This is why the terrorists hate us. I bet nobody gets the words to the Taliban anthem wrong. Not for long, anyway ...

Posted by: , at February 7, 2011 11:00 AM

sars, you said everything I wanted to say before I decided to give up and resort to repeating a word over and over again. Well done, and thank you.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 7, 2011 11:02 AM

I'm as vigilant against racism as the next guy.

But Mike Tomlin looks EXACTLY like Omar Epps. It's uncanny.

Posted by: Martin at February 7, 2011 10:50 AM
---
Bill James the baseball statistician once wrote about the "Rule of Two Black Guys." He said normally it's thought of as racist to suggest that all, or even two, black people look alike, unless they look SO MUCH alike that you lose your credibility as a writer if people think you haven't noticed.

Posted by: , at February 7, 2011 11:04 AM

Zeke, shall we weep together?

Posted by: sars at February 7, 2011 11:12 AM

That was easily the worst halftime performance I've ever seen - so lifeless, insipid, uninspired, boring, etc. etc. etc.

Posted by: Mattfactor at February 7, 2011 11:18 AM

That was easily the worst halftime performance I've ever seen - so lifeless, insipid, uninspired, boring, etc. etc. etc.

Posted by: Mattfactor at February 7, 2011 11:18 AM
---
But you knew it was going to be awful, and you watched anyway. That's like going to see "Just Go For It" 100 times and then complaining about how much it pulled at the B.O.

I have an inkling about masochism, but some of you are just gluttons for punishment.

Posted by: , at February 7, 2011 11:26 AM

Was it the worst half-time show? I don't know...they pretty much all suck. At least there were no incidents like when Bruce Springsteen slide across the stage and crotched himself on a camera.

Posted by: Diablo at February 7, 2011 11:30 AM

Yeah, I saw that ARod clip, and thought he was going to choke again.

Posted by: Dash Riprock at February 7, 2011 11:34 AM

Uh... people who confused Mike Tomlin with Omar Epps clearly do not watch House enough, because I saw none of Omar on the field last night. Even with the side-by-side comparison, I don't think they look alike. They might have similarly sleepy eyes, but that's it.

I was in a crowded restaurant/bar for the Super Bowl, and when ARod and CamDiz came on, the entire restaurant went, "UGGHHHHH!!" collectively. It was really nice to hear an entire crowd disapprove of these very orange people.

Posted by: denesteak at February 7, 2011 11:38 AM

I actually liked the halftime show (except the awkward Fergie/Slash grinding. SO FUCKING UNNECESSARY). I liked that they played Where is the Love, and I like Usher, and I even liked the running man. I wanted those Tron outfits! Me and my girls were dancing up a storm (we were drunk by then, of course.)

Yea, yea, just me...

Posted by: denesteak at February 7, 2011 11:42 AM

I liked the halftime show because by that time all of us had consumed very much beer and we were just laughing ourselves into tears at the whole thing. God when the lit up box head dancers started, I really thought I'd choke to death from frantic laughter.


It wasn't a comedy?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at February 7, 2011 11:51 AM

Man, I thought I heard her mess up the lyrics, but I wasn't really watching, I was just passing through the living room half listening. So I figured it was just me hearing things so, I shucked it away. But I was right! Ha ha ha.

Posted by: Candee at February 7, 2011 11:52 AM

daria, I'm pretty certain the Prince halftime show was the best one of my lifetime, and I'm 28. The Black Eyed Peas didn't even come close.

I must be gay, because I still think Xtina is attractive...

Posted by: RobP at February 7, 2011 11:54 AM

I feel better that I wasn't the only one who thought Omar Epps looked like that coach. Of course, I couldn't remember Mr. Epps name, so all I could say was "Hey! He looks like that black House doctor guy!"

I'm not proud of that, but my mouth sometimes gets ahead of my brain and I resort to descriptions.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at February 7, 2011 11:57 AM

I spent the game engaged in football avoidance channel surfing and stumbled across the glory of Celine Dion's Vegas show on Palladium. There is a special camp inferno niche that she fills and nothing in life will ever be the same after watching her perform "Sir Duke". I recorded it so Mr. Julien could be subjected to it as well. I made him close his eyes first, so it would be an especially grisly surprise. His slack-jawed horror was heavenly.

I tuned in to the football channel after the game to see if I could catch a moment on Glee when they were actually singing. I have never successfully done so before, but last night I got lucky. It was almost immediately annoying. It would have been immediately annoying, but I had the TV muted to be sure I didn't hear any football talk.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 7, 2011 12:00 PM

With all the money and time spent producing that halftime show, why didn't anyone think to make sure all the vocalists were properly mic'd?!? The audio quality was ATROCIOUS. The ridiculous performance was made so much worse by the sound quality.

ARod just looks like he completely EXPECTS to be hand-fed, and Cameron Diaz looks beyond tired of it. It wasn't PDA because there was no affection anywhere near those two.

Posted by: Edith at February 7, 2011 12:00 PM

I spent the game engaged in football avoidance channel surfing and stumbled across the glory of Celine Dion's Vegas show on Palladium. There is a special camp inferno niche that she fills and nothing in life will ever be the same after watching her perform "Sir Duke". I recorded it so Mr. Julien could be subjected to it as well. I made him close his eyes first, so it would be an especially grisly surprise. His slack-jawed horror was heavenly.

I tuned in to the football channel after the game to see if I could catch a moment on Glee when they were actually singing. I have never successfully done so before, but last night I got lucky. It was almost immediately annoying. It would have been immediately annoying, but I had the TV muted to be sure I didn't hear any football talk.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 7, 2011 12:01 PM

Oh, thank goodness. I'm sorry for the double-posting. I thought my ability to post had been blocked by my employer. I will work in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If my employer won't let me comment on Pajiba and make it my own, I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 7, 2011 12:08 PM

What's with these Hollywood women loving to have other bimbos' sloppy seconds, or thirds? How many of these girls has ARod dated? Do they have no dignity? Why him? He looks like a melted ape and he's a douche. Maybe they have a bet system going.

Posted by: Figgy at February 7, 2011 12:10 PM

Nerdy journalists??? Everyone in the ROOM screamed when she fucked that up. Dude, if you are so fucking in love with the sound of your own WRETCHED shrieking of the National goddamned Anthem that you fuck up what have to be the simplest fucking lyrics on god's green earth, you should be raked over the metaphorical coals in print for WEEKS.

Fuckin' asshole, Aguilera. I was actually looking FORWARD to her rendition of it, till it turned in EXTRAORDINARY rendition. Jesus.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at February 7, 2011 12:20 PM

If anyone cares, I'm not sticking up for Fergie or whatever, but I gotta echo Edith; every singer other than Will i Am Green Eggs and Ham was terribly under-miked. So maybe she screams all the time, but in this case I don't think anyone woulda heard her otherwise.

It still burns, and burns. A conversation that occurred when Slash set down the Jack Daniels and came out to play, from the Lennon/Snuggie/Ian table:
"ohhhh Slash NOOOO"
"Have you heard his 'smooth jazz' album?"
"Nope"
"This is worse. Which is saying something. Look, she's grinding an Axl on him!"

Posted by: Ian at February 7, 2011 12:21 PM

Also, sorry, but I thought the halftime light show was cool. Until the V in love went on the blink, and then it was just hilarious... "Where is the Love?" Yeah, where is it? Because, fuck, you spent HOW much on this thing, and half your tech is fucked up. Unbelievable.

And yeah, the Slash shit was shit. Shit shit shit. And that stupid helmet was stupid.

But the zillions of people lit up dancing looks really really neat. Sorry. Living room full of normal people and kids wins over uberhipsters.

Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at February 7, 2011 12:25 PM

Once again Derek Jeter punks ARod. While Jeter is tapping that sweet Minka Kelly bootay, ARod is getting popcorn shoveled into his cakehole by Cameron (is this 2002?) Diaz. There's a reason Jeter is the captain.

Posted by: alone in the dark at February 7, 2011 12:28 PM

Slash was Tajazzled from head to toe.

There is no hope.

This reminds me of the New Year's Eve clusterfuck that was Seacrest, a barely articulate Dick Clark, and a reuniting of late-'80s boy bands.

Not even an excuse or pretention to being good. Just reveling in bad and expensive bad at that.

Posted by: Recondite at February 7, 2011 12:30 PM

I swear, I think it might have been closer to 75% of their tech was fucked up. I've never, NEVER heard such awful audio for such a huge event in my life!! (And audio is what we do around my place.)

Also, Christina would have remembered the words to our Anthem perfectly if she hadn't been so hell-bent on embellishing an already challenging tune to death. Honestly people, if I want to hear your trills and frills, I'll buy your goddamn album. Please do not use the National Anthem for vocal masturbation. It's better than that.

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at February 7, 2011 12:38 PM

That halftime show was a rock'n'roll crime. Too bad they don't still use The Hook - I'd have yanked that bitch right off the stage mid-song.

Posted by: Chickaboom at February 7, 2011 12:48 PM

@RobP

The Prince halftime show was sublime.

Posted by: headmonkeys at February 7, 2011 1:02 PM

I was out of the room for the popcorn feeding, so everytime I heard it mentioned, I thought of Dennis Rodman instead of A-Rod. And I thought it was just a typical non-sequitur stab at humor in one of the commercials.

Posted by: Sara Tonin at February 7, 2011 2:51 PM

"Please do not use the National Anthem for vocal masturbation. It's better than that."

Amen. It's like ordering a very basic dish at a restaurant - it's always the true test of how good the restaurant is. If you can sing our plain, but beautiful, national anthem well, then you've succeeded.

Posted by: samantha t at February 7, 2011 2:54 PM

I loathe Christina, I always have. I think the way she sung the national anthem was bad, but I don't necessarily think she deserves so much backlash for screwing up the lyrics. You're nervous, singing in front of millions of people, it's easy to screw up. She did sing it live, which is more than you can say for most people. You can do something every day for years and still screw up under pressure.

Posted by: stump at February 7, 2011 3:22 PM

O-O

Slash, you wound me.

Posted by: Aislinn at February 7, 2011 3:29 PM

Omar Epps was actually at the Super Bowl, along with other actors from House.
http://twitter.com/#!/omarepps
So maybe that's why his name was trending?

Posted by: Lauren at February 7, 2011 3:35 PM

Is it just me, or did Fergie and Will.I.Am look like they wanted to curbstomp each other into oblivion? I haven't seen that much uncomfortable body language since my parents' wedding pictures.

Posted by: dahlia6 at February 7, 2011 5:07 PM

Not only do I hate the Yankess and Cameron Diaz but I also despise when couples feed each other.

Posted by: staceygarrett at February 7, 2011 5:23 PM

I adore this site, I really do, so this comes from a place of love : I should write a linguistics paper on the subtle ways the English language tries to convince its speakers that the United States is the only country in the world ... I could use articles from this site. I know its a minute detail and hyperboles only serve to drive home a point but sentences like these irritate me : "If you’re like me, and 98 percent of the free world, you hate the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez". The free world does not give a crap about Rodriguez, most of us don't even know who he is, and we continue to maintain that football is played with a perfectly round ball that you kick with your feet. I wouldn't say anything, only I notice it all the time and it is slowly becoming my biggest pet peeve (it's my own personal "irregardless", don't judge me for it).

Then again, no one would ever publish such a paper so you can rest easy, my bitchiness will remain confined to various unpublished letters to the editor and comment sections. You may now begin to mock me.

Posted by: Candie at February 7, 2011 5:31 PM

Shut up, Candie.

(It's the closest thing I've got to mocking right now.)

Posted by: Snuggiepants at February 7, 2011 6:04 PM

I noticed Christina's flub right away. Then I pointed it out to my husband who hadn't caught it. And then I went online and confirmed that I was, indeed, correct. Thank god for the internet. It makes being an insufferable know-it-all soooooo much easier.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 7, 2011 6:19 PM

Snuggiepants > you could make fun of my broken English, or the fact that I did not get any of the references in this article. But the "shut up" was sufficiently hurtful.

Posted by: Candie at February 7, 2011 6:58 PM

Hey, Candie, you don't live in da free world if'n you taint from Amurrika! If'n ya did, yall'd know 98% of all real 'Merikens loathe both damn Yankees with the fiery passion of a thousand Fat Men and four Little Boys!

(That's something we in the States created that we lovingly named satire.)

((That was, too...))

Posted by: RobP at February 7, 2011 8:29 PM

I don't watch football or any sport with anything close to regularity. Imagine my surprise that the actor from House had invested his salary so well that he had managed to purchase a football team. I thought he was some kind of financial genius. Reading this comment thread makes me so relieved to know I wasn't the only person who believed that was Epps until Tomlin's name appeared on screen.

I was at a bar brimming with good natured competitive trash talk so hearing what was on the TV was almost impossible at many points during the show. This was beneficial when the singing was on screen. I hate how Aguillera sings. She has the pipes to be so much better and so much classier a vocalist than she is. Remember that Reflection song from Mulan, she CAN hold a note without warbling it, or at least she used to be able to. Why won't she do it? Is she that desperate to make something 'her own' that she will crap all over it to ensure you know it is her rendition?
Someone in her camp needs to explain this to her.
The halftime show was terrible from a technical standpoint, but it was also random, bloated and confusing. I get pissed when I see that much money get wasted. HOwever, my friends and I got a few good jokes and possible Halloween costume ideas out of it.

Posted by: Viking at February 7, 2011 9:02 PM

Hey! It's Enrico Palazzo!

Posted by: The Mutt at February 7, 2011 9:02 PM

When I saw Slash emerge from that stage during the half time show and realized that Fergie (!!!)was going to sing 'Sweet Child of Mine' I laughed.

I thought about Axl Rose sitting in front of his tv watching the Superbowl with a plastic cap on his hair to protect the new golden red Feria color he had just applied to his exposed roots. And. I. Just. LAUGHED.

Posted by: greer at February 7, 2011 9:28 PM

sars, sorry for the late response which you probably won’t end up reading – I’m in a different time zone to you. I think. But yeah: I’ve been weeping all day and night.

Posted by: zeke the pig at February 8, 2011 4:47 AM

I'm so glad I only watched bits of the entire game. When I heard who was going to sing the National Anthem, I changed the channel. As a matter of fact, the only times the game was on my t.v., was to check to see if the commercials were on yet.

Posted by: Kargoyle at February 8, 2011 9:12 AM

I'm tired of celebrities singing the national Anthems. There are enough people out there who actually give a damn about singing it properly rather than showing off their vocal gymnastics. It's supposed to be what unifies a country's people not for someone to take a "Lookie Me" moment. Some of you might recall a young girl at a hockey game singing it before game time a weeks ago. The sound system cut out and the entire audience picked up with her two notes later. That's what it should sound like. At least that kid got the lyrics right and nobody is going to go after her if she doesn't hit every note with glass shattering precision.

As for the halftime show. It's a joke. It's weak no matter what act you have in there. If they are still reluctant to put on a real act because they are afraid of something like Janet Jackson's has been titty making an unscheduled cameo, then they should 1) have a dress rehearsal showing the powers-that-be what is going to go down and 2) have a contract with artist claiming that should they decide to pull some bullshit antic ("malfunction" my ass) they will be fined $100 million. The fact that the FCC went after CBS instead of the actual instigators was yet another joke. If that is still too much, then they should just play a ten minute highlight of the past season set to music. The people in the stadium don't give a shit anyway.

As for celebrities in the stand mugging it up, this is one of the biggest sporting events in the world, it doesn't need these unrelated narcissists getting facetime. They want to get our attention and make us nauseous they can leak a night vision sex tape like the rest of the famewhores.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 8, 2011 10:38 AM